Monday, February 28, 2011
But today is Monday, and although I have still eaten like poo poo caca this morning, I have written all of it down. I had a really good calorie burn at circuit over lunch, and Monday night is cardio night in AmyTown, so I should burn some more off.
Yesterday we took our 'pigs' for a walk. Bubba (Codie Clyde) is Heather's (white), Honey May is 2 years old, and Shelby...in the background...is mine. He is 11, old, crotchety...and doesn't enjoy such outings. It was hell to get him to stand still for a picture bc he was making a beeline back for the car. We had a good time on the trail though because we could let them off leash and they enjoyed themselves.
I found a product (okay, Heather did)...that I really, really like. And I wrote to the supplier to see if they would send me a couple of free samples so I could do giveaways.
Alas, I have not heard hide nor hair from them and I can't wait any longer. Let me introduce you to Jack3d...or as I call it, Jack's. When Heather first started taking it, I thought she was silly. I mean, come on. I have never been a huge believer in dietary supplement, caffeine pills, etc. But one day, I tried it. And now I am hooked.
Here is a summary of Jacks (in my own words).
- You take 1-3 scoops (I recommend...as does the container...starting with just one) with about 8 ounces of water per scoop.
- You drink it 30-45 minutes BEFORE your workout, preferably on an empty stomach.
- I do 2 scoops. And about 15 minutes into my workout, I can feel it kick it. It gives me this extra boost...a little surge of energy. At times, I look like an insane energizer bunny. I swear it helps me with my pullups and dips. It seems to allow me to push a little farther...do a little more.
- If you drink it too soon or too late though, you may peak too early or too late. So figure out what works for you.
- I love it when I am doing circuit or something that involves muscles. I used it once on a pure cardio day, and I am not sure I like it as much bc I already feel like I might die when I do cardio.
- The link to the website is here.
So go check it out, read up, and give it a try if you think you might like it. Heather buys it at our Vitamin Shoppe. Hell, it all may be a placebo...but I enjoy it.
If you do end up trying some, let me know what you think.
Friday, February 25, 2011
1. Are you a heavy or light sleeper?
Sleep is elusive for me. It always has been. But I would like to bring up a couple of points.
a) in college, after getting so fed up about not sleeping, I tried several prescriptions for sleeping pills. The first was Ambien. My doctor told me to take the ambien and stay up for about 45 minutes before I went to bed (I came to find out that this was NOT sound advice). Anyways, I did just that and at the time I lived alone in my townhouse in Kansas. I was down in the basement on the computer and the lights were out. I remember the screen getting fuzzy (as in..it had fur) and I could see people out the corner of my eyes whispering. I knew it was a hallucination and I thought it was FUN TIMES. So I kept taking them. Over the course of the next week or so, I saw tiny trolls dancing on my curtain rods, I baked only to realize I had been baking after I woke up, and once...while on the phone with my best friend who lives in Seattle...I was pretty sure that she was right next to me in bed just chatting away.
My favorite memory was when I was letting my dog Shelby lick my face (I dont really let him lick me...especially not my face). But in my Ambien induced haze, I thought he was a prince anointing me into his kingdom.
For some reason, my dumbass told the doc they were making me trip out and she stopped prescribing them.
Oh. Those were the days.
b) I fart a lot in my sleep. I never used to. But for the 10 months I have been dating Heather...no farting (in her ear shot). And if you know me...you know I am farty. So I have figured out that since I don't "let go" during the day, it comes out when I am having sleepy-time. And it wakes me up. The noise...not the smell. And then I lay there, petrified that Heather might have heard. But luckily, she is a sound sleeper. She even sleeps through the times she farts on me in her sleep. Sweet girl.
c) I sleep super sound after a pre-sleep love fest. Amen
2. If you were made into a professor for a day, what topic would you lecture on?
Acting the way you want to feel. I will blog about this shortly.
3. What’s a skill you’ve always wanted that you don’t currently have?
How to style my hair and makeup.
4. Have you ever been in a real cat fight?
Well, once...in 8th grade...I was at a party. This girl, Kellum...she didnt like me. I was sitting on a table and she came up to me and said "You should go on weight watchers"...and my response was "You should go on HO watchers". Man...that was good. Anyways...she slapped me. It was totally worth it.
