Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Pittiest of Pity Parties

Folks. Yesterday was one for the record books. I was throwing the best, most intense, most dramatic pity party yesterday afternoon. I only invited myself. And it was epic.

I decided to write down everything I hated about myself. Oh yeah. I did. I know this philosophy goes against all of the sound advice of the great George Washington, Gandhi,...Oprah. But I did it. And it was bad. I had considered, at the beginning of this detrimental list, posting it on here. But it got so depressing and ugly that I just couldn't do it.

I suppose several things led up to my meltdown. One of them being I am just a day or two away from starting my period, which, for realz, makes me extremely moody and tearful. And this biggest loser thing at work is killing me.


You see, let me try to put it into perspective. My partner has lost 15 pounds. I lost 3. My partner, everyone is always saying, "Why did you choose HER? " And I was always defending her. I knew she could do it if she set her mind to it. Well, during one circuit session, everyone was saying I was stupid for choosing her, that we wouldn't win...blah blah. And I was defending her! And in she walks...and starts telling me that I shouldnt be lifting weights, that I am not going to lose anything, that she is doing all the work. I couldnt believe it. I don't know if she thought being nasty would motivate me, but it doesn't. And after that, I stopped trying.

Granted. This is just one of the many excuses. But still. I want a partner who motivates me with encouragement. Damn.

SO anywhoos, now that she has lost so much more than me, I know she is thinking well lookie loooo! So I have to step it up.

So I will.

But, back to my hate list. As I started the second page of negative talk, in walks Heather. And she says that she can't handle listening to my partner go on and on about how I am not pulling my weight and that she (Heather) needs to know if I want to lose some more or not. That if I don't she will support me, and if I do want to lose more, she will help.

Well, like any sane woman, I started crying. And didnt stop for about 30 minutes. It was reee-dic-you-lous.

Here is the thing about having a personal trainer for a life partner. It's sort of like having the band. It's a great tool, but it doesn't fix everything. It's not my working out that's the problem. It's my eating when I am NOT around Heather.

SO, I do know what I have to do. And I am going to try and embrace it. I am going to try and do what helped me lose the 160 pounds the first time.

My plan for this week is:

Water. At least 100 ounces.
No soda.
No snacking out of boredom or out of want. If I am hungry in between meals, I can choose a healthy snack.
Wear my heartrate monitor during workouts. Record my calories out.
Keep a food journal.
Be present in my eating.
More cardio.

There you go.

I know I can do this if I choose too.

And for the remainder of this week. I am choosing too.


  1. You can do it. And if you don't, we still love you. Oh, and your 'partner' can suck my left butt cheek.

  2. I relate to your pitty party so much...I also only invite myself...and they are also epic. I also have learned though that my greatest growth comes after a really epic pitty party so I am trying NOT to hate that about myself. :) You can do anything you put your mind to, look what you have done already...count those blessings too...don't be hatin on yourself without balancing it out with the good. No one in the history of the world has ever acheived what they themselves beleive to be true perfection. It's the struggle that helps us grow!

  3. Cut the B*@$&, I'm just sayin...
    Seriously, I'm a weepy, crazy, hormonal mess too!
    You'll feel better next week and of course you can kick her ass, when you do!

  4. Since when did anyone think that by discouraging someone that will get them to do what they want...she needs to shake her head!

    Kick it up a notch and hand her ass to her on a silver plater!!!

    Hang in there!

  5. Glad you had the pity party and got it out there. Glad you have Heather in all the many roles she plays for you. And I want to slap your partner for you! You are right to want a motivational, encouraging partner. And if she's a friend, too, I think you should say something to her, because she probably has no idea what she's doing.

    I also know you can do this and I commend your efforts. Hang in there, Chica - and no more pity parties without invitations first!

  6. Be present in my eating. Wow. That really hit home for me. I need to do more of that. Hugs. Losing weight is hard. We've known that our whole lives. Nothing has changed about that fact except now you know how to lose the weight and keep it off.

  7. The boat you are in? I'm in it too. Actually I have one foot out because things are on the up swing. You'd think that losing soooooooo much it would be easier. It's not. It's just different.
    Tough it out....cause you are tough.
    Sloopy wet kiss,

    P.S. I want to see the list of things you like about yourself! Don't make me write it for you!

  8. I love the Sandlot! S'mores...yum....

    I know you can do it too. I believe in you. Look how far you've come already. You kick ass and take names!

  9. Oh know she didn't! Does this chic know you have a posse!? How dare she talk down to you like that! Please, please, please don't make lists of things you don't like about yourself. I like your plan list so much better.

  10. OK....give us your partner's address so your lapband posse can go over there and open a gigantic can of whoopass! (we'll need a big can b/c let's face it some of us are still big). The nerve!

    Pity parties happen. My post today is just one long pity party about everything I hate in my life. I'm glad it's over and I'm glad you've chosen a direction. I'm also glad you have Heather to support you no matter what.

  11. You can totally do it, Amy! I have faith in you and it seems like you have a good plan to get on the right track.

  12. you can do it should so join Roller Derby with me too!!! that will get ya some cardio!!!! just sayin....