I've Been Holding Out On You

And for good reason....


I found a product (okay, Heather did)...that I really, really like. And I wrote to the supplier to see if they would send me a couple of free samples so I could do giveaways.


Alas, I have not heard hide nor hair from them and I can't wait any longer. Let me introduce you to Jack3d...or as I call it, Jack's. When Heather first started taking it, I thought she was silly. I mean, come on. I have never been a huge believer in dietary supplement, caffeine pills, etc. But one day, I tried it. And now I am hooked.

Here is a summary of Jacks (in my own words).

• You take 1-3 scoops (I recommend...as does the container...starting with just one) with about 8 ounces of water per scoop.
• You drink it 30-45 minutes BEFORE your workout, preferably on an empty stomach.
• I do 2 scoops. And about 15 minutes into my workout, I can feel it kick it. It gives me this extra boost...a little surge of energy. At times, I look like an insane energizer bunny. I swear it helps me with my pullups and dips. It seems to allow me to push a little farther...do a little more.
• If you drink it too soon or too late though, you may peak too early or too late. So figure out what works for you.
• I love it when I am doing circuit or something that involves muscles. I used it once on a pure cardio day, and I am not sure I like it as much bc I already feel like I might die when I do cardio.
• The link to the website is here.

So go check it out, read up, and give it a try if you think you might like it. Heather buys it at our Vitamin Shoppe. Hell, it all may be a placebo...but I enjoy it.

If you do end up trying some, let me know what you think.

BYOC

1. Are you a heavy or light sleeper?

Sleep is elusive for me. It always has been. But I would like to bring up a couple of points.

a) in college, after getting so fed up about not sleeping, I tried several prescriptions for sleeping pills. The first was Ambien. My doctor told me to take the ambien and stay up for about 45 minutes before I went to bed (I came to find out that this was NOT sound advice). Anyways, I did just that and at the time I lived alone in my townhouse in Kansas. I was down in the basement on the computer and the lights were out. I remember the screen getting fuzzy (as in..it had fur) and I could see people out the corner of my eyes whispering. I knew it was a hallucination and I thought it was FUN TIMES. So I kept taking them. Over the course of the next week or so, I saw tiny trolls dancing on my curtain rods, I baked only to realize I had been baking after I woke up, and once...while on the phone with my best friend who lives in Seattle...I was pretty sure that she was right next to me in bed just chatting away.

My favorite memory was when I was letting my dog Shelby lick my face (I dont really let him lick me...especially not my face). But in my Ambien induced haze, I thought he was a prince anointing me into his kingdom.

For some reason, my dumbass told the doc they were making me trip out and she stopped prescribing them.

Oh. Those were the days.

b) I fart a lot in my sleep. I never used to. But for the 10 months I have been dating Heather...no farting (in her ear shot). And if you know me...you know I am farty. So I have figured out that since I don't "let go" during the day, it comes out when I am having sleepy-time. And it wakes me up. The noise...not the smell. And then I lay there, petrified that Heather might have heard. But luckily, she is a sound sleeper. She even sleeps through the times she farts on me in her sleep. Sweet girl.

c) I sleep super sound after a pre-sleep love fest. Amen

2. If you were made into a professor for a day, what topic would you lecture on?

Acting the way you want to feel. I will blog about this shortly.

3. What’s a skill you’ve always wanted that you don’t currently have?

How to style my hair and makeup.

4. Have you ever been in a real cat fight?

Well, once...in 8th grade...I was at a party. This girl, Kellum...she didnt like me. I was sitting on a table and she came up to me and said "You should go on weight watchers"...and my response was "You should go on HO watchers". Man...that was good. Anyways...she slapped me. It was totally worth it.

I would like to get in a barfight just once. Of course, when I picture this barfight in my head...I never get hit. Mama doesnt like pain.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

Blogland is good. Just typing away.

My real life is good as well. I just found out I didn't get a position I had applied for here at work...so at the moment...I am very very sad. But everything happens for a reason and someday I will understand this one. But I have a wonderful girlfriend, a good job now, and people in my life that love and support me. It could be worse :)

Have a great weekend!

A Healthier Chicken Pot Pie

I love me some chicken pot pies. Sadly, most of them that you can buy from the story have enough fat and calories to cause even Barbie to generate cellulite. So lately, I have been making a "lighter" version and wanted to share it with you.

You will need:

9 x 12 casserole dish
4-6 cups diced chicken (I pressure cook 2 chicken breasts and dice that up)
5 cups of your favorite frozen veggie mix
1 can cream of chicken soup (reduced sodium if you want)
1 cup of milk
1 cup shredded cheese
2 tbls butter
2 cups chicken broth
1 egg
Italian seasoning
salt & pepper
flour
1 pastry sheet (found in the freezer section, usually comes 2 in a box

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 400.

Cook and dice the the chicken. Season with salt and pepper. In casserole dish, combine diced chicken, frozen veggies (I use peas & carrots and a small can of corn), shredded cheese. Mix it up.

Pour the cream of chicken (that you have mixed with the 1 cup (can) of milk and heated up in the microwave). Mix it up with what's in the dish.

In a small sauce pan, melt the butter and add 1/2 cup flour. This creates a weird globby mix. Pour in 2 cups of chicken broth or stock. Stir or whisk until this is hot and mixed. Pour that into casserole as well. Mix it all up.

Now comes the pastry sheet. You have to thaw your sheet for about 45 minutes. Then, spread a little flour out and roll out the sheet until it can cover your casserole dish. Put the sheet over the mixture in the casserole. Seal off the sides. Take your egg (that you have mixed in a little bowl), and use a brush or your fingertips to wash the entire top of the pastry sheet. Sprinkle sheet with Italian seasoning.

Pop in oven and bake for 25-30 minutes until golden brown.

YUM!

Depending on the type of cheese, cream of chicken soup, milk, etc...the entire dish has around 1500 calories and you can get 6 good size squares out of it. Play around and make it the way you want. It is a little labor intensive (takes me about 40 minutes to assemble), but it's worth it.

Enjoy!

What Exactly is CRAP

Welcome to Friday!

You all wanna come over for a pedi/mani/backrub session later? Boys can come too!

Yesterday, I thought it was funny that so many of you caught my "CRAP" entry on my food journal. Sometimes if I have several small bits of crap (say one mini peanut butter cup, one mint hershey kiss, and a starburst) I know the calories and just lump them into the CRAP category. My journal is only so big...one doesn't want a lot of clutter!

I wanted to tell you guys again about my Polar F-4 heart rate monitor. I probably bought that thing well over a year ago. When I started journaling my food and decided to take a closer look at my calorie burn, I took it out of hibernation and started wearing it again when I worked out. I recommend the investment to anyone who IS working out.

Mine ran me around $100 from Target. I wear the strap around my chest, right under my sports bra line. It is not uncomfortable, it doesn't hurt. I know there are many different kind of heart rate monitors out there, and I would push you towards the chest strap versus the one where you put your fingers on it to get a read. When Mary and I were doing Zumba, she had that one and found it very annoying to have to stop and get a read out.

I could have spent a little more on mine. Mine for example may get thrown off by other heart rate monitors or gym equipment. This may be an issue for those of you who workout at gyms. I have only noticed it once getting synced with my treadmill at work. It was annoying.
So, the more expensive ones have their own frequency and do not get interference.

I have found that the treadmill and elliptical always show me burning MORE calories than what I am actually burning. For example. My heart rate monitor will say I burned 300 calories, while the treadmill will report 430. That's a good bit of difference. I always go with my heart rate monitor.

I have found that wearing it makes me push myself harder. If I am at 270 calories burned and time is running out during circuit, I start upping my exertion so I will get 300.

I hope everyone has a good weekend. I am taking today off from working out, but plan on working out tomorrow and Sunday (usually the weekend are my days off...but I've got to do a little more).

Be safe, smile at strangers, and give someone you love a kiss!

The Dreaded Food Journal

How do I feel about journaling my food?

I don't like it. I didn't have lapband surgery to have to journal.

And I never really did for the first 160 pounds I lost. Oh, I would get a wild hair every now and then and journal online....but that would last as long as a...as long as something very short.

