Monday, May 31, 2010

Like Riding A Bike...Only Wetter

I looked at the ski's. They looked at me. I heard your voices in my head...(or what I imagine your voices would sound like if I actually knew).
You were telling me to do one ski. Why not?
I told the the fam that I was going to slalom. They looked at me with that half cocked head, raised eyebrows, and a tone of concern that one gives someone when they have doubt. But I decided to go for it anyways. If I had got up one ski when I was seven, I could do it now at 30...lighter and fitter than I have ever been.
I wore my weight lifting gloves (good recommendation). I put the ski on, grabbed the rope, and yelled hit it. And without a wobble, plowing water, or falling...

I was up. hahahahaha....I couldn't believe it. But I was skiing! And I did it again later!

I was a very happy girl. I couldnt wait to share with you guys.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

the BIG weekend and a SMALL dream

This is it kiddies. Memorial Weekend here in the United States is just 3.5 days away. And if you remember, this is THE weekend that your little ol' Amy is going to reclaim her water skiing throne. I am excited. I am ready. I am scurrrred!

I really just want to skip the two ski's all together and go straight to the slalom. But what if I can't get up (you have to drag a long time on one) and fatigue myself and then can't get up on two!? ARGH! Decisions decisions.

We are heading up to my parents on Friday.

My weight is holding steady about 2 pounds up from my lowest. And I am okay with that. I am actually very grateful that it's not more.

Do you know what we actually brought into the house this weekend? TWINKIES! Lard filled moist cake logs basically. I used to be such a sucker for the Twinks. Now, the only thing they really taste like are fat. It's the weirdest thing.

I had a wonderful Sunday. I went out of town with a friend to meet her family. I live in Florida, but this part of the panhandle is only a stones throw from Alabama, so one day you can be on a white sandy beach, and the next in the backwoods of the country. And I love the backwoods. It reminded me of home. Open spaces, green, cows, (not green cows, but green grass and cows), animals, simple and gentle people. We spent the entire day four wheeling (which by the way is a workout when you are riding on the back of one of those biceps are so sore from hanging on), went swimming in a creek, and just hanging out with her family. It was perfect.

And it was good for my soul.

Holy Hackers


The scariest thing just happened! I came to log into my blog and it said it had been disabled!!!!

Last night, as some of you are aware because you received wonderful emails from me applauding an overpriced laptop, my Gmail account was compromised. Apparently everyone in my contact lists got this wonderful email from "me".

I know that some of you will be sad to hear that it was not really me emailing with such great deals if you were to only send a check overseas!

Apparently Gmail/Blogger locked my account until I could change some things up.

So if you noticed by blog was missing, fear not...I am here!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

It's Been 24 Hours Since My Last Confession

Did I ever tell you that when I was little I wanted to be Catholic? I thought it would be the coolest religion because you got to wear a pretty necklace (later I found out you don't really wear rosaries, but still), you also got to the very theatrical cross sign AND could kneel on the padded part of the pew. Totally good reasons to choose a religion no?

That was just a random Amy tidbit that doesnt really have to do with anything.

Then, I was pretty sure I should become a Buddhist because the Dali Lama is the MAN, and I think we would totally hit it off over a dinner of cheetos, sunkist, and rice. I do believe in karma and energy, and if that's true...I probably have a shit load of negative chi or juju coming my way...


Random. I am random.

Back to the confession.

I cannot tell you the last time I consumed water on a regular basis. Probably about the same time my world started to be full of flying pink elephants and dancing maybe 3 weeks ago? It's shameful.

I have also eating cheetos every day except today.

And hold your breath my loves...Wednesday I drank...A REGULAR SUNKIST! I know. I wasn't going to tell you. I had been over 5 months clean and sober, but they didnt have a diet sunkist at the grocery store so I was going to drink a regular pepsi just so I didnt have the Sunkist...and then I said...JUST DO IT AMY! And I did.

I expected a rush that one might liken to a meth addict taking a hit after nearly half a year. I expected my veins to be on fire with the joy juice. I expected heart palpitations. What I found didnt taste as good as diet! that was good.

I bailed on Zumba and Mary twice. Shameful. We went last night though. Mary even got called up on stage during our favorite routine...the kickboxing. Her face turned a beautiful shade of fuchsia and her neck broke out in that weird blotchy pink. It was good times! She was nervous the entire time because she thought every could see your woo-woo. I giggled.

So I have been off track and the scale hasnt been too hateful. Up a few pounds but I okay with that. I am easing back into it and am not worried. I even posted on LapBandTalk for the first time in months and months.

I have been dropping it like it's hot at work this morning.

I have been unprofessional. I am coming back! hahah :)

Happy Tuesday!

Maybe you think for a second didnt I? You stopped and it only Tuesday?

Happy Thursday friends!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Amy! Amy! Amy!

