Thursday, March 31, 2011
I have a problem...
Here is the gist of it. While I feel compelled to share my Atkins experience with you, I also feel scared to share it. You see, I feel like a "cheater". (Does this sound familiar? Like when we struggled with "cheating" by getting WLS). But now I am on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I feel like I am cheating by being on a "diet".
But to be honest with you. So far it has been an interesting experiment. And instead of looking at it like a diet, or a cheat, I think I will look at is as "trying something new". I mean, we all try to switch our game up along our journey.
So, let's discuss.
I have been on Atkins now for 10 days. I am down 9 pounds. When I first started, I thought it was probably all bulllllll-shiiiit (this is how Heather's kin say it). I thought that instead of losing weight, I might actually gain. I didnt really believe that sugar, or carbs...made much of a difference in cravings or an overwhelming urge to unhinge my jaw and run up and down the candy aisle shoveling all chocolate products in my mouth like I was on Supermarket Sweep.
Well...now I am starting to think a little differently.
It took me about 4-5 days to quit bitching, moaning, and daydreaming about sweets. And it wasn't until Tuesday, when I was reading some blogs and everyone was talking about cravings and feeling like a failure that I realized....
Holy mother of semi-sweet chocolate chips...I am not craving anything. Perhaps its because I can put tremendous amounts of fat into my body anytime I please...as long as its carb free. I dunno. And although I find myself bringing up oreos and ice cream in conversations with other humans and my imaginary friends...I don't actually want it so bad that it's hurting my brain.
And I am not even tempted to cheat the plan. This may boil down to the fact that I am so afraid if I DO even ingest a no-no, I will immediately undo my hardwork, causing me to gain and thus let down my partner and lose the competition. But it's weird. I kinda like it.
And let me tell you the big selling point that I do like about Atkins. That regardless of whether studies say it's good for you or bad for you, everything I have read does not dispute the fact that a low-carb diet changes the way your body accesses it's fat stores.
So will I be a lifetime convert? Probably not. But I think even after the final weigh in next Thursday, I will make an effort to avoid high sugar and high carb stuff more often than not. I want my body to be as efficient as possible. But only time will tell.
Happy Thursday lovies!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sometimes...In The Middle Of The Night....
Anyways. After the blow to my skull, she pats my head and murmurs something.
I don't know what's going on there.
The other night I had a dream. A fitness magazine came out to shoot Heather and I doing push-ups because we could do more push-ups than a normal woman (it was a dream okay). Well, it gets better. Heather could only do 25, and I could do 46. And in my dream, this made Heather mad...so she started eating ice cream. And then I saw the ice cream booth and they had cotton candy ice cream that came complete with a large actual cotton candy sticking out of it...and I was going to eat me some...even though it has carbs...
wooo...and then I woke up.
We haven't turned the ac on in the house yet. Now I know some of you may still be running the heat in some locations, but here in muggy Pensacola, where the humidity is 1000% and its hot out, the inside of our house is around 81 degrees. Which I can stand during the day...but at night...
I become a raging evil lunatic once I wake up sweaty. I start to flip. And flop. And sigh loudly. I throw pillows. I slam my legs up and down in a tantrum.
We are turning the ac on tonight...regardless of what my head-butting, energy conserving partner has to say.
If we don't...there will be hell to pay.
Sometimes during circuit...I just can't help myself. I have to break it down. Today I was doing jumping jacks and Outcast was on and they told me to...
shake it...shh shhh shake it.
And so I did. People laughed. Heather tried not to (she likes to think working out is serious). I just smiled and said "IT'S CARDIO"!
And there you have it...a post about nothing.
Can I have a star now?
Week One Over. Eight Pounds Gone
But something bad happened this weekend.
You know those little yummy treats I blogged about on Friday. Well they are good. TOOO GOOOd! I ate 5 of them yesterday. And that's only "10 net carbs" out of my 20 that I am allowed, but it was enough to lower my ketosis level and to make me not lose yesterday.
Damn you imitation chocolate. YOU GOT ME!
You know, it took me several days to realize that during this phase you are actually giving up sugar. Huh. That's a funny thought.
So, my cravings have diminished for the most part. Now all I crave are those damn bars. So, I have to give them up.
Carry on my friends.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Day 5 of Atkins Science Experiment
Today has been a wee teensy bit better.
But I believe I have the start of the "keto breath". Last night Heather said she could smell it. I asked her what it smelled like exactly...her answer?
