Thursday, November 29, 2012

What Would You Trade to Be Skinny?

Sometimes...oh I would guesstimate at least twice a day...I see people's bodies I envy...and for a moment I think "I wish I could have a body like her".  But then I start to think about the lives that come along with these skinny people (in this instance, I am thinking of skinny/thin people I actually KNOW). 

To make this easier to understand, let's name tall thin girl Ju-Ju...for no other reason than it's kinda fun to say Ju-Ju.

When Ju-Ju gets sad, she doesn't have an appetite (what...I've never been this sad)...and she ends up losing weight and being thin.  Not sickly skinny, but I would reckon around 150ish.  Looks healthy on her.  And the other day I was looking at her and found myself thinking "man, I wish I had her body".

But then I realized...I don't wish I had her life.  She is unhappy, angry, lonely, and doesn't know who she really is.

And it hit me.  I wouldn't trade my body for a better body if it meant sacrificing the life I have.  And I know a lot of girls with nice bodies who are NOT really as happy or as carefree as they would like people to think.

Clearly, this is no breaking news story...that having a rocking body doesnt always bring you happiness.  But I remember one night, probably 10 years ago...I was sitting in my living room back in Kansas...and I was thinking about how I wished I could be anorexic or bulimic.  And with this thought process came the idea how that long term eating disorders like those can result in death.  And my thought at that time was "I would rather die skinny than live fat".

Can you believe that?  It was a fleeting thought, and I didn't put any effort into starving myself or puking...but in that frame of mind...that's where I was at.

So I guess the question really isn't about what would you trade...but it really should be a statement about being thankful for what you DO have right now (if you feel like your body aint rockin).  Because yes...maybe being skinny makes it easier to buy clothes, to wear a bikini, to have sex without worrying about saggy bits and bulbous bits...but being skinny doesn't make loving any easier.  It doesn't always translate into more money, more friends, more dates, more happiness.

With that said...I need a Gingerbread Cookie Shake from Burger King. 


Monday, November 26, 2012

Obsessed With Food

We have previously discussed how some of us (points finger at self) have an obsession, for lack of better word, with food.  And how some of our behaviors that may seem "normal" to us, or...maybe not normal, how about habitual, behaviors we have that involve food that we act upon without even thinking...may be signs of our issues.

I can tell already this post may be a jumble of incoherent thoughts, as often happens when I have been trying to process it for months and can't figure out how to deliver the topic to the masses...

So let's just start with examples or talking points shall we?

How many of you, on a regular basis, take pictures of your food?  I do NOT do this, but really for two reasons:

#1.  No matter how good it looks on your plate in real life, it loses some of it's yumminess and doesn't usually photograph well.  Seriously, I have seen some posts on Facebook that are showing a meal someone slaved over and I am like "What is that...?  Porridge?"


#2.  My girlfriend hates it.  I hadn't really given much thought to the whole matter before Heather.  But it confuddles her why people post pictures of their food.  She can be easily confuddled at times.

But it does get me thinking...does someone with a mind that doesn't revolve around food post pictures of their food?  And I GET if you are posting food on your blog or Facebook for WLS purposes...bc those of us who have had WLS like to see what "successful" people are eating...I am talking more along the lines of "Look at this steak smothered in chocolate and tiny gumdrops from Heaven" kinda pictures.

I don't know. Maybe there is no tie.  Tracey used to post pictures of food I made him all the time!  And he only weighed 135 pounds.  Bless his tiny man heart.

Next issue.  And this would be one of my HUGE issues (I think there might have been a pun there)...I want to please people with food.  I mean, I want to please people in general...but rewards, and thanks, and gatherings, in my mind, require delicious and often fatty foods.  Having my sister and nephew over for cards?  Must make good dinner.  Going to Defuniak and staying at the other Heather and Henry's house?  Must make 9 million recipes from Pinterest so everyone is full and miserable!  I wake up thinking what I am cooking for dinner so I can continue to earn my good housewife/working woman girl scout badge!

FOOD FOOD FOOD all the time.

When we go hunting, we pack a snack box.  The other Heather sent me a text the other day saying "I am starving.  You pack the snack box so much better".

And I responded with "YEAH!  I pack for the apocalypse." Seriously.  I pack that snack box like we actually may get stranded for 4 months.

Woe is me. 

That's why when you hear about weight loss drugs, or hell, even surgeries where "it turns off the switch that tells you to eat"...