I would like to get in a barfight just once. Of course, when I picture this barfight in my head...I never get hit. Mama doesnt like pain.
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
Blogland is good. Just typing away.
My real life is good as well. I just found out I didn't get a position I had applied for here at work...so at the moment...I am very very sad. But everything happens for a reason and someday I will understand this one. But I have a wonderful girlfriend, a good job now, and people in my life that love and support me. It could be worse :)
Have a great weekend!
You will need:
9 x 12 casserole dish
4-6 cups diced chicken (I pressure cook 2 chicken breasts and dice that up)
5 cups of your favorite frozen veggie mix
1 can cream of chicken soup (reduced sodium if you want)
1 cup of milk
1 cup shredded cheese
2 tbls butter
2 cups chicken broth
salt & pepper
1 pastry sheet (found in the freezer section, usually comes 2 in a box
Preheat oven to 400.
Cook and dice the the chicken. Season with salt and pepper. In casserole dish, combine diced chicken, frozen veggies (I use peas & carrots and a small can of corn), shredded cheese. Mix it up.
Pour the cream of chicken (that you have mixed with the 1 cup (can) of milk and heated up in the microwave). Mix it up with what's in the dish.
In a small sauce pan, melt the butter and add 1/2 cup flour. This creates a weird globby mix. Pour in 2 cups of chicken broth or stock. Stir or whisk until this is hot and mixed. Pour that into casserole as well. Mix it all up.
Now comes the pastry sheet. You have to thaw your sheet for about 45 minutes. Then, spread a little flour out and roll out the sheet until it can cover your casserole dish. Put the sheet over the mixture in the casserole. Seal off the sides. Take your egg (that you have mixed in a little bowl), and use a brush or your fingertips to wash the entire top of the pastry sheet. Sprinkle sheet with Italian seasoning.
Pop in oven and bake for 25-30 minutes until golden brown.
Depending on the type of cheese, cream of chicken soup, milk, etc...the entire dish has around 1500 calories and you can get 6 good size squares out of it. Play around and make it the way you want. It is a little labor intensive (takes me about 40 minutes to assemble), but it's worth it.
You all wanna come over for a pedi/mani/backrub session later? Boys can come too!
Yesterday, I thought it was funny that so many of you caught my "CRAP" entry on my food journal. Sometimes if I have several small bits of crap (say one mini peanut butter cup, one mint hershey kiss, and a starburst) I know the calories and just lump them into the CRAP category. My journal is only so big...one doesn't want a lot of clutter!
I wanted to tell you guys again about my Polar F-4 heart rate monitor. I probably bought that thing well over a year ago. When I started journaling my food and decided to take a closer look at my calorie burn, I took it out of hibernation and started wearing it again when I worked out. I recommend the investment to anyone who IS working out.
Mine ran me around $100 from Target. I wear the strap around my chest, right under my sports bra line. It is not uncomfortable, it doesn't hurt. I know there are many different kind of heart rate monitors out there, and I would push you towards the chest strap versus the one where you put your fingers on it to get a read. When Mary and I were doing Zumba, she had that one and found it very annoying to have to stop and get a read out.
I could have spent a little more on mine. Mine for example may get thrown off by other heart rate monitors or gym equipment. This may be an issue for those of you who workout at gyms. I have only noticed it once getting synced with my treadmill at work. It was annoying.
So, the more expensive ones have their own frequency and do not get interference.
I have found that the treadmill and elliptical always show me burning MORE calories than what I am actually burning. For example. My heart rate monitor will say I burned 300 calories, while the treadmill will report 430. That's a good bit of difference. I always go with my heart rate monitor.
I have found that wearing it makes me push myself harder. If I am at 270 calories burned and time is running out during circuit, I start upping my exertion so I will get 300.
I hope everyone has a good weekend. I am taking today off from working out, but plan on working out tomorrow and Sunday (usually the weekend are my days off...but I've got to do a little more).
Be safe, smile at strangers, and give someone you love a kiss!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I don't like it. I didn't have lapband surgery to have to journal.
And I never really did for the first 160 pounds I lost. Oh, I would get a wild hair every now and then and journal online....but that would last as long as a...as long as something very short.
