Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Rambling Vlogger

Greetings from Planet Crazy!


  1. ok - firstly - how do I visit that parallel universe where I'm a supermodel?

    Secondly - the reason you looked pretty when you were bigger is because you had attitude. My sister is the same. I wish I was. You are the type of person who can walk into a room and own it. Because you have a positive perception of yourself - other people around you do too.

    We are the reality we create (huh!?!)

    So work it - if you feel good about yourself it will rub off on the people around you :-)

  2. First of all, clearly you're cute because i only talk to extremely good looking people. (except Drazil who I don't know what she looks like but she has fab boobies so she wins).

    Second of all, I didn't come into your blog until just recently, and honestly, looking at you now, I would NEVER have believed you were in the 300's when you started!

    Third and last, I HEAR THE CRAP OUT OF YOU when you say that you thought you were a cute fatty at 300+lbs because I felt (and feel!) the same way! It's weird. I look at it like reverse anorexia - an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person, no matter how skinny she may be; I have the opposite issue. I just don't see a fatty when I look in there. I mean, obviously i know I'm a fatty, but i know i don't see the horror that other people see when they look at me. And until I had this surgery and really came clean with myself, somehow, I managed to pretty much block out everyone else's perception of me. And right now, my brain is just starting to be honest with me, and i do NOT care for it! I LOVE living in denial...it is AWESOME in here!

    Well...that went on for much longer than i intended. I think you're the greatest, Amy, in case you couldn't tell (I guess I'll just join the club - barf! lol!) Rock on, girlfriend!

  3. Pretty is an attitude and a way of being as well as aesthetics.
    A "hot chick" can open her mouth and immediately look ugly.
    You, in addition to being a good looking woman, are good natured and come across as pretty on the inside too.
    I hope you are able to recognize yourself as beautiful now. I don't think I've seen your "before pics"... but again, a large part of pretty is attitude and actions.

  4. I feel ya girl on the old pics. My friends used to say " yeah, you're bigger, but you are hourglass shape" and "yeah, but you're pretty"
    I also "knew" I was fat, but now when I see olds pics of me I realize how fat I really was. And I think why didn't anyone tell me how fat I was???

    HOWEVER....Miss Amy....Fat doesn't equal ugly. I went back and watched your vlog you did before your first 5k, and guess what you were cute and you did have that sparkle in your eyes that makes you Amy, but there was just more of you. Now after watching this vlog You're still cute, you still have your sparkle, but look at your amazing collar bones, the line of your jaw, all the progress you've made.

    Just because you are happy with how you look now, doesn't mean you were wrong at the time to like how you looked then. It just means that you have a healthy self esteem, and the ability to always find something about yourself that you love.

    (phew...thanks for letting me get that off my chest....this is my longest comment ever)

  5. Hi Amy,
    You know this vlog really resonated with me. I totally hear you.
    Our minds are tricky things no doubt about it. Like you, I look in the mirror and instead of seeing the outstanding job I've done so far, I sometimes still see myself as that 'big girl'. But you know what? As well as being a massive support system, this blogging world also has a built in bullshit detector (especially people here from Australia.. trust me on that!!!) People wont say you're attractive or pretty just because you want them too. They can see past it and just say it like it is.

    For me - in regards to you - you are more than just a pretty face (and regardless of what you think, you really do have one. Your eyes get me every time - they really are full of life.) You are a force of nature personality wise. I imagine meeting you for the first time, that part of you would jump out at people first. You would have had them at 'Hi,', then the rest comes.

    Sure, they probably made judgments about your size (as they would have about any one of us pre-band or even during the long haul downwards with our weight) but the old saying holds true. You can be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if you're ugly inside, nothing is going to change that. You are what you are. Lucky for you, Amy, you have the best of both worlds. Both inner and outer beauty. Hold your head up, babes knowing that you can tackle the world with flash (rhymes with dash lol) and screw anyone who thinks otherwise.

  6. I think each of us is our own worst critic. Ames, you look beautiful! I think you were pretty at the start of your journey too, just carrying some unhealthy weight. When I look at you now, I still see the bright, sunny smile but I see a much healthier Amy. and trust me, your tush and your thighs are not what they used to be. Remember the time you posted a picture of your leg? I can so imagine myself one day starring at my leg in disbelief that it's really mine. Haha. But it's proof that your body has changed and is beautiful.
    And girl, I wish I was having dinner with you tonight, sounds oh so delicious.

  7. Oh man your VLOG TOTALLY hits home, I too look in the mirror and criticize my arms and thighs and then have to take out old pictures to really see the difference.

    I mailed you a pair of 14 pants today!!! they are on the way!

