Saturday, January 30, 2010

Let's Play Dress Up

Tracey and I had to dress up today for an of course we snapped pictures.

That's some booty right there. Ya just can't hide it! Remember...if you can't disguise it, accessorize it!

The Waiting Place

One of my favorite books is Oh, the Places You'll Go by the wise Dr. Suess. If you have never bought it, read it, or gave it as a gift (it makes wonderful gifts for graduates)...I wanted to share a little snippet with you...and IS band related!

This comes from right in the middle of the book:

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

And I know what you are thinking. I am nuts. But it applies to us talks about hair (ie hair loss), waiting for a yes or no (for insurance approval)...

and most talks about being stuck in useless place.


Mr. Scale has been stuck all week. I have been a good girl. No Sunkist (31 days clean). Working out. Eating right. I thought maybe it was because my Lady Station was being visited by Auntie Flo. But she left. No movement on the scale. Then I thought it was because of DOMS, bc my muscles were really sore from working out. But that's better. AND THEN I thought it was because I ate chili several times this week, and that's a lot of sodium...but that should be gone now.

So I don't know. But I am trying to listen to the advice I give others. Keep making the right choices and hold tight. The scale will move.

I hate the Waiting Place.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Pouty Pants Update

So yesterday, Nicole told me go to Kohl's to look for pants. And while it is on the other side of town, and I have to navigate the horrible traffic of Pensacola to find this oasis called Kohls....I went. And I picked up every style of 16 dress slacks there were. Petite, Short, Average, different styles, belts, not belts, tummy panels, air conditioned, leather...

Not really on the last two...joshing ya!

And into the dressing room I went. Good news is...they fit. Bad news is...they didn't fit my thighs. But close, oh so close. At about the time I was trying on pair 549, I decided I needed someone in the dressing room with me. SOMEBODY! I didn't know if I was hallucinating at that point and perhaps they weren't as tight on my thighs. But whatevs. I did finally find a pair. A wee long, and already slightly gappy in the waist.

Have you ever just had one of those days when you were shopping and you couldn't decide whether to buy or not to buy? Like I just kept carrying the pants around. Yes, no, yes, no. Do I have the money. No...I am not buying them. I hang them up...make it 5 feet and then go back and get them. I wanted to slam my head against something. Finally I just said *insert horrible unlady like word here* and marched to the cashier. My head hurt.

I am wearing them today though. They fit my thighs. I will have the waist taken in in a couple of weeks. The end.

OOOH! But do you guys remember the powerpanties I showed you in a vlog last May? You don't? Your world doesn't revolve around my underwear!? (note to self on self-importance). Anywhoozle, they were a size 22/24 and are gone bye-bye now...and I really need some powerpanties of some sort to where under my dresses. I found the coolest thing at Kohls that I will either vlog in or take a picture of! The best way I can describe it's a powerpanty, slip, skirt, girdle thing...

yeah. I will work on the visual.

THE One Year Post-Please Pull Up A Chair

In the name of reflecting on a year gone by, I have been working on this Bandiversary post. It is a mumble jumble of some of my thoughts, tips, rules (non-rules), and lessons learned since Tina the Wonderband took up residence in my body. This year has flown by and brought me so many wonderful presents, people, and experiences. I don't have all the answers...and our journeys, while on parallel paths in the same direction, can look very different. So here you go! Happy Reading!

All doctors, clinics, bandsters, and rules, are different. They just are. And I am not a slave to any of the rules. I see them more as guidelines and helpful tips. For example, I eat soup...a lot. Soup is a liquid and therefore, slides right down the old shoot. But I honestly feel rather satisfied with 2 cups of wonderful soup. I also now almost always choose soup if we go out to eat. I noticed this when we went to Lambert's for my mom's birthday. Lamberts did not have one soup option. I think I started ordering soup out as a rule after my October fill. It just became too risky to try solid food and a waste of money. And even though I can bring leftovers home, leftovers usually go to waste in our house. I just couldn't see spending $10 on something that I could only nibble at. It does not bother me, this soup fetish of mine. I can have a couple of bites of whatever Tracey gets and I am a cheap date.

Drinking with meals. This was not that hard for me to give up. At home, I just make sure that I don't have my water near me when I eat dinner. When we go out to eat, I drink about 4 cups of water before the meal comes. I drink right up to that point. I do not personally believe that water primes the band. Water goes right down people. It doesn't just sit there. For me, when I do try and be naughty (cookies and milk anyone?) drinking with my food either hurts OR gets me stuck.

Some bandsters measure, weigh, or journal their food. All the time. I do not. I do measure snacks though. For example, if I am going to have some nuts, I measure whatever one serving size is and put it in a little baggy. This way I know what my calorie intake is for that snack. I do not do food journals, count carbs, or watch my fat intake. Those things, for me, are all part of DIETING. They give me horrible flashbacks and I find myself rocking in the corner with sounds of helicopters and gunfire in my head. They send me to a bad place. However, from time to time I have recommended online food journals to struggling bandsters who feel lost or out of control. Sometimes when we estimate our calories we forget things, round DOWN, or just lie! So it can be a useful tool. And whatever works for you is the way to go.

The scale. Another rule I do not care for is the "scale rule". Even my wonderful Dr. Friedman told me not to weigh daily. I weigh myself every day, but only record the weight on Mondays. Mondays keep me motivated through the weekends. I do not freak out if my weight fluctuates during the week...I try to reserve such freakouts for Mondays alone. Your weight will go up and down. But weighing myself every day does keep me accountable for my actions.

I eat better when I bring my lunch to work. While for dinner I can usually eat grilled chicken breast, some pork chop etc., leftover meat is a no-go for me anymore. It just gets too dry when I heat it in the microwave. This is one of the reasons I make soup and freeze it. But whatever you choose, make it something you can just you don't use the excuse "I didn't have anything". It is a rare, rare day when I eat fast food for lunch. And the only fast food I do eat is either chili from Wendy's or nuggets from Chick-fil-a.

I am thankful for an amazing doctor, who surrounds himself with amazing staff. I think that having the right doctor is so crucial to success. Dr. Friedman let me decide when I needed a fill. I could come in week after week until I got restriction. I see him every time I go for an appointment and he is right beside me when I get my fill. I am honest with him. I tell him when I have been drinking Sunkist or snacking. I tell him what I can and cannot eat. He listens.

I was a trooper through bandster hell. I stayed the course and did not go hog wild (pun intended) when I realized I could eat anything and everything. I was on my high from my preop diet weight loss. I knew what I had to do. Dr. Friedman told me upfront that the band does not work for everyone...that his biggest fear is that his patients won't lose weight. By God I was
going to lose weight.