But, in effort to really see what I have been eating, I started journaling this month. It will not be something I continue for long. But it has been interesting. To journal accurately, it means that I have to measure my food and know my serving size. No more pouring granola in a bag and questimating if it's a cup. No more tossing cheese into a dish and saying, "oh...that's about 100 calories".
It's been a good lesson.
Karin posted her system for journaling. Here is a picture of my little journal. I keep track of my calories expended during exercise as well.
And that's that. Not too exciting. But I wanted to share.
So many of us find ourselves stuck on our weight loss journey somewhere down the line. For me, the long term "stuckness" didnt happen until after I had reached my initial goal. I am living in the land of stuck as we speak.
It's a frustrating place to be when you feel like you are doing the right things right but you are not seeing results from the number on the scale, or the numbers on the tags of your clothes. And so here is what I recommended to Kristin, to you, and to myself.
It's hard to offer advice when someone needs help because we are all so different in what works for us. Some of you who are losing eat 1000 calories a day. Some of you can lose with 1400 calories. There were times when I was losing that I didnt work out at all. For some, that won't be an option. Some focus on carbs, sugar, water, protein.
You just have to find what works.
And if what you are doing isn't working....
You have to change something.
Eat more. Eat less. Journal. Workout more. Workout harder. Workout different. Eat different foods. Blog. Set goals.
Be HONEST with yourself.
I don't like being honest with myself sometimes. I like to float on fairytale clouds. I like to be able to say "I don't know why that damn scale doesn't move"...
But sometimes I do know.
I have been journaling my calories in and calories out now for almost 3 weeks. And at the end of the day, I know what I ate. And sometimes...like yesterday when I had to write down the ice cream with melted peanut butter that I ate...I see 1600 calories in (670 out through cardio and circuit)...and I know that 1600 calories may be fine if I want to maintain...
But it's not good enough if I want to lose.
I have upped my cardio. Yes. I work out like a beast with weights...but if I am trying to lose on the scale for this competition at work...beasting it up is not going to help. I had to add more cardio. And I did. I was doing at least 30 minutes straight cardio 2 times a week.
It wasn't enough.
So I've added more and cut back on the heavy lifting (just a little).
And slowly...the scale is moving. SLOWLY.
And I know I could do more. For example, I could have chose NOT to consume 600 calories in Mr. Ice Cream.
But I did.
So be honest with yourself. Switch up the game. Try something new. Take it day by day. Push yourself a little. Commit to 2 weeks of hardcore, clean, conviction. See if it makes a difference.
I'm trying it.
And we are, after all, fighting the good fight.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Have you read the news today pertaining to gastric bypass vs. lapband?
If not, here is a link: Blah.
Apparently, in 2 separate studies, Gastric Bypass has proven itself to better a "better choice" for diabetes and for rapid weight loss.
Now, I will not pretend to argue either of those points. You do lose weight quicker with gastric bypass.
But the study sites the weight loss comparison after a year post-op. They neglect to say that after 2 years post-op the weight loss amount is practically the same. They also fail to mention that lapband is more reversible procedure.
They say that for the morbidly obese, gastic bypass is a better choice. I say I got your morbidly obese okay? I was off most BMI charts.
It just gets me fired up. There are factors that may help someone make a decision either way. I just hate to think that these "findings" would be the deciding factor for those that can succeed with the band.
OH. And I did cook, and eat, the tilapia last night. It was still a little fishy and I had to really focus on eating it. I only ate about 2-3 ounces. Not because I was full, but because I started making myself sick thinking about the fact that it was fish.
Heather liked it though. We had a side of quiona (well, she did bc I don't like it) and steamed broccoli. Remember, up until a few months ago, I had never had broccoli. I actually am learning to enjoy it.
Tonight we are going meat free for dinner. We are going to start doing this at least once a week. Tonight we are having pasta and peppers. I dice up a green, red, and yellow pepper and saute them for about 5 minutes. Then I add a can (don't drain) of diced tomatoes. You can use whatever pasta you like (make sure it's whole wheat) and mix it all together with some shredded mozzarella. I usually put sliced turkey sausage in as well...but that wouldn't really work now would it...seeing as how we are supposed to be meat free!
