My Digits

Thursday, May 28, 2015

My relationship with food: Dream World Scenerio

In a Dream World, my relationship with food would be somewhere in line with the 80/20 rule. If you aren't familiar with the concept you can google it or read a quick little article here, but ultimately the premise is...80% of the time you eat clean and healthy and 20% of the time you can have a little indulgence.  And since nothing is "off limits", you are less likely to go hog wild crazy when you do nibble (or sip) something less than clean and healthy.

It sounds pleasant enough.

I don't want to be a slave to the scale (although in my losing phase to get to my goal, I wouldn't have given that sucker up.  Weighing weekly helped me stay on track).  But in the maintenance phase of my life, I don't really want to have to worry about that number on a scale.

I don't want to track my calories.  Although this can be beneficial and educational, I know the calorie count (pretty close) of most food items.  And I kinda think that calorie counting can turn one unhealthy relationship with food (binging, overeating, NOT thinking of calories or nutrition) into another unhealthy relationship with food.  I want to feed my body things that I know are good for me, the majority of the time, and enjoy the "bad" foods when I do eat them.  There shouldn't be a vicious cycle of self-hate if I eat a Twinkie.  Even if I eat 2 Twinkies, wash it down with a Pepsi, and then eat a Snickers.  I'm okay.  You're okay.  We're okay.

I should say that I don't really have a vicious cycle of self-hate when I eat bad.  But I know those who do.  And I think the negative self-talk that I did have going on when I went cray-cray with my food choices was more tied to the number reflected on the scale.

I want to be able enjoy healthy food choices.  I want to choose to surround myself with snacks for my grazing that are natural and perhaps a titch more clean than my beloved cheetos and Pepsi.  But I don't want to say I am NEVER eating cheetos or drinking Pepsi again.

you dig?

So that's my dream world.  And maybe it can happen.

A girl's got to dream.

"Welcome to Hollywood!  What's your dream?" -Pretty Woman

You're welcome.

Oh.  One more thing before I go.  When I first started this blog, there were like...oh...4 of us blogging about the lapband.  I remember the days of constantly checking my blog feed for an update from someone...anyone.  And then, there were over a hundred of us...easy.  And reading and commenting on everyone's blogs was like working a full-time job.  Well now, there are only a few bloggers left...and sometimes that can make you feel like you are talking to yourself.

Well a fellow bandster (for now anyways) has changed the focus of her blog from lapband life to one focused on health and wellness...and so I wanted to give her a shout out if you are looking for new reading material.

Amanda's Blog

Happy Thursday Dudes.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Day 2 of Clean Eating: MAN...I'm SuperFit

I always enjoy the temporary high I get when I have been making healthier food choices for say...oh...almost 24 hours.  It's like all of a sudden I look skinnier, my pants are a little looser, and my skin is glowing.  Now, the truth may be that I may actually be bloated, my pants are ripping at the seams, and I have a bad case of adult acne...

but if it's so....

don't tell me yo!

Heather concocted this diet idea of juicing and protein shaking and clean eating, and in true fashion, yesterday...around 2pm, I got a text from her saying she was starving and that we should quit and have pizza and beer.

Yeah.  You read that right.  HEATHER is the quitter.  Not me.  But I said NO.  NO NO GIRLFRIEND.  WE BE ON A DIET.

And although she wined and cried, and came home and asked if the green salsa verde we had in the fridge was considered "clean" and that she would eat it with a spoon...we persevered.  We juiced for din din and had a pickle for dessert.

Today I had a protein shake blended with a cup of frozen peaches for me old breakfast, and then I had a Kind bar for a snack.  THEN, I went to Fresh Market and bought all sorts of "clean" snacks and ate a damn pear.  For lunch I had my black bean soup (you can find the recipe here, along with some of my other favorite soup recipes), and I am drinking my juice I made this morning.  Plugging right along.

Hope all is well my little lovelies!


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Nearly 6 Months Without Stepping on the Scale

Well, June 1st will mark the half way point of my New Year's Resolution of not weighing myself.  I still don't miss it, although it's odd to start a "diet" without having a number to guide you.  So, since Heather wanted us to "detox" from some of our recent bad food and drink behaviors, and thus, we are juicing, protein shaking, and clean eating for 7 days, I DID take my measurements this morning.  The last time I measured was January 1st.  I am up about 2" on most body parts.  I am in my size 12's, but I would really like to be in my size 10's.  I'm not really feeling dejected by any of this news.  It's just where I am now and I am here because I eat relatively liberally (um...if I want it, I eat it), and I have been drinking like Madmax and Charlize Theron after they find water in the desert...but I am not talking about water! mmmmmkay?