But, in effort to really see what I have been eating, I started journaling this month. It will not be something I continue for long. But it has been interesting. To journal accurately, it means that I have to measure my food and know my serving size. No more pouring granola in a bag and questimating if it's a cup. No more tossing cheese into a dish and saying, "oh...that's about 100 calories".

It's been a good lesson.

Karin posted her system for journaling. Here is a picture of my little journal. I keep track of my calories expended during exercise as well.

And that's that. Not too exciting. But I wanted to share.

When You Live in the Land in STUCK

Kristin had a post today that inspired my brain. So I thought I would continue the process here.

So many of us find ourselves stuck on our weight loss journey somewhere down the line. For me, the long term "stuckness" didnt happen until after I had reached my initial goal. I am living in the land of stuck as we speak.

It's a frustrating place to be when you feel like you are doing the right things right but you are not seeing results from the number on the scale, or the numbers on the tags of your clothes. And so here is what I recommended to Kristin, to you, and to myself.

It's hard to offer advice when someone needs help because we are all so different in what works for us. Some of you who are losing eat 1000 calories a day. Some of you can lose with 1400 calories. There were times when I was losing that I didnt work out at all. For some, that won't be an option. Some focus on carbs, sugar, water, protein.

You just have to find what works.

And if what you are doing isn't working....

You have to change something.

Eat more. Eat less. Journal. Workout more. Workout harder. Workout different. Eat different foods. Blog. Set goals.

Be HONEST with yourself.

I don't like being honest with myself sometimes. I like to float on fairytale clouds. I like to be able to say "I don't know why that damn scale doesn't move"...

But sometimes I do know.

I have been journaling my calories in and calories out now for almost 3 weeks. And at the end of the day, I know what I ate. And sometimes...like yesterday when I had to write down the ice cream with melted peanut butter that I ate...I see 1600 calories in (670 out through cardio and circuit)...and I know that 1600 calories may be fine if I want to maintain...

But it's not good enough if I want to lose.

I have upped my cardio. Yes. I work out like a beast with weights...but if I am trying to lose on the scale for this competition at work...beasting it up is not going to help. I had to add more cardio. And I did. I was doing at least 30 minutes straight cardio 2 times a week.

It wasn't enough.

So I've added more and cut back on the heavy lifting (just a little).

And slowly...the scale is moving. SLOWLY.

And I know I could do more. For example, I could have chose NOT to consume 600 calories in Mr. Ice Cream.

But I did.

So be honest with yourself. Switch up the game. Try something new. Take it day by day. Push yourself a little. Commit to 2 weeks of hardcore, clean, conviction. See if it makes a difference.

I'm trying it.

And we are, after all, fighting the good fight.

Happy Thursday

Bypass/Lapband Study And Reality

For real.

Have you read the news today pertaining to gastric bypass vs. lapband?

If not, here is a link: Blah.

Apparently, in 2 separate studies, Gastric Bypass has proven itself to better a "better choice" for diabetes and for rapid weight loss.

Now, I will not pretend to argue either of those points. You do lose weight quicker with gastric bypass.

But the study sites the weight loss comparison after a year post-op. They neglect to say that after 2 years post-op the weight loss amount is practically the same. They also fail to mention that lapband is more reversible procedure.

They say that for the morbidly obese, gastic bypass is a better choice. I say I got your morbidly obese okay? I was off most BMI charts.

Recognize.

It just gets me fired up. There are factors that may help someone make a decision either way. I just hate to think that these "findings" would be the deciding factor for those that can succeed with the band.

What I Am Eating For Breakfast

Over the last couple of weeks I have really been trying to focus on eating a healthy breakfast. For me, that means a breakfast with protein. For two weeks, I have been having a Special K Protein Bar. It has 170 calories and 11 grams of protein. It has enough sugar in it to make it enjoyable.

This week I am switching it up a little. I am currently enjoying the new 100 calorie Athenos Greek Yogurts that come with fruit you mix it. I add 1/3 cup of granola with it. It is actually very good!

The cereal is cinnamon raisin and has 7o calories for 1/3 cup.

OH. And I did cook, and eat, the tilapia last night. It was still a little fishy and I had to really focus on eating it. I only ate about 2-3 ounces. Not because I was full, but because I started making myself sick thinking about the fact that it was fish.

Heather liked it though. We had a side of quiona (well, she did bc I don't like it) and steamed broccoli. Remember, up until a few months ago, I had never had broccoli. I actually am learning to enjoy it.

Tonight we are going meat free for dinner. We are going to start doing this at least once a week. Tonight we are having pasta and peppers. I dice up a green, red, and yellow pepper and saute them for about 5 minutes. Then I add a can (don't drain) of diced tomatoes. You can use whatever pasta you like (make sure it's whole wheat) and mix it all together with some shredded mozzarella. I usually put sliced turkey sausage in as well...but that wouldn't really work now would it...seeing as how we are supposed to be meat free!

Happy Tuesday bug-a-boos.

A Shocking Revelation

There I am. Paddling. Smiling like a newborn chick (I made that analogy up...feel free to take it). Shocking that the damn paddleboat isn't tipping over....but...if you take a look...it is a wee bit close to the water yes?

That's my dog, Shelby in his life jacket. Smiling...like a newborn chick.


That's an awesome picture. And I say awesome and put that on a trajectory to many different moons. It's awesome because there I am, well over 300 pounds and happy. But it's also awesome that all that fat was mine. And that I could move. And that I existed like that.

And it's crazy that I don't remember how far I have come.

Do you ever get a thought in your brain and it's knocking on your "recognition door"? But you dont really want to answer the door? Liek you arent ready to process it yet because if you DID process it, it could change the game?

And sometimes you like being stuck in the game but you dont want to admit it?

You dig?

I think that I have several ideas knocking. And like cute little girl scouts, they are lining up. But I am scurred.

But here you go. I am going to put them out there and see how they develop (kinda like those little foam people or animals that grow in water).

Idea #1

Losing weight is not, nor will it be ever again, as easy as it used to be.

I know you must be thinking I am slow. Like "Really Amy? You just now realized this"? But I was thinking this weekend about how in my "rapid weight loss phase", if I ate good and worked out for 6 out of 7 days, I could still lose several pounds. I didn't have to be spot on all the time.

But now. NOW, it's a different story. I do believe that for me to move away from 170, I need to be spot on. I don't seem to have much leeway these days. And I don't like it. I cant induldge if I want to lose.

Sigh.

Idea #2

Now this one has yet to develop. I am going back and reading my blog from day one. I wanted to see where I was mentally, what my goals were. I wanted to see my successes and failures. And some of my most favorite posts were the ones where I was the big girl able to tell others that it's okay to hold your head high, love what you got while you are working on being better...etc.

And there is a part of me that is sad that I am no longer that big girl. That doesn't sound right. I guess what I mean to say is that I felt that when I was big, I could share a different side of being fat. That I could provide a different look or angle.

But now, I feel like I have no street cred. How crazy is that?

Speaking of crazy. Look at those boobs in the picture below! This was a few days post op. I fo sho do not have those anymore.



Sorry for the totally random post.

Happy Monday.

Because LD did it. And she's the Boss

(A) Age: 31

(B) Bed Size: Queen, low platform, memory foam, courtesy of Overstock.com

(C) Chore You Hate: hmmm...well, since my life partner picks up extra shifts for things LIKE the bed courtesy of Overstock.com, I do a lot of the chores. However, if she is helping out, I like to delegate the bathroom cleaning to her. She is much more meticulous.

(D) Dogs? Three. My Shelby who is a pound puppy and 11 years old. And my step-dogs...two Bull Dogs

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Before I get out of bed I always kiss Heather and say I love you.

(F) Favorite Color: Purple

(G) Gold or Silver? Silver

(H) Height: 8 Foot (fine! 5'4")

(I) Instruments You Play: Tambourine

(J) Job Title: Queen of Amydom

(K) Kids: We decided that we would have a boat and toys instead

(L) Live: Most days

(M) Mom's Name: Marjorie. I am sure if she knew I told you that, she would be worried that someone is now stealing her identity.

(N) Nicknames: Ames, Queen of Amydome. Heather calls me Babe or CooCoo Bird

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? yes please

(P) Pet Peeve: assholes

(Q) Quote from a Movie: Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream! (can anyone tell me what movie that is from?)