I listen for the real hunger. One of the most important lessons I have learned is when I really need to eat. How many times do we say "OH I am starving"? A lot. And are we really? No. So I took this phrase out of my vocabulary. I might say "I am hungry"....but that is different than starving. When you are fighting headhunger, try and stop and say "Am I really hungry?" If the answer is no, try to resist munching! Drink water instead! Do something. Of course I still snack sometimes whenI am not hungry, but at least when I DO, I am tsk tsking myself! LOL

I tell everyone about my surgery, if they ask. This will be a debate until the end of time...on Lapband Talk and on these blogs. There are just so many factors that go into making this decision, and I know that for everyone...their choice is their own. I don't think it ever occurred to me to hide it. For me, I tell because it can help others, because their is no shame in having weight loss surgery, because it can educate the ignorant, and because the truth shall set your free. I think about some of the ladies who have been banded because they have seen my progress. What if I had just told them I did it through watching what I eat and exercising (which is not a lie, but not the complete truth either). Would they feel like failures because "Amy did it the old fashioned way...why can't I?" Would they still be putting off the idea of surgery? I am proud of my choice and where I am today. You know ironically, I get the most negative comments about choosing WLS from fat people. Maybe bc the skinny people don't want to be politically incorrect? But as I think about it...yep...mostly my heavy "friends" are the ones who turn up their noses when I tell them about the band. But that's okay...I'll give them time.

A year later, I still think of food all.the.time. This by no way means that I am hungry. In fact, the only time I feel real hunger anymore is in the morning before breakfast. I have read about those people who after being banded, food just became something they "had to do". I used to really hope for that day to come. Eh, it just might never happen for me. I did learn this year that there are actually people who do not think of food all the time. This was mind boggling to me...and still kinda is! Funny, but it seems that those people who do NOT think of food all the time are thin. Who would have thunk?

There are foods I do miss...and they all involve bread. I miss peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches, hamburgers with buns, hot dogs with buns, cinnamon rolls, oh cinnamon rolls, Stuffing my face with cookies and chugging milk , pizza, Big Macs...It's a good thing I have the band huh? lol

I set goals. Mini goals, about every 3 months along. I made these goals preband (for the first 6 months out at least). I have met every goal. Don't be afraid to set these mini-goals. Right them on your calendar, a post it note, on the fridge, or on the wall above the scale.

Exercise. I have yet to become an exercise fanatic. Right after surgery I started walking to get ready for my first 5k. Then we did bootcamp/interval training for awhile. Now we just do what sounds good. I play WiiFit once in awhile, we go walking, we are going back to bootcamp, Bandita and I did Zumba. Exercise is an area that I could improve on.

Another rule that does not work for me: Not eating in front of the t.v., computer, while reading...etc. They say that when you eat you should be focused solely on your food. No distractions. They say this well help you eat slower and take smaller bites. This is not true for me. For example, when Tracey and I eat at the table, or with family...I tend to eat MUCH quicker. For several reasons. First, I feel a need to keep up. Second, have you ever adopted a dog or puppy that comes from living with lots of other dogs? They eat so quick bc they are afraid that someone else is going to get their kibble. Somewhere deep down I am still afraid of not enough kibble to go around. So, when Tracey and I sit on the couch with our tv trays...I eat much slower. When I am reading a magazine or surfing the net...I eat much slower. It gives me something to do, something to put my fork down and entertain myself with.

Things that have changed:

Where I shop.
What I eat.
How much I eat.
I cook more.
I try new and different foods (but that doesn't mean I like them all).
My love for Tracey. I love him even more. He is so proud and supportive.
I can cross my legs.
My lower back pain, my pee sneezes, and shin splints...they are all gone.
The amount of people who read my blog.
The amount of blogs I read.
The amount of friends this blog has blessed me with.
My pant size.

My shoe size.

Things that haven't changed:

My self confidence.
My facial hair (still the same amount...I was hoping for less).
My attitude.
My complexion. I thought it would clear up a lot.
The way I see life.
My obsession with food.
My thirst for Sunkist.
The way I act with, towards, and around other people.
How many pictures I take.
How I wear my clothes.
My finances.
My job.
My dislike of a the majority of vegetables.

Things I have learned:
Peanut butter cups and sunkist do not mix. Well, they do...but then they erupt out of your nose.
Eating a muffin in shame in a bathroom stall is not a high point of anyone's journey...but your blogger friends will love you even when you share the shameful moments.
You can walk a 5k at any weight. And most likely you will not be the last person to finish.
It is better to set a goal and not reach it then not set a goal at all.
Tweezers may come and go, but apparently whiskers are forever.
Life's journey is long. You better take snacks. (okay, I stole this one from a calendar).
I really do have bones in my body.
I cry happy tears in dressing rooms, and am also known to cry tears of frustration.
I always want more.
Poopies will never be the same. Good bye big girl poop. Hello chicken nugget poop.
I have no boundaries.
Just when you think it can't get any does.

And finally, the biggie. Why was I able to lose 120 pounds in 12 months? Why Amy and not everybody? I have given a lot of thought to this question and I am not sure I have the answer.
If you think about it...I could have lost more. There are certainly bandsters out there who have done it (Mary for example) and others who are well on there way. I could have lost more by making the right choices, working out harder, etc. I did not have the perfect year. But that's okay! I personally think that for those of us who start at a higher weight, we can lose a little faster at the you could say I had that going for me. There are the things I think are out of our control: Genetics, history, body shape. Even though I was 327, I was solid as an ox under all that fat. Perhaps my muscle mass helped in the beginning as well? There are two things that I think really made a difference in my weight loss. The first is this blog. This blog and all of you who have become part of my life helped to keep me accountable. When someone tells you that you are an "inspiration", it makes you want to keep inspiring! I didn't want to let anyone down. I knew that I would be honest with you guys. I shared the ups and downs. And seeing others make it into a new pant size, or run a 5k...inspires me. The second reason I have lost this weight is...Because I knew I could and I would. When Dr. Friedman told me that the band does not work for everyone, I made a choice that I would not be one of those people. I was not going to have a surgery just to "eat around the band". I wanted to be his star patient. I wanted to be the person on the commercials. I wanted to be a success story. And I wanted to be more than a statistic. Of course, all you have to do is read through my blog to know at times I had a few doubts and questions, but overall...I knew big things (and a smaller body) were possible. And you have to believe. I was at a great place in my life. I had support from Tracey and my family. I was at a good place mentally. It was just the right time.

So that's it! That's all that I could think of! I hope you made it through and I can't wait to see what this next year brings!

Thank you for everything.



Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I didnt write this but I wish I did!

I was flipping through the pages of Real Simple today, their December issue, when I came across this article written by the author Amy Bloom. I had never heard of her, but I fell in love! In fact, I loved the article so much, I retyped the entire damn thing! I immediately wanted to share it with you guys. I agree with so whole heartily with almost all of these that I had to add my two cents by the asterisk! It is titled: 10 truths I wish I'd known sooner.