Happy Tuesday bug-a-boos.
Monday, February 21, 2011
That's my dog, Shelby in his life jacket. Smiling...like a newborn chick.
That's an awesome picture. And I say awesome and put that on a trajectory to many different moons. It's awesome because there I am, well over 300 pounds and happy. But it's also awesome that all that fat was mine. And that I could move. And that I existed like that.
And it's crazy that I don't remember how far I have come.
Do you ever get a thought in your brain and it's knocking on your "recognition door"? But you dont really want to answer the door? Liek you arent ready to process it yet because if you DID process it, it could change the game?
And sometimes you like being stuck in the game but you dont want to admit it?
I think that I have several ideas knocking. And like cute little girl scouts, they are lining up. But I am scurred.
But here you go. I am going to put them out there and see how they develop (kinda like those little foam people or animals that grow in water).
Losing weight is not, nor will it be ever again, as easy as it used to be.
I know you must be thinking I am slow. Like "Really Amy? You just now realized this"? But I was thinking this weekend about how in my "rapid weight loss phase", if I ate good and worked out for 6 out of 7 days, I could still lose several pounds. I didn't have to be spot on all the time.
But now. NOW, it's a different story. I do believe that for me to move away from 170, I need to be spot on. I don't seem to have much leeway these days. And I don't like it. I cant induldge if I want to lose.
Now this one has yet to develop. I am going back and reading my blog from day one. I wanted to see where I was mentally, what my goals were. I wanted to see my successes and failures. And some of my most favorite posts were the ones where I was the big girl able to tell others that it's okay to hold your head high, love what you got while you are working on being better...etc.
And there is a part of me that is sad that I am no longer that big girl. That doesn't sound right. I guess what I mean to say is that I felt that when I was big, I could share a different side of being fat. That I could provide a different look or angle.
But now, I feel like I have no street cred. How crazy is that?
Speaking of crazy. Look at those boobs in the picture below! This was a few days post op. I fo sho do not have those anymore.
Sorry for the totally random post.
(B) Bed Size: Queen, low platform, memory foam, courtesy of Overstock.com
(C) Chore You Hate: hmmm...well, since my life partner picks up extra shifts for things LIKE the bed courtesy of Overstock.com, I do a lot of the chores. However, if she is helping out, I like to delegate the bathroom cleaning to her. She is much more meticulous.
(D) Dogs? Three. My Shelby who is a pound puppy and 11 years old. And my step-dogs...two Bull Dogs
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Before I get out of bed I always kiss Heather and say I love you.
(F) Favorite Color: Purple
(G) Gold or Silver? Silver
(H) Height: 8 Foot (fine! 5'4")
(I) Instruments You Play: Tambourine
(J) Job Title: Queen of Amydom
(K) Kids: We decided that we would have a boat and toys instead
(L) Live: Most days
(M) Mom's Name: Marjorie. I am sure if she knew I told you that, she would be worried that someone is now stealing her identity.
(N) Nicknames: Ames, Queen of Amydome. Heather calls me Babe or CooCoo Bird
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? yes please
(P) Pet Peeve: assholes
(Q) Quote from a Movie: Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream! (can anyone tell me what movie that is from?)
(R) Right or Left Handed? WHY do these questions always make me think dirty things? Why?
(S) Siblings: Oh yes. Sister 48, brother 39
(T) Time You Wake Up? 5 am
(U) Underwear: Always a thong for work clothes and working out, hipsters for other times
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: damn. This could be a long list. Although I have never had the following, I will say beets, radishes, sprouts
(W) What Makes You Run Late: clothing meltdowns
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: Boy...they were really stretching for this one
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Currently, my cauliflower mashed taters
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Orangutans
I did it.
I tried a new veggie.
Have you heard of it? It's called CAULIFLOWER. Apparently it's new.
oh...wait...what? It's not?
Well I have never had it. It scares me. So I decided to make them into faux mashed taters...and let me tell you.
It was so good. I swear.
Here is what I did.
I bought a head of cauliflower (this made enough for me and Heather). I broke it up and cut the nubits (that's the technical term) and boiled the nubits in milk and water. Some recipes just call for water, some call for milk, so I did both.
