Folks. Yesterday was one for the record books. I was throwing the best, most intense, most dramatic pity party yesterday afternoon. I only invited myself. And it was epic.
I decided to write down everything I hated about myself. Oh yeah. I did. I know this philosophy goes against all of the sound advice of the great ones...you know...like George Washington, Gandhi,...Oprah. But I did it. And it was bad. I had considered, at the beginning of this detrimental list, posting it on here. But it got so depressing and ugly that I just couldn't do it.
I suppose several things led up to my meltdown. One of them being I am just a day or two away from starting my period, which, for realz, makes me extremely moody and tearful. And this biggest loser thing at work is killing me.
IT'S KILLING ME SMALLS!
You see, let me try to put it into perspective. My partner has lost 15 pounds. I lost 3. My partner, everyone is always saying, "Why did you choose HER? " And I was always defending her. I knew she could do it if she set her mind to it. Well, during one circuit session, everyone was saying I was stupid for choosing her, that we wouldn't win...blah blah. And I was defending her! And in she walks...and starts telling me that I shouldnt be lifting weights, that I am not going to lose anything, that she is doing all the work. I couldnt believe it. I don't know if she thought being nasty would motivate me, but it doesn't. And after that, I stopped trying.
Granted. This is just one of the many excuses. But still. I want a partner who motivates me with encouragement. Damn.
SO anywhoos, now that she has lost so much more than me, I know she is thinking well lookie loooo! So I have to step it up.
So I will.
But, back to my hate list. As I started the second page of negative talk, in walks Heather. And she says that she can't handle listening to my partner go on and on about how I am not pulling my weight and that she (Heather) needs to know if I want to lose some more or not. That if I don't she will support me, and if I do want to lose more, she will help.
Well, like any sane woman, I started crying. And didnt stop for about 30 minutes. It was reee-dic-you-lous.
Here is the thing about having a personal trainer for a life partner. It's sort of like having the band. It's a great tool, but it doesn't fix everything. It's not my working out that's the problem. It's my eating when I am NOT around Heather.
SO, I do know what I have to do. And I am going to try and embrace it. I am going to try and do what helped me lose the 160 pounds the first time.
My plan for this week is:
Water. At least 100 ounces.
No snacking out of boredom or out of want. If I am hungry in between meals, I can choose a healthy snack.
Wear my heartrate monitor during workouts. Record my calories out.
Keep a food journal.
Be present in my eating.
There you go.
I know I can do this if I choose too.
And for the remainder of this week. I am choosing too.