Monday, June 11, 2012

Changing Nothing, Expecting Something Different

Greetings on a Monday friends!  If any of you have been watching the news or weather channel, you may know we have been getting an absurd amounts of rain over here in Pensacola.  13.1 inches on Saturday, and then several more yesterday.  All is well on our side of town one is floating away.  We are dogsitting and monitoring my sisters house for the weekend and week....and I had grand plans of floating naked in the pool and sunning my bits...but bit tanning to be had.

After Memorial Weekend we were supposed to return geared up for a 7 day "detox" if you will, which included eating only "clean" foods.  This was really Heather's idea, geared to get me back on track with my food choices.  Well, after I informed her that "clean eating" meant that SHE could not drink beer or have wine for 7 days...

she decided her idea was stupid.

I decided to go with it for the most part...

Really, I just enacted the old Amy's plan of DOING BETTER.  You know. Every so often I give it a go.  Less calories, less junk, more water, more fresh food, less candy, less cookies, no fast food, less eating out, preparing lunches, having healthy snacks on hand.

I know that I eat (aka) GRAZE the most at work. It can be terrible.  A little here, a little there...a few pounds here, and a few inches there.  So I got rid of our crap, and tried to come up with a plan.  Drink water before I go for food, eat almonds or string cheese instead of oreos...drink a diet sunkist if I just HAVE to have a soda, then drink a little more water.

It's been going pretty good.  Of course it always does for a few weeks.

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got....

That's the saying right? So what am I doing different this time?  Well hell...

Nothing.  Maybe I should focus on that.  Focus on what I am going to do different this time rather than expecting a different result from the same actions.

Here is the truth about weight loss surgery folks.

No matter WHICH surgery a person picks... No matter which device, which cut, which operation, which staple, which implant, which THING that a person chooses...

It can fail.  The person can fail.  The device can fail.  The surgery can fail.  There can be complications...either by fault of the body, the surgeon, the patient, or the device.  And for those of you who have blogged long enough, searched blogs long enough, researched, or seen it with your own eyes...sometimes it just doesn't work out. 

It's important to know that the band is not the right choice for everyone.  Neither is the sleeve.  Neither is gastric bypass.  But whatever choice someone makes, they have to take responsibility for their actions.  The actions of a weight loss patient have a direct impact on the outcomes of their tool or surgery.

And I worry about those who have to switch to an alternative weight loss surgery option, either because they didnt get the results they hoped for with their original choice or because their original choice failed.  Think about Carnie Wilson.  She chose to band over bypass.  And you would think that with 2 weight loss surgeries in place...she would FOR SURE succeed this time.  But if you can cheat bypass, and you can cheat the band (as I well know), then what's to say that you CAN'T cheat both? 

We cheat our surgeries...we eat too much, we push too much...we eat sliders, we eat shit...

We do things we are not supposed to because we are addicted to food.  Our actions and the way our brain is wired does not change with a weight loss surgery...regardless of which one we choose.

So.  With all that said.  Clearly my band has helped me.  It has helped me temper my actions.  It has prevented me from going apeshit crazy.  It has helped me from gaining back 160 or so pounds back and more.

But when I saw 184.8 on the scale....that wasn't my bands fault. 

It was mine. 

And regardless of whether I need more restriction, or could use more restriction...more restriction wouldn't restrict my brain.

Which is my biggest enemy.

For most of us...this will always be a battle.  And I guess we just choose our weapons and hope to that we have good aim...most of the time.


  1. Great blog!

    For starters - stay dry, please. Insane. If you're tired of the rain, we can use some over here, please. Thank you.

    It's funny, doing the comparison. For me, the band is far more about my brain than my stomach. It doesn't much remind my stomach to hold less. I don't generally have the band filled enough for that. But it most definitely reminds my brain I don't "need" another bite. And that little reminder to my brain helps my brain to ask if this Twix is really the best choice. I can't do no this or no that. But I can be aware of how many Twixes I choose and whether or not that's the wise decision. That's the difference the band has made for me. After having the babies I let everything go. The band was completely deflated still and I could eat it all, as much as I wanted, and I didn't have that brain reminder. Still don't have the band where it should be but we are hoping to get pregnant and so the band is most likely going to be deflated again soon. But even with where it is, it is "enough" to make my brain think again. But you are absolutely right. Me being where I am right now - it's all me. It has nothing to do with the success (or not) of the band. But I don't think people give themselves credit where it's due when they lose x amount and maintain it, too. The band doesn't lose the weight, either. Our hard work, exercise, making good choices most of the time - that's what lost the weight.

    Great blog! (Sorry to hijack it.) :)

  2. Way to own it Sista! :) Great post. I just know you'll get down to your preferred weight in no time.

  3. Wise words, Amy, wise words.
    Now I just need to follow them!

  4. You speak the truth,as usual. It freaks me out that I will be on to my second surgery. Here's hoping I can control my head and my tool (that sounds dirty). I thought about you this morning when I say all the rain on the Today show. I pictured you frolicking in all the water.

  5. More words that you write that feel like they come from my head. I ate like a crazy person and didn't work out AT ALL for almost 4 weeks. The fact that I'm currently surpassing my danger zone is also not my band's fault.

    In fact, I think the band helped me get control before I gained another 50 pounds. We'll see. :)

  6. good points amy :) this whole process is 50% mental, and so many people are in denial about that! :(

  7. Loving this post, it is true on so many levels. And getting our head Back into the game can be the hardest part for any of us. But we need to remember that our wls can't do the job by itself, we need to do just as much, if not more work.

    Glad to hear you are dry and safe!

  8. I just had a similar conversation with Trish about this... I feel like it is all in my head. And I think I need some help with it. The band can only do so much for me. Thanks for the post, it really reaffirmed my daily decision making. xxx

  9. Your posts manage to hit home every time. I have the physical restriction that I need but my brain needs some kind of band because I always have that constant need to eat. As weird as it sounds, I've been seeing a psych who specializes in eating disorders and believe it or's working. Today I weighed in at 185, last Tuesday I weighed in at 194. I am in no way shape or form starving myself, but I'm eating when I'm TRULY hungry and eating until I am satisfied. It took a long time to understand what the feeling of satisfaction felt like, but I feel much better now that I do feel it and the weight is starting to fall off. I know that I am a long way from reaching my goal and I know that I will always have a battle with food, but I know that I will be eating to live, not living to eat. And that makes all the difference in the world.

  10. Yes! It kind of bugs me to see so many revisions going on right now because people aren't losing. Yes, some got the wrong surgery to begin with or have complications and a revision needs to happen but until we put the right stuff in our mouths, no surgery is going to work. As you said, you can cheat any of them.