I boiled for about 20 minutes. This may have been a little too long, but you can tell when they are tender enough for you.
Now, after I boiled the little nubs, I drained off the water and put the cauliflower in my food processor with some salt, pepper, butter, and a little bit of sour cream. Then, you just turn your food processor on and let it go. Because mine were so tender, it probably only took 30 seconds.
They were a little smoother than thick mashed potatoes. But they were sooo sooo good. I could have eaten the entire bowl myself.
Do try and let me know what you think.
Tonight I am baking tilapia.
And as a reminder, I no likey fish. Probably has something to do with the fact that I am a mermaid and it's like eating my brothern, or sistern...
But I am opening my mind. I am baking it in the oven, Parmesan crusted. May God be with me. Or someone...someone who likes fish.
I am from Kansas afterall. We eat cows.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
But it actually did take some convincing, because I had just got home and was perfectly happy cuddled up on the couch with her...but alas...shopping pulled me away.
So for the next 4 hours I tried on pants and tops and pants and tops. I ended up getting two pair of slacks. One a brown tweed and one a beautiful white. Both size 10. Then I headed to the mall and walked away with several tops to make an outfit of two. It made me feel beautiful today to wear an outfit that was put together and not falling apart.
It was a great present.
So here is one of my new outfits.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Answer: slower for longer. That is opposite of what I thought and what I was doing the first few times I ran.
Monday, February 14, 2011
I would like to inform you lovely people that I did NOT, I repeat did NOT burn 1000 calories as hoped on Friday. I only burnt 720. But I will take it.
I did 5 miles on the treadmill. It took me 64 minutes. That is the longest I have ever gone. I ran miles 1, 2, 3. I walked at a 12% incline mile 4. And I walked/jogged the last mile.
Today I shall rinse and repeat. I did circuit at lunch for a 260 calorie burn. Therefore, I am hoping for a 740 calorie burn on Mrs. Treadmill tonight. We shall see.
I am still journaling my food. That was no fun yesterday when I went on a wee candy bindge. But I was honest and wrote it all down.
Let me kiss you.
On the cheek of course.
Or for those of you non-touchers....I shall give you an air hug.
It is Valentines Day. And in honor of such a day, even though she doesn't read my blog, I would like to share a family portrait of me and my little lady. This is from the summer and we were pretending to be hillbillys. We even borrowed Fisher to play the part of our son. Please note, that cigarette is not lit. Mama no smoke.
This is where I dropped the damn cancer stick.
And all I will say, so as not to sicken those of you who wish this day would just go away, is that everyday I feel incredibly lucky to be able to share my life with someone who makes me want to be a better human being, supports me, makes me laugh, and plays with my hair at the end of the day.
Life is full of suprises.
Friday, February 11, 2011
This was from February 2009. I had just started walking at this time to get over my first month post-surgery plateau. For the newbies, when you go from eating practically nothing thanks to the pre and post op liquid diet to mushies and real food again...the scale may stall. You can jumpstart it again but adding in some exercise. Novel thought yes?
Look at my cute little cankles. And my cute dad. Anyways, it was interesting to read about how walking 1.5 miles was a challenge for me. How it hurt. How proud I was of doing it. And I should have been. Because it was hard for me. And now, I can run 3 miles. And it's hard. And I am proud of myself. I would have liked to tell the girl in that picture,"psst...this is the beginning of something amazing". But I think she already knew that.
And here I am last year. This is a picture from my "tantrum episode". I was apparently throwing a fit about my fellow bandsters leaving me behind in the 200's. I was trying to break into onderland. And I was struggling.
And now here I am, 170 pounds and struggling to lose a little more. Be grateful Amy. Be Grateful.
This Weeks Goals and how I did yesterday:
--Water. At least 100 ounces. (yes)--
No soda. (okay. I am taking this one away. I just can't commit. I will drink LESS pop and it can not interfere with my water goal)--No snacking out of boredom or out of want. If I am hungry in between meals, I can choose a healthy snack. (Achieved)
--Wear my heartrate monitor during workouts. Record my calories out. (Check and check).
--Keep a food journal. (Yes.)