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  9. Redo cause I can't type tonight. I am with you on the seeing the "old" me in the mirror. I do it all the time, it's like she is a weird stalker. But, you are cute and beautiful and we would never lie, why would we...most of us will never meet in person. Which is sad. Anywho, your dinner menu reminds me of a recipe, so I will go and post it on www.gritsgreensandeverythinginbetween.blogspot.com (hahaha shameless plug)

  10. It really doesn't matter if you're cute or not - you've got big boobs so guys are going to check you out regardless. LOL. Just thought I'd try to type something that would catch you off guard. (And yes, I'm jealous as hell). I'm actually a little nervous that I will look older when I lose weight. Right now my fat fills out any wrinkles, but am worried that when the weight comes off I'll look old. I'm hoping since my skin is kind of oily it will help with my skin elasticity. See how I turned this whole thing to be about me? That's why people don't say I'm cute. :-)

  11. I posted about this same issue. I am not nearly as far along to skinny-dom as you are, but where I am right now and who that person is looking back at me in the mirror has really been messing with my mind.

    And I know everyone will say this...but I wouldn't lie about how cute you are now because I aspire to be you in the very near future (but I promise not in a creepy kind of way :))! How crazy would we all be to look to you for motivation if we secretly thought you were ugly and fat?!?!?

  12. You need to stop thinking like that right now. I have always, from the very beginning, been jealous of your sassy attitude and your self confidence. It is what makes you, you. I don't want to see sadness and doubt on your face again. You are beautiful and so full of life it astounds me. Don't ever look at your old pictures and doubt whether or not your were pretty. You are so pretty and full of life it can't be contained!

  13. Miss Amy, you are a Rock Star!!!!!!! I wish I had half the confidence you do. And yes dahling, you are so, so cute! I feel like Bonnie does....that I am afraid I will look older when the weight comes off. There is always Botox I guess!..I love you and you are adorable. I can't wait to see you next week!

  14. I watched this twice. I seriously think I might be a stalker. I could watch your vlogs ALL day. I about peed myself when it sounds like you bark when you are about to say 'pasta.' OMG - I'm crying. I'm retarded.
    Seriously, don't worry - I'm a good stalker cause I LOVE you. Can I have some of your hair? JK!!! LMAO

    In all seriousness...when I look at your before pictures and vlogs - I see beautiful. It's not because of any one feature. You are the whole package. Funny, smart, pretty and confident. That is what makes you beautiful...no matter if you are big or small.

    Thank you for your comment on my blog today. You said it perfectly. I felt better after reading all the comments. And YES I so do want to come to FL and play on the beach. We can compare hail damage!

  15. You have great eyebrows, but I digress.

    Workinprogress is dead on- your attitude and sassiness are a huge part of your appeal and then when you add on the physical side, well, you're cute. Just plain cute. Embrace it!

  16. i feel at a loss on what to say since everyone has already said everything i was gonna say. except this.... you know who i think you look like? sherry stringfield! she played on ER for a while and on that recently aired LMN movie, Who is Clark Rockefeller. and she is very pretty! so there!!!!

  17. I feel the same way right now. I think to myself I am a pretty fatty, but then I see pics and am like what the hell?! You ARE cute and beautiful on the inside AND outside

  18. Ditto on every comment!
    You do have an attitude (good one) it comes shining through in your Vlogs, posts & pics!
    and you are extremely beautiful!

    I still see total fatness when looking in the mirror. The only thing that helps me is when I do the space comparison thing...like sitting on my dining room chair and not having my thighs hanging over, fitting in my saddle with room to spare, I know I am smaller...but the head isn't there yet

  19. Amy, I was only just saying last night that when I look in the mirror I don't really see the changes...I know in my heart that I have changed...I am down 3 sizes, my bras are hanging off me etc, but my head isn't catching up....I still see a fat ugly person (yes I know I am not ugly really but years of thinking this way is hard to beat!)..BUT we were taking photos last night at a work event and we were looking back through them and I just was stunned when I cam across one of me.....it was the first time that I could actually REALLY see the changes! Can't see it in the mirror, but I can see it in a photo!

  20. somewhere, i don't know if it was a blogger or a poster on lbt or a celebrity, i heard someone say that they were worried to lose weight because what if while everyone was telling her she had "such a pretty face" and when she lost weight it turned out she in fact did NOT have a pretty face?! lol that really made me think!
    of course nobody is going to say that you aren't pretty (which clearly isn't true :-) ) but even if you weren't it's your attitude and personality that make you even MORE attractive!

  21. Ames~ I was always the "fat girl with the pretty face" and when I was, I thought that too. But looking back now, I wasn't as cute as I thought. Isn't that wierd how that happens? Also, I see the same fat ass and belly tire as I had 50 lbs ago. I've been thinking about therapy once a month or something to help with the mental part of it. Hmmmm.
    Love you girlie

  22. I get how you're feeling, but the reason that you were super duper cute is because of your confidence!!! You didn't let your weight get in the way of your life. I admire you for that. There may be a time when you look at the pictures of you at 190ish and feel the way you do now about the 327's but so what. If you feel good now then that is what you should go with.

