Wednesday, January 26, 2011

From the Mind of a Coo Coo Bird

Man. My brain never ceases to amaze me.

Scales (aka, Satan's numerical instrument)

Electric Bandlady was throwing poop pellets at her scale today. You know...poop pellets. Anyways, her scale is batshit crazy as well.

*Can we pause for a moment and talk about the term "batshit crazy"? I mean, why is batshit anymore crazy than say iguana shit? I've heard of apeshit crazy, but never like lamashit crazy...I was just wondering*

So, back to the scale. It hit me. You know back in the day, like in the 60's or 70's or something, women burnt their bras in protest and as a symbolic way to say UH NO! I AM WOMAN HERE ME ROAR...well wouldn't it be fun if we did that with our scales? Burnt them. oooh oooh...or SHOT THEM with RIFLES?

But alas, I could never do it.

But now I want you to really think for a moment. Isn't it funny that it is us, our little old selves, that put this ENORMOUS amount of weight (pun pun pun alert) on the number on the scale. Take me for example. Bitch and moan. Why just this morning I was fussing. And is anyone else on my ass about the number on the scale? nope. Just me. I am the only one really who cares if I weigh 170...or 160...

Damn us.

A Book in Our Eyeballs

Okay. This is top secret. So, I am just sharing it with you, my 650 plus followers. DO NOT TELL ANYONE. But I thought of the most INGENIOUS invention today. Patent pending (ps. not really).

So sometimes when I go to a really boring meeting, I wish I could be reading a book instead. Like, while I am in the meeting. So today, I thought it would be fantastic, if someone could invent a little machine that goes into your eyeballs and you could read a book inside your eye balls and no one would know. Like an internal Kindle! OH SNAP! I know. I am a genius. And think about it. It wouldn't have to be limited to books. You could Facebook inside your eyeballs as well.

I am telling you kids. This could be big.


Gen made a nice post about finally finding her Green Zone again. In this post, she mentioned some us more seasoned bandsters, and how it doesnt seem to her that we talk a lot about having or not having restriction, pbing, etc.

I think I do, its just that I inundate you guys with a bunch of other nonsense, so it all blends together. But, I would also assume that for me, once I got restriction, it stayed with me for awhile and I didn't need to talk about it. But in my response to her on her made me think.

Stay with me on this one.

Restriction, in all its glory, is no longer make or break for me. When I decided to lose some more weight last month, I thought restriction might I got my second fill of the year. But..I was too tight, got the unfill, and restriction is mediocre at best. And I am okay with that...BECAUSE...

I don't need it as much anymore. I certainly need my band. I love that I can't eat enormous amounts of certain things.

But after Dr. Friedman took out .5ccs, I can still eat bread, pasta, chicken... Things that when I was at my tightest...were a no-go or difficult.

And that's okay. Of course I can say this now because I am at goal. And it's easy to say it when you arent struggling everyday. But it is a weird thought.

And Gen raised another interesting point. She, and she is not alone in bandsters who have said this, finds that at her optimal restriction, food starts to become a non-issue for her. She experiences no real physical hunger and has to remind herself to eat. I NEVER had that happen. Even at my tightest, real hunger would return in 3-4 hours. And I constantly thought of food. Still do.

Holy Smoked Ham

I just realized that tomorrow is my two year bandiversary! Holy koala shit (see...doesnt sound right). That's crazy.

But, what made me think of that was that I had my 2 year blood work done and got the results back. I am apparently pretty deficient in vitamin D and vitamin B-50. So I am on 6000 IU's of vitamin D a day (um...that's a lot), and a B-50 supplement. Good times.

And I have been meaning to answer a few questions about the B-12 shots. Zara asked about shooting it in the ass (muscle) vs stomach (fat). I asked my nurse and she said either way it gets to where it needs to go. Muscle will get it there faster. Fat makes it less painful and it's easier.

Also, I know that I don't need to take the shots. I can take the sublinguals, and that is what I did for the first two years. I just wanted to see if I got an extra boost from the shot.

