Monday, February 16, 2009

My breakdown

You know, there are a lot of expectations that come with getting weight loss surgery. And I know that LapBand is different than Gastric, and I know the weight loss is slower. And I am fine with that. I am not really fine with the weight gain that happened after I went from liquids to real food.
It's tough when you are watching what you eat and you still gain a few pounds. And yes, it's just 3 pounds...but 3 pounds can seem like a lot when you have went through so much to start a new life.
I wanted to share this post with everyone, just in case you don't read LapBand Talk Forums.

As most of you (those who read my post regularly) know, I got my band in
August on 08. I have had troubles with restriction. I am on my 4th fill now
finally have the restriction that I have needed all alone. Up until this
Wednesday, I wasn't hardly losing any weight and what weight I was
losing, I had
to lose with self control.I have a 14cc band and I have have
9cc in it so far. I
thought until my last doctors visit, the band was going
to be another one of
those things I have tried and it just wasnt going to
work. When I weighed in at
the doctors office, for the first time, I weighed
267lbs. I lost 15lbs the first
2 weeks after getting my band and I was so
excited. After that, I would stall
and then lose very very slowly. When I
weighed in on Wednesday, I weighed 229,
thats without my shoes and socks on
and taking 2lbs off for clothes. I weighed
this morning, no clothes on at
all and I now weigh 221lbs.I am finally losing
again and I am so happy.
Today is Valentines day, my husband ask me what I want
today and all I can
think of is, I want another pair of pants cause the size 22s
that I have
been wearing, they are becoming a bit baggy on me. THAT FEELS SO
TOO!!My point today is this. For all of you banders who think the band
working for you, give it time, it will start to work. Just have faith in
When you think of giving up or just sneaking that cookie, DONT DO IT. Kepp
me in mind, I have been through hell I have been depressed, I have cried, I
thrown things, I have cussed this band around my stomach. But now, I am
happy, I
am losing weight, changing pant sizes again, looking better and
feeling better.

After I read that, I cried. Tracey was out seeing the kids and I was all alone. I cried bc it is hard during this waiting period before you get your fills.
I cried bc other people who know I have had the surgery expect me to lose weight, and I feel like I am letting everyone down. I feel like I am doing something wrong.
I am not cheating. I am watching what I eat. I need to start exercising :) And I do have hope. It's just hard not to get discouraged!


  1. that post hit home for me as well. I have my first fill tomorrow and really want it. I want to hit that 'sweet spot' like, yesterday! I haven't gained, but its seems slow! When I think of the big picture I know I'm doing well... 22lbs and it isn't even a month yet.

    Oh, by the way... on LBT I'm LessJess

    your doing great Amy! You look fab on Vday!

  2. Amy, quit being so hard on yourself. You just had surgery. Most people don't lose until their fills start, some even gain. You have a really good attitude about this and I know you will do fine. Remember, like the post said, "For all of you banders who think the band isn't working for you, give it time, it will start to work. Just have faith in it." Oh, and your smile is contagious!!!

  3. Oh Cindy...I can always count on you. I was just throwing a pity party...passing out invitations to whoever (whomever?) wanted one. I can see you are not RSVPing. :) I blame it on how quickly you lose weight on that darn preop and postop diet. I think I am going to go back to weighing myself once a week. Weight flucuates from day to day...maybe it will help me become less obsessed!

    Jess, I will try to find you on LBT right now.

  4. Amy, I am so close to my own pity party also...Some woman turned left in front of me Saturday and totaled my car. I hit her and it spun me around and someone hit me in the passenger side. I have two fractured vertebrae in my neck and I am in PAIN!!!She has minimal insurance coverage, it isn't even enough to cover my car which was 1 yr old! Even worse, the dang stress has made my band too tight in the morning AGAIN! The dang thing just got perfect restriction again from the hysterectomy last month.GRRRRRRRRR!!! Ok, I am done now. :/


  5. Hi Amy, I am sending you a big virtual ((((HUG)))). We were banded within a week or so of each other and I had the same experience with the scale as you did. I was mentally prepared for this time of "bandster hell" as it is called, but still disappointing to see the numbers go up. See my surgeon next week and am hoping for a fill. Until then, I am eating right and hitting the gym daily (which I will never learn to love)....and I am staying OFF the scale completely until my first fill. I do not want my outlook for the day determined by 3 numbers between my toes :-). Hope you had a good week, and have a great weekend ! ((((HUGS))))

  6. We don't all have the exact same hair color, eye color or body shape. We don't all share the same birthdays or the same weight gain stories. We don't have things identical to one another other than we've all had the Lap-Band. While it would be great if everyone got exactly what they were hoping for out of the Band, we have to accept that our differences make us unique and wonderful and special. So our different outcomes with the band shouldn't be a surprise.

    What's hardest is being happy for someone who does it faster than you. AND not being hard on yourself if you don't do it as fast as someone else.

    My doctor looked me in the eye on my last pre-op appointment and asked if I got everything I needed from my pre-op classes and if I had any additional questions. I told him I got a lot of info from them, but I felt horrible since the room was full of people with diabetes, asthma, hell... even one lady had an oxygen tank with her. I've always been an active person, so I know from experience like you do Amy, that you can dance and cheer and be active and still be overweight. My doctor said to me that most physicians want the numbers