I like to chant my own name. It's like a personal pep rally! kisses!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Proof is in the Pictures

Hello my little love muffins. I am still lost but at least trying to be happy! I went and bought a new bikini yesterday and realized in my self destructive/soul searching haze, I have neglected to post 140 pound down pictures! SILLY ME!

So here they are, for your viewing pleasure. I am weighing in around 187, maybe a smidge less. I am wearing a size 14 and feeling pretty good.

Makes you wanna salute something doesnt it? hhahahhah

Monday, May 10, 2010

A Million Thank You's...

Ladies (and I can say ladies because only the girls responded), I can't thank you enough for all the emails or comments you guys left.

Sometimes shit is hard.

Hahah...that will be my quote on my gravestone...if I ever die. I kinda intend to live forever.

But, for those of you who offered advice, or love, or cyber hugs, or just words of any kind, every bit of it made me feel better, some made me cry, some made me laugh.

I have no answers just yet, but what I have been learning is that is okay to wait and to search. And that the answers are mine to find. They can't be found with someone else, or given to me by someone else.

So when I find these elusive answers (perhaps I should consult a palm reader or Oprah), I will let you know.

Until then, I have a new topic to discuss. Its a good'un.

Stay tuned.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Let Me Introduce Myself

My name is Amy and I used to be an active blogger.

I am here guys. I am alive. Thank you to all of those who sent me worried emails or instant messages. I have been having a premidlife crisis of some sort, and I am back...and going to share a little of that with you.

Hmmm...where to start. You've have always loved my honesty yes?

Something has happened inside my brain and possibly my heart. I am not sure why, all of a sudden, I have found it super important to reevaluate my current situation, but nonetheless...the time has come.

I am not sure what my future holds, what my heart really wants, or where I am supposed to be. Simply put...I don't know if I am supposed to be with Tracey forever. And because I know the ring is coming, I finally decided it was time to voice some of these doubts that have been nagging me for a very long time. I should take a moment to reassure you, Tracey is a wonderful man and I love him to the ends of the world and back. You know he bends over backwards for me and goes above and beyond. But honestly, it' s not about that. Something inside me says...

Make sure Amy. Just make sure.

And it has been a very hard and painful week for both of us. A lot of sadness and confusion. And we are working on it. He is trying even harder to make sure I love him (which kills me) and I am trying even harder to find Amy.

I don't want to go into all the deep details, not for my sake, but for some respect for Tracey. He is a private man in that regard, so just know...

I have missed you guys and I am doing okay.

I do worry that I may be going insane. And then someone asked me if I was thinking all of these things because of the weight loss. Hell...I hadnt thought about that. I think I have always felt that Tracey wasn't exactly who I pictured falling in love with, but I did, and he is kind and good, and although I dont know if I believe in a forever love, I think you decide in life to commit and just do it. ARGH! SO maybe with all this new attention and freedom and life that I have found, I am looking deeper inside of me. Maybe I am letting myself feel things that I have tried to bury.

I just don't want to hurt anyone. And sometimes it is hard to be true to yourself when someone elses heart is involved.

So there you have it.

In true me fashion though, I am trying to put my best foot forward. We had Tracey's niece over last night and played gymnastics in the living room.

I won't stay gone so long again. If I can spank me. And those of you who know me...know I might like it :)
Kisses my friends.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Punish Me If You Must

This weekend was a weird-ee. I felt a little off and out of sorts and I didnt read any blogs. I apologize. I didn't want anyone to think I was ignoring. I did think of you all though. Does that count? So if you would like to punish me by skipping this post, I completely understand.

Okay. So some of you wanted to know if I lost the "boat weight". Last Monday I weighed in at 196.5. Yesterday, for Swimsuit Challenge purposes I weighed in at 186.5. Today....MY weigh in day...I weighed in at 184.5.

Slap. Yo. Mama.

Two things were happening mmmmmmkkkkkaaaay (Drazil said I could use that as long as she could say shitballs).

First. The 6 pounds I gained from the boat must have been water, salt, and other we suspected. Second, my band was really acting up this weekend. Friday night I ate about half of a soft taco. It had gone down just fine the night before. Well, it got stuck and it took about 3 hours to unstick. By the time I finally got it out, I was exhausted and my band was irritated. The problem was, I hadn't eaten much that day at all as is. I had some soup for lunch and that was it. I haven't had much of an appetite these last several days. So I really wanted that soft taco to go down bc I needed it!

The next morning I made a smoothie with protein powder. I drank maybe 1/4 of a cup and it came back up. For over an hour. By the time we went to Walmart that morning I had a pounding headache and felt weak.

I did manage to get soup down and some popcorn...and some fried pickles. But overall, not a lot of food this weekend.

All that aside. I can't believe that I am now closer to the 170's than the 190's. I am 14.5 pounds away from goal. I tried on lots of size 14 pants and skirts this weekend that all fit. I am wearing a tailored jacket today, size large.

I hope everyone has a fantastic Monday and gets what they are longing for! Whatever that is :)