Oh fabulous. And you can't have gum because even if you get sugar free...guess what? IT HAS CARBS.
CARBS ARE EVERYWHERE.
Yesterday morning I was standing in my kitchen and I actually couldnt bring myself to nuke some bacon. The thought made me a little sick. I rallied though for lunch and had a yummy bacon cheeseburger, and for dinner...bacon, sausage, eggs.
The weirdest thing though is not counting calories. It seems so wrong!
Before I noticed it wasnt really approved for Phase 1 of Atkins (I think bc it tastes too damn good), I discovered this little joy.
So there you have it. That's a wrap for the week! I would blow you a kiss...but my breath probably stinks.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
White Stuff Everywhere
Its a hard life ya know?
And I took this last week, in honor or Karin's workout glow movement....
Carbs Carbs Everywhere And Only Meat to Eat
CAKE. I WANT CAKE. I NEED IT.
Sorry. That happens a lot lately. Heather was lecturing me today on the idea of using sunscreen and I said "Oh really? Did you use sunscreen last week when you bleached the porch and got fried like a little piece of crisp bacon?"
And then I said..."At least I could EAT YOU"!!!!
But for realz, I am plugging along. It's going okay. I bought little ketosis pee sticks...havent tinkled on the magic wand yet...but that should be fun. No stinky breath for me just yet either. I am dreading that the most. I accidentally found myself in the candy aisle at Walgreens today. I thought I was going to drop dead right there. I made it out. But it was hard dog. It was hard.
Oh. This is what I had for brunch.
Sweet greasy kisses to you and yours~!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A Science Experiment
And...it's a little shameful.
I am going on a diet, well....I embarked on it yesterday...and shall remain on said diet until the final weigh in for the Biggest Loser competition at work...which is April 7th.
It should be noted that I don't do "organized" diets. Never did I do weight watchers, no cabbage soup diet, no Nutri-System or anything of the like.
AND, I especially NEVER did Atkins. I like my carbs. And I believe now, more than ever, that for me...it's all about balance.
With that said...
I am doing Atkins.
THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY??!?! I SAID IT.
Now I realize that many of you have probably tried Atkins in the past...or know someone who did...or are just smarter than me and know the jist of it. But let me tell you, I have never paid attention to carbs. Never looked at it on the nutritional label...never cared. But my WL partner has done it before and lost a good amount of weight, and you lose the fastest during the 2 week introductory phase anyways...Even Heather, spouting something about ketosis said that if you don't cheat it, it will work.
so I figured why not? To win this competition, I am going to need some help in the home stretch.
And so it began yesterday.
At first I was excited about the thought of meat and cheese. But that evaporated quickly, like a tear drop on a hot day. I miss my diet sunkist (not really supposed to have caffenine). I miss my cookies, candy bars, soda, bread, pasta.
And it's only been 24 hours!
Its funny, because it appears that carbs are in practically everything I enjoy to toss in my mouth! It's a nightmare.
But I figure if I made it through 2 weeks of liquids prior to surgery, where I existed on ice cubes and licking the salt off of pretzels, then I can do this.
Just for 2.2 weeks. Then its back to the good stuff for me!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
BUT IT WILL WORK OKAY?
My hope is that you can click on it and make it bigger.
When we do circuit, we spend 30 seconds at each station, and move quickly to the next station (allowing no more than 10 seconds between stations). We do six rounds (or circuits), and this takes about 45 minutes. We only use dumbells and ourself for weight. We have dumbells at each station, and one of the best things about circuit is you can choose your weight, and customize it for you. We have a bench for the step up station (think Jazzersize), a weight bench for the chest press/fly station, and a low step for the calve station.
Depending on if I am trying to up my cardio, sometimes I substitute stations and instead of lifting, I jump up and down, do jumping jacks, butt kicks, mountain climbers etc.
Because I do circuit every day, Monday-Friday, I alternate what I work on. For example, one day I may do 6 rounds of bicep curls. The next day I won't do any bicep curls and do 6 rounds of tricep extensions instead. Others who do circuit might do both and just alternate during the 45 minutes.
Jess asked me when I lost my back fat rolls or what I do for my back. I probably lost them around 190 pounds. Give or take. I focus a lot on my back now, less on my biceps. My back is actually one of my favorite parts of my body. No fat, no stretch marks, and I love how my muscles look. I never focused on it really, until one day I got a lecture about how a strong back is the foundation for a lot of things (thanks Heather). So, I do bentover rows using 30 pound dumbells, and pushups and pullups are amazing for it as well.