So our plan for the week is a protein shake for breakfast (I blend frozen fruit in mine), I will eat a healthy meal (something I have made) for lunch, and juicing for dinner...or some combination of those things.  We can snack on clean items only..preferably non-packaged items like fresh fruits and veggies, but can also do nuts and things with less than 5 ingredients listed (and we have to know and be able to pronounce those five ingredients).  Oh...and at least 100 ounces of water.  Oh...and no beer expect on the weekend we can have 6 drinks.  Bahah...Heather came up with that number, and that's for both Saturday and Sunday.  So we can split and do say...3 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday....or just drink all 6 on Saturday (you get the idea).

In other news, we celebrated Heather's birthday week by catching a baseball game....

 Losing our kickball game...but Heather gained this ironic tshirt that I bought it wasn't really a loss.
 Cuddling on the couch with Bear.  He is so very very special.
 And then we headed to my parent's boat in Scottsboro, Al for the weekend.  We invited our friends Bethany (PowPow) and Todd (Toddrick) along.
 Heather motivated us all to take the little boat to land Saturday morning for separate workouts, and she was the first one in the water after we got back to the big boat.
Saturday was a beautiful day on the river.  My niece and her friend Jesse came down from Nashville to hang out with us.  I started drinking somewhere around 10ish and managed to go through at least 3 cycles of drunk before retiring to bed at 9pmish.  I know.  I am impressive.
 And finally...I leave you with this.
This was last year and I can't remember if I shared this at the time...but Heather and I were at a pool party and we decided to work on the dirty dancing lift, so as to impressive all of our friends at the pool.  Well, it wasn't really working in the water (basically I blame Heather because she is no Jennifer Grey and can't hold form for even a damn second), so we decided it would be a better idea for her to run, jump off the side of the pool, and I would catch her.  

Uh...none of our "friends" tried to stop us.

So she came flying full force at my head, her body hit my hands, my arms collapsed and she basically pile drove (I know that's not technically a word), my head into my body cavity.  Disaster.  Life lessons happen all the time.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Things You May (or may not) Like to Know

1.  At least 2 times a day I utter the words:  "I'm starving and I am pretty sure I am dying".  I text people.  I tell coworkers.  I just say it outloud in the bathroom.  And I KNOW I am not supposed to say "I am starving", because most of us are actually NEVER starving and there ARE people who are starving and it's a bit dramatic.  But I say it.  And I don't think I will be stopping anytime soon.

2.  I am the gassiest in the mornings.  Sometimes when Heather and I are on the cardio machines at the gym and my preworkout has kicked in (which means I need to use the bathroom for poopie time) but I don't want to get off the ARC until my time is up...I let a little stinker slip.  And then I keep looking forward, waiting for Heather to turn and look at me in disgust. 

Which she does.

And I just shrug and giggle.

3.  I hate it when Heather rubs her socked feet on my legs.  And I know you aren't supposed to say HATE, but I am not joking.  Something immediately happens in my body and I want to throat punch her.  So far.  I have not.  She has been warned though.  But she often does not heed my warnings and thinks it is fun to then, like a child, repeatedly try to rub her socked foot on me. 

4.  I don't eat raw vegetables.  Never have.  Don't really see it happening anytime soon.  I do like steamed veggies...but I steam them until near mush.  Now you know.

5.  I like to say I'm half-gay because it sounds more clever than bi-sexual.  Really I am just an equal opportunity lover.  Although in "real life" (i.e. not taking into account movies, sports figures, or people I stalk follow on Instagram) Heather is the only female I have ever fallen head over heels for. Except that one time when I was a camp counselor.  But my love was unrequited.  So it doesn't count.  People like to ask "So would you go back to men"...well I don't intend to "go back" anywhere, but for me, I fall in love with a person.  Not their parts.  But...if they are hot...well that DOES help.

6.  Speaking of gay things, a coworker asked me yesterday why I wasn't "butch", prefaced with "you don't look like a lesbian.  She wasn't being hateful.  She has just lived, I am going to assume, a sheltered life over the course of her 50 plus years hear on Earth.  I immediately said to her "well, why don't you have long hair and wear lipstick"...and she said "I don't like it"...well there you go.  I was going to go on a tangent about the Kinsey Scale (if you've never seen the movie Kinsey, it's not bad) and about how we are all on a scale that ranges from "totally gay" to "totally straight" (probably not the official terms)...and then I would have highlighted some points from number five (see number 5 above if you have forgotten), but we were interrupted.