1.Events reveal people’s characters; They don’t determine them. Not everyone with divorced parents has terrible relationships. If two people are hit by a bus and crippled for life, one will become a bitter shut-in; the other, the kind of warm, outgoing person (cheerful despite everything) whom everyone loves to be with. It’s not about the bus, and a dreadful childhood is no excuse. You have the chance to be the person you wish to be, until you die.

*You can choose to be the person you want...regardless of how much you weigh.

2. Lying by omission or commission, is a bad idea. I cannot shake my dependency on the white lie, because I was brought up to be nice. And I’ve never figured out the nice way to say, "I’d rather stick a fork in my eye than to come to your house for dinner." But the meaningful lie, the kind that involves being untruthful or deceitful about important stuff to those you love, is like poison. Telling the truth hurts, but it doesn’t kill. Lying kills love.

*I made a vow to myself that my relationship with Tracey would be completely different than any other relationship in the past. I am honest with him about the things that upset or hurt me. This has made all the difference. The Amy of yesteryear would have swallowed all of that upset and hurt to spare the other person. It helped no one.

3. Sex always gives you an answer, although not necessarily the one you want. It’s possible to have very good sex, a few times, with a person who shouldn’t be in your life at all. Have fun, and hide your wallet and your Blackberry. On the other hand, it’s unlikely that a grown man, however nice, will become much, much better in bed than he was the first five times you slept with him. And if you sleep with a man who is unkind to you, there be more of that; long after the sex in humdrum, the cruelty will be vivid.

*Amen. I think this is one of the lesson's you learn in your 20's.

4. Most talents are transferable. If you can raise toddlers and drive teenagers with relative calm, you can be a CEO. If you’re a good driver, you can probably steer a cab, fly a plane, captain a boat. My years as a waitress-serving food to demanding people in a high stress environment without losing my temper-served me equally well as a mother, a wife, and a short-order cook for my family. And if you have the teaching gene, you can teach anything. (I mean it. All you have to do is be on lesson ahead of your student. Sole meuniere, Latin and Greek, algebra-you can teach it!)

*I need to work on believing this and taking advantage of it!

5. Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal. Not only do you not have to wear torn jeans, a barely-there tank top, and a fedora, but you probably shouldn’t. The point of fashion is to indulge briefly in something fun. The point of style is to have one-whether that’s a sheath and spike heels or slouchy jeans and your husband’s T-shirt-and it should last you a lifetime. All you have to do is think you deserve to look and feel your best and spend some time figuring out how to do it. Don’t know how? Find a woman whose style you admire and ask for a little advice.

*Oy! Don't get me started.

6. You can’t fake love. Staying in a love relationship when love is not what you feel isn’t likely to end well. If you know that what you crave is security/disposable income/child care and not the person next to you in bed, do the right thing. It’s true that one can learn to love someone over time and often through difficult circumstances. But unless the two of you agree to wait until you’re old and all the storms have passed, in hope that love will kick in, it’s better to bail sooner rather than later.

*Life is too short. And sometimes it takes staying in a bad relationship to realize your mistake. But once you realize it...know that you deserve more...and then do what it takes to get more.

7. Mean doesn’t go away. Some people get better looking with age; some don’t. Some people soften; some toughen up. Mean streaks tend not to disappear. A person who demeans and belittles you and speaks to you with contempt to others is probably going to be that way for years. The first time it happens, take note. The second time, take your coat and go.

*Make sure that you surround yourself with the un-mean. Seriously. Start purging the meanies now.

8. No one’s perfect. I knew that I wasn’t perfect; I just didn’t realize that this also applied to the people I fell in love with. The object of your affection will always turn out to have huge and varied faults. The smart thing is not to look for someone flawless (which is why Elizabeth Taylor married eight times), but to look for someone who mix of strengths and liabilities appeals to you (which is why she married Richard Burton twice).

*Another lesson I have learned in my relationship with Tracey. I used to believe in the "perfect man"...but there is no perfect man (or woman for that matter). But he is perfect for me. He makes me happy FAR more than not. He loves me for who I am. He loves the Amy in the before pictures. And that is perfect enough for me.

9. Ask for help. It’s possible you’ll get turned down. It’s even more likely that you’ll feel vulnerable and exposed. Do it anyway, especially if you are the helpful sort yourself. Those of us who like to offer assistance and hate to take any are depriving other people of the opportunity to be generous and kind; we are also binding ourselves to the reality of mutual dependence. You wouldn’t wear pink hot pants and and pretend they were flattering. Don’t pretend you don’t need help.

10. Keep your eye on the prize and your hand on the plow. It’s easy to lose sight of what you want, especially if you haven’t gotten it. I know it’s less work to put the wish away, to pretend that the wish itself has disappeared. But it’s important to know what your prize is, because that is part of who you are. Whether it’s financial stability, two children, a collection of poetry, or a happy marriage, take Winston Churchill’s advice and never give in. Never give in. Never give in.


Cheese and Sunkist Pouts About

Sometimes it is not all sunshine and kittens in my life. Although, when it is's not that bad. Instead of sunshine and kittens it's partly cloudy skies and middle aged cats.

I took an early lunch to run to Target. The pants I am wearing right now are size 18 black dress slacks, from Target...OKAY? They are better than my too biggie Lane Bryant slacks, but still they are too big. So I go and try on the size 16 slacks at Target. Oh they go up. They zip. They make my thighs look like thunderous pieces of ham.


So then I look in the mirror and I start to have thigh pity party. They look the same as when I weighed 327. I contemplate for a brief second sitting down on the bench and crying. Instead I try on a pretty cute swimsuit that I didn't by bc I need to save my money for slacks! CRAP.

So I walk around Target...dejected. Searching aimlessly for something to buy that would make me fill better. Nothing. And so I shuffled out to my car, with my head hanging low. Seriously, I was hanging my head and staring at the ground! I never do that. I am a head held high kinda girl.

So I had to have a come to Jesus impromptu conference with myself.

"Self," I say. "Get your shit together. Yesterday you were on a weight loss high and now you are pouting? Really Workman? You are a size 16 (well not at Target but screw them). Last year those pants wouldnt have made it past your calves. You will NOT get depressed because of one store and one pant. You must be thankful. And you must soldier on."


So I am working on it. I am thankful. I am thankful that I am 207. I am thankful that my thighs, however disproportionately big, belong to legs that work and a body that is healthier than it has ever been. I am thankful that this size is a mile marker and not a stopping point. I am thankful my other pants are too big.


Pants to Pass On

Well ladies and gents. I had a minor clothing related catastrophe this morning. I have been trying to make my work slacks last until I could afford some more. Alas...I have failed. They are too big. Bad for me...possibly good for you? They are Lane Bryant Houston Right Fit Red Petite size 3. I have one pair of black and one pair of sandalwood (lightish brown). If you would like them please email me and let me know!

I am now down to one pair of slacks from Target. I really do love how the Right Fit slacks fit me...but they are up to something like $59 a pair!

