Friday, July 5, 2013

Ooow Ahh Ohhh

Friends.  I promise I blog to you in my head on.the.regular.  I SO wish that they had developed the technology, which I could purchase used on Amazon at a discounted rate, that would enable my thoughts to automatically feed to Blogger, thus eliminating the need to make time to actually put fingertip to keys and create a damn post!

You dig?

I know you do.

It has been nearly a month since my last confession.

Thank you all for both your kind words on my post about my Shelbs and for your love and cyber applause for our engagement. 

I have some good news and some bad news.  First the bad.  Shelby hasn't come back to life.  Although I have had some crAZYYYY dreams about that very thing.  And second, the good news.  We are STILL engaged!


Now.  Somethings we should also talk about. 

The Most Exciting Part of My Journey is Happening Right Now

Who would have thought that 4.5 years after lapband I would still be finding and discovering new and exciting things tied to weight loss and my body?  Oh man.  I just had a BRILLIANT idea.  Have you guys seen those candles that have a ring buried down deep in the wax, and you burn the candle to get the ring which may, or may not be, a giant piece of crap?  What if they buried a jewel in our fat pre-surgery and then as the fat melted away (candle see how I just did that), we would be closer and closer to getting the ring...until one day we just POP it a little pimple...but with a diamond or opal in it instead of puss.

I know.  Puss is a disgusting word.

But seriously.

Think about it.

Anyways, back to what I was originally talking about.  Just to recap, at the beginning of March I decided to recommit to healthier eating, more cardio, less processed food, and just DOING BETTER overall.  Since then, I have lost 35 pounds.  And I think that these last 35 pounds have been the proudest l.b's of all my 170 pounds lost.  Let me tell you why.

I have worked very hard for each and every one of those pounds over the last several months.  My lapband had very little to do with the loss.  And that's not to say the pounds that I lost over the first 4 years I didn't have to work for, because I absolutely did...but these last ones were sweat and tears and making real changes.  At first, I didn't know how I was going to work out more...or how I was going to work out any differently than I already was.  But adding straight cardio seemed to be the only answer.  I started doing the ARC (like the elliptical) for 60 minutes a day in addition to circuit, bootcamp, or tough mudder training).  I started running 3-5 miles, at least 3 times a week.  I was, and I am still, doing two-a-days.  I wake up around 440am, go to Planet Fitness, do at least 3 miles and then do targeted weight lifting.  Then I do a class at work, either circuit or bootcamp).  Every once in awhile I did 3 workouts a day...but that was really to support my friends or coworkers that needed a workout buddy.

On Monday I weighed in at 158.

I have never weighed 150-anything. 

The amazing things, the nonscale victories that are new to me:

1.  Running is so much easier 30-35 pounds lighter.  I am not sure if I am much faster (I am doing a real 5k tomorrow so I will see what I can pull out under pressure), but my knees never bother me when I am running.  Before, my right knee would twinge most of the time.

2.  Seeing my muscles and definition gets me a little excited.  Seriously.  Sometimes when I am working out at the gym and looking in the mirror, I wanna make out with myself.  Just a little.  Light petting.  All above the waist.  But the loss of some of my insulation that covered my muscles that were already there, combined with really focusing on building them up a little more, has gave way to a body I really like. 

3.  When I am wearing clothes.  I feel amazing.  I am proud of myself.  I feel like I look healthy and fit.  My muffin top is gone, my stomach is flat, my ass is round...and even my damn thighs...the last thing to go and the parts of my body that want to hang on to all the fat possible...have slimmed up.  Now I should point out that I said when I am wearing CLOTHES I feel amazing.  Naked is another story.  Naked I still hate certain parts of my body.  There are moments when I catch a glimpse of my back and see the muscle definition...and I smile.  Or when I turn sideways and see how small my waist is and how my lower back curves so nicely into my butt...but the lower stomach skin, my saggy boobs, the insides of my thighs, and my bat wings haunt me.  They make me so so sad.  And I know that stomping around or dwelling on them for long will not magically fix them.  AND I know I can't really say "BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!  It's not fair that I work so hard and still look like a melted candle"...because it is fair.  Because I made some very poor choices for about 3 decades.  And I can fix some of it with plastic surgery I suppose. I finally got the nerve up to send an email to request a boob lift consultation.  They haven't emailed me back.  It's been about a month.  I am working on getting the lady balls to actually call them.  I think I am just scared that they will cost to much, or that they will need to lift AND do implants and then I will have huge unnatural knockers....I am scared to get my hopes up that there IS hope...and then not be able to do it.  And although I never thought I would do a tummy tuck, I might some day.  I wear bikini's all the time, and I would just love for the skin not to be there.  As for the inner thighs, I don't think I would ever be able to pay or want to go through a lower body lift.  Short shorts just may never be able to be in my future.  I think I can deal with that.

Also coming to visit lately is my port.

This was about 10 pounds ago, and of course my port baby has been poking out for years.  But now it's super noticeable in most of the shirts I wear.  At work, one of my coworkers said the other day "What is THAT" as I was walking down the hallway.  Heather is concerned and wants me to talk to Dr. Friedman about switching it out for the low profile port.  I probably will do that sometime I guess.  Just see what my options are.  It bruises every once in a while, and we are signed up for every mud run in the southern United States, so scaling walls or climbing things may be a bad idea with port baby sticking out.
I also have no pants that fit.  Work pants I mean.  Not one pair.  Which is GREAT, but also sucks.  I bought a pair of black banana republic slacks and in one week...too big.  Which is another crazy thing about being this size and weight.  Remember when it took 40 pounds to lose a size?  Now I can lose a size in about 8 pounds.  I am a size 8 now for the most part, although I do have jeans in size 10 and even a size 12 that I can still wear. 
I have more pictures and more news to share, but I better get ready for work!  Happy Friday friends!  Let the weekend begin!