2. Because I have not drank any water and because my period, according to my handy period tracking app on my iphone, which really serves very little purpose because who cares when I am ovulating because I am a half lesbian and can't accidentally make a baby if we aren't careful, but it's still nice to know when I need to restock the tampon box that Heather inevitably left empty....[deeep breath]...should be arriving any moment now, I am swole up like an inflatable Charlie Brown float in a Thanksgiving parade. Seriously. I could barely put my cute shoes on when I stood up from my desk this afternoon...but I did manage...mainly because we got an email that there were sweet treats in the breakroom and I had to go see if that meant nachos...which is did not...so I waddled back to my office dejected.
3. I have been trying to embrace a new philosophy with facebook. You know how there are those annoying people who post annoying things on the regular? Now, what I find annoying YOU may not find annoying, thus I run the risk of annoying some of you right now by possibly talking about you and your annoying posts. But let's make a list shall we?
- Those people who are constantly complaining about their lives. In particular, I have a "facebook friend" who loves to complain about either her location or her occupation. But...BUT...no matter where this person moves to or no matter what this person does for a living...it's the WORST place to live and the WORST job and yadda. I want to say...um...what' the common thread mister sister? YOU SUCKA! But I don't.
- The person who is in a relationship and when they break up with that person, they shit talk them here to Antarctica (I was trying to think of a place really far away). They tell you how terrible they treated them, how they cheated, how they married a goat once, etc. But then...wait for it...wait for it...3 days later they are back together with them and pronouncing their happiness and forever love. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER 3 DAYS AGO WHEN YOU TOLD FACEBOOK THAT THEY GAVE YOU HERPES? Anyways. On to number 3.
- The people who are always talking about working out or posting their runs. UH-NOYING. Wait a minute...
Okay...so that's me. But come on! Isn't Bear cute. AND, in my defense, I had someone send me a message recently telling me that my posts keep her motivated so now I HAVE to post.
So, that brings me back to my original point. My new philosophy. I am trying to appreciate that everyone uses facebook how they want to use facebook. SO, if they want to bitch and moan on their facebook, they can. If they want to air their dirty laundry...then can. And if it really bothers me, I can delete them. But I am practicing acceptance. It's a daily battle people. Daily.
4. Heather, who must have been sensing that I am slightly emotional and needy right now, sent me a text that she would rub my feet when she got home. After I picked my phone up from the floor, I replied "you don't rub feet". To which SHE replied "I will if you wash them. Wash them real good. Like...wash them three times". To which I replied "Babe! My feet aren't dirty". And then she kindly texted something back comparing them to shoeless people in third world countries. I did not point out that she has never been to a third world country and thus she can't say things like that. I also did not point out that it's not my fault I was raised as a gypsy. It's my mothers. And by gypsy I just mean that we didn't wear shoes in the house and both my mother and I enjoy skirts with bells and jingles on them. OH, and my mom used to have these awesome finger cymbals that she hid in her lingerie drawer...which now as I type that makes me feel a little awkward about those finger cymbals...
5. My nose is growing. Seriously. It's getting bigger. And I think that I heard once that our noses and ears never really stop growing, but I have this impending feeling of doom that I have some rare case of rapid early onset nose growth. Seriously. It's getting out of control in pictures.
6. Sometimes I enjoy instagram much more than facebook. Do you know that you can search for pictures by searching hashtags? For example, I search #girlswholift. It's full of women lifting, or taking selfies of themselves after lifting, or just pictures of themselves at any point in the day, or pictures of funny workout memes, or every once in awhile a dude will show up because he has tagged a picture of himself as #girlswholift and then that's just weird...but you can tag your own pictures with your favorite hashtags and you will show up in that feed as well. I have started my own hashtag if you would like to borrow it. It's #thickgirlrunning. It hasn't really taken off yet. But give it time. Just give it time.
7. Rachel has me obsessed with shopping for clothing items at Sam's Club. I know not all of you have Sam's Club, but may have the equivalent
Wooo. I am glad I got that all off my chest. Speaking of chests, maybe tomorrow we will talk about nipples. I have to go now and prepare for a foot rubbing.