When I opened my email this morning I had an email from a fellow blogger, who has yet to have WLS. Last week after reading a post on her blog about how she had failed at a self-imposed liquid diet, I sent her a comment that said this:
When you strive to meet these really hard goals and then fail...you end up feeling like shit and start to think you are a failure.
You did get me thinking a few weeks back when you asked me if I beat myself up when I didnt go to the gym... I told you I dont and that I dont really work very much. Well, I still dont beat myself up but you made me check myself and since then I have gone to the gym and done Bootcamp every monday and wed. Don't try such big steps...just make a few smaller ones and build on them!
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I hate conflict. I don't like hurting peoples feelings...in fact...I go to great lengths to be gentle with people's feelings. I didn't intend my post to be hateful or mean at all. I meant to say it's okay not to be perfect. And I was thanking her for asking me a tough question like "Do you think maybe your weight loss would be more if you worked out"? BC that made me really think and it's why we started bootcamp. She responded to my comment that said she was raised with an all or nothing mentality, and that when she sets goals it usually works for her. That was that, I didnt think anything more of it.
So today I got an email that said the following:
Amy,I'm sure your upset that I've deleted your comment. I normally Do not delete comments. However, i just felt offeneded by the entire comment and idont feel like having it be shown on my blog. My blog is my ONLY place to come and truely vent and type anything i want. And since i read your comment i've felt lIke you've taken that away.I should not have to defend myself on my actions. I set my goals weekly on what i want to do. If i dont suceed thats fine. But at least I go back and set goals again. It's not like I give up and walk away completely. I keep going back.This could all be just a big misunderstanding. And I really enjoy your blog and your upbeat attitude, but I'm not you. I'm not upbeat. I'm rather depressed and extremely down on life due to other reasons out of my control. Maybe you can help to clear this up.
I was so angry when I read this. Angry bc I didnt mean anything negative! In fact I was trying to help her like she helped me! One problem with emails and other things though is that it is tough to read into what someone is saying if you don't know them....
My response to her was:
I didnt even know you deleted my comment. That's okay though, bc I think the fact that you deleted it shows that it must have hit home. I should have known better to post something that might make you take a look at things...you don't want honesty.
What you misunderstood is that I was THANKING YOU for asking me if I thought if I would lose more if I worked out. You made me think, and I was hoping I could do the same for you. Your comments helped me get back to working out. You were asking me about my actions...just like I did....but when I did it you felt that you "had to defend yourself". I was trying to tell you that you didnt have to be perfect. Strive for perfection and you will fail. Please dont think you are the only one that deals with issues like being bipolar or depressed. You never know what is going on in someones life.
Its ironic and a shame that you said that your blog is the one place you can come and talk openly....but you don't want open responses? Perhaps you should keep a diary then, and not post on the web where others can read it. Or do you only want a blog where people agree with you?
In 6 months of blogging, I have never had a negative experience...until you. And that's okay too. We win some and lose some and you can't please everyone. You have to choose who to surround yourself with in life. Negative people or positive people. I believe that you, me, any of us...get a lot of shit thrown on us...but we can choose how to respond to it.
In retrospect, some of that sounds a little harsh but you should have seen the stuff I wanted to type. I thought that was the point of a public blog...I blog (vs journaling) because I want to share my story and I want people to respond! I want comments! I want interaction! When you put things out on the world wide web, you open yourself up to this. ARGH!
The funny thing is, is that everytime I read this bloggers blog, it just gave me such a negative feeling. I had thought about not following it anymore. Had a gut feeling. But I ignored it and look what happened. Lesson learned.
So just to put it out there, I really have formed a bond with you guys...even though we only know each other in cyberland. I would never say anything with the intention to hurt someone. If you ever feel like I do, please call me on it (I promise I won't post it like I did this one).
I have been staring at my computer for about an hour now trying to decide whether or not to post this. I don't want to seem like some high schooler saying "oh no she didn't". But I am pretty much an open book and it really took me by surprise! I feel better after venting at least!