Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I didnt write this but I wish I did!

I was flipping through the pages of Real Simple today, their December issue, when I came across this article written by the author Amy Bloom. I had never heard of her, but I fell in love! In fact, I loved the article so much, I retyped the entire damn thing! I immediately wanted to share it with you guys. I agree with so whole heartily with almost all of these that I had to add my two cents by the asterisk! It is titled: 10 truths I wish I'd known sooner.

1.Events reveal people’s characters; They don’t determine them. Not everyone with divorced parents has terrible relationships. If two people are hit by a bus and crippled for life, one will become a bitter shut-in; the other, the kind of warm, outgoing person (cheerful despite everything) whom everyone loves to be with. It’s not about the bus, and a dreadful childhood is no excuse. You have the chance to be the person you wish to be, until you die.

*You can choose to be the person you want...regardless of how much you weigh.

2. Lying by omission or commission, is a bad idea. I cannot shake my dependency on the white lie, because I was brought up to be nice. And I’ve never figured out the nice way to say, "I’d rather stick a fork in my eye than to come to your house for dinner." But the meaningful lie, the kind that involves being untruthful or deceitful about important stuff to those you love, is like poison. Telling the truth hurts, but it doesn’t kill. Lying kills love.

*I made a vow to myself that my relationship with Tracey would be completely different than any other relationship in the past. I am honest with him about the things that upset or hurt me. This has made all the difference. The Amy of yesteryear would have swallowed all of that upset and hurt to spare the other person. It helped no one.

3. Sex always gives you an answer, although not necessarily the one you want. It’s possible to have very good sex, a few times, with a person who shouldn’t be in your life at all. Have fun, and hide your wallet and your Blackberry. On the other hand, it’s unlikely that a grown man, however nice, will become much, much better in bed than he was the first five times you slept with him. And if you sleep with a man who is unkind to you, there be more of that; long after the sex in humdrum, the cruelty will be vivid.

*Amen. I think this is one of the lesson's you learn in your 20's.

4. Most talents are transferable. If you can raise toddlers and drive teenagers with relative calm, you can be a CEO. If you’re a good driver, you can probably steer a cab, fly a plane, captain a boat. My years as a waitress-serving food to demanding people in a high stress environment without losing my temper-served me equally well as a mother, a wife, and a short-order cook for my family. And if you have the teaching gene, you can teach anything. (I mean it. All you have to do is be on lesson ahead of your student. Sole meuniere, Latin and Greek, algebra-you can teach it!)

*I need to work on believing this and taking advantage of it!

5. Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal. Not only do you not have to wear torn jeans, a barely-there tank top, and a fedora, but you probably shouldn’t. The point of fashion is to indulge briefly in something fun. The point of style is to have one-whether that’s a sheath and spike heels or slouchy jeans and your husband’s T-shirt-and it should last you a lifetime. All you have to do is think you deserve to look and feel your best and spend some time figuring out how to do it. Don’t know how? Find a woman whose style you admire and ask for a little advice.

*Oy! Don't get me started.

6. You can’t fake love. Staying in a love relationship when love is not what you feel isn’t likely to end well. If you know that what you crave is security/disposable income/child care and not the person next to you in bed, do the right thing. It’s true that one can learn to love someone over time and often through difficult circumstances. But unless the two of you agree to wait until you’re old and all the storms have passed, in hope that love will kick in, it’s better to bail sooner rather than later.

*Life is too short. And sometimes it takes staying in a bad relationship to realize your mistake. But once you realize it...know that you deserve more...and then do what it takes to get more.

7. Mean doesn’t go away. Some people get better looking with age; some don’t. Some people soften; some toughen up. Mean streaks tend not to disappear. A person who demeans and belittles you and speaks to you with contempt to others is probably going to be that way for years. The first time it happens, take note. The second time, take your coat and go.

*Make sure that you surround yourself with the un-mean. Seriously. Start purging the meanies now.

8. No one’s perfect. I knew that I wasn’t perfect; I just didn’t realize that this also applied to the people I fell in love with. The object of your affection will always turn out to have huge and varied faults. The smart thing is not to look for someone flawless (which is why Elizabeth Taylor married eight times), but to look for someone who mix of strengths and liabilities appeals to you (which is why she married Richard Burton twice).

*Another lesson I have learned in my relationship with Tracey. I used to believe in the "perfect man"...but there is no perfect man (or woman for that matter). But he is perfect for me. He makes me happy FAR more than not. He loves me for who I am. He loves the Amy in the before pictures. And that is perfect enough for me.