When I started working out, doing circuit and bootcamp almost 2 years ago...I could barely hold the plank. I could barely do push-ups. I would do a "real" push up, but have to stop on my stomach before going again. Now I can do 15 reps, at least 6 times. What I tell everyone who starts circuit with us is that it gets easier...pretty fast...if you stick with it at least 2 times a day. You start to get stronger quicker than you think. And as we lose the fat, the muscles start to show themselves and it's pretty exciting!
I hope that helps answering some of the questions. If there are anymore, just let me know!
When The Clouds Part...
just a little...
with one eye closed....
sorta like a squint...
So I love you. And wish I could hug each and every one of you.
Perhaps at our upcoming slumber party?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Mind vs Body. Body Loses
And I hesitate to blog about it because it makes me appear ungrateful, slightly irrational, and for lack of a better word...pathetic.
I am having a hate relationship with my body. It's hard for me to even look in the mirror. Brushing my teeth has become problematic. Working out in front of the mirrors during circuit is discouraging.
It's bad. And I am not sure why.
Now that my period is as regular as the sun rising, the 2-3 days prior to starting I have noticed that I am highly emotional, needy, and straight up coo coo with a side of crazy. This is not that 2-3 day time period.
I look in the mirror and I see everything that is wrong with my body. For one fleeting moment I see my definition, my muscles, my accomplishments...but those positive thoughts are overtaken by a narrative that sounds a little something like this:
"Yes, my arms are okay, but if there wasn't so much fat covering my biceps, I could see them better. Yes I can do a couple of tricep dips and I am lucky that my bat wings are smaller, but they are still there...still hanging and taunting me. Yes my quads are nice, but who cares when my inner thighs are saggy like a deflated elephant. And my boobs are like pancakes, and my stomach...well...God help me if I bend over. And my belly button ring is sagging and...."
on and on.
It's discouraging that some of what we have done to our bodies cannot be undone. And it's sad that after losing 160 pounds, I let the negative thoughts consume me sometimes. I should know better. I am healthy and fit. But it sucks to compare. It sucks that even though the girl at the gym with the horrible personality and fake tan is not the girl I want to be, but I am jealous of her newly bought boobs and she makes me feel inferior. It's sucks that when I was a size 26, I would have told you that I would have been happy and fine at a size 12. And now at a size 10, I can't figure out why I am not good enough, dedicated enough, and why I lack what others have to be a size 8.
But, I suppose there is no use in pontificating forever on this subject. I know that my self-image will swing the other way soon...and hopefully hold there for longer than I hold here. I do know that I should be proud of me. And I am. I just wish that I could close my eyes and my body would fix itself.
Saggy skin...poof. Gone.
Stretch marks...poof. Disappeared.
Happy Tuesday buttercups. Man...sometimes being human is hard!
Monday, March 14, 2011
I like Big Things
I drove this!
It's called a skidder. And I don't mean I drove it around the yard. I took this baby out on the main street. Which, is probably illegal...but hey...
I AM CRAZY LIKE THAT.
We went to Defuniak Springs on Saturday just to hang out with Heather's family. Her granny and grandpa own a logging business and this is one of their machines. The clan was all helping a neighbor remove trees, and I said "I wanna drive that thing"...and God love em...they said okay. I love Heather's people. They just hand you a gun, or large tractor...and let you learn.
Heather's uncle let me crawl into the cab, and he got in and told me to start it up. I drove it about 2 miles, passed Granny along the way in her car, almost ran her off the road. I was laughing the entire way. The seat was super bouncy, the steering wheel super sensitive, and I was scared of swiping passing cars, houses, and mailboxes. But everyone lived. Mailboxes included.
Yesterday I did some housework, which included cleaning the glass sliding doors. Later in the day, Heather was sitting on the back porch and I was carrying her a beer....and I ran smack into the glass. I thought the door was open. Not so much. I almost broke my finger. Good times. I must be a really good glass cleaner!
I have been working on my dips on the roman chair. This is not me. Sigh.
Last week I set a goal to do 10 consecutive dips (I could only do 5 at the time). I thought it would take me a couple of months to do it. Well...I did it today. That's a nice NSV. I did dips every circuit (we do 6). And on the 3 set is when I managed to do 10 in a row. Every other time I just do 5 and then hold in the position above.
