There I am. Paddling. Smiling like a newborn chick (I made that analogy up...feel free to take it). Shocking that the damn paddleboat isn't tipping over....but...if you take a look...it is a wee bit close to the water yes?
That's my dog, Shelby in his life jacket. Smiling...like a newborn chick.
That's an awesome picture. And I say awesome and put that on a trajectory to many different moons. It's awesome because there I am, well over 300 pounds and happy. But it's also awesome that all that fat was mine. And that I could move. And that I existed like that.
And it's crazy that I don't remember how far I have come.
Do you ever get a thought in your brain and it's knocking on your "recognition door"? But you dont really want to answer the door? Liek you arent ready to process it yet because if you DID process it, it could change the game?
And sometimes you like being stuck in the game but you dont want to admit it?
I think that I have several ideas knocking. And like cute little girl scouts, they are lining up. But I am scurred.
But here you go. I am going to put them out there and see how they develop (kinda like those little foam people or animals that grow in water).
Losing weight is not, nor will it be ever again, as easy as it used to be.
I know you must be thinking I am slow. Like "Really Amy? You just now realized this"? But I was thinking this weekend about how in my "rapid weight loss phase", if I ate good and worked out for 6 out of 7 days, I could still lose several pounds. I didn't have to be spot on all the time.
But now. NOW, it's a different story. I do believe that for me to move away from 170, I need to be spot on. I don't seem to have much leeway these days. And I don't like it. I cant induldge if I want to lose.
Now this one has yet to develop. I am going back and reading my blog from day one. I wanted to see where I was mentally, what my goals were. I wanted to see my successes and failures. And some of my most favorite posts were the ones where I was the big girl able to tell others that it's okay to hold your head high, love what you got while you are working on being better...etc.
And there is a part of me that is sad that I am no longer that big girl. That doesn't sound right. I guess what I mean to say is that I felt that when I was big, I could share a different side of being fat. That I could provide a different look or angle.
But now, I feel like I have no street cred. How crazy is that?
Speaking of crazy. Look at those boobs in the picture below! This was a few days post op. I fo sho do not have those anymore.
Sorry for the totally random post.