(R) Right or Left Handed? WHY do these questions always make me think dirty things? Why?

(S) Siblings: Oh yes. Sister 48, brother 39

(T) Time You Wake Up? 5 am

(U) Underwear: Always a thong for work clothes and working out, hipsters for other times

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: damn. This could be a long list. Although I have never had the following, I will say beets, radishes, sprouts

(W) What Makes You Run Late: clothing meltdowns

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: Boy...they were really stretching for this one

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Currently, my cauliflower mashed taters

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Orangutans

Cauliflower "Mashed Potatoes"

Yeah.

I did it.

I tried a new veggie.

Have you heard of it? It's called CAULIFLOWER. Apparently it's new.

oh...wait...what? It's not?

Puuuhshaw!

Well I have never had it. It scares me. So I decided to make them into faux mashed taters...and let me tell you.

DEeeeelish!

It was so good. I swear.

Here is what I did.

I bought a head of cauliflower (this made enough for me and Heather). I broke it up and cut the nubits (that's the technical term) and boiled the nubits in milk and water. Some recipes just call for water, some call for milk, so I did both.

I boiled for about 20 minutes. This may have been a little too long, but you can tell when they are tender enough for you.

Now, after I boiled the little nubs, I drained off the water and put the cauliflower in my food processor with some salt, pepper, butter, and a little bit of sour cream. Then, you just turn your food processor on and let it go. Because mine were so tender, it probably only took 30 seconds.

They were a little smoother than thick mashed potatoes. But they were sooo sooo good. I could have eaten the entire bowl myself.

Do try and let me know what you think.

Tonight I am baking tilapia.

F.I.S.H

And as a reminder, I no likey fish. Probably has something to do with the fact that I am a mermaid and it's like eating my brothern, or sistern...

But I am opening my mind. I am baking it in the oven, Parmesan crusted. May God be with me. Or someone...someone who likes fish.

I am from Kansas afterall. We eat cows.

Mama Went Shopping

Last night, after arriving home from work...Heather and I started discussing my lack of work clothes. She then said, "Take my card and go shopping. Go buy yourself some clothes."


ah. love.


But it actually did take some convincing, because I had just got home and was perfectly happy cuddled up on the couch with her...but alas...shopping pulled me away.


So for the next 4 hours I tried on pants and tops and pants and tops. I ended up getting two pair of slacks. One a brown tweed and one a beautiful white. Both size 10. Then I headed to the mall and walked away with several tops to make an outfit of two. It made me feel beautiful today to wear an outfit that was put together and not falling apart.

It was a great present.

So here is one of my new outfits.

Happy Wednesday!

I ran.

Last night I headed over to THE TREADMILL. (I find if you say it in all caps, it's much more dramatic).

I was ready to do another 5 miles. Well, not really...but that was my goal. I came prepared. I had my iPod and my playlist, I had a plan. I have found that if I can see the screen, and see how far I have gone (and thus how far I still have to go)...I focus on that and sell myself short. SO, I covered the screen and I ran.

I ran for about 30 minutes before I looked at my progress. I had completed almost 3 miles! So I covered that bad boy back up and told myself I wouldn't look at the screen again for 20 minutes. And when I looked, I had ran almost 4.5 miles. So I covered it up one last time and ran for another 10 minutes. I finally uncovered it and ran until I saw 6 miles.

I ran 6 miles without stopping.

I am proud of myself.

Do you know what's funny? I had a hard time typing that sentence. It's difficult for me to say I am proud of myself. Is it for you? When is the last time you said that? I bet you deserve to say it. Interesting.

Anyways. This by no means makes me a runner. But here is what I have to say:

Our bodies are pretty amazing. I sell mine short a lot of the time. Just think of what it can do if we believed in it more often.

My knees hurt. Turns out running may not be my friend.

I burned 800 calories on THE TREADMILL. Combined with the 260 I burned at circuit, that's a total of 1060 calories out.

Gen asked what I do to get through the boredom. First, I have to have some good tunes. Also, it helps to have something on the tv that helps me gauge my time. For example, I like to watch the food network or HGTV bc the shows are 30 minutes long. So I say to myself, Self, you make to to commercial. Then, when the show comes back on I say, Self, you can make it to the next commercial, or the next show. I also chant things in my head. Like I may talk to myself about why I am running. Or I what my motivation is.

My goal for running is not to be a marathoner or sprinter. I really just want to be comfortable when someone says "Wanna go for a run?" I want to know that I can do it.

I am lucky because one of my coworkers in my office is a runner. Like for realz. He is in a runner group, he ran a 9 mile race a couple of weeks ago and ran a sub-6. Which means less than a 6 minutes mile. Out of 1800 runners, he came in 11th. So he has given me a few tips. For example, one question I asked was should I be aiming to run longer at a slower pace, or run faster at a quicker pace.

Answer: slower for longer. That is opposite of what I thought and what I was doing the first few times I ran.

I asked him what exactly I was working on conditioning. My heart? My lungs? My muscles?

Answer: I am really working on how my body manages the lactate acid that builds up. I don't understand this enough just yet to speak to it. But...thank God for google.

So there you have. A jumbalia of thoughts.

I also thought I would share with you my running playlist. It's kinda random. Would you expect anything less?

The Business Area

Well. How's everyone fairing? Day going okay?

Wonderful.

I would like to inform you lovely people that I did NOT, I repeat did NOT burn 1000 calories as hoped on Friday. I only burnt 720. But I will take it.

I did 5 miles on the treadmill. It took me 64 minutes. That is the longest I have ever gone. I ran miles 1, 2, 3. I walked at a 12% incline mile 4. And I walked/jogged the last mile.

Sing it.

Today I shall rinse and repeat. I did circuit at lunch for a 260 calorie burn. Therefore, I am hoping for a 740 calorie burn on Mrs. Treadmill tonight. We shall see.

I am still journaling my food. That was no fun yesterday when I went on a wee candy bindge. But I was honest and wrote it all down.

Damn it.

The Monday of Loooove

Come here.

Let me kiss you.

On the cheek of course.

Or for those of you non-touchers....I shall give you an air hug.

It is Valentines Day. And in honor of such a day, even though she doesn't read my blog, I would like to share a family portrait of me and my little lady. This is from the summer and we were pretending to be hillbillys. We even borrowed Fisher to play the part of our son. Please note, that cigarette is not lit. Mama no smoke.
This is where I dropped the damn cancer stick.

And all I will say, so as not to sicken those of you who wish this day would just go away, is that everyday I feel incredibly lucky to be able to share my life with someone who makes me want to be a better human being, supports me, makes me laugh, and plays with my hair at the end of the day.

Life is full of suprises.

Motorboat

One of the joys about being a senior blogger (yes, two years plus earns you this title), is that you can go back in time and see where you were last year at this time, or the year before. So I did. And this is what I found.

Exhibit A.

This was from February 2009. I had just started walking at this time to get over my first month post-surgery plateau. For the newbies, when you go from eating practically nothing thanks to the pre and post op liquid diet to mushies and real food again...the scale may stall. You can jumpstart it again but adding in some exercise. Novel thought yes?

Look at my cute little cankles. And my cute dad. Anyways, it was interesting to read about how walking 1.5 miles was a challenge for me. How it hurt. How proud I was of doing it. And I should have been. Because it was hard for me. And now, I can run 3 miles. And it's hard. And I am proud of myself. I would have liked to tell the girl in that picture,"psst...this is the beginning of something amazing". But I think she already knew that.

And here I am last year. This is a picture from my "tantrum episode". I was apparently throwing a fit about my fellow bandsters leaving me behind in the 200's. I was trying to break into onderland. And I was struggling.

And now here I am, 170 pounds and struggling to lose a little more. Be grateful Amy. Be Grateful.

This Weeks Goals and how I did yesterday:

--Water. At least 100 ounces. (yes)--

No soda. (okay. I am taking this one away. I just can't commit. I will drink LESS pop and it can not interfere with my water goal)

--No snacking out of boredom or out of want. If I am hungry in between meals, I can choose a healthy snack. (Achieved)

--Wear my heartrate monitor during workouts. Record my calories out. (Check and check).