9. Ask for help. It’s possible you’ll get turned down. It’s even more likely that you’ll feel vulnerable and exposed. Do it anyway, especially if you are the helpful sort yourself. Those of us who like to offer assistance and hate to take any are depriving other people of the opportunity to be generous and kind; we are also binding ourselves to the reality of mutual dependence. You wouldn’t wear pink hot pants and and pretend they were flattering. Don’t pretend you don’t need help.

10. Keep your eye on the prize and your hand on the plow. It’s easy to lose sight of what you want, especially if you haven’t gotten it. I know it’s less work to put the wish away, to pretend that the wish itself has disappeared. But it’s important to know what your prize is, because that is part of who you are. Whether it’s financial stability, two children, a collection of poetry, or a happy marriage, take Winston Churchill’s advice and never give in. Never give in. Never give in.



  1. What a great article! Thanks for sharing!

  2. Just had to say my verification word was "scroter"...not going to say what I THOUGHT it was...

  3. This is awesome!! I'm printing out to serve as a daily reminder!!! Especially #7.. I've been dealing with some meanies in my life that I've been having a hard time letting go of!

  4. I get Real Simple and I tore out this article and it is on my refrigerator at home! I love it.

  5. Great Article Amykins! Thank you for sharing it!!! Ill bet it took a while to re type it up for us. LOL

  6. Amy~This post really made me think and even cry a little. #6 hits home for me, as you know. Thanks for sharing it and making me feel. Love you

  7. Number 10 goes with my New Year's word: ACCOMPLISH! Thanks for typing this out for us!!!

  8. Hey - thanks for taking the time to stop by my blog and lend me some support. I know you have a ton of followers and visit a lot of blogs. I feel like someone famous commented on my blog when you do- LOL! Anyway - just letting you know you made my day! I loved this article/post btw - thanks for sharing. also - one last thing - I read your previous post and I know there are a ton of comments that I didn't read - but Target's pants all are tight on the thighs and butt. I can't wear their pants at all - they just don't fit my body type right.

  9. Take it from a 51-year-old - these are all soooooo true!

  10. This is great - thanks so much for taking the time to retype it.

  11. Amen sista! Great post.

    "Band me Baby!"

  12. Please don't tell my mother that the style part is eternal. She's still hoping that I'm going to grow out of my baggie pants & XXL t-shirt phase that I took on as a senior in high school, skateboarding with the boys and cling to as I turn 35 tomorrow. Apparently, I'm destined for cute plaid skirts & clogs at some point in my life. *eye roll*

    Oh, and I've been married & D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D!!! (can I scream that loud enough?!?!?) so I understand the meanie part. I just wish I had found out sooner that it transferred over to more than just a mate, it also applies to friendships as well.

    Toxic is toxic, even if you only view it in passing glances and then just cross your fingers and duck and cover for the other drive-byes. Just get the hell out of dodge and don't look in the rearview mirror.

  13. Number 7 rang a bell with me. I did just that - took my coat and left.. but that said: it sure wasn't easy.

    What a great list. And at my age now, I recognise so much of this to be true. Amy is a great writer! Loved it.

  14. Amy- great post once again. Also I am hoping that you don't mind me posting this question on your blog....but since it is a "high traffic area" I think my best chance for an answer would be to post it here:

    A few months ago someone here in bloggyworld was banded and their doctor put the band in with 4 ccs already in it....I am wondering if anyone remembers who that was because I would like to talk to them so I can talk to my doctor about that. (I am scared of "bandster hell") If anyone remembers could you please comment on my blog:


    Thank you mucho!


  15. Also Amy-

    P.S. I think I started following your blog in November and I was like the 167th follower.... in just that short amount of time you are up to 252....dang!

    No joke on this one either you should print your blog as a book using a site like this:


    and send it into Oprah...I don't think she could resist if she read your whole story.

  16. Great info...Ta. I will hate Target for you now...look how far you have come and great way to lift yourself up again. Congrats on the 120 lbs

  17. I'll have to remember #1. Especially with my new boss.

  18. These are all so true. But yeah, totally, talent and common sense- transferable baby!

    The last one is awesome, too. Do the work and wait for the opportunity.

    Oh Amy, you always have such good posts!

  19. thanks for sharing, very cool! i love that magazine!

  20. Happy Anniversary:) You look wonderful!