LOL, don't get me wrong though. Mommy likes her clothes getting too big.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Goal Met, Goal Set

A few days ahead of schedule I have arrived at 207. 120 pounds gone buh-bye. I wanted to announce it since so many of you kept me motivated and inspired! You have been the best cheering section. I can't believe that I only have 37 more pounds until my goal of 170.

If any of you are an indication of an ending goal weight, I think 170 might turn out to be a marker along the way to a lower weight... I will see where my body wants to go.

But now I have to set another mini-goal. Traditionally I set my goals in 30 pound increments. SO, after some hemming and hawing...I did not break with tradition. I want to be at 177 by April 26th. hahahahahah....that sounds so unbelievable! And it might be a tight squeeze to make it...because again...if some of you are an indication of things to come....weight loss slows down a smidge as we get closer to goal.

But I will work towards it and plug along.

I am also proud to say that I have had a fabulous month of living right and making healthier choices. Usually I am 3 steps forward, and 1 step back. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. When I looked at my weight loss journal from this year, it really is amazing that I ever lost weight! But I have been focused this month and intend on keeping it moving!

I think I have finished my bandiversary post, and ALMOST published it today...but I am holding out for Wednesday!

Until then gumdrops...until then.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Do These Pants Make My Butt Look FAST-The Sequel

Today Tracey and I decided to go for a walk. It was SUPPOSED to be a beautiful day here in Pensacola, but in Pensacola fashion...the sun was on vacation. I digress. So I decided we should walk over the bridge that leads to Pensacola Beach. I wanted to see if I could do it. This bridge is part of a race coming up in Pensacola in a couple of weeks, called The Double Bridge Run. It is a big deal and professionals for all over the world come here every year to compete. There is a 15k that spans both bridges, or just a 5k that includes the bridge we walked today. The bridge is pretty steep, and I usually walk on relatively flat terrain. I made it. Round trip, we walked 1.7 miles in 27 minutes. We even jogged some (going DOWN the bridge). Here is me at the end with the bridge behind me. Gen should recognize the wonderful pants I am wearing...THANK YOU AGAIN GEN!
Next is a picture of my new water bottle. I bought it at Target last night because I needed something cute and sassy to go with my new Brita water filter. And do you know what if fabulous about this? I am not sure you can see it, but there is a little water bottle counter on the black part. You move it to keep track of how many bottles you have drank (drunk? ). It's like my ghetto walmart water bottle and sharpie game...but just the next level!

Next up on Amy's Show 'n' Tell...I am wearing some pajama pants tonight that Tracey bought for me from Old Navy back in December. And do you know what size they are? Do you? Not XXL. Not XL. No ma'am and no sir! They are straight up large! There is no X involved!

And just in case you were going to ask, Washburn is the name of my college in Kansas!

Finally, thank you for the comments on the old belly shots. I am not worried to much...I just wanted to share with my gang. And since Tracey and I will not be having kids (well, unless that miracle happens I talked about a few posts back), a tummy tuck would definitely be do-able. Along with a boobie job...all in due time!

Time for Some Belly Photos!

This picture was taken in 2001, on a vacation in St. Martin. I was a size 18 here, and probably around 215. I must say...I was rocking that bikini as a plus size girl. No rolls. No stretch marks. My stretch marks were just reaching the bottom of my belly button by this point. I vowed not to let them move any farther up. Needless to say, I gained over 115 pounds over the course of the next 8 years and the stretch marks moved WAY above my belly button. This is one of the things that shames and disappoints me the most. But's reality and I must deal. The thing with stretch marks is, you stomach doesn't just snap back. You have ripped your skin, and even with weight loss, working out, etc...only so much can happen. I know this is a big concern for many who get banded. The EXTRA SKIN. I was concerned but really it was small potatoes compared to all the good the band could bring me. I thought I would share my belly pictures with you so you could see what it looks like for me. I started at 327, size 26/28. I am 5'4". This is post-op what my belly looked like.
This is today.

A little closer look. My scars are darker than some because I tan them when we are on the beach.

Side shot.

And here is what it looks like when I bend over. I get this shot when I am blow drying my hair, doing yoga on Wii half naked, or when I am "dancing".
And the side shot.

So there you have it! For your viewing pleasure my wonderfuls :) I have to say that I really thought it would be a lot worse. Of course I have 40 more pounds to go so we shall see what happens then! Happy Saturday Friends!

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Doctor Vlog-Take Two

Friday's Brain Bits

These are things you may or may NOT need to know. Mostly...NOT!

I have learned the hard way that doing the WiiFit sans bra is not, I repeat NOT a good idea. Turns out that when the chi-chi's start to bounce, the nips and the tshirt start to rub in some sort of desperate attempt to start fire. I thought I was going to have to ice Britany and Christina down after my a few minutes.

I had no idea how many blogs were out there that I did not know about! I may need to quit my job in order to keep up with everyone...but I will go down trying. When I first started this blog over a year ago, blogland looked very different. It was a barren, sparsely populated tundra of just a few bandsters. There was a time when I would just HOPE for an update from one of the 8-9 lapband blogs out there. And now look at us! Quite the lush little planet of lovelies! is amazing.

I bought this book today. I am developing a class for our organization on Happiness. More specifically, How to Love Your Job...which if you ask me...boils down to happiness. I am really excited to curl up and read it. The author spent a year trying to become happier. It makes me plum happy just thinking about it! I will keep you posted and probably end up sharing some of my favorite parts!

Why do they make CD's so damn hard to get into? Today I was trying to open one in the a stoplight. I tried to use my teeth, my fingernail-less fingers, heat rays shooting out of my eyes...finally I one the battle. But it was a hard win readers....a hard win.

I bought a Brita water pitcher today. A recent study released on the quality of Pensacola's tap water was not sooo good. Basically we are one level below mud puddle water. And I do drink tap water out of our water fountain at work...that's what refills my bottles for my tally mark water bottle game...but our home water tastes funky. So, to be more green and save money...I finally bought one!

My period is still AWOL. And as I have mentioned before, Tracey has had the old snip 'n' clip...and unless he has miraculously started making little swimmers again...or God had placed Jesus the Second in my belly and you are going to have to start calling me Mary the Second and make a manger for me...I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS WAITING FOR! I blame the missing period, gravity, Newt Gingrich, and little cute puppies for the fact that my scale is not moving this week. I have no time for such nonsense as my one year is only 5 days a way!

I have not forgot about my doctor update vlog. If I get some alone time this evening I will make a new one.

So now the black is hard to read on my blog!?! DAMN sam...I will have to play around and if I can't figure anything out, I might have to return to the old blog layout.

Do you ever sit around and wonder what will happen once you become a famous blogger and they make a movie out of your life? I mean there will be the normal worries: Who will play me, who will play Tracey, what will I wear to the Oscars...but besides that...Will people be angry that I write sooo much personal detail about my life which includes other real human beings? It would be like your diary being exposed to the world ya know?

