Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Christmas: No Mistletoe But Some Ho Ho HO

That title kinda sounds like things got dirty (raises eyebrows a couple of times in a quick fashion), when in fact...they did not.  But I wanted to take a moment and lock this into cyberland foreverness and say...

My first Christmas...the one of this new Chapter 38...was the best Christmas I have had in a very long time.

As I started to fall asleep on Christmas Eve...I could feel some sadness creeping in and tugging at my heart.  It was like I was at the beginning of a dark alley with my inner self looking like this...
Like "Come on Amy...I have a disaster waiting for you if you jussssst follow me." Well, I didn't want to.  So when I woke up the next morning and strapped on my baking apron this is what I told myself:

"We can't touch the past and we can't touch the future.  We can only touch the right 'now'.  So that's where I am going to focus on living today. In the right now".

And I did.  I thought of my friend Higgie that lost her mom this fall.  This will be a hard holiday season for her.  And so I reminded myself I even though my mother can drive me crazy...I have her...and the rest my insane family.  And then I thought of the people who don't have a passel of REAL and genuine human beings that surround them...and I DO.  They may be crazy as well...but they are mine and they love me.  I have a house that brings people together.  Ducks that make me smile.  Dogs that keep me alive.  Cats that love me (at least one). A lake in my backyard.  A roof over my head that I pay for.  

I have a lot.

And I let that be the coat I wore...and not a coat of sadness.

That doesn't mean the sadness won't come.  But as therapist reminds me...I am grieving a loss and it's okay to grieve.  But I didn't want it to be the centerpiece of my first Christmas in my new house.

Speaking of therapist...after the first two weeks of December where it was hard to function, I finally saw her and we talked about refocusing what I focus on.  So I supposed to set an intention each morning and practice gratitude when I end the day.  This is what I have been reading each morning:

I also bring it up during the day if I need to remind myself.  It actually has been SUPER helpful.  I am also focusing on LETTING GO.  Letting go of thoughts and scripts in my head.  Letting go of that which does not serve me.  I have a necklace that says Let Go.  And THAT has actually helped as well.  My favorite line is "I am getting far to old to settle and to put up with the nonsense of holding on only because it's comfortable and sentimental."

So now...some holiday pictures!

 My nephew Mitch and my new niece-in-law Laceee.  Christmas morning.  Present time!
 My new fireplace and entertainment stand from my parents.  This is the upstairs room in my house.  We were piled up reading.
 Took kayak out on the lake Christmas Eve. It was a warm day in old Pensacola.
 The first Lakehouse Christmas Party!  A little game of flip cup!
 Boobie and my dad snuggled up watching the Packers game.
 Higgie and Boobie
 Had my mother hard at work updating my sign (it would say Be Naughty. Save Santa the Trip).
 Honey Mae turned 10 on December 20th.  She had a cupcake covered with whipped cream!
 New new tattoo.  I am in love.  "Some see a weed.  I see a wish"
We were supposed to go a Christmas party downtown, but instead decided to drink on the couch, order pizza, and watch Four Christmases!

I hope everyone's holiday season brought them a little of what they wanted, a little of what they needed, and at least a few moments of peace.  May 2018 be a fuckton better than 2017.  May we find ourselves a little wiser, a little more gentle, a little more hopeful...and realize we are just like a tree.  Most of the we will bend a little with the wind...but in the end...our roots keep us grounded and we remain standing tall.