I am  I am pretty sure my switch will never be turned off.  It's like there might have been a switch ONCE, but the little nubbit broke off and you can't switch it now.  If there are sensor's in the brain, or neurons, or brain thingies...mine will be unresponsive.  And even meds could turn them off, I must have "Amy, you must eat copious amounts of food" sensors located in other parts of my body.  Perhaps my big toe?  Vagina?  Earlobe?

Another Turkey Day in the Books

As I have probably shared with ya'll about 4 times over the last 4 years, and always around this time of year...I am not really a big fan of Thanksgiving.  Never have been.  First, I don't really like the food.

I know.  Shocking.

But, let's break it down into my family Thanksgiving, and Heather's families Thanksgiving.

I love my mom (hi mom!) but in our neck of the woods, you didn't set down at a table and have Papa Workman (hi dad!) carve a  big bird beast.  My mom would shred the turkey into white or dark, we would load up our plates in the kitchen and to the table we would go.  My mother makes some things for our Thanksgiving I do not enjoy.

#1  Noodles.  I suppose this is like some of you who have dumplings at Thanksgiving?  Anyways, noodles in something...I guess that is supposed to be gravy?  Now I am going to keep it real for you.  I love my gravy out of a jar.  I like it with a lot of meat flavor.  My mother's gravy was homemade...and I have yet to make a homemade gravy I like.


#2.  Weird gravy.

#3.  Kinda dry turkey (bc it's shredded early on, and it is kinda hard to make a moist bird).

Now, I should say that I do love me somethings we had.

#1.  Stove Top stuffing/dressing.  Yes.  Out of a box.  DEeee-lish-ous
#2.  Pumpkin pie with a shit ton of Cool-whip really...without food you want to gorge yourself on, Thanksgiving just stands between me and the best time of the year!!!!  CHRISTMAS!!!

I loved the day after Thanksgiving dudes!

It usually involved me and my dad outside, gloves and coats on (because in proper parts of the country like Kansas, it's chilly this time of the year) cussing at untangling yards and yards of C-9 Christmas lights, checking for ones that had burnt out, and then climbing onto our roof and risking life and limb to hang lights on the different levels.  Seriously...some of the places we put a ladder...

So, that was my Thanksgiving before I met Heather.

Now we do Thanksgiving with the Gainey's.  And the food is soooo different.  I have never seen so many bowls of different field peas, greens, and beans.  All of which are fresh and homegrown. And there is no pumpkin pie but a variety of cake!

No pumpkin pie?

But do you know what they DO have at the Gainey's?  Fried Turkey.

Now that junk is gooood.

And I made two casseroles this year.  One Hashbrown casserole which no one really ate..hahah...and a green bean casserole which I could shovel in my mouth year round with a ladle...or bucket...something big.

I do realize that while speaking of Thanksgiving, I am sounding very unthankful.  I love love love the memories I had and the ones I get to make now. 

I just wish we could have fried turkeys and mexican buffet for Thanksgiving.  And pumpkin pie. 

The last few days off were very hectic and I had to fight getting a little "blue" if you will.  Heather spent a majority of her time hunting with her brother, and I had to drive back and forth from Defuniak Springs to Pensacola (about 80 miles each way) to take care of the dogs several times.  And being alone on the holidays is tough on an old girl.  I did get all the outdoor lights done.  I had fun with "the other Heather" (Sharika Jingles) while Heather and the boys were out delivering deer one night.  I managed to get her a weeee bit typsy with some delicious cake flavored vodka and pineapple juice.  Almost tinkled in my pants from laughing so you can't beat that.

I made something from Pinterest that actually turned out okay.  You take a tomato cage and turn in upside down and then wrap it in Christmas lights and then at night, it looks like a little Christmas tree.  I used 3 strings of 100 count lights.  It sets outside by our garage.  I might make a couple more to go with the grazing deer decoration in the front.

We ran yesterday after a week off! 6 miles without stopping! Heather did her little thing again...where, if she gets too far in front of me, she stops and does push-ups until I catch up. I have threatened to kick her in the teeth or just run up on her back...but who am I kidding? I have no energy for that kind of behavior whilst running.

I tried to unfollow a blog today.  DUDE!  That took forever to figure it out.  I guess I have never unfollowed a blog before. 

Other than that, it's a Monday as usual! 

Happy Monday dudes!

ps.  I have a real problem lately saying dude.  In fact, I was getting off the phone at work and said to a coworker on the other end "Thanks Dude"...

I have to work on that...


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

All I Want For Christmas...

Is a new front tooth. 

Many moons ago, I had braces.  Really for about a year in 5thish grade.  After they came off, there was a gap in between my two front teeth.  In hindsight, I am not sure WHY my parents allowed the orthodontist of whom I am sure they paid $1000's of dollars for his services, to leave me with said gap...but alas...they did.