--Be present in my eating. (Yes.)
--More cardio. (Yes).
Today, because I will have a little time to kill while waiting for Heather to get off work (we carpool...GO EARTH!), I am going to go workout and do straight up cardio. My plan is to not stop until I burn 1000 calories.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
-You know how sometimes you have that dream that you are peeing...and then you wake up just in the nick of time...mere moments before you really would have been peeing in your bed? Well, last night I had a new one. I had a dream I was pooping. At it was a relief. And I was joyous. So joyous that I woke up and I was actually in the very early stages of getting ready to push. True story. And I am going to be honest with you. For one moment, in my groggy post dream poop episode, I actually contemplated just doing it.
Sigh...But Heather probably wouldnt have been a big fan. So I didn't. Close call.
-Have you ever been in a meeting with someone or spoke with a person who, when they were really making a point or speaking, closed their eyes for the majority of their talking? There are singers that do this as well. Anyways, this happened to me today. And I wanted to say "Open your eyes Shelby. Open your eyes?" Just like Sally Fields. God bless Steel Magnolias.
-It's a little amusing when Heather is on her period and she is having a "fat day". I do try and be empathic. I do. But there is a part of me that wants to punch her in her tight little abs. I do not however. But I know you feel me.
-Speaking of periods. If anyone is paying attention or tracking my cycle (I know you are) Heather and I are now officially starting on the same day. Man...being a lesbian has it's benefits. This however, is not one of them. Last night I cried about laundry. It was tragic.
-Why don't they make Protein Pop? You know...like soda? I am going to write to Sunkist. Because I like to justify practically everything I eat...like that cottage cheese taco dip, oreos with milk, chocolate...with this statement "But it has PROTEIN in it!" It works for me.
So, let us remember what my goals were for yesterday and take a peak at whether or not I achieved them.
Water. At least 100 ounces. (DONE. Haven't done this in months.)
No soda. (Tee Hee...okay. I had one diet sunkist.)
No snacking out of boredom or out of want. If I am hungry in between meals, I can choose a healthy snack. (Oops. There was a little cinnamon toast crunch incident. )
Wear my heartrate monitor during workouts. Record my calories out. (Check and check).
Keep a food journal. (Yes. Barf)
Be present in my eating. (Yes.)
More cardio. (Yes).
So, overall...I feel good. I will say that of course, all that water allows me ample time to get to know the bathroom on a more personal level. My one diet sunkist (aka as life juice) made me feel better....like literally. I had a caffeine withdrawal, or green tea induced headache (that story will commence shortly). The cinnamon toast crunch is now gone. I burned 480 calories during my run and circuit. The food journal actually helped me realize I ate more calories than what I thought (sometimes I stop counting after 1200 just so I can say...oh...around 1200). I ate around 1800 yesterday.
So that's that.
Let us speak a moment about Green Tea.
My beautiful girlfriend suggested I started drinking green tea. You know, it's healthy and stuff. And she said sometimes it helps her not snack. Well, that's cute. You should know that years ago I was going to become a tea drinker. Not really for any reason other than I thought it would be precious to have a little tea kettle and even precious-er antique tea cup and saucer. I'm all about the glitz and show you see.
Well, I realized I hated tea. Pretty much it's like hot crappy water. I just couldnt do it. But I decided I would pull up my big girl tea drinking panties yesterday and make my girlfriend proud. I heated up some water. Put the said tea bag in. Two packets of Splenda. Commenced drinking.
It was terrible. So terrible in fact that I had problems swallowing and the tea actually was running down my chin onto my shirt.
But I did manage to finish at least 12 ounces.
I won't be doing that again. And as for that little nugget of a thought that it would prevent me from snacking...WRONG-O. It made me want to eat something just to douche my mouth of that damn taste.
And of course it made me revisit that infamous, age old question, asked by small children everywhere...WHY DO THINGS THAT ARE GOOD FOR YOU TASTE LIKE DOOKIE?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
COTTAGE CHEESE TACO DIP
8 oz. cream cheese, softened
16 oz. cottage cheese, small curd
1 env. taco seasoning mix
1 (8 oz.) jar salsa
1 tomatoes, chopped
8 oz. Cheddar cheese, shredded
Combine cream cheese, cottage cheese and taco seasoning mix in bowl; mix well. Spread on large serving dish. Chill for several hours. Layer salsa, lettuce, tomatoes and cheese over mixture. Serve with favorite dipping chips.