And last but not least, I would like to share with you some information about my personality. I am a certified Myers-Briggs instructor. I teach Myers-Briggs not only for our organization, but for other organizations as well. In a nutshell, Myers-Briggs is a personality type assessment. It helps you understand why YOU (and others) make decisions, process information, and act the way they act. My type is an ENFJ. If you ever have a chance to attend a real training on Myers-Briggs you should. But one thing about ENFJ's is....they worry so much about everyone's happiness. They want harmony. They hate conflict. They can become so lost in trying to "make everything right", that they can lose themselves. I tell you this because I am working on a post for my bandiversary. Basically, it is just me reflecting and letting you know what worked for me, things I have learned this year, etc. And I am worried that some of you might not like some of the things I say. So I just wanted to put that out there. That for each of us, our path is the right path. Just because I do something one way, doesn't mean I think it is THE WAY.

Now can we hug?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Sticky & Sweet

I am a Midwesterner, born and raised. And only by geographical location could I be considered a Southerner. And perhaps my sheltered food life has more to do with this revaluation then location, but I just discovered something so yummy...

Peanut butter and bananas....TOGETHER!

I have heard of people making peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and I know Elvis loved banana and mayo sandwiches...but I can't do I just measured out 2 tablespoons of peanut butter and dipped sliced 'naners in it (using my fork like a lady). It was really good, full of protein & potassium.

I just wanted to share.

This may be news to no one but me! LOL

Messy Business





Things have been a mess this morning. First, thank you for those of you who let me know that the white font on my new layout was hard and/or impossible to read for some. I have changed it to black and I hope that helps.

Second, I cannot believe me four minute vlog did not work! I went into edit the post and could see the video, but it would not show for you guys. So I deleted it. AND, bc I also deleted it from my memory card last night, it is now lost forever...wherever cyber vlogs go to die. May it rest in peace. I will either try to make a new one tonight or just write up what happened at the docs. But you did miss the shot of the urinal in my bathroom. It was the climax of the vlog.

Third, I have a problem (and I hear you say...Just ONE problem Amy?). I am apparently oblivious to the fact that there are some of you out there who follow my blog that have their OWN blogs I am not reading. So, I invite you fellow bloggers, to post a comment in response to this post right down there in the comments section. If I am not following, or if you would like others to know you have blog...please let us know. We can all remember what it was like when we had just 2 followers and wondered if anyone was really listening!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Sweet Mother Shake 'n' Bake

Every year there is an annual chili showdown put on downtown by one of our Krewe's (think Mardi Gras and floats). You pay $10 at the door and get a handful of beans. With these magic beans, you can vote for your favorite chili. You get to go from booth to booth and get little 2 ounce servings of chili. This is one of our traditions (2 years in a row make it a tradition yes?) I would like to provide you with two pictures. The first one from a year ago. The second from this last weekend.


Fun With Rubber

While I was sitting at the doctor's office I noticed this little rubber example of what restriction looks like with a Realize band. I have a Lapband, but I figure they are probably pretty similar. I hope you can get the scale size...that is why I included my pointer finger fingernail. The thickness of the white is supposed to represent how thick the band is when inflated and the opening is how big it is with restriction.

Also, one last picture of my cat Gracy. She is enjoying the box Gen sent my goodies in!

Funsized and Sassy

Lacey sent me a picture of our rendezvous from a few weeks ago and I wanted to share! Isn't she cute? AND shorter then me? It's a rare occurrence, let me have my moment of feeling tall! Okay so technically I was wearing heels and Lacey was not. FINE!

2010 Golden Globes

When I saw the title of this picture: Mariah Carey 2010 Golden Globes...I had to giggle. Golden Globes is right!

tee hee...just wanted to share my giggle with you.

Amy Grumpy, Don't Feed The Starving Big Girl

Oh soberness (is that a word) was tested last night. As I went to leave work, I found my car uncooperative. It wouldn't turn over, but it tried. It was not the battery. Supposedly this problem was fixed for the pretty sum of $175 a couple of months ago. The mechanic said they found some wires that were burnt and he replaced them.

Anywhooozle, same problem last night. Our only other option right now for transportation is Tracey's motorcycle. Fun on sunny days, not so fun after dark, wearing heels and slacks...when the temperature is in the upper 40's. So, as I was waiting for Tracey to come and get me, I had to fight the overwhelming urge to go to the pop machine and chug a Sunkist. To hell with my sobriety I said!

But...I resisted. I also resisted to urge to go into my coworkers office and eat all the mini-reeses peanut butter cups.

Close call.

This morning though, the tow truck man came to get my car. He didnt tow it though bc he took one look at my dash and told me he could have my car running in 10 minutes. And just in case any of you drive an Alero, a Malibu, or is what I learned today.

He turned my key to the on position and all the lights on my dash lit up. One of the lights was flashing: SECURITY. He said to leave the key in the on position for 10 minutes. After ten minutes the SECURITY light would stop flashing, go solid, and then go off. Once that happened, we could restart me car.

AND HE WAS RIGHT! I couldn't believe it. He said this is a common occurrence with my kind of car and that it was even in my manual. He also told me that the mechanic would have known that and ripped me off! It was amazing and I owe that man a nice tip!

I have my fill today and my yearly appointment with the nutritionist. I think I will ask for the teeniest of fills. Just a little sparrows fart of a fill. I don't eat all day
prior to a fill, so I am UBER hungry right now. I am looking forward to some yummy soup for din din.

OOOH yea, the scale was up a little today...I blame it on several things...DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness), my theory about the water retention that accompanies DOMS, and the fact that Ms. Period should be knocking at the lady station any time now! So not to worry!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Ass That Shakes Rules the World

Last night Bandita agreed to go to Zumba with me! I have done some booty shaking to Zumba once before, months ago. BUT, since Angie issue the challenge to do more...I thought...let's Zumba again!

Turns out it was the same fantastic instructor I had when I took it at the Y. This time it was in an old Knight of Columbus lodge that smelled like old man and dirty feet...but it didn't matter. It rocked. Half way through we DID think we were going to die. I looked over my shoulder at one point and saw the Grim Reaper standing in the corner with his sicle, beckoning to come to him...wanting to take me to Heaven...or Hell...or out to dinner. But I said "NO DEATH MAN"! To hell with my burning throat and side pain...I will not die today".

And so Bandita and I survived! Half way through the workout the instructor asked for a volunteer. SO, yes...I raised my hand. It was time for some belly dancing moves and I got to wear the jingly skirt! She told me I could stand at the front of the room or get on stage with her...SO, YES...I got on stage. It was the most fun!

Tomorrow is my fill and I am at 118 pounds lost. My not-so-secret-goal was to be at 120 down when I saw Dr. Friedman...but if I don't make it, I will still make my goal of 120 down by NEXT Wednesday...which is my one year!