Two weeks from this Saturday I will be running my first 5k. It is the 5k that I have done every April since surgery. This will be my 3rd time. I walked the first two times...but I am ready to run it. I am not worried about it...I would just like to have a nice time. It's out on Pensacola Beach, not too big of a race, and goes towards rape crisis victims. I will keep you posted for sure.
Just 3 weeks left in the Biggest Loser competition here at work. I am SO ready for it to be over. I don't like having to worry about losing all the time. I like maintaining and just being healthy...the stressing over pounds loss is poo poo caca these days.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Booze, Beads, Calories Galore
This was Sunday at the beach parade. We made a crucial error in judgement and decided to do a pub crawl before the parade started...I believe this was the first round of "fireballs". A gross shot that tastes like...yes...and atomic fireball.
And this was about an hour later. Probably the proudest photographic moment of my life. My dad was supposed to be drinking the shot, instead he helped me drink it. And apparently, I slobbered it back on him.
Friday, March 4, 2011
The Cake That The Gods Have Blessed
So a few weeks ago, one of my wonderful blog readers and FB friends posted a recipe on my FB wall. It was a recipe for cake made with Diet Sunkist.
I googled it up. I have been waiting to have enough people in my house to eat it.
The time I arrived last night.
1 box of white cake mix
1 can of diet sunkist
(the end. That's it. Only 2 things needed).
You pour the can of freshly opened sunkist into the cake mix and mix it all up. You pour it into a 13 x 9 (or you can make them cupcakes also) and bake at whatever the box says.
AND guess what happens?
You have a light and sunkist flavored cake! It's crazy talk. You top it with fat free or lite whip cream (um...make sure you let the cake cool completely...I got a little ahead of myself) and enjoy!
This just begs the question...WHEN IS SUNKIST GOING TO START SPONSORING MY LIFE? when FOOLS? WHEN?
I Am A Wise Owl...and a Legend in My Own Mind
So, because I am so smart, I would like to share some thoughts with you. I should preface this with the fact that although I know everything, I am really just a girl from Kansas. I have no medical degree or letters behind my name (except S.A.S.S.Y). What I offer you on this little blog of mind is mostly opinion, or facts as I SEE THEM.
If you choose to listen to me...you are clearly a genius.
If you like me but think I am nuts...no worries...I will still brush your hair at our upcoming slumber parties.
The Working Out Weight Stall
I see some of you, DonutButt and myself included, getting frustrated after we start an increased workout schedule and do not see a reward on the scale. But I must keep reminding myself...and you...that sometimes it takes a little while to see the results. Of course, over the years, I have shared several reasons with you. But I will briefly do so again. Because its genius day in Amytown.
- Do you remember when Catherine started bootcamp? Like serious, drill sargent, wall climbing bootcamp? The women didnt see the scale move for 6 weeks. And then it started to move. Keep this in mind.
- I find that when I am lifting and or doing things that make my body sore, that I do not show a move on the scale until I take a few days off. This may be due to DOMS, torn little muscles and water retention.
- And while this may not apply to all of you, there is SOME truth to the fact that IF you are really replacing your fat with muscle, muscle does take up (I believe the number is 18%) more room than the same amount of fat. That's why they say muscle weighs more.
- And sometimes...even if you are working out more...if you don't change your diet...the working out can only do so much.
I do so wish that you could all come and workout with Heather and I. I know there are personal trainers that have so many different angles. Some believe in this, some believe in that. Heather's beliefs are very basic. Basic may be the wrong word...but we don't do anything fancy or crazy. Circuit is dumbells and using your body. And what's so amazing...is that it really works! But damn...you do have to stick with it. But it turns out you don't need crazy machines or gimmicky fads...
You just need commitment. And it's hard to find that. And I am lucky in the sense that I do have someone who expects me to be active and to show up. But you know what I have found lately? That just like the band, at some point...we start to adapt and our lives and what we eat or do for exercise actually becomes PART OF US. It's pretty awesome. This morning at 4:45 am...it was me nudging Heather to get out of bed so we could get to the gym to do cardio.
Who would have thought?
OH. And while we are on this subject, I want to tell you...that working out can give you things. Like an ass. Or tighten up places you never thought would tighten. I have "The Workman Ass". It did have shelf, and was always very wide, but there was no bubble to it. But as I increase my lower body strength training...my ass is actually starting to bump out a little.
Perhaps someday I shall be akin to J-Lo or Kim Kardashin.
