There I am. Paddling. Smiling like a newborn chick (I made that analogy up...feel free to take it). Shocking that the damn paddleboat isn't tipping over....but...if you take a look...it is a wee bit close to the water yes?That's my dog, Shelby in his life jacket. Smiling...like a newborn chick.
That's an awesome picture. And I say awesome and put that on a trajectory to many different moons. It's awesome because there I am, well over 300 pounds and happy. But it's also awesome that all that fat was mine. And that I could move. And that I existed like that.
And it's crazy that I don't remember how far I have come.
Do you ever get a thought in your brain and it's knocking on your "recognition door"? But you dont really want to answer the door? Liek you arent ready to process it yet because if you DID process it, it could change the game?
And sometimes you like being stuck in the game but you dont want to admit it?
You dig?
I think that I have several ideas knocking. And like cute little girl scouts, they are lining up. But I am scurred.
But here you go. I am going to put them out there and see how they develop (kinda like those little foam people or animals that grow in water).
Idea #1
Losing weight is not, nor will it be ever again, as easy as it used to be.
I know you must be thinking I am slow. Like "Really Amy? You just now realized this"? But I was thinking this weekend about how in my "rapid weight loss phase", if I ate good and worked out for 6 out of 7 days, I could still lose several pounds. I didn't have to be spot on all the time.
But now. NOW, it's a different story. I do believe that for me to move away from 170, I need to be spot on. I don't seem to have much leeway these days. And I don't like it. I cant induldge if I want to lose.
Sigh.
Idea #2
Now this one has yet to develop. I am going back and reading my blog from day one. I wanted to see where I was mentally, what my goals were. I wanted to see my successes and failures. And some of my most favorite posts were the ones where I was the big girl able to tell others that it's okay to hold your head high, love what you got while you are working on being better...etc.
And there is a part of me that is sad that I am no longer that big girl. That doesn't sound right. I guess what I mean to say is that I felt that when I was big, I could share a different side of being fat. That I could provide a different look or angle.
But now, I feel like I have no street cred. How crazy is that?
Speaking of crazy. Look at those boobs in the picture below! This was a few days post op. I fo sho do not have those anymore.
Sorry for the totally random post.Happy Monday.
Amazing journey you've come on!!! I've been thinking a lot about these things actually, and tomorrow is my 2 year bandiversary... wow... we both have come a long way, and while we might (?) both have a ways to go (I know I do), I think we both still have the 'cred!!! Congrats my friend... congrats.
ReplyDeleteRandom or not, I dig it. I can't beleive how well your body has recovered, it really is amazing, kudos to you!
ReplyDeleteHi Amy
ReplyDeleteI'm new to blogging and banding, but I have been lurking for a while. Perhaps you don't realise that for people like me who are new to the game, your angle is that you are proof that no matter how big the challenge, or how tough it is that day, or when we fall off the wagon (what the hell is sunkist anyway??) we CAN do it, we WILL do it if we persevere through the hard times. You've shown us that we can laugh and have fun on the way, and that our lives can change in ways we haven't yet imagined. You have put yourself out there in a way many of us (me included) don't do comfortably, and because of your complete honesty and openness, we understand the road ahead better, we're more prepared for the bumps and potholes, and we understand the prize if we stay focussed. I don't know a single person in real life who has been banded. Yours is the first blog I found when I went looking to find out what it would really be like, and if it would work. It gave me the confidence and inspiration to proceed, and all the followers on your blog gave me an entree into a community I simply wouldn't have in real life. I now have all the answers and support I will need at the tip of my fingers as I work my way through this journey. I have a wonderfully supportive partner, but she doesn't have the same understanding as those who are banded - and because of you, I have new friends who do. I wouldn't worry about establishing a new angle - you've already got it going on. And... thanks!
Oh yea, you still have cred Amy...BIG TIME! You have come a long way baby girl!
ReplyDeleteI am smiling like a newborn chick at this post!
ReplyDeleteYou have come so far and you look amazing! Why are you pushing for more? I know you want a "normal" BMI, but I would guess that with all your muscle, you are probably in a very good place!
Wow, I love your blog, the way it's written, the content :-) very inspiring :-) I'm pre op (have it in March) and starting out where you were in the photo - can't wait to look like you do now!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing :-)
You still have street cred. Like growing up in poverty and going on to put yourself through Harvard kind of cred. Very respectable.
ReplyDeleteAmen to #1! I have to be absolutely perfect it seems to lose weight now. These last 20 pounds are a killer.
I think it's good that you are going back to read your blog from the beginning. If you think you don't have street cred, you are cuckoo.
ReplyDeleteI hate that it's harder to lose weight now. I still weigh in at 236, but life is SO much slower now than it was a year ago at 338! Props to the big girls :). And? You totally still have street cred. We wouldn't all read and be inspired by your blogs if you didn't!
ReplyDeleteI have only followed your blog for about 6 months now so when you post the before pictures I struggle to even conceive that you were even the same person - It amazes me everytime - you are truly inspirational - it does scare me that weight loss slows down though because I am still only at the beginning and things are slow now - but I will keep at it knowing that one day I will be looking back on my before pictures like they were taken a lifetime ago...
ReplyDelete"Do you ever get a thought in your brain and it's knocking on your "recognition door"? But you don't really want to answer the door? Like you aren't ready to process it yet because if you DID process it, it could change the game?...
ReplyDeleteYou dig?"
Oh yeah, I did - (running for the door cuz I dig too well"
Babe - your sick in your head if you think you don't have street cred - keep a picture in your wallet and pull it out whenever you think that!
I totally hear you on the street cred thing -- I feel that way too! It's so weird to look at my before pics and remember that I really was that big, and everything that went along with that (being uncomfortable, the aching feet, cracked heels, fat rolls, arms not lying flat against my sides, barely fitting in my chair at work, etc.). Now we're a bunch of sporty chicks -- smiling, happy NEWBORN sporty chicks. Who'd have thunk it could be like this?
ReplyDeleteStreet cred? You're freaking amazing and yes you do have 'street cred'!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're such an inspiration to me, you have NO idea!!!
Thank you!!!
~S
Wonderful post! All very remarkable considerations and points. As always, such an inspiration!!!
ReplyDeleteMy Friend, You are amazing as always... and you even inspire me more now that I know you and see with my own eyes how hard you work and how honest and raw you can be... It's not easy, but you make us think we can all be superstars... and I love you for it. That and your Sarcastic Wit! Mine is hard to match... Your smile lights up a room(Hence the nickname Amy Sunshine)and Your Heather is incredible! Actually, you are all around Effin' Amazing!
ReplyDelete