Ice Cream Sandwiches

Um. I love you.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Um. I love you too. I have decided it's just not safe to have this in my house. Against my better judgement I bought a box on Saturday. It's gone now. Not gone as the trash. But gone as in...down my throat. Last night, as I was eating it in the dark, as fast as one can eat those beautiful squares of sugary goodness...I realized I probably looked absurd. So, I polished 'em off, chugged some milk, and said...toodles (although I know they are gone...they are not forgotten).


  1. You make me laugh every time I read your posts! Congrats on your two year bandiversary!

    Holy elephant shit (you're right, it doesn't sound right but it's BIG!)


  2. I do love me some cinnamon toast crunch. Congrats on your 2 yr!!!

  3. That's a lot of stuff in one post, wheww! You crack me up. I'm glad you posted this, because I've been trying to decide if I should get another fill, because I'm hungry more. But somedays, I'm not really, no matter what level I'm at, I'm always hungry within 3 hours of eating, but before the band, it was like 30 minutes, too many decisions.

  4. I'M WITH YOU, SISTER! I have my Glock ready to have a go at that damned scale. A .40 caliber bullet will show that little f***er who the boss is.

    My friend Jo says that one of her parrots calls snow "crow shit". That could work.

  5. That really sucks that you still think about food all the time. And by sucks, I mean for me! I had this high hope that some day it would all be gone. I am not there, and I feel I am in my green zone, so that doesn't bode well for me! :(

    I am with you on the ice cream sandwiches. They are a little piece of heaven on earth. not so much with you on cinnamon toast crunch tho!

    Congrats on the bandiversary!

  6. Ahhhh...! That is the sound of my relief. ME TOO. I never 'don't' think about food. It really is rarely a 'non issue'. I still can eat bread, pasta and chicken most of the time. Sometimes I wonder if my band is working. But knowing you have similar issues makes me realize that my band IS working. Its working great. I'm lucky in that I can eat fairly normally and enjoy food and yet still lose weight and, even better, not be able to eat a WHOLE LOAF of bread at a time.

    Honestly, sometimes I hear how bandsters can't eat this or that or don't care about food or eat the same things every day b/c they know those things are 'safe' or 'easy' and I'm glad I'm not that bandster. THat may work for them, but for me, that's a diet. The word diet makes me rebel. If I was on a diet, I would not be successful at this. I get overwhelmed sometimes and find myself comparing to other bandsters but the bottom line is that right now, I have it pretty made...

  7. I'm kind of two-year bandiversary completely came and left without me even acknowledging it. :( I didn't think about it until you wrote this.


    a) I a with you on feeling hunger. It has never gone away. I'm jealous of Gen. Wwwwaaaaaa!


    b) I love your book-in-the-eyeballs idea!!! You are so amazingly creative and witty!!! It just comes together so beautifully. I love reading your posts (as you know).

  8. Oh,Amy. What is this new obsession about shooting things with shotguns??? Step away from the firearms!

    Congrats on the 2 year bandiversary. I nominated you for an award that I am sure you have multiple nominations for but here it is anyway

  9. I definitely have not had that "forgot to eat" experience either, but I'm happy with my band and feel that it is working for me. You work out so much that you really need to be able to get some decent food in. I wish I could get into running like you. My Crossfit workout today had a mile run as part of it. By the time I got back in everyone else had finished the workout and was stretching. I suck at running.

  10. I have had this exact conversation about "why batshit?" with friends. We can't figure it out either, but in one of our more brilliant (read: Drunk) moments we decided that calling something cicada crazy made a lot more sense to us. Because, um, cicadas ARE crazy.

  11. 2, you are a band superstar and an inspiration! keep on rockin baby!

  12. Hi Amy! I just found your blog and started reading from the very beginning. Three things I wanted to say:

    1) You're hilarious!

    2) You're beautiful! And you always were too, even in the photos from before your banding.

    3) Just watched your video blog where you were talking about your snap-crotch bodysuit in middle school. I had a snap-crotch poet's blouse -- you know, with the bell sleeves and the big ruffle around the necklace? Used to wear it with high-waisted washed-out jeans. Yikes. Thank GOD that style didn't come back in '04. :)

    Anyway, I'm enjoying reading your archives. :)

  13. Hey, I nominated you for an award. Come check it out on my blog.