Jen and Donut Butt were both talking about some of the struggles related to journaling your food. Jen talked about what are you supposed to do when you only eat 1/16th of your lean cuisine bc it gets stuck. Well...you journal it. Do some math (I need a calculator) and right it down. I had to do this last night as a matter of fact.
One of the other issues with journaling is when you go somewhere that you don't know that calories. This is probably going to happen in real life. But, it shouldn't happen much. Here is my thought process on this topic. If you find yourself regularly going to places that do not share the nutritional information on their food...then you regularly do not know how many calories you are putting into your body. And that might be a problem. But, if you can't avoid it...then you should be choosing things off the menu that you have a pretty good estimate of the calories so you can journal. For example, you should know approximately how many calories are in 4 ounces of grilled chicken breast, a cup of steamed veggies...etc. When I started journaling for this weight loss challenge at work, I decided that I would need to focus on eating only things that I KNEW or could find out the calories. It's tough. But do-able for a little while.
And finally, it was weigh in day for the end of our 2 month of the Biggest Loser challenge. This month I lost 8 pounds. I had to fight for those damn pounds...so I will take everyone of them. We have one more month left, and I hope to lose at least another 7. I think I can do it.
So party on Wayne (party on Garth). I hope this weekend finds you healthy, wealthy, and wise.
And The Lapband Worked For Me
I have been overweight my entire teen and adult life...but the Lapband worked for me.
I was lazy, didn't work out, drank copious amounts of regular soda....but the Lapband worked for me.
There were times over the last two years that I over ate, over drank, under moved, and chose poor choices....but the Lapband still worked for me.
I was morbidly obese. My weight and height combo weren't even on some of the BMI charts in my doctors office...but the Lapband STILL worked for me.
And I worked with it.
And I still am.
There are a lot of people or things out there that say "nah...this isn't for you."
But it was. It is. And I am grateful for those people who believe in me, push me, encourage me, love me, and support me. I am grateful for this little tube around my stomach. I am grateful for all of you.
Happy Friday my friends.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
- I like it when I have a million ideas in my brain I want to blog about, and when I start to type...I can't remember one damn thing I wanted to say!
- Do you believe you control your life? I took a survey today, and one of the questions asked, "do you believe you have control over your life". Of course I do! And then it occurred to me that some people may not. And I wanted to say..."well, if not YOU...then WHO?" And while I need to remind myself of this when I am pouting or moody, I usually believe that while we can't control LIFE, we can control our response to what it throws at us, dumps on us, hits us in the face with.
- Have you picked out your swimsuit for the summer yet? I tend to forget that it's cold still in some of the places you guys live. Here in Pensacola...it's time to start swimsuit shopping. No matter what size you are I want you to find a damn suit, put that sucker on, and walk around like it doesn't matter what other people are thinking. Because you know what? IT DOESN'T. If you feel good in it, then rock it.
- Have you ever tried a thong? If not...why not? There are all types out there....and one my friends...is made for you! G-string or t-back, give one a spin. Eliminate the visible pantie lines. It will be one of our new missions.
- This weekend is Mardi Gras. We didnt really have mardi gras in Kansas. But my parents and my brother are coming in town (in just a few hours) and shacking up at our house. I plan on taking lots of pictures.
- I am so thankful for my second grade teacher, Ms. George. She loved reading, and she read to us a lot. She introduced me to Mr. Shel Silverstein. I pulled out Where The Sidewalk Ends the other day and read a little. One of the reasons I would ever want to have a child is so I could read to them. Perhaps I will just borrow children for story time. In my second grade classroom, Ms. George had an old clawfoot bathtub that was filled with pillows and if you earned it, you could crawl in and read for awhile. I want an old clawfoot bathtub filled with pillows in my office damn it! I would do all my work in it....and then take a nap.
- OH YEAH! Have I told you that I LIKE BROCCOLI now? Like..as in...I crave it? I was just looking out the window and saw a tree and thought..."I want to it that tree. It looks like broccoli!" huh...who would have thought.
- Do you guys remember (probably not) how during my two weeks liquid preop, I would dream about food? I would dream about going to Long John Silvers and eating ribs. I know its a fish place...but it was my dream after all! Anyways, now that I am smack in the middle of this Biggest Loser competition, crazy dreams have returned. They all revolve around food or working out.
- And finally, my wonderful doctors office sent me my official before picture. And here it is. Isnt she a beaut?