I have to say I am pretty proud of myself (patting my own back right now). My typical routine for the last 6 months or so was to make positive food choices for 2 weeks, lose 6-8 pounds, then make poopy food choices for 2 weeks, gain 4-5 pounds. Well, I have made it 3 weeks straight being a good girl, and plan on making it 4 weeks! It is a good feeling.

I even made soup this weekend, bought cute little containers, and froze individual portions so I have a quick take to work when I need it. I am supposed to be on liquids for few days with this fill anyways. I made my pumpkin soup and my tomato soup. If you want the recipes, use the search feature on the right hand side of my screen and you should be able to find them in my blog!

I am currently sitting at 209.5. 209 is my lowest recorded adult weight, I believe from the year 2000. I had lost about 60 pounds to get down to that weight. I think it last for a week. I am excited to venture into unknown territory. I am optimistic. Hopeful. Grateful!

I don't usually do an official WELCOME to new followers and new peeps, but I wanted to take a moment to say thank you for reading, for sending me your positive vibes, and wonderful emails. I know that some of you hide in the shadows of blogland, and I just wanted to say I love you too! If any of you have questions or thoughts, and don't want post on here, you can always send me an email.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Did You Know...

This portion of Did You Know Friday is brought to you by Amy-size 16-Workman:

I follow several blogs that are not on blogger. These include but are not limited to Lacey's site, and The Girl's site. To follow these non-blogger blogs, I have created a little file in my favorites and I just go click on them to see if there is an update. WELLL, after the Girl was lamenting the other day about lack of followers, I suggested it just might be because she is hard to follow since those of us who blog on Blogger can't see her updates on our Dashboard. And you know what she told me? YOU CAN follow non-Blogger blogs! Did you know this? In case you didn' is how simple it is. When you are looking at your Dashboard, click on that Add button on the bottom left hand side of your screen. Once the box pops up, you just enter the web address for the blog you wish to follow and BAM!!! Now you can follow. This is amazing. If you need pictures of what I am talking about, click on the link above for The Girl's site and go back a few posts.

Also, I know some of you are looking for clothes. Well Ramona, who I affectionately call MoMo-has some clothes she would like to pass on. She has some in sizes 28, 26, and maybe size 24. If you are interested, click on her name. It will take you to her site and you can watch her vlog where she mentions the sizes.

And finally, here are some of the new things I have tried lately to satisfy my sweet tooth, my salty tooth, and all my teethuses in between.

This first picture is of Cheddar flavored Soy Crisps. These are smaller than rice cakes, about the same consistency, but bc they are soy...actually have protein! I bought them over the weekend when I was heading to the movies with my parents. I knew they would have popcorn, so I took these instead. And while they come NOWHERE close to movie theatre popcorn, they did prevent me from even having one kernal. They come in different flavors as well.

This little picture is of a Jenny Craig product. I dont know how much they are, bc I got them as a freebie. But this bag only has 120 calories and they are some GOOD honey mustard pretzels. Yum.
Next are my apple chips. These are really sweet and not so bad!

This was my breakfast this morning. I also had one last week in the afternoon in lieu of a candy bar. They are actually pretty big, pretty good, and pretty filling! And only 170 calories!

OOOh, next are the new 100 calorie YoCrunch yogurts. These might be a little high in sugar for some of you, but when you want something that feels naughty but doesnt hurt to have to try the cheesecake one!

Here is another fiber/protein bar. Not as good as the one above, but still not bad!

And that's all for today! Hope everyone is having a great Friday so far!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Now I see SKINNY DEAD people

Do you think it is a problem that as I am watching CSI, I look up and see a dead corpse on the TV...and all I notice is that she is skinny?


That last night I made Tracey stroke my collarbones and tell the collarbones how much he loved them?

I don't think I have issues. Just wanted to double check with ya'll.

Don't You Love Us?

Do you know why our blog community if fabulous? I am sure you do, but let me count the ways.

In this lapband blogland of ours you can find:

The young, the "more seasoned", and every age in between.

Baby bandsters, experienced bandsters, those who chose gastric bypass, or those who just want to lose some weight.

The loud outgoing bandsters (are you pointing your finger at me?), the more reserved, the shy, the ones who want to be naked publicly.

The humble, the proud, the lost.

Teachers, writers, mothers, students, nurses, lawyers, somebodies.

The rich, the "money challenged".

Those from the land of education and those from the school of hardknocks.

Forever fatties (not after the band) and fresh fatties.

Those of us who started at higher weights, and those of us who did not.

Girls and (well mostly girls) and at least one male blogger.

Bloggers from every religion and race.

Bloggers from America, Australia, Dubai, and Paris.

Pear shaped, hour glass shaped, and just out of shape.

Those who love people of the same sex, opposite sex, or just love sex period.

We are a melting pot of personalities and life experiences. We are pretty amazing. And we are growing, even while are waist size is shrinking.

Pat yourselves on the back blog buddies. Because sometimes you make a difference in the lives of complete strangers. And sometimes those complete strangers become some of you closest friends.

Hugs and Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Verbal Explosions

Oh my gracious goodness I feel like it has been forever since I have blogged and my wee little brain is running over!

Random Thoughts For Wednesday Are:

-Whenever I read the term "Food Porn" on somone's blog, I immediately have visions of a banana dry humping an apple...or something juicy like that. Imagine my disappointment when I only find pictures of meals. *sigh*

-I went to a bridal expo this week, and besides leaving with the pressing urge to get rich immediately, I found this photographer who has an all female staff and does pin-up shoots. Oh man this got the exhibitionist in my so exicited! I think I will wait until I am closer to goal...but I am pretty excited. I wouldnt be naked...because then I couldn't show the pictures to everyone...but think 50's glam.
-Some of you have asked and yes...I am STILL clean and sober. No Sunkist now for 13 days. Funny enough, last night my parents came over and my mom brought a bunch of stuff she had at the condo (they are going home on Friday). This stuff included my 2-Litter bottle of Sunkist from New Years Eve...which must be BEYOND flat. I was telling her to throw it away bc it was old and she poured a glass and told me to take a sip. Without thinking I almost did! Then I startled my mom by saying NO! I CAN'T (she didnt know about my rehab). It was all very slow motion though and as I reached for the cup, I could see Tracey getting ready to do a mission impossible tuck 'n' roll dive towards me to stop what was about to happen...
-Guess what else I have forgot to blog about! I met Lacey! We could only meet briefly but it was so worth it! She had a big bag of clothes for me. The contents of big bag included a winter jacket, several fleece jackets, and two pairs of shoes! I have worn these shoes 3 days straight (cute peep toe black pumps) and have worn at least one other item every day since I met her! Thank you so much Lacey! She is cute, and short, and tiny. When I grow up I want to be just like her (although technically she is younger than me).
-My doctor was featured in a newsletter and I wanted to share it with you guys!