--Keep a food journal. (Yes.)

--Be present in my eating. (Yes.)

--More cardio. (Yes).

Today, because I will have a little time to kill while waiting for Heather to get off work (we carpool...GO EARTH!), I am going to go workout and do straight up cardio. My plan is to not stop until I burn 1000 calories.

Amen.

Thoughts about Tuna

So, I had some brain bits I wanted to share with you.

-You know how sometimes you have that dream that you are peeing...and then you wake up just in the nick of time...mere moments before you really would have been peeing in your bed? Well, last night I had a new one. I had a dream I was pooping. At it was a relief. And I was joyous. So joyous that I woke up and I was actually in the very early stages of getting ready to push. True story. And I am going to be honest with you. For one moment, in my groggy post dream poop episode, I actually contemplated just doing it.

Sigh...But Heather probably wouldnt have been a big fan. So I didn't. Close call.

-Have you ever been in a meeting with someone or spoke with a person who, when they were really making a point or speaking, closed their eyes for the majority of their talking? There are singers that do this as well. Anyways, this happened to me today. And I wanted to say "Open your eyes Shelby. Open your eyes?" Just like Sally Fields. God bless Steel Magnolias.

-It's a little amusing when Heather is on her period and she is having a "fat day". I do try and be empathic. I do. But there is a part of me that wants to punch her in her tight little abs. I do not however. But I know you feel me.

-Speaking of periods. If anyone is paying attention or tracking my cycle (I know you are) Heather and I are now officially starting on the same day. Man...being a lesbian has it's benefits. This however, is not one of them. Last night I cried about laundry. It was tragic.

-Why don't they make Protein Pop? You know...like soda? I am going to write to Sunkist. Because I like to justify practically everything I eat...like that cottage cheese taco dip, oreos with milk, chocolate...with this statement "But it has PROTEIN in it!" It works for me.

The End

Balls

I have decided that I will just start naming some of my posts with titles that could be misconstrued and that actually have nothing to do with my post. Fun game.

So, let us remember what my goals were for yesterday and take a peak at whether or not I achieved them.


Water. At least 100 ounces. (DONE. Haven't done this in months.)
No soda. (Tee Hee...okay. I had one diet sunkist.)
No snacking out of boredom or out of want. If I am hungry in between meals, I can choose a healthy snack. (Oops. There was a little cinnamon toast crunch incident. )
Wear my heartrate monitor during workouts. Record my calories out. (Check and check).
Keep a food journal. (Yes. Barf)
Be present in my eating. (Yes.)
More cardio. (Yes).

So, overall...I feel good. I will say that of course, all that water allows me ample time to get to know the bathroom on a more personal level. My one diet sunkist (aka as life juice) made me feel better....like literally. I had a caffeine withdrawal, or green tea induced headache (that story will commence shortly). The cinnamon toast crunch is now gone. I burned 480 calories during my run and circuit. The food journal actually helped me realize I ate more calories than what I thought (sometimes I stop counting after 1200 just so I can say...oh...around 1200). I ate around 1800 yesterday.

So that's that.

Let us speak a moment about Green Tea.

My beautiful girlfriend suggested I started drinking green tea. You know, it's healthy and stuff. And she said sometimes it helps her not snack. Well, that's cute. You should know that years ago I was going to become a tea drinker. Not really for any reason other than I thought it would be precious to have a little tea kettle and even precious-er antique tea cup and saucer. I'm all about the glitz and show you see.

Well, I realized I hated tea. Pretty much it's like hot crappy water. I just couldnt do it. But I decided I would pull up my big girl tea drinking panties yesterday and make my girlfriend proud. I heated up some water. Put the said tea bag in. Two packets of Splenda. Commenced drinking.

Nope.

Not happening.

It was terrible. So terrible in fact that I had problems swallowing and the tea actually was running down my chin onto my shirt.

True story.

But I did manage to finish at least 12 ounces.

I won't be doing that again. And as for that little nugget of a thought that it would prevent me from snacking...WRONG-O. It made me want to eat something just to douche my mouth of that damn taste.

And of course it made me revisit that infamous, age old question, asked by small children everywhere...WHY DO THINGS THAT ARE GOOD FOR YOU TASTE LIKE DOOKIE?

You asked. I give.

Awhile back I was talking about how I don't really like cottage cheese, but had eaten and then made, a cottage cheese taco dip. I made it again for Superbowl. I don't think I ever shared the recipe. This is pretty basic. You can add whatever you want for the toppings. Enjoy!

COTTAGE CHEESE TACO DIP

8 oz. cream cheese, softened
16 oz. cottage cheese, small curd
1 env. taco seasoning mix
1 (8 oz.) jar salsa
Shredded lettuce
1 tomatoes, chopped
8 oz. Cheddar cheese, shredded

Combine cream cheese, cottage cheese and taco seasoning mix in bowl; mix well. Spread on large serving dish. Chill for several hours. Layer salsa, lettuce, tomatoes and cheese over mixture. Serve with favorite dipping chips.

My Vitamins

One thing I have been actually doing well on is taking my vitamins. Ever since I recieved my bloodwork back, I've been a good girl. And I thought I would share with you what I take. First is my vitamin D. Next, also recommended after my bloodwork is my B complex.

Ooh, this next one will hopefully be a goodie. I added it on Saturday. Acidophilus is a bacteria that basically helps your poop workers do their job. I was prescribed this once when I had a back up in the nether regions. At that time, I bought the kind that have to be refridgerated. But these dont. I also bought a bottle for Heather. She is a sparse pooper and I am sure she would love that I shared that with all of you. But....so far so good. For both of us there has been some business to handle EVERYDAY since we started taking these little guys.

And the last one is not new to most bandsters. I just never took it for fear of increased facial hair. But seeing how I made that up in my own brain, and several of the things on my "hate list" include my nails, hair, and skin...I started taking this on Saturday as well.

Missing of course is my multi-vitamin. I ran out.

I swallow all of my pills. Always have. Dr. Friedman says as long as they don't give me any problems, I can go on with my bad self (well, he didn't say it like that).

The Pittiest of Pity Parties

Folks. Yesterday was one for the record books. I was throwing the best, most intense, most dramatic pity party yesterday afternoon. I only invited myself. And it was epic.

I decided to write down everything I hated about myself. Oh yeah. I did. I know this philosophy goes against all of the sound advice of the great ones...you know...like George Washington, Gandhi,...Oprah. But I did it. And it was bad. I had considered, at the beginning of this detrimental list, posting it on here. But it got so depressing and ugly that I just couldn't do it.

I suppose several things led up to my meltdown. One of them being I am just a day or two away from starting my period, which, for realz, makes me extremely moody and tearful. And this biggest loser thing at work is killing me.

IT'S KILLING ME SMALLS!

You see, let me try to put it into perspective. My partner has lost 15 pounds. I lost 3. My partner, everyone is always saying, "Why did you choose HER? " And I was always defending her. I knew she could do it if she set her mind to it. Well, during one circuit session, everyone was saying I was stupid for choosing her, that we wouldn't win...blah blah. And I was defending her! And in she walks...and starts telling me that I shouldnt be lifting weights, that I am not going to lose anything, that she is doing all the work. I couldnt believe it. I don't know if she thought being nasty would motivate me, but it doesn't. And after that, I stopped trying.

Granted. This is just one of the many excuses. But still. I want a partner who motivates me with encouragement. Damn.

SO anywhoos, now that she has lost so much more than me, I know she is thinking well lookie loooo! So I have to step it up.

So I will.

But, back to my hate list. As I started the second page of negative talk, in walks Heather. And she says that she can't handle listening to my partner go on and on about how I am not pulling my weight and that she (Heather) needs to know if I want to lose some more or not. That if I don't she will support me, and if I do want to lose more, she will help.

Well, like any sane woman, I started crying. And didnt stop for about 30 minutes. It was reee-dic-you-lous.

Here is the thing about having a personal trainer for a life partner. It's sort of like having the band. It's a great tool, but it doesn't fix everything. It's not my working out that's the problem. It's my eating when I am NOT around Heather.

SO, I do know what I have to do. And I am going to try and embrace it. I am going to try and do what helped me lose the 160 pounds the first time.

