Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Differences Between My Lady and I

How spectacular is that diagram above?  (minus the spelling error in my circle, but seriously, it was noticed after I finished and don't really care THAT much).

I was laying...lying....whatever...I hate grammar...I was IN bed last night, unable to sleep, brain going hog wild, and I was thinking about how different Heather and I are.  And I thought...hmmm...this might make a good blog post.

Of course I could be wrong, and in that case, you can skip to the end.

But sometimes I find it amazing that we are so in love and work so well together when we are so so different.  As illustrated in the highly technical diagram above, you can see that we do have a couple of common interests.  Namely, we like animals and pasta and pizza.  That's about it.  OKAY...that's not totally it...but it makes for a funnier example.  I could say that what we DON'T have in common probably would make a longer list than what we DO have in common...but you only need one thing really in common right? Right? LOVE.  awwwww...I know.

But there are some things that are so crazily (real word I just made up) different.  Let us first examine the topic of marriage.  Heather wants to marry me (or so she has in the occasional romantic letters I get...and by occasional I mean once a year).  But she would probably be okay if we never actually officially got married, had a ceremony, etc.  I have tried to psychoanalyze her in my Dr. Phil brain lobe before.  Perhaps it's because her parents have remarried...or because marriage was never something sacred or important when she was growing up?  Maybe because she is gay-gay (another term I made up meaning not bi-sexual and only swings one way)...so marriage for her wasn't an option legally until recently...and still not a legal, official option in the state we live in.  Maybe because she has no desire to be the center of attention and where a stunning white dress (well...I can tell you she wont ever be wearing a dress).  Or maybe it's just because she believes you don't need a piece of paper to convey true love, devotion, and a promise we already have made each other.

I don't really know.  I know that she realizes that marrying her one day, standing in front of the people we love and respect and making the commitment to each other, IS important to me.  And...duh...bc I wasnt to have pictures taken of me in my dress, have a beautiful ring to look at when I am cleaning the house or in the bathroom, and bc it is a day all about the bride...aka...me.  But I have written my vows to her, I have romanticized the moments in my head...regardless.  Because it's important to me, she will make it important to her.  But sometimes I want her to WANT it as bad as I do.  You know...for her to say one day..."LET'S MOVE TO VERMONT...I can't wait anymore".  And yes, we could do a ceremony NOW, regardless of whether or not it's legal in Florida, but one of her deals is that until it's legal, it's kinda pretending.  And I agree with her on that point.  But one day folks...ya'lll will be traveling to a fabulous wedding.

There will be a chocolate waterfall, a diet Sunkist waterfall, and a big bowl of queso. 

Another difference is our level of public affection.  A good gauge of how much Heather has had to drink is when she starts putting the moves on me in public or in front of other people.  If she kisses me in public then she must be feeling pretty good!  When we first started dating, I honestly didn't give any thought about what other people might be thinking of two girls holding hands.  I never thought of Heather and I as "two lesbians"...I always just thought of us as two people being in love.  Heather on the other hand is always aware of the fact that there may be people around uncomfortable with our relationship.  A good example is we have another couple, two ladies, and one of them plays softball with Heather.  Well, her girlfriend showed up after a game and they were holding hands walking to the car.    I was envious because at the baseball diamonds Heather is never very "couply".  Well, several weeks later Heather was discussing our friends with another group of people and she mentioned how they were all over each other at the baseball game.

To which I corrected her and said..."No.  They were HOLDING HANDS."  To which she said "Yeah, but there were families there...and it might make them uncomfortable or the kids might ask questions"...

To which I thought "UH...um...so what?" 

Now if they were full on lapdancing or heaving petting (as my mother refers to it), well that's not appropriate for anyone to do in a public setting...

But to me, if a heterosexual couple can hold hands...we can hold hands. 

And it may all go back to Heather doesn't want attention drawn to her unless she decides she wants it (because when she is walking around in her bikini top and boardshorts rocking her abs...you better believe that woman wants people to notice her....mmmmmkay)?

And finally...a question I get a lot...is the about the difference between our weight/food/body mentality.

Ironically, the difference in our bodies is a non-issue on both sides.  It is not hard dating a woman who has very little body fat, toned muscles, no cellulite.  Looking at her body and admiring it does not make me hate mine.  I think it's because I know that no matter how hard I worked, even if I lost 40 more pounds, my body will never, ever look like Heather's.  There would be loose skin, there would be damage.  There will always be stretch marks and cellulite.  Even if I had plastic surgery.  So there is no use in comparing our bodies.  I love her body.  And she loves mine.  And that would be the only hard part about dating someone with a body like hers...I wonder sometimes HOW she can love my body when it's so different than the body she works hard for.