7.  ANOTHER thing someone said to me today was "it just drives me crazy all these big girls on the beach wearing bikinis"...and this wasn't from a skinny girl.  I quickly said," Oh, I wore bikinis at 300 pounds.  I wasn't going to let someone's judgment stop me".  Let's take a look at me here in my one piece...
Oh the joys of timehop.  Now granted, I was probably around 280ish here...but I promise you I thought I was a sex kitten.  Meow.

8.  About a month ago now I took an afternoon off at work and went to the beach and met me sister from another mister there...

It was lovely.  We've decided we would like to be ladies who lunch...but are partnered with fine lovers with small bank accounts instead of ugly lovers with fat wallets.  FINE.  FINE.  So work we must.  But it was still a wonderful day.  I may or may not have consumed an excessive amount of Wild Blues (my favorite beer, 8% alcohol, and by excessive I mean 5) in about 3 hours and may or may not have swore of drinking for the rest of my life (I came to my senses about that silly idea after I started feeling better).

9.  I finished reading this book yesterday.

Sigh.  Don't do it.  Let me sum it up for you.  We have bacteria in our intestines that studies are being to show may be linked to everything from anxiety to obesity.  But, because they are still in the early stages of research, pretty much everything "may or may not be true"...but just to make sure, eat lots of veggies, eat lots of fiber, eat less meat, and find a good probiotic.

Well duh.

Damn it.

Came across this little diddy yesterday.  This was post-op I believe, but at least 7 years ago.  I don't know why I am petting a rooster.  Oh...I DO know why...but I am a lady so I will let you put the pieces together.

11.  I have decided I need to quit my job and become a selfie adviser. ON THE DAILY, usually right after uttering "I am starving and may be dying", I come across a friends picture on facebook that they have decided to make their profile picture.  And it's not just ONE person.  And this phenomenon knows no race, gender, age, or sexual orientation...but sometimes people on my Facebook take the WORST pictures of themselves, like an upshot that emphasis their chins, or a shot with a flash that makes their make-up look all Memoirs of a Geisha, which would be fine if they were actually dressing up as a geisha, but it just happens to be a Friday night on the way to the club....but I want to advise people...either in person while the selfie is actually happening, or maybe I will create an app that for .99cents a month, before your selfie posts, it comes to me for approval.  Of course, by putting this GENIUS idea out on the world wide web, clearly run the risk of this idea being snatched from me, much like the idea of the She-wee.

12.  Happy Tuesday friends.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I'll Just Be Over Here...Putting out Fires

So yesterday at work I got to play dress up.  I was watching some Firefighter applicants do the physical test and once they finished...well...they asked me if I wanted to give it a try.  Now, clearly I had been mentally running with the young strong gentleman applicants in my head thinking "Oh..I could KILL this" once Brock asked me if I wanted to give a try...I had to say yes.  

So, they suited me up in a jacket and helmet and walked me to the starting line.  I can't tell you what a trip the adrenaline running through my body was.  Even though I had watched 10 guys run this over the last hour, I didn't really know what to expect.  My body was shaking.  I was now thinking instead of ME killing the course, the course may kill me.  

I started with a firehouse filled with water.  I had to run with it down the parking lot.

Done.  No problem.

Then...came a terrible terrible thing.  It involved a sledgehammer and a "sled". Please see the picture below for an idea of what it looks like (that is not me mmmkay).
Well, you have to hit that red sled over and over again until you move it six feet.  I thought I could handle this without any problem. I WORKOUT EVERY DAY!  Well Brock warned me that it's all about technique...and that I should keep my feet in front of the sled (see the pic?).  I had to move that sled in under 47 seconds.  I started whacking the shit out of it.  It was a DISASTER!  Words were coming out of my mouth that no HR professional should speak in front of their people.  I moved it six feet.  But not under 47 seconds.  My entire body was shot.  

But not to worry friends.  They didn't let me quit.  They made me keep going.  I do believe the firefighters enjoyed my demise (in a sweet  kind of way). 

So next up was the hose carry.  I had to climb three flights of stairs with that hose.  