My plan for this week is:

Water. At least 100 ounces.
No soda.
No snacking out of boredom or out of want. If I am hungry in between meals, I can choose a healthy snack.
Wear my heartrate monitor during workouts. Record my calories out.
Keep a food journal.
Be present in my eating.
More cardio.

There you go.

I know I can do this if I choose too.

And for the remainder of this week. I am choosing too.

Peek-a-booobie

I realize that over a week ago when I said I was taking a day of silence, I didn't intend to go post-less for 10 days! I haven't had too much to share...but I have been thinking about something...SOMETHING to blog about.



Still got nothing.

However. Life is good. Today was the official first month weigh in for the Biggest Loser challenge at work. Sigh. I am down 3 pounds on the competition scale. Sadly...that is not where I need to be.

BUT, and here is what we can discuss...


I don't really care.

You see, I have come to the conclusion that for me to venture away from the 170 mile marker, I need to invest more effort into my daily consumption of the goodies. I need to be diligent. I need to be fastidious. I need to really put forth a concerted effort.

And I don't wanna.


Well, I do. But not enough.


And that's really what it comes down to with weight loss and making this band work. You have to WANT it. You have to crave it, desire it, seek to find it. And that is why the band helped me lose 160 pounds. Because boy...I wanted it. I wanted to change. I wanted to win. I wanted to impress. I wanted to inspire. I was motivated.


Weight loss with the band, much like everything else in life, depends mainly on what you believe can be.


So, I would still like to see 160 someday in the not so far off future. And I am still meandering towards that mark. But until I find my remotivation...I just don't know.



SO, I started thinking about what COULD motivate me. You know how they say you have to do it for yourself? I am thinking at this point, if my'self' is fine where I am, maybe I should do it for other reasons.


Shallower reasons.


Like: To fit into a size 8. Or so I would be even hotter for Heather. Or so my ass would be smaller.

I dunno.


I shall share with you a few pictures from last nights superbowl festivities. Happy Monday my soldiers!

Me and my lady.

Me and our friend Nancy.

A Day of Silence

For me, on this blog anyways.

For those of you who read Barbara's blog, you know that her husband has been battling Multiple Myeloma now for a very long time. He lost his battle yesterday.

I had the immense pleasure of meeting Barbara in Chicago. And though we didn't have a lot of time together, she managed to say some things to me, that although I had heard them before...really hit home. I believe that her words will play a part in changing my life. I have told her as much before.

It makes me very sad to think of the pain that she and her family are going through. My heart goes out to her.

From the Mind of a Coo Coo Bird

Man. My brain never ceases to amaze me.



Scales (aka, Satan's numerical instrument)



Electric Bandlady was throwing poop pellets at her scale today. You know...poop pellets. Anyways, her scale is batshit crazy as well.



*Can we pause for a moment and talk about the term "batshit crazy"? I mean, why is batshit anymore crazy than say iguana shit? I've heard of apeshit crazy, but never like lamashit crazy...I was just wondering*



So, back to the scale. It hit me. You know back in the day, like in the 60's or 70's or something, women burnt their bras in protest and as a symbolic way to say UH NO! I AM WOMAN HERE ME ROAR...well wouldn't it be fun if we did that with our scales? Burnt them. oooh oooh...or SHOT THEM with RIFLES?



But alas, I could never do it.



But now I want you to really think for a moment. Isn't it funny that it is us, our little old selves, that put this ENORMOUS amount of weight (pun pun pun alert) on the number on the scale. Take me for example. Bitch and moan. Why just this morning I was fussing. And is anyone else on my ass about the number on the scale? nope. Just me. I am the only one really who cares if I weigh 170...or 160...



Damn us.



A Book in Our Eyeballs



Okay. This is top secret. So, I am just sharing it with you, my 650 plus followers. DO NOT TELL ANYONE. But I thought of the most INGENIOUS invention today. Patent pending (ps. not really).



So sometimes when I go to a really boring meeting, I wish I could be reading a book instead. Like, while I am in the meeting. So today, I thought it would be fantastic, if someone could invent a little machine that goes into your eyeballs and you could read a book inside your eye balls and no one would know. Like an internal Kindle! OH SNAP! I know. I am a genius. And think about it. It wouldn't have to be limited to books. You could Facebook inside your eyeballs as well.



I am telling you kids. This could be big.



Restriction

Gen made a nice post about finally finding her Green Zone again. In this post, she mentioned some us more seasoned bandsters, and how it doesnt seem to her that we talk a lot about having or not having restriction, pbing, etc.

I think I do, its just that I inundate you guys with a bunch of other nonsense, so it all blends together. But, I would also assume that for me, once I got restriction, it stayed with me for awhile and I didn't need to talk about it. But in my response to her on her blog...it made me think.

Stay with me on this one.

Restriction, in all its glory, is no longer make or break for me. When I decided to lose some more weight last month, I thought restriction might help...so I got my second fill of the year. But..I was too tight, got the unfill, and now...my restriction is mediocre at best. And I am okay with that...BECAUSE...

I don't need it as much anymore. I certainly need my band. I love that I can't eat enormous amounts of certain things.

But after Dr. Friedman took out .5ccs, I can still eat bread, pasta, chicken... Things that when I was at my tightest...were a no-go or difficult.

And that's okay. Of course I can say this now because I am at goal. And it's easy to say it when you arent struggling everyday. But it is a weird thought.

And Gen raised another interesting point. She, and she is not alone in bandsters who have said this, finds that at her optimal restriction, food starts to become a non-issue for her. She experiences no real physical hunger and has to remind herself to eat. I NEVER had that happen. Even at my tightest, real hunger would return in 3-4 hours. And I constantly thought of food. Still do.

Holy Smoked Ham

I just realized that tomorrow is my two year bandiversary! Holy koala shit (see...doesnt sound right). That's crazy.

But, what made me think of that was that I had my 2 year blood work done and got the results back. I am apparently pretty deficient in vitamin D and vitamin B-50. So I am on 6000 IU's of vitamin D a day (um...that's a lot), and a B-50 supplement. Good times.

And I have been meaning to answer a few questions about the B-12 shots. Zara asked about shooting it in the ass (muscle) vs stomach (fat). I asked my nurse and she said either way it gets to where it needs to go. Muscle will get it there faster. Fat makes it less painful and it's easier.

Also, I know that I don't need to take the shots. I can take the sublinguals, and that is what I did for the first two years. I just wanted to see if I got an extra boost from the shot.

Ice Cream Sandwiches

Um. I love you.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Um. I love you too. I have decided it's just not safe to have this in my house. Against my better judgement I bought a box on Saturday. It's gone now. Not gone as in...in the trash. But gone as in...down my throat. Last night, as I was eating it in the dark, as fast as one can eat those beautiful squares of sugary goodness...I realized I probably looked absurd. So, I polished 'em off, chugged some milk, and said...toodles (although I know they are gone...they are not forgotten).

Oh The Scales Of Injustice

I have been a pretty good girl. Really I have. I, for the most part, have been eating right. Last week alone I worked out like a lunatic. I ran. I did cardio. I did two-a-days in circuit. One day I even ran, did circuit, and did circuit again later.

I havent been drinking my damn calories. I barely had any ice cream.

And yet my friends, the scale hates me. It just does. It however, LOVES the number 170. And that is what I have resigned myself to weighing for the rest of my life. There. I give up.

Okay, not really. Not yet anyways. I upped my cardio again this week. For the first time in my life, I ran 3 miles...without stopping. I am pretty proud of myself. You should know though, that I am an ugly runner. For example, at about one mile...the sweat starts. Bad, bad sweating. The red face cometh. At about 2 miles, I am sweating so much that Heather offered me her sleeve to wipe my head on (and muttered something about how it was so gross). At about this time, again, I will contribute it to the sweat now all over the treadmill, my earphones (and I just bought new ones that hook over the ear bc the crappy ones that come with the iPhone always fall out), well my new earphones start popping out.

And if there is ever a time when you DONT want to be without music, it's when you believe the treadmill is trying to kill you.

But I made it. In about 34 minutes. And then I went and did 45 minutes of circuit. I ran again this morning. 2 miles and then a mile at 15% incline fast walk. I will do circuit over lunch.