Of course, we often debate about the differences between our addictions.  She has a hard time understanding how anyone gets to be morbidly obese.  She cannot understand the mentality of "fuck it.  I know this big mac is bad for me, I know I am killing myself, but I am going to eat it anyways".  She can't understand it because food is not her addiction and she has always had control over those choices.  She doesn't understand, bless her heart, why I love me a cold Pepsi...even when I say to her "hmmmm...I can't understand why you love or crave beer"...

But really, our food mindedness is a learning experience for both of us. 

The long and short of it is this.  There is no point of this post....I just wanted to give you a little insight.

Go forth my friends...go forth and Venn diagram.  Or take a nap.  Whichever makes you happier.


  1. I am a married mother of 3, and although I can't relate to having a relationship with another woman, I understand everything that you say. I love that you are open about yourself in a way that doesn't exclude people like me, which makes me just want to be yours and Heather's BFF. I live in a rural area and I know very few "gay" people, but those that I do know separate themselves and have called me a "breeder", so thank you for giving an insight into your life. I will continue to read and follow you, and have recommended your blog to friends.

  2. I love your blog! Thanks for the insight.

  3. Funny - I had just blogged this morning how different me and my new BF are in many ways. He is very reserved and maintains decorum in public and it occurred to me he would really cringe if he thought I was blogging about too much personal stuff. Cuh-RAZY to someone like me, who lacks all filters! That got me thinking about how different we are - period. I should Venn diagram us, too.

    Anyway, I think you guys are adorable and Heather is a good sport for putting up with you. And vice versa. ;) I have such a good time following your blog!

  4. You give me warm fuzzies lol! Love your post and love the LOVE! People may THINK you are different because of who you love but when it comes down to it love is love my friend. Replace the name "heather" with "Josh" and it's the same. The feelings you feel are the same I feel about my hubs. If only these old fart politicians could see that...

  5. My husband frequently asks me why we are together because we are so different. He's an active guy, and I'm a curl up on the couch with a book girl. But in all the important stuff -- our world views and opinions -- we are similar.

    Since we've been together, I'm more active. He reads a bit more. We balance nicely. There are a ton of things I'd never have tried that I now enjoy (motorcycle riding, snowmobiling, car racing....).

  6. Love your blog!!! Great post! I can relate to all of it!

  7. Opposites attract and all that.

    I completely agree with your point of view. You and Heather (or any same sex couple for that matter) should totally be able to do whatever same sex couples are entitled to do. There will always be judgmental and rude people. Many of them may have a similar push away from the table point of view that drives us crazy when we are overweight (I mean judgmental is as judgmental does right). They are wrong! I hope Heather's attitude stem's from her caring nature and not wanting to make anyone (however incorrectly) feel uncomfortable rather than from bad experiences with these people in the past. xx

  8. I can understand Heather's avoidance of negative attention. I cannot understand what it feels like to be judged for being gay, but I have sure been judged and it sucks. Hopefully there will be a time when y'all won't have to worry about it, regardless of intoxication level.

    I think it will happen, it just can't come soon enough. Nice post!

  9. Based on your description, I see a lot of my partner and I in you and Heather.

    The only thing I'll add is that I often hesitate to hold my wife's hand in public because I'm a little afraid of being on the receiving end of a hate crime. That's why I prefer to fly under the radar when walking down the street.

  10. I friggin' love a good Venn diagram. I even made a Venn diagram gang symbol...I'll have to share it with you. (And this is a great post, my little nerd friend.)

  11. once again....you made my day.

    Please tell Heather that as a mom of two (ages 8 & 6)....I want my kids to see two women (or men) holding hands, kiss goodbye, get married, etc. I want my kids to say "hey mom, can two guys get married?" I want to raise my children to understand that loves comes in all colors and genders. Love is love. period.

  12. I love this. you crack me up. heavy petting. Shall go forth and venn diagram! xxx

  13. Awww the topic of marriage, I have a friend at this moment who is spending her entire savings to have the wedding of her dreams…I don’t get it, and of course my butchie girlfriend has the same thoughts as you, big huge wedding family friends flowers dresses, her in a tux (seeing her hot self in one would almost be worth it)beside that point …I don’t get it, and it breaks her heart when I don’t sit around talking about it and day dreaming all the what ifs, she is a romantic and very sensitive under all that butchness, I completely love everything about her and very proud to be with her and when the laws eventually change,(with more & more people like you) we will have the wedding she talks about, but really for her because to me,……we are married and I am completely commented heart, mind, and soul, as she has told me many times “baby you know I will be there to wipe your butt when you get too old to do it”… as I will be there for her too.. with or without a wedding