But once at the top, I had to pull another fire hose that was wrapped up at the end of the rope.  I had to pull it up three stories. At first, I used my ass to counterweight...but when you get the big ball of hose to the top, you have to reach over and pull it over the rail.

I couldn't do it.  My grip was shot.

I was yelling "I CAN'T DO IT.

They were yelling, "YOU CAN".

I ripped my huge borrowed man gloves off...and I did.

 Back down I went.  Carrying the hose.

 Once I got back down, I had to drag...or attempt to drag that damn dummy.  It must have weighed 973 pounds.

Okay.  It weighed around 170, but sweet shit on fire, I could barely budge him.  And his pants were falling down.  I was distracted.  I did manage to drag is fat ass some feet before I nearly died.

It was super tough dude.  And it all made me feel weak.  I kept muttering "I work out.  I work out".  But seriously, it was an awesome opportunity.  Those are some great guys.

And seriously...about 5 minutes after I finished and while Brock was coaching me on how the sled was really all technique...

I started feeling a rumbling in the bowels.

Turns out all that adrenaline and stress and physical exertion was about to explode out of me.

I had to go.

Gotta go gotta go gotta go right now.

I left in a rush, shouting thank you's as I drove off.  I made it one block to the nearest gas station and their lovely bathroom.

Thank God dudes.

Friday, April 24, 2015

The Most Dumbest Facebook Article Ever

So, you know that frightening feature of Facebook that pulls your search history and website views from your computer or phone and then "recommends" things to you.  It "suggests things" that you might "like" Facebook tries to KNOW you?  For example, if you googled "the best vibrator on the cheap" (this is clearly just hypothetical), then the next time you are scrolling through your feed, you see this ad for a Brookstone "back massager"...and of a sudden you are like...THE UNIVERSE IS SPEAKING TO ME THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA?

Do you know what I am talking about or not?

Man.  I wish you could answer me.

But yesterday, there was a suggested article about 9 Reasons Couple's Should Workout.  I'm not even going to link the article, that's how bad it was.  Seriously.  I can't contribute to site hits for that webpage.  I am pretty sure that a 14 year old who was probably recruited off of Craig's List wrote it...or the author of 50 Shades of Grey ( was that bad)...but I wanted to share with you some of the highlights.  But I clicked on the link because I thought I was sure to find head-nodding content that spoke to the Heather-Amy relationship dynamic.


According to this extensively researched and scientifically validated article..

Reason #1.  Couples who workout are physically congruent.  Let me translate  Couples that workout together have the same body type.  Um.
 Oh.  Is that a picture of me?  Or is that a picture of Heather?  I know it's hard to tell because we have the same body type.

OKAY.  In retrospect, perhaps I am being a little hard on Reason #1.  I guess you could say that Heather and I look like we might both workout.  But this is there closing statement:
If one of you is fit and the other looks like a plate of overly warmed Camembert cheese, it says something about the latter's level of self-respect and level of regard for their partner. It matters.

Reason #2. Sex of course is better for couples' that workout.  

bhahaha.  Listen.  WHEN we have sex it IS amazing.  For reals.  Amazing.  Please note that I said WHEN.  sigh.  Please also note the hypothetical situation in my intro paragraph. In addition, Heather and I are complete opposites in many aspects.  The "how much do sex do you need to function normally" aspect, is one of those aspects.  I am much like a newly hatched butterfly emerging from your orgasm-less cocoon.  I have a...let's say...highly motivated sex drive.  Heather's sex drive is much like a bear.  That likes to hibernate.  For long long winters.  Like...Game of Throne type winters.  Sigh.  But when that bear does wake up...

Let's proceed.

#5 Food is no longer a source of contention for couples who work out together.

bahaha.  Meaning, you eat the same types of food.  Health.  Healthy food.  You don't argue.  You both enjoy surviving on water and seeds.

Negatory.  Negatory.

You know and I know that Heather cannot grasp my lust for all things delicious and full of high-fructose corn syrup.  You know and I know that even loving and living with someone who is very nutritionally sound, that's not enough.

#6.  Couples who work out don't argue about where they are going for vacation.

Well now they are just making shit up.  There proposed theory is because couples that workout together want to go to the beach.

#7.  Buying presents for each other is easier.

Perhaps this was a comedic article and I just didn't know it.  Those of you who know Heather and I on a personal level know that she is the pickiest person when it comes to receiving gifts, and as for GIVING gifts...her idea of romance and gift giving is paying the power bill.

I'm not kidding.