Baptist Bariatric Center is leading in quality care receiving multiple Center of Excellence designations. Last month, Jeffrey Friedman, M.D., bariatric surgeon, was recognized as a Center of Excellence surgeon for providing high quality bariatric patient care and proven surgical outcomes.

In 2007, the Baptist Bariatric Center was the first weight-loss surgery program in northwest
Florida to be recognized by the American Society of Metabolic and Bariatric surgery as a Center of Excellence. In addition, J. David Nye, M.D., bariatric surgeon, was granted the same honor.

A Center of Excellence designation further recognizes that Baptist Health Care is meeting the
highest standards in bariatric patient care – a key factor in the patient decision process.
To learn more about the benefits of weight-loss surgery and what a Center of Excellence means
for patients, visit bariatrics.

-Just a reminder that my one year bandiversary is two weeks from today. My goal is to be at 120 pounds lost by then. And I will do it! I go for my 1 year follow up appointment a week from today, so not so secretly, I want to be at 120 pounds down by then. That is my stretch goal!

-I know some of you are struggling with water consumption. I like to make a little game out of my water drinking, and aim for 120 ounces a day. I buy the 20 ounce bottles from Walmart...and this makes it easier for my math challenged brain. I bring just one to work with me and refill it at the fountain. Once I finish one bottle, I get my little sharpie out and make a tick mark. I like to have 5 tick marks by the time I go home, which leaves only water bottle left to drink when I get there. Here is my bottle so far for today.

I think I will save my shameless product placements for the next post! Hope everyone is having a wonderful hump day!

And HELLO to all my new followers! Followers are the blog equivalent can't post it. Everything I was thinking of involved the word climax....and as a lady...I must refrain.

LOL..but you get the point! Thank you for reading, and commenting, and emailing. It means more to me than you know!



Sunday, January 10, 2010

The 16's Heard Around The World

Here is a picture friends, hot off the presses. I do NOT fit into all 16's yet, but this is a start. They are 16W's, so they are a little more roomy than say 16's from Old Navy. Angie sent me some 16's a while ago, so I have them in my door for comparison.

Thank you again for all your comments yesterday!

Slim-Fast recall

Good Sunday bloggers! A fellow reader suggested on facebook that I post some info about the Slim-Fast recall. From what I can gather Slim-Fast issued the statement at the beginning of December and it was for all flavors in cans. Here is a link to their website with more information!

Here is an additional article if you want it.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Can You See What I See?

You might have to get really close to your screen...but they are there!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Sizing Things Up

I have come to the conclusion that I am a terrible judge of someones pant size. For example, I meet Mary and Bandita, and I would think they are a size 10, and really don't need to lose anymore weight bc they look good to me! Seriously. And I don't think I am revealing any secrets, bc they share on their blog...but they are more around a size 12-14.

Mary is in the 180's and while we were talking at dinner, she mentioned that her doctor has set her goal in the 130's. I was like WHHHAAAAT? I haven't looked at a BMI chart lately, but I think for her height that would make her close to underweight.

My doc on the other hand didn't even set a goal weight for me. So if Mary and Bandita look smokin hot at a size 14, hurry up and get me there! lol Because my goal of 170 would still be in the overweight category for my 5'4" frame.

I really promise that when I started this post I had a point, but now I forget.

So, on to a different subject. The Biggest Loser. I am not a die hard BL fan, and only started watching again last season. But I think there is something I don't like about the biggest loser. We had discussed this topic before, but let us broach it again shall we.

A) The Biggest Loser is a reality show. The contestants work out all day, with Bob and my girl crush Jillian, and have supervised healthy meals. This is not reality.

and it leads to

B) What they lose each week is not a reality either. I mean they lost it yes...but for the average person, you are not losing 30 pounds in one week. Seriously, that's happened the other night. And because we are getting used to this massive weight loss with this show, as our the people ON the show, they are disappointed when they lose "only" 21 pounds, or 10 pounds in a week!

And I want to kick them in the gut, because they have got wrapped up in the "unreality".

But do you know who they kinda remind me of? Me.

Again, this is a topic we have discussed many times....but to hell with not repeating it! To the outsider when they ask me "Wow, how much have you lost", and I say "Oh, you know...112 pounds"...I usually minimize the importance of that number.

And do you know what just dawned on me? I think I minimize it because deep down inside I might actually feel like it isn't as fantastic as if I lost it without the band. Oooh, this is getting deep. It's possibly similar to the reason I make "big girl" jokes about myself...because I am trying to beat people to the punch line! I am trying to downplay the weight lost now, because I am preparing for the downplay of how great that is once I tell someone I had weight loss surgery.


Put it this way. You don't see people on the cover of People magazine with the headline "She lost 112 pounds WITH surgery". Instead, it always reads "She lost 112 pounds...WITHOUT surgery".

But the point is, I should be proud and so should you! It was and is hard work! We must be present in our weight loss journey. It's not like we can just continue life as normal (if preband could be considered normal). We make changes. We learn. We struggle. And we fight for the weight loss.


Woo, I feel better now!

Happy Friday friends!

What A Wonderful Question

I was perusing Lapband Talk today and found a great question being posed by a potential bandster. The question was:

What is the one thing you wish someone had told you BEFORE you got your LAP-BAND?

Good question right?

I am interested to hear your answers.

For me, as I have stated many times...I was under the assumption (and remember I did my research and took my required nutrition classes from the doctors office) that after surgery, I would only be able to eat about one ounce of food or broth, and that would satisfy me. They even give us little one ounce cups to take home.

No one told me that after I healed I would be as hungry as a horse and be able to eat like a cow. No one told me that until restriction, I would have to rely on willpower!

If someone did tell me, perhaps I didn't hear them. But I was surprised and I think it is important for bandbabies or potential bandsters to expect bandster hell.

So what you? What do you wish you knew or had been told?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Tomato Soup

Here in the south we have a chain of grocery stores called Publix. They make a delicious Tomato Bisque that is on their salad bar almost every day of the week. I have decided to try and recreate this soup...and my first attempt wasn't bad. It doesn't taste like Publix, but hey...IT WAS MY FIRST TRY. I have never made tomato soup before, I am a buy it in the can kind of gal. But I have a new handheld blender (thank you mother) that I was dying to use! So here is the recipe if you want to try it yourself. Enjoy!

2 cans (28 ounces each) of diced tomatoes
3 cups chicken broth
1/4 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped carrots
1 yellow onion chopped
2 cloves diced garlic
Olive Oil
Hot sauce
Pepper and salt

Open and drain both cans of tomatoes, reserving the juice for later. Spread tomatoes out on cookie sheet and season with salt and pepper (don't be afraid to be generous). Place in preheated oven (375) for 20 minutes.