    And just for the record I think that we are all a bunch of honest women and if you looked like hell-we'd tell you!!!

  23. I can tell you from the reverse side of things.

    When I was in high school (which is my barrier I need to get past because I'm never going to find a Hot Tub Time Machine to take me back to that period, so I need to start looking forward, ugh!), I was thin and looking at pictures of myself, I was pretty. And people treated me all the time like I was pretty. And I turned down every single compliment that I got because I thought I was fat and ugly.

    Now, I didn't start thinking that I looked OK when I got fatter. I pretty much still constantly berate myself for being fat and ugly (and worse, if Liv gets too weird/happy over eating candy or something indulgent, I will spout off about how I will never let her get fat like Mommy - I did this rather loud while in Torrid, a PLUS SIZED STORE, right about when the worker was going to ask if we needed help and she turned her 3x plus body away and I fretted that I'd made her go to the back room to cry).

    I'm rambling. My point is that even when I was at my thinnest and even though I rarely let people take pictures of me so I don't have a lot of proof that I was thin back then, I NEVER thought I was pretty. I've NEVER thought I looked like a model. I've always relied on my personality and I prefer being known as the girl with the brains who you like talking to and hanging out with.

    Although, I don't hang out too much because I seem to always put myself into seclusion for some reason.

    Anyhoozle, as you would say... WTF is "pretty" anyway? I writer for a website where guys will tear apart Jennifer Lopez - a lady who you can hate on her personality, but she's a damn beautiful woman.

    Come stroll over and read some of the comments sometime and tell me if there's ever a clear definition of "pretty" in there at all. Men are weird. Younger men are weirder. And teen guys are the weirdest. They don't know shit. And by the time that they get old enough to figure out that they don't know shit, they're lucky if they can get anyone at all.

    (PS: I know a male model who is a complete sweetheart and I treated him like I couldn't be bothered to give him a moment of my time because I just didn't trust someone that pretty, especially a male. I'm glad I got over that because he's a wonderful person.)

  24. I'm totally with Workinprogress! When you love yourself, you love your friends and you're full of self-confidence that good publicity really works its magic on everyone else. People don't really see you as fat when you have that lively sparkly personality. When they do notice is when you are full of self-loathing and you believe you are unworthy. In some respects how others see us is more to do with how we see ourselves. A big lesson for us all there. When I've been at my heaviest my sense of not being good enough and not wanting to even be seen was taking over my life! If only we realised how much control we actually have inside ourselves. Believing in ourselves is a powerful tool. Peace out to you too xx

  25. Amy,

    I agree with everyone else that states that the reason you are pretty is not just because you are aesthetically pleasing to the eye, you also have a fierce commanding attitude that says, look at me!!! That draws a person. You ever heard of the phrase: "I don't know what it is about her/him...(add the rest)" but we are drawn to people who somehow make us wonder what it is about them that is so commanding. You are pretty because you are confident in who you are regardless to your weight/size.

    We love that about you. So YES you are pretty and I say OWN *snapping my fingers in a Z* baby girl!!

    Now because of your/our previous weight/size we all have a distorted view of ourselves. Its like you talked about in a previous post about not really thinking you were that size because you didn't feel that way. I think when we lose weight we have a tendency to still think we are the same person. You are not physically nor are you that same person emotionally. You have learned things about yourself that you might have never known had you not embarked upon this journey. You and we are the better people for it.

    Ok now I'm off my soap box for now. You dinner sounds good so I'm going to eat my tuna because you just made me realize I'm hungry.


  26. really thought provoking blog, Amy. I need to think about it for awhile. I keep going back to this line in a movie (I can't remember which one) where one girl is talking to another about a mutual friend and she says "oh, she's just mad because she finally lost all that weight and turns out she DOESN'T have such a pretty face". Honestly, I worry all the time that will be me!

    So I get what you are saying and like I've said on my blog a few times, the band goes around your stomach, not your head. I think it applies both to the whole eating mentality but also to how we percieve ourselves. The band changes us physically but it takes our minds some time to catch up.

    I've only been following your blog a few months but I can honestly tell you that you 'do' have a pretty face and that when I see pictures of you, I think 'wow, she looks amazing'. And not just 'amazing considering how large she was before' but just plain 'amazing'. No qualifiers, no justifications.

  27. i agree with the parallell universe thing
    i still see areas that i think look excatly the same but they arent
    and soemtimes its the extra skin that makes it look that way to us
    but we are just skinny models and we dont know it lol

  28. I think this issue of perception is one we all share, I think when we are bigger we are in denial of what we actually look like. But when people tell you you looked good I think you did. There are some women who look great no matter what their weight is - I really think it is more the way they hold themselves and dress themselves. Me on the other hand I tend to be pretty lazy in my appearance although as I lose weight I do seem to spend more time on it than I did before.

    Now that I am pregnant I am finding it hard to look at my belly and realise that it is not fat it is baby.

    You are looking great now :-)