And we will see if the scale moves.

Blah.

It should be noted that the first week I lost 8 pounds. The second week I GAINED 3 back. So to all of the haters saying that I have an advantage with the band...I say...OOOOH REALLY? Because like I pointed out, mama can eat some crappy food and gain weight just as easy as anyone else. So I guess you could say that I lost those three pounds...and I am back to my eight pounds down.

Blah.

I was painting the master bedroom with weekend (which was previously occupied by our roommate who is no longer our roommate). It was a wretched red color. We have opted for a gray blue called Harmonious. Doesn't it make you just want to sing? The new furniture should be coming soon from Overstock. I am beyond excited.

Anywhoozle, Heather had picked up an extra shift at work to make money for new said purchases. Have I mentioned I love her? So I was wearing my sweats and sports bra to paint. I wouldnt do this if she was home, bc I would be too worried about what my stomach looked like when I was bent over. But then I walked by a mirror and thought..."Huh...not that bad".

PHOTO OP!
So carry on wayward soldiers. To hell with the scales (I dont mean it. I dont mean it scale Gods!). Happy Wednesday!

Body Fat

On my last post, Onyah asked me if I watched Biggest Loser last night. And yes, never mind the fact that I constantly say I hate that show...I still watch. I can't help it. We DVR it and it's kinda addictive. And for the first time in a long time, there are actually some women on there that are funny and very likeable.

Anyways, last night when the doctor, that I of course do not like and who does not support weight loss and often has nasty little comments about it (has this become a run on sentence yet), well, the doctor was telling the contestants their "real age" and their body fat. And one female contestant had a body fat of 54%. The doctor said that, and I am paraphrasing here, that basically, because she has such an abnormal amount of body fat, that she will have to work out (and this is actually what he said) "90 minutes a day, 6 days a week, for the rest of your life."

If someone told me that to lose weight and maintain it, I would have to do that...

I would say...mmmmkkkay. I QUIT. NO. I mean, that's not even a realistic expectation and I didnt really understand where he was coming from. Because she could certainly change her body fat percentage...whatever. I didn't get it. Neither did Heather.

So I called my doctors office today and wanted to find out what my last reading for body fat percentage on the big person scale in the office was.

In July, the last time I had a fill, it was 32.5.
This last fill, two weeks ago, it was 30.5.

Which considering I havent lost much actual weight since July, that's cool.
Wanna know what my starting total body fat percentage was? 54.2 percent. Basically just like that girl.

I don't know what that means. I wanna tell her there is hope.

Lord, maybe I need to go sob into Heather's lap again.

NO. Just kidding. I am feeling good.

Ooooh. One last thing. Guess what I did today? I gave myself my own B-12 shot. Like a big girl. Right in the belly fat. And it didn't even hurt.

Naked Crying

I had a little bit of a breakdown last night.

Here's what happened. Heather and I were sitting in the bathroom, I on the toilet, her on the side of the bathtub.

*please note the lid was down on the toilet and I was using it as a chair*

We had just gotten out of the shower and were sitting in our little towels, talking. I actually had my head in her lap, and she was inspecting my back for "the cancer". I had a pouty face on, and upon Heather asking me what was wrong I said:

"What if I am just meant to always be fat"?

And then the tears came. And the snot, because I was face down in her lap afterall, which is prime-o drainage for snot when one is crying.

I am sure this came as a shock to her, because I don't really ever talk (out loud anyways) about feeling fat, or hating my body. And I KNOW I am not fat. But sometimes it is just overwhelming to have to work so hard to get away from 170. It's overwhelming because I DO work hard. I workout a lot. I don't eat terrible. I am active, healthy, and have more muscle, thus more calorie burning abilities, than ever. And YES, I am aware that I always say comparing yourself to others is DANGEROUS and RARELY BENEFICIAL to ones self-esteem...but sometimes I do. I say "Well, that girl doesnt even work out and she is thinner than me damn it". Or other bandsters weigh oodles less...why can't I?"

Blah. Yucky opiaufmn;fj lkjf alkfjldfja;lsjkf abv*&^!&^$!

And so I cried. I cried as she told me that I was beautiful, sexy, perfect. And I couldnt really stop. Heather supports me and understands that I want to lose a few more pounds, but doesn't think it is necessary. I just feel a mess sometimes. It is so silly to regret...anything really. And it is a waste of energy to hold a grudge against myself for allowing my body to get so stretched out that it will never be "normal".

But sometimes I do let myself go there.

And eventually I stopped crying....and snotting.

And today is better. I did cardio this morning for 40 minutes and I am getting ready to do circuit during my lunch.

I guess you just have to be the best person you can be right NOW. You use what you've got to get what you want.

Right? Right.

So carry on my soldiers!

Kisses.

How To Boil A Frog

Have I ever told you the story about the frog and the hot water? Maybe you have heard of it from another wise sage.



Regardless...



In junior high, whenever we had to serve a detention sentence, we would have to hand copy a "moral story". All of these stories were intended to teach a life lesson while cramping our hand and making us vow to never do whatever it was that earned us detention in the first place...or at least vow to never get caught again.



Well, one of these stories has stuck with me. And that story my friends, is the story of the frog and the hot water.



You see, if you drop a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump out. The water is too damn hot. Frogs aren't that dumb. And neither are humans. But let me continue on with Mr. Frog. Now, let's say that we place the frog in luke warm water instead of boiling. The frog will just relax and chill. And as he gets comfortable, we can turn the heat up a little bit. The water gets hotter and the frog adjusts.



And we keep turning the heat up. Little by little. And before too long, the water is so hot...it's boiling. And the frog, because he has adjusted to the heat, little by little, boils right along with the water.



And it dies.



Because it got used to the hot water. It adjusted. And then, it was too late.



Life can be like this.



We can get used to it. Whatever IT is.



That's how we became fat right? We didnt wake up one day 50, 100, 250 pounds overweight. We would have said HELL NO. SOMEONE FIX THIS! It crept up on us. And we looked the other way, thought a different thought. And little by little, we let the weight creep up. Until one day we were dying.



It's not just weight though. This can happen with anything. Finances. Relationships. Work. We can adjust to the things that hurt, or are "amiss". We chalk it up to life. We become accustomed to "it". And that is a scary place to be. A dangerous slope.

But even being aware of this fact...it's hard to take a stand sometimes. It's hard to really say "This is not right". It's easier to shut that voice down.

So I have no answers or wisdom. I was just thinking about this yesterday and wanted to share with you guys. It should be noted that when I wrote the majority of this post, I was experiencing a temporary layover in pity party land.

You will be happy to know that my flight has departed and I am feeling better.

It's still a good moral lesson though don't you think? Sort of the Aesop's Fable of Frog Cooking?

Cottage Cheese Taco Dip

Because several of you asked, and I aim to please....I had this at a football party in December, and then made it for our holiday shin-dig. Man...its good.

8 oz. cream cheese, softened
16 oz. cottage cheese (small curd)
1 env. taco seasoning mix
1 (8 oz.) jar salsa
Shredded lettuce
2 tomatoes, chopped
8 oz. Cheddar cheese, shredded
Olives
Taco chips

Combine cream cheese, cottage cheese and taco seasoning mix in bowl; mix well. Spread on large serving dish. Chill for several hours. Layer salsa, lettuce, tomatoes and cheese over mixture. Serve with taco chips.

You can really top the cottage cheese taco seasoning mixture with whatever. I dont like olives, so I only did olives on half and added jalepeno slices on half.

Enjoy!

The Crazies

We need to talk. We need to talk about several things.

Public Displays

First, have you ever happened upon one of those HUMONGOUS scales in a grocery store? I am not talking about the ones that weigh produce. I am talking about the ones that weigh humans? They are in everyone of our Publix grocery stores down here. The sit right in the front of the store, near the door, where everyone from God to granny can see your weight.

Who in the hell gets on a jumbo scale in public? I wonder this all the time. For me, it causes tremors and reminds me of how I used to be terrified by those people at amusement parks who would yell on the microphone as you walked by. "Step right up. Let me guess your age....or your weight!"

I would walk by as quickly as I could. Who would one some man whose voice is being amplified to guess your weight to the world? WHO?