So we had that gap filled with "bonding".  Now bonding doesn't last forever with a mouth like mine, and over the years, as one bonding has fallen out and another bonding waits to take it's place, it seems to have taken bits of my tooth with it.  About 3 months ago my dentist told me that the next time it fell out, I would probably need a crown.

mmhmm...whatever....I wasn't really paying attention.

So it fell out on Friday.  Friday morning to be exact.  And left me with this...

I am sure some of you are saying "puh-shaw young Amy!  I can hardly notice that".  OR, "You look cute"!
I mean, even Glamour magazine just said gaps are in.

Not my girlfriend.  Nope.  She took one look at that gap on Friday and said:

"Uh-uh.  You will get that fixed.  Call them back and say you need to come in right away."

I said "We don't have $500 to fix my tooth (my portion even with insurance).  It's Christmas time"

She said "I ain't looking at that all weekend. This is an emergency.  We will take it out of my savings".

So long story still long, the soonest they could get me in was yesterday.  I went in, Heather's money in my hot little hand, ready for my new tooth.  Oh no...they can't give me a new tooth until NEXT week! They gave me a temporary one for now.

A Lee Press On yellow falsie that MAY pop off...not to worry they say...I can put it back on with denture cream.


In other news, I wore tights yesterday...for the first time probably in my adult life.  They were black and I wore them with a cute black and white wrap dress and black heels.

They were also high waisted Spanx tights...which means one thing...

Getting those suckers on was a CHORE.

You know what I am talking about.  You sit down, weedle in one foot...pull that leg about to your knee.  Weedle in the other foot, pull that up to about your knee as well. 

THEN...shit gets real.  Once you get compression strength tights up to your knees, the full force of the spanx is trapping your legs together and mushing your leg fat like some twisted Play-dough machine for women...meat just spilling out in all directions...

Getting those suckers up is a chore, but once they are up...MAN you feel svelte!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

On a Lighter Note

I weighed in at 132.4 this morning.

Juuuuust kidding.  I just thought that maybe if you saw that in your blog feed you would click on it out of sheer jealousy and well disguised longing.

I actually weighed in on Monday at 187.4.


Here it is.  Let me lay it out on the line for you.  The other night Heather really hit the nail on the head.  I was stretched out on the couch, by head on her lap, and I was talking about how I want a weight loss drug equivalent to speed (please note that I have never DONE speed...but anything that would amp me up and having me running around like a tightly wound cymbal clanging monkey AND be legal...does sound tempting).  Anyways, I said "I want a weight loss drug.  I want to lose weight".  And as she lovingly looked down at me, stroking my hair she says...

"No you don't"

and returns to watching The Voice.

Well, i DO want to lose weight, I just want to lose weight AND eat everything I want.  I mean that asking too much?

I have been eating preeeeettttty much everything and anything I want these last few days months.  I just seem to have no desire or willpower to diet, watch my food intake, make good food choices.  It's a problem.  You know it's a problem when you have this phenomenon:  You have eaten so much crap and fast food that when it's meal time you can't think of anything that sounds good because you have been too busy eating everything that popped into your head.

You dig?

But I guess I need to start and try to be more consistent in my choosing better choices.  If my lowest was 163 (which was only for a day at the end of my two week Atkins stint), and I maintained around 167 for awhile, then I am up somewhere around 15 pounds from my lowest.  And with the Tough Mudder in May and the Pensacola Double Bridge (9miles) in February...I guess it's time to start focusing on my competition weight.  The clothes I wore at 167 still "fit"...if you define fitting as zipping or closing.  But as we all know...just because it fits...dont mean we should be wearing it. But that is a good judge for me, or a good goal I guess...bc I have some cute clothes ya know?  And I would like to wear them again comfortably.

Do you know what I have been really terrible at? I mean, besides eating healthy?  Drinking water.  Bad bad bad.  This week I have stopped drinking regular soda AND beer and wine.
Two things to note.  I had to stop drinking because I started to really like it.  I mean, I wasn't drinking mouth wash but I did enjoy coming home and having a couple of Wild Blue beers...getting a happy little buzz.  So...let's just put a stop to that for awhile shall we?  And I had just discovered Red Moscato!
I mean let's face it.  I am kinda an all-or-nothing kind of gal.  I either do really good...or I do really bad.  I am not so good at balance.
But I have also been getting really bad headaches lately. Sometimes twice a day, usually right behind both of my ears.  I had thought once or eight times that maybe I needed to drink water and that I was dehydrated.  But I hushed those thoughts with nachos.
But I have been drinking water this week and low and behold, no headaches. So we will see if that keeps up.
We have been running.  On Saturdays...or one day on the weekend...I run with Heather.  Which means she jogs and doesn't break a sweat and can hold a conversation with me like she was strolling through the mall, and I meanwhile am huffing, puffing, dragging a leg...praying for it to end.  Last weekend we did close to 5 miles. 
Tomorrow if finally Friday friends.
Thank goodness!
Until then lovies....