And the last one is not new to most bandsters. I just never took it for fear of increased facial hair. But seeing how I made that up in my own brain, and several of the things on my "hate list" include my nails, hair, and skin...I started taking this on Saturday as well.
I decided to write down everything I hated about myself. Oh yeah. I did. I know this philosophy goes against all of the sound advice of the great ones...you know...like George Washington, Gandhi,...Oprah. But I did it. And it was bad. I had considered, at the beginning of this detrimental list, posting it on here. But it got so depressing and ugly that I just couldn't do it.
I suppose several things led up to my meltdown. One of them being I am just a day or two away from starting my period, which, for realz, makes me extremely moody and tearful. And this biggest loser thing at work is killing me.
IT'S KILLING ME SMALLS!
You see, let me try to put it into perspective. My partner has lost 15 pounds. I lost 3. My partner, everyone is always saying, "Why did you choose HER? " And I was always defending her. I knew she could do it if she set her mind to it. Well, during one circuit session, everyone was saying I was stupid for choosing her, that we wouldn't win...blah blah. And I was defending her! And in she walks...and starts telling me that I shouldnt be lifting weights, that I am not going to lose anything, that she is doing all the work. I couldnt believe it. I don't know if she thought being nasty would motivate me, but it doesn't. And after that, I stopped trying.
Granted. This is just one of the many excuses. But still. I want a partner who motivates me with encouragement. Damn.
SO anywhoos, now that she has lost so much more than me, I know she is thinking well lookie loooo! So I have to step it up.
So I will.
But, back to my hate list. As I started the second page of negative talk, in walks Heather. And she says that she can't handle listening to my partner go on and on about how I am not pulling my weight and that she (Heather) needs to know if I want to lose some more or not. That if I don't she will support me, and if I do want to lose more, she will help.
Well, like any sane woman, I started crying. And didnt stop for about 30 minutes. It was reee-dic-you-lous.
Here is the thing about having a personal trainer for a life partner. It's sort of like having the band. It's a great tool, but it doesn't fix everything. It's not my working out that's the problem. It's my eating when I am NOT around Heather.
SO, I do know what I have to do. And I am going to try and embrace it. I am going to try and do what helped me lose the 160 pounds the first time.
My plan for this week is:
Water. At least 100 ounces.
No snacking out of boredom or out of want. If I am hungry in between meals, I can choose a healthy snack.
Wear my heartrate monitor during workouts. Record my calories out.
Keep a food journal.
Be present in my eating.
There you go.
I know I can do this if I choose too.
And for the remainder of this week. I am choosing too.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Still got nothing.
However. Life is good. Today was the official first month weigh in for the Biggest Loser challenge at work. Sigh. I am down 3 pounds on the competition scale. Sadly...that is not where I need to be.
BUT, and here is what we can discuss...
I don't really care.
You see, I have come to the conclusion that for me to venture away from the 170 mile marker, I need to invest more effort into my daily consumption of the goodies. I need to be diligent. I need to be fastidious. I need to really put forth a concerted effort.
And I don't wanna.
Well, I do. But not enough.
And that's really what it comes down to with weight loss and making this band work. You have to WANT it. You have to crave it, desire it, seek to find it. And that is why the band helped me lose 160 pounds. Because boy...I wanted it. I wanted to change. I wanted to win. I wanted to impress. I wanted to inspire. I was motivated.
Weight loss with the band, much like everything else in life, depends mainly on what you believe can be.
So, I would still like to see 160 someday in the not so far off future. And I am still meandering towards that mark. But until I find my remotivation...I just don't know.
SO, I started thinking about what COULD motivate me. You know how they say you have to do it for yourself? I am thinking at this point, if my'self' is fine where I am, maybe I should do it for other reasons.
Like: To fit into a size 8. Or so I would be even hotter for Heather. Or so my ass would be smaller.
I shall share with you a few pictures from last nights superbowl festivities. Happy Monday my soldiers!
Me and my lady.