Which takes me back to the scale in the grocery store.

Do people weigh before grocery shopping to deter themselves from buying junk food? I dunno? But I always wonder.

So the other, by a rare stroke of something, Heather went into the grocery store with me. Usually she is like the old men who just sit in their trucks while their little ladies shop. Anywhoo...we are walking into the grocery store and I see the scale and am about to say "Who gets on those damn things"...

When my sprite little girlfriend hops on.

And my question was answered.

SKINNY PEOPLE.

They are weird.

Locker Room Etiquette

So in the morning when I work out, I shower after circuit. There are 2 showers in our locker rooms here at work. Today, 2 girls from circuit (one who I know is UBER slow in the shower) beat me to the locker rooms. I dilly-dallied around the gym for about 10 minutes, thinking I would give them time to get in the shower and be done. Well. NO. By the time I got back there, they were still chatting like two slow hens. Finally they got in the shower. And there I sat. In my towel. Just waiting.

And waiting.

And thinking. Who takes forever in the showers at work when you know someone is waiting? WHO? So at least 12 minutes later they both emerge. I get in the shower, shampoo, condition, and clean my dirty bits in under 2 minutes.

They were still not dressed by the time I did my hair, makeup, got dressed, and left.

Stupid people.

Lumpy Cold Things

I have never really eaten cottage cheese in my life. Over the holidays, I ate, and now make...a really yummy cottage cheese taco dip. Man it's good. But I never just eat it plain.

My coworker bought one of those 100 calorie cottage cheese and fruit mixer things for me. So I mixed in the strawberries and tried to eat it just like that.

Amy no like. It's the weirdest texture! So I ate it with wheat thins and it was pretty tasty. Well, that might be exaggerating a smidge...but it wasnt bad, and for 100 calories and 9 grams of protein...I think I can do it again.

Lady Talk About "The Station"

Vagina.


There. Now we can talk about anything. And I have. I have talked about my lady station, ham wallet, dangly bits, in detail. Do you remember Mr. Turkey from the era of "bloggers talk about shaving their pubic hair"?

Well. It is fair enough to say that Mr. Turkey's waddle was, and is still, an accurate depiction of what's going on in my business region.

And it is also fair to say that since I was a youngster, about the time when I discovered my first little sprigs down there, I have had a love hate relationship with "my girl". Mostly hate. Don't like it. It's ugly.

Well, something happened yesterday. And I knew in my heart of hearts, you would want to know about it.

I got out of the shower and was sitting in the bathroom "hoovin" the bottom of my feet. You know..using the sandpaper thingie. And I started looking at my freckles. Well, I was following my freckles and noticed a few on my inner thigh and a couple close to my inner buttcheek, and then I noticed a freckle right outside of my cha cha.

Thank you tanning beds.

But as I was plundering around looking for potential skin cancer I realized...

I no longer hate my vagina.

We have made peace.

And I don't know when or why this happened. I will tell you one place I have not lost weight is in my actual dangly bits. Still dangly as ever. And since I have lost weight in the meaty section of the cha, the danglers are more pronounced. But...I'm okay with it.

And perhaps its because I am a, how shall we say this...perhaps because I am with a woman now...you kinda have to be cool with the vagina. It's not really an option. So maybe being forced to accept it has helped.

Regardless. I think it's life changing.

I know it just changed yours!

Well, I bet a couple of you are going to look for vagina freckles next time you are nakie.

So go forth and make peace with your junk. Shake hands with it. Hug it. Give it a pat. Life's to short to be angry with it for not looking lady like.

End of Week One: Biggest Loser

Although for the official contest we only weigh in once a month, I am requiring a weekly weigh in of me and my partner to make sure we are on track.

Remember, we had a goal of 2 pounds a week so we can reach our 10% individual goal by the end of the 3 month competition.

I lost 8 pounds according to the official scale.

Suuuuuweeeet.

On my scale, I am down 4...which is a more accurate reflection.

It's fun to see the scale moving again.

Of course this morning several of my competitors chalked my weight loss up to my band. I just smiled. I wanted to say..."Do you know how much weight this little band has helped me lose in the last 6 months? ZERO."

Of course I wasnt really trying since I was in maintenance mode, but I will tell you what. My band didnt stop me from snacking yesterday. It didnt stop me from getting ice cream or a candy bar. No it didn't. I DID! I stopped myself. And my band didn't help me run on the treadmill yesterday. Nope. I DID.

So suck it.

Wooo, I feel better.

I forget to tell you guys though that there is a rule preventing WLS surgery patients from being in the competition. If you are within your first year of WLS, you can not participate. Well, I suppose you could, but you couldn't win. This is the third time they have done the competition. The first time I didn't play because I was still within my first year out, and although there wasnt a rule at the time for the WLS patients, I did feel I had an unfair advantage because I was still losing pretty good. The second time, I didn't compete bc I was at goal and didnt feel like I wanted to lose anymore.

Sadly, my partner ate like crappy cocka this weekend. I still think she will be down.

Let us see...what else.

OH...Heather and I now live...ALONE! Just us. Can you believe it? I still havent wrapped my mind around it.

Life is beautiful.

Happy Tuesday!

B-12 Shots: The Target Saga

I have been taking B-12 sublinguals since before surgery. My doctor prescribes them to all his patients, now and for the rest of eternity. I don't mind them...they are kinda fun (small and purple), and kinda tasty as well. But, alas, I forget to take them.

So one time, my coworker who had bypass, gave me one of her B-12 shots. She administered it (she's a nurse) and off I went on my merry way. Well, I don't know if it was a placebo effect or WHAT, but a couple hours later I got home and was HYPED up! I found Heather in the back yard, where I danced around like a wild tree nymph and then dry humped her leg, danced a little more, more spontaneous dry humping.

So I asked Dr. Friedman if there really was an energy boost with the shot vs the sublingual. He said maybe the day of the shot. And he wrote me a prescription.

So today I went to Target to have it filled.

Here is where you need to start paying attention.

My coworker pays $5 for a 30 dose vial of B-12. So, that is the price I had in mind.
When I went to pick up my prescription, it was $31....for 10 doses!
I stared at them blankly and then poor girl tears almost started falling. I had $33 dollars in my bank account to make it for another 2 weeks.

I said "Why so much".
They said" insurance doesnt cover it because it's a vitamin".

So I paid my money and left, dejected.
I called the doctors office on the way back to work and talked to the nurse, Jennifer. Remember I work for the hospital system where I had my surgery, and she said at the hospital pharmacy it is much cheaper.

I called the hospital pharmacy. Sho' nuf. $12 for a 30 dose prescription! So, I can't do math, but if you take in the dosage, I think Target charged me about 4x as much as the hospital.

I called Target and said..."Can I return these meds and syringes? I can get them over here for $12, and get 3x as much".

Well, you can't return meds. BUT, after they put me on hold, they came back and said "Next time you come, it will be free. And from then on, just tell us what your pharmacy over there charges, and we will charge you the same".

OH. IS IT THAT EASY? Can I just name you a price since you just apparently make yours up as you go? Huh, well in that case...the pharmacy in FRAGGLEROCK only charges a penny.

So, what can we learn children? That not all pharmacy's charge you the same and you should shop around.

Bastards.

Moving on.

I get back to the office and Deanna (coworker) is going to teach me how to give myself a shot. I am not particularly squeamish...I donate blood all the time. But once we got to the part where I actually had to poke myself...I couldnt do.

There is some sort of mind block that prevents one from sticking oneself with a needle. So she had to do it for me.

Bless her.

And it didnt hurt at all.

Deflated

Not my spirits. Just my band. Just a weensie bit.

I called my doctors office this morning to see if I could get a prescription for the heartburn.

Negatory Ghost Rider. They must not have seen me batting my eyelashes and pleading.

They said that I was too tight and to come over and he would take a little out. So off I went. Dr. Friedman said I was just making up reasons to come and see him.

He is so smart.

He did not say "I told you so". Good man. But he did take half of my fill out. So, that left me with .5cc fill.

He said that what was probably happen (I shall put it into Amy speak) is that the fluid wasnt leaving my band completely so when I laid down, it was coming back up. Something like that.

