Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I Drink Fat Juice

After what can only be classified as an epic scale failure, I had decided to rename water.  It's fat juice.  That's the only way I can see it. Water must actually be high calorie lard. 

After my 5.02 mile run on Saturday morning, I ran again yesterday morning.  6.2 miles...outside...without stopping once!  I even took my UnderArmour shirt off and kept jogging the entire time (I had a tank on underneath, I do not believe I am ready to jog in a sports bra).  Anywhoozit, it was awesome.  I stepped on the scale today, ready to reap the rewards from running more in a weekend than almost ever in my life...

and yes...

the scale read 176.

Yes friends.  That is UP almost 3 pounds from last Monday.

*&!^(*&%!(*&^kjalk;jaovnf wfe;n

Suck it scale.  Eat my poop.  And here is the deal...

I don't know what in the WORLD to blame it on.  I have been pooping 3 times a day...so I can't use the old "maybe I have a warehouse full of shit in my pipes" excuse.  I have been drinking water and peeing on cue...there there goes the "maybe I am retaining water" excuse.  I have lifted lighter and upped the cardio....so no "muscle weighs more than fat" excuse.


I even got me a little piece last night and everyone knows SEX MAKES YOU SKINNIER!

So.  There we have it.  The world is evil. 

But do not worry.  I haven't given up all hope (well I have actually), and I am keeping on.  I have that even though water must be making me fat, I will continue to drink it.  And even though there are skinny bitches out there that eat junk food and drink yummy grown up drinks all weekend yet are still skinnier than me, I shall not become bitter and jaded (I really already have).

I would say happy Tuesday.  But I dont want to.

So here is a cup of fat juice to you.

It helps to wash down my bitter pill.

Until tomorrow...



  1. Omg, that made me laugh!!

    It sucks when the scale won't move!! Sodium, maybe?

  2. I think you are technically 'right' in the sense that water IS making you 'fat' under these circumstances... with the two runs, your muscles are probably retaining water that you're not aware of for muscle repair. For realz.
    How are your clothes fitting right now? How do you look in the mirror? I am sure you cannot have put on weight, especially not 3 pounds in a week where you were eating right and exercising...
    Hang in there. The weight will come down. Awesome running job!!!

  3. Hehe you are a funny lady :p maybe I can use this as my excuse! Mind you I would have to ignore the cheezels I ate for that to work for me :o)

    Maybe the scales are just testing you to see if you are really committed to the running?

  4. I am sure that you're not gaining weight...at least not permanently.... Sometimes life ain't fair. But next week will be better. Are you sure your TOM isn't coming on? That bloats me up like a sponge in the pool.

  5. Well that is some shitty news. Great job running so far I just started the c25k running is hard. Keep going it will go down and you can talk all smug to the scale once it does.

  6. Muscles retaining water!

    My humble advice: Stop being a slave to the scale and go by how your jeans fit! My trainer (who weighs 95 lbs) tells me to stay away from the scale, and believe, me I comply. The scale is very bad for people who work out a bunch, like you. But one day, after continuing to run, lift, and drink the fat juice for a while, hop on for just a peek and it will be lower, I promise!

  7. I'm starting to convince myself that when we make changes to our lifestyle, for better or worse, it takes upwards of a week or more to see the affect. That's how I can eat a shit ton over the weekend, hop on my scale Monday morning and say, "Whoo hoo! I lost a pound!" Then work my ass off Monday through Thursday, jump on Friday and slump away having gained three.

    Bottom line: there's no way in hell you gained three pounds of fat.

  8. DOOD....... when you do plenty o'exercise, your body HOLDS that fat juice, something fierce! I neva, EVAH get on the scale after doing a major workout (more than usual) because I RETAIN...... it's evil, but's it's true!

    And....... HOLY SHIT...... you ran 6 miles? I could only do that if a big bear was chasing me, and someone else was still in front of me!