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I Call BullShi@

I have a bone to pick this fine morning.  On several accounts, and let me tell you...I ALMOST don't care if I offend anyone.


Good morning!  Hope everyone is well.



I am glad the political season is over and I am glad the majority of us are still friends on Facebook.  However, I DID delete several people over the last few months for anything that I found ignorant, hateful, or mean-spirited.  I don't care if you voted for Obama, Romney, or Roseanne Barr...but here is an example of something a "friend" posted on election night.  This person is a someone we see and spend time with at least once a week at softball, and that I would really say is a friend. 

I posted a picture of my ballot (which may or may not be illegal in the state of Florida...but I didn't know) showing that I voted for Obama.  The caption of that picture said something like "Here's hoping I wake up in the morning one step closer to being able to marry the love of my life, a right that other taxpayers get to enjoy". 

I mean, regardless of who you voted for, I think it would be safe to say that Obama is a smidge more pro-gay than Romney... I posted that, and my friend wrote on my status "Where is the fucking dislike button".

Strike one.  And yes, he might have been disliking the Obama vote, and NOT the statement about marrying Heather...but still...unnecessary.

But THEN...THEN...he wrote a little status update of his own.  I would give it to you verbatim but he has since deleted his facebook account:

"I wish people would keep there ignorant fucking political statements to themselves.  If you are going to vote for a stupid fucking ni**er (and he spelled it out) then you don't give a shit about his country or what it was founded on".

Oh sweet grapefruit.  You've got to be kidding me.  WHO uses that word on facebook?  Who says something so hateful and full of ignorance?  I wish I could have deleted him twice.  I expected more from him.  And I realize we get all fired up about politics, religion, and other things that are so personal...but never would that be called for. 

We ran into him on Saturday night while out eating.  I did not speak to him or respond to his texts.  He text me and asked me why I was so mad.  And I told him.  I told him...and I haven't heard from him since.  Good riddance.

Next rant: 

Liars in our community

I do not understand bloggers, youtubers, facebookers who are WLS patients who only share the good.  OR...better yet.  LIE about how good they are. 

A couple of examples, and both are banders.  I know one bander on Facebook who loves to post what she eats.  And the posts are ALWAYS healthy.  But this person still weighs, I would guess, close to 300 pounds.  If you really only eat that nonsense you are posting, you would probably weigh a little less.  Be honest.  Do you think that twisting the truth helps the people in the community that are struggling?  No.  And I get it.  You want to feel special and high and mighty.

I ain't buying it.

Like that time I told you about another bandster who during dinner shamed the rest of us and complained about the unhealthy food choices provided for our meal...but later I caught her walking out of a restraunt with a big old cheeseburger...on her way to smoke a cigarette.  (I realize some of you are smokers...but none of you are saying "I am the PERFECT lapbandster and live a completly healthy life and blah blah".

That's okay.  Karma. 

But my point IS, I reckon...if I do have a that this is a daily struggle for us.  We struggle with working out, with food choices, with life, with the tool inside of us...and pretending you are perfect is a disservice to all of us. 

Back To Facebook

Okay.  So maybe I see a pattern here.  Maybe I should get OFF of Facebook.  But yesterday someone on my friends list, and a reader of this blog, commented on a picture that I guess what posted by a radio station. It was a picture of an overweight girl, taken from behind, standing in line at a fast food restaraunt.  The girl was very overweight and had an unfortunate body shape and was wearing some clothes that were not flattering.  The caption on the picture, written by the disc jockey, was saying things along the lines of:  I will take #8, #10, etc. 

I only noticed it bc my friend had commented.  And I clicked on it in hopes that her comment was blasting the piece of shit who thought it was funny to make fun of an overweight girl.  She wasn't blasting him, although some others were.  So good for them.  It was a disgusting post that lead to disgusting hateful statements based on the person's size and shape.  And what if that picture was of a teenager?  A young girl struggling with herself?  What if she saw that post and all the hateful things people said?


Why can't we all just hug and get along?  Why can't we all just sit in hair brushing circles and pet each other?

WHY I ask you?