So, that's the story folks. Consensus is that it's not good to have acid reflux. You just never know when you get to experience something new with your band!

Please Send Band Fairy With Answers ASAP

Thank you guys for all your comments on my stomach acid/what should I do dilemma. Isn't it funny how there are so many different thoughts and results from those of you who had this in the past?

Funny. But not very helpful. hahaha...I would read one comment and think "woo, I am overreacting"...and then I would read the next comment and think "I am going to die".

I didnt read any of the comments until this morning, but here is how it went down last night.

I ate some soup for dinner around 6:30. We laid down in bed around 9. I fell asleep and within 5 minutes, it shot into my mouth like a rocket. I was coughing and hacking, Heather was pounding on my back. I went to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up, but I didnt. I made myself a little mountain of pillows, and slept at a slight recline the rest of the night. It didnt happen again. I had even taken a zantac before bedtime.

SO, my plan of action is...I am going to call my doctors office and see if I should come in for an unfill, or if they think if Dr. Friedman prescribes me some medicine...if I should see how the weekend goes.

I have only had soups for my meals, but yesterday I ate a mini packet of m & m cookies and they went down just fine. So it's not like I FEEL like my actual restriction is too tight in regards to food, but this reflux thing is not cool. I don't want to do damage just because I am being greedy.

I will keep you posted! Thanks again and Happy Friday!

I'm Fully Loaded

Big things happened yesterday.

Big. Huge.

It was fill day! Yippeeee. Yippeeee because I of course got to see Dr. Friedman who is looking great! He is doing well and on a good track. It made me feel so much better. He told me he wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon.

He better not be lying to me. Because I will kick his ass. Gently.

He told me he hadn't read my blog in awhile...that the last time he read it "I had started dating a woman".

Good times.

So we chatted for awhile, caught up, laughed like school girls. I told him everything I have been eating. He told me he didnt believe me, because I hadnt gained any weight.

I told him I was for-realz. And that I was only being saved by working out. But just barely.

So he said, "Okay, I will give you a .5cc fill."

I just stared at him. With big doe eyes, blinking.

And he said "You want more. I will give you more if you think you need it. You know your band".

So I got 1cc.

And I hope I don't regret it. I ate the Creamy Chicken Divan Soup that I posted about yesterday. I ate close to 2 cups, nice and slow. No problem.

But about 30 minutes into my sleep...my stomach acid started coming back up into my mouth. In all my years of being banded (that sounded fun), I have never had heartburn. Never. In fact, I am not sure I have ever had heartburn in my life. But it was gross. I would fall asleep and wake up as it literally gushed into my mouth. I would swallow it back down and try to sleep again. I would say this happened about ever 10 minutes. I was a little panicky. Heather was scared I was going to drown.

By 3 am I decided I would try to sleep on the recliner. And for two hours, I slept...no stomach acid.

This morning I ate a can of cream of chicken soup. It took me about 30 minutes, but it was just fine.

So I am still feeling out the fill. I feel like I am a baby bandster again. I am a little afraid to eat something solid. But I might give it a try later.

I shall keep you posted my friends!

kisses.

OH...I forgot to tell you that while I was at the doctors office, I got to speak to two potential bandsters. Of course I pulled my shirt up for them, let them feel my port. I am excited for them!

mmmkkay.

Carry on.

OH, ONE MORE THING. SO, I know some of you have been so tight that you had the reflux. Can someone explain to me what our band being too tight has to do with that?

Thanks!

Amy Tired. Thoughts Are Sparce

And so it has arrived.

Wednesday.

I am pretty sure this may turn out to be the longest day of my life. I didn't sleep very well last night, and I woke up early to workout...which is normal for me on Tuesdays and Thursdays (I wake up at 5am and circuit is 6:30), but Wednesday's I usually work out over lunch...but not today because...

I get my fill today! I get to see Dr. Friedman and I didnt want to be a sweaty pig beast!

SO, I ran on the treadmill this morning and spent some time stretching. I miss stretching. I dont ever do it anymore...and let me tell you sumpin...after doing weights month after month...your muscles get a little tight.

Anywhoodle. Back to my fill.

I should tell you that my restriction is sad, sad, sad. And it's been that way for months, months, months. Although I still get stuck about once a week, it's always my fault and usually results from trying to eat like a completely unbanded person. But this will give you a good idea of how loose my band is.

I can go to sonic and order a regular sized cheeseburger, take off half of the bun, and eat the entire thing right out of the wrapper. In less than 5 minutes. Pizza, cupcakes, onion rings...all right down the old pipe-ola.

So I am excited for my fill, but also a weensie bit nervous. I mean shitballs...I am going to have to:

a) chew my food (such a hassle)
b) eat slow (I have returned to shoveling)
c) actually think about what I am putting in my mouth

Man...it's hard to be me.

As for yesterday, the first day of the BL challenge, I can tell it will take awhile for my mind to understand that we are getting back in control. I had to run some errands for work and kept passing fast food restaurants and would say in my head "oooh, I can stop there and get (insert bad food choice)"...

I had to say NO AMY! You have soup at work!

I also have milk chocolate chips in our pantry at home. They are left over from making Christmas goodies. They live in a ziplock baggie. Sometimes I sneak a few in my mouth when Heather is not looking.

So last night I threw some down my throat and then skipped back over to the couch to cuddle. About 3 minutes later, we here a noise coming from the cupboard. We look over and it turns out the plastic baggie, in my haste to hide it, must have been barely on the damn shelf. It dropped, scattering chocolate chips all over the kitchen floor.

As I hustle over to scoop them up on my hands and knees Heather said "Did you eat some of those?"

humdeedumm....I can't hear her

Then she said, "AMY IRENE WORKMAN...dont ignore me. Did you eat some?"

DAMN YOU FOOD GODS FOR CURSING ME WHEN I WAS TRYING TO BE ON THE DOWNLOW. DAMN YOU!

Creamy Chicken Divan Soup

Yum Yum.

So I have been shoving this recipe around my desk, under my calendar, on my computer, in my purse...for months. I finally decided to make it. It was a nice change from my normal rotation of soups I make.

Ingredients
2 tablespoons butter
1 medium-size sweet onion, chopped
1 garlic clove, chopped
1/4 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper
1 (48-oz.) container chicken broth
2 (12-oz.) packages fresh broccoli florets (about 12 cups)
1 (8-oz.) package cream cheese, cut into cubes
4 cups chopped cooked chicken
1 (8-oz.) block sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded
Salt and pepper to taste

Preparation1. Melt butter in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat; add onion, and sauté 5 to 6 minutes or until tender. Add garlic and red pepper, and cook 2 minutes. Stir in chicken broth and broccoli. Cover and bring to a boil; reduce heat to medium, and cook 10 to 15 minutes or until broccoli is tender. Stir in cream cheese.

2. Process mixture with a handheld blender until smooth. Add chicken and shredded cheese. Cook, stirring occasionally, 5 minutes or until cheese is melted. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve immediately with almonds, if desired.

Note: If you don't have a handheld immersion blender, let mixture cool slightly; process mixture, in batches, in a regular blender until smooth, stopping to scrape down sides as needed. Return mixture to Dutch oven, and proceed as directed.

I actually stuck to the recipe (pretty much). I added more garlic then it called for, I used a liberal amount of ground black pepper, and I bought a rotisserie chicken and chopped it to bits.

It is really good. I have been eating it all week, and have a few frozen for after my fill.

You Know What's Hot...

Pearls and a sports bra.

Alas, I did remove them before working out.

And So The Game Is On

Today was the weigh in day for the Biggest Loser Challenge at work.



Here are the numbers--



My weight at home: 170.5 (this is the weight that my ticker will reflect because it's the only scale that matters in my heart)



My weight on the work scale: 176.5 (this is the weight that will matter for the competition)



My partners weight: 174.5



My Goal: 10 % (this is the ticker at the top of my page. In pounds, that is 17.6 pounds. We will be rounding to 18)



Again, the competion lasts 3 months. We are required to weigh in once a month on the "official" scale. I have my partner, Lisa, aiming for a 10 % loss as well. I feel that we can beat even the bigger competition if we can reach our goal.



I am pretty excited about it.



Here is our "before" fat picture.

Good times!