During that time, put a little olive oil, the onion, and the garlic in a dutch oven/big pot and sauté onions and garlic until tender (5-7 minutes). Add celery and carrots and continue to cook and sauté until they are tender (about 5-7 minutes). Add chicken broth and tomatoes (from the oven) and the tomato juice you set aside into pot. Add pepper and salt to taste. You can add a little garlic salt if you want. The recipe called for 4 drops of hot sauce, but I added a little more. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer, cover and cook for 20 minutes.

Use your hand held blender stick (immersion blender) to puree soup (you could transfer to a blender but that's no fun!) You will need to do this for sure, or your soup will not be the correct consistency.

Taste and season with salt, pepper, or hot sauce until you like it.

Once I put the soup in the bowls, I added some feta cheese and a little colby Monterey jack cheese. Yum!

Makes about 6-8 servings, at around 150 calories a serving (before the cheese).

The Devil Is In The Details

Just a funny for the morning...

I just got a word verification on "the other Amy's" blog that said staten. And at first I thought it said satan.

I was like "Oh, this can't be good".

But on second glance I noticed I had misread!


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Fantastic Meal and Even Better Company

So I walk in to O'Charleys and finally get to meet Mary! It was like seeing an old friend. I remember when Mary wasn't even banded yet and now she is 118 pounds down. And she is tall damn it! And even prettier in person. Sigh...and tall. And Bandita is tall...sigh...and I am a midget. And they are thin. Long SIIIIIGGGGHHHH.

But it was funny. Guess what was Mary was wearing? The same jacket as me! We made the manager take a picture.

This was before CIA operative Bandita arrived. Once she came we had a great time (or at least I did). I don't have any girls I hang out with, and it was a big bonus that they are bandster girls! We are going to make this a regular thing (and not just say that).

Thanks ladies for a wonderful date night!

Now I must pay full attention to biggest loser! Toodles Poodles!


I just went into my coworkers office to visit his candy dish. I popped one reese's peanut butter cup in my mouth, proceeded to do the candy dance and make happy grunting noises...and then started to choke on said peanut butter cup.

Don't worry. I survived. Despite the universes attempts to kill me.

Cheap Dates

Tonight I get to have dinner with two bandsters that call Pensacola home...Mary and Bandita. I would promise pictures but Bandita is an undercover spy and thus we must protect her identity. Either that or she is in the witness protection program and one must respect that.

We are going to a very high end shee-shee-poo-poo restaurant, which is pretty exclusive. If probably haven't heard of it but it is called O'Charleys. LOL, okay for those of you not familiar with O''s really like an Applebee's or Chili's kinda place. I am looking forward to finally meeting Mary and reuniting with Bandita.

It is also colder then a well diggers ass in Alaska here in Pensacola. That is a Tracey euphemism, just in case you were wondering. I don't know if it is because he is southern or just from the family he comes from...but he sure has a lot of those! But really, it is cold. Windchill this morning was 8 degrees...and come's Florida!

Monday, January 4, 2010

An Unfat Version of Myself

I've been having these fleeting thoughts that actually scare me a little. My heart rate increases and I quickly push the thoughts away.

I do not know who I will be if I am not fat.

There is it folks. The truth. I, a lot of you, have always been fat. Fat has made me funny. Fat has given me a soapbox. I mean, I wanted to get on Oprah so I could speak to all of those plus-sized girls out there who think that just because they are fat they have to be miserable, or lonely, or quiet, or sad.

And if some day I am "un-fat" will I be able to make a difference? How will I be unique or different?

I am not a person who hides behind her fat for protection or safety. But being fat has defined my life. And I wonder what that means for me.

Aw hell...I will still be funny (and humble). I will still point my toes in pictures, sing badly with Rockband, and wanna be the center of attention. I just don't know though how life will be different. I can't really imagine it.

Which brings me to another thought I have been having. When will my body be done with this weight loss. Or in other words...

How far will the band take me?

When I hit a plateau, sometimes I think that maybe this is it. Maybe I won't lose anymore weight. But at the same time, I think of all of you who got banded at, or around, my current weight. You guys have done it, so certainly there is more in store for me. And if I can't get below 200 with a damn band around my stomach...well then JEESH!

And then, someone riddle me this. I hate to put this question out there, but sometimes I feel like I don't know the answer.

How is the band different than a diet?

I mean granted, I have never lost 110 pounds on a diet. But if we can gain weight so easily with this band, how is it any different? I read a post on LBT talk today that scared me. The poster had lost 120 pounds and gained 60 of it back! Now I don't know if that is because she didn't see her doctor, or wasnt filled right, or whatever. But it is possible. So why is this different? It helps when we make the right choices...but when we make the wrong choices...Do you know what I am saying?

And finally, I wanted to thank all of you for your comments lately. Thank you for saying I look thin or fantastic! Anna asked me, as has someone else, how tall I am. I am an outstandingly tall 5'4"! I have stubby legs, toes, and fingers. I am 217 pounds, and in a size 18 (but so-close-it-makes-me-wanna-kick-someone's-ass to a 16).

Love ya guys and look forward to your thoughts and responses!

Fatty Fatty Two by Four

The other day ShrinkingMommy was talking about having a goal of being able to sit in her daughters kindergarten chair, and I mentioned the damn desks in high school and know, the ones with the table attached...

I was always so envious of the girls who could slide in and have room to breathe. There was actually air between their stomach and the desk part! And as Shrinking Mommy mentioned, some could even cross their legs!

Well she found a tshirt that sums up the conversation to a "t"....get it...."T" for maybe it wasn't that funny. Anyways, check out her blog for a giggle (if you don't already follow).

3.2 Miles Can Eat My Dust

New Year's Day we woke up at the condo and I wanted to move. I convinced Tracey and my dad to walk to the Florabama with me. The Florabama is a famous little bar that straddles the Florida/Alabama line. I thought this would entice them to walk in the cold bc their was beer there. I didn't know the distance, but my mom thought it was about 1.3 miles each way.

We started off walking the beach and I was feeling good. I even jogged a few brief spells. My back didn't hurt. My shins didn't burn. I could breathe. It was awesome. I haven't walked very much since April when I did the 5k, and then October when I did the breast cancer walk. My dad had problems though and I was worried about him. His back started hurting him about half way there and I knew he was doubting himself. I knew...because I have felt and been in his shoes. Your lower back is on fire. Your legs hurt. You can't breathe. You just want to sit down and quit.

We all made it to the Florabama though and my mom came and picked him up. Tracey had his beer and we started back. We made it back to the condo and I finished by running up the 10 flights of stairs to the top floor. Tracey took the elevator :)

I never would have wanted to do any of this a year ago, preband. After we got back, my parents had tracked the miles in the car. We walked 3.4 miles! It was a good day and I can't wait to do it again! Here is a picture on the way back. And yes...I know what you are thinking...I DO wear that tshirt every weekend. It's my weekend T okay?