She told me the other day that "Clearly I love you and show it all the time.  I just paid the power bill yesterday! That. Is. Love".

This is also the girl who upon opening her Christmas present one year, after I had saved and planned and searched and plotted for the best bluetooth speaker that my money could afford, said "Oh.  I wanted Sperry's.  Can't you just give me money next time."


There were a couple could ones that they you spend more time together and get more done together.  I will agree.  And I do love working out with Heather...most of the time.  I mean...not ALL of the time.  Not when she is doing burpees or wants ME to do burpees.  And not when she makes fun of the crotch sweat on the bench that I leave when I stand up...although I repeatdly tell her it is a crotch KISS and when she sits down her crotch will kiss my crotch kiss and that's love.  BUT, most other times, I am thankful that I do have a partner that supports me and pushes me and gets up at 5:00 am with me to workout.

With that said...Happy Friday friends!  May your weekend bring you peace, love, sex, and just a little high fructose corn syrup.


Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Stuffed Spaghetti Squash

Last night, in an effort to make something a little different...I embarked on a mission to create a Stuffed Spaghetti Squash.

This wasn't my first squash rodeo, as I have made just plain old boring spaghetti squash several times over the years.  But I wanted to sass it up.  I typically liken spaghetti squash as the boring main meal of places like Atkinsville and Healthtown, USA.
Oops.  I forgot to take a picture BEFORE we dug in.

So this is what I did.

I purchased a smallish size spaghetti squash.

Then, in my trusty non-stick skillet, I sauteed the following:

Baby carrots that I had sliced into nickel size pieces.  I probably used around 20 baby carrots.
Half a sweet onion, diced.
Salt and Pepper
About a quarter of chopped fresh cabbage.
2-3 cups of steamed, then chopped, broccoli

I sauteed the above ingredients for about 7 minutes...until the carrots start to get a little tender.

Then, I toss in a heaping mound of diced garlic (I use jar garlic so it's not as strong as fresh)
Some red pepper flakes
Some Italian seasoning.

Who knows the measurements people.  I just "feel" my spices and herbs,

It's all in the wrist.

So I turn that to low and continue sauteing.

During that time, I had prepped the spaghetti squash.  There are various ways to get your spaghetti squash..."spaghetti-ee".  I cut mine in half, scoop out the seeds, but the two halves facing up in a microwave safe glass dish (this one was a 9  x 9), put some water in the dish (about half way full), and cover in plastic wrap.  Then you just pop that bad boy in the microwave for about 11 minutes.

Also during this time (have I mentioned how talented I am at multi-tasking?), I steamed some broccoli and then chopped it up.

After the squash is done, I put on my oven mitt (seriously...those things are as hot as sun-nuggets), stand one half of the squash on end, and then scrape with a fork into the dish.  Repeat with other half.

Then, the magic happens.

I toss the squash, the broccoli, and the veggies I have sauteed, into a bow and mix.

You then use the now empty squash halves as your baking vessel (I put mine on a baking sheet covered in foil).  I filled each half, half way up with the mixture.  Sprinkle on some FETA.  FETA...yummmm.  Then, I poured red sauce (just good old plain pasta sauce) on one, and homemade Alfredo sauce on the other (I will tell you how to make that in a second).  Then, I load up the rest of the mixture on top, top with a little more sauce, sprinkle mozzarella cheese on those babies and pop in the oven at 350...just to really melt the cheese and make all the ingredients happy and complete.

Let me tell you...that junk was gooooood.  GOOOOOD.

The red sauce one was very light in calories.  The Alfredo sauce was perhaps a little "heavier" on the calories, but holy mother of all things made with butter and heavy was divine.

So this is how I make my Alfredo sauce.  If you are ever feeling like being naughty, make this and use fresh pasta...Lord....amen.

1/4 Butter
1 cup heavy cream
1 clove crushed or minced garlic
1 1/2 cups freshly grated Parmesan cheese (do not use pre-shredded.  Don't do it.)
Italian seasoning
salt & Pepper (I like a lot of pepper)
Red Pepper flakes (totally optional)

Melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium low heat. Add cream and simmer for 5 minutes, then add garlic and cheese and whisk quickly, heating through. Stir in Italian seasoning and red pepper flakes.  Serve. 

 Or just drink it out of a cup. Seriously.  It's that good.

So there you go.  Basically you could just throw WHATEVER you wanted into the squash.

Go in peace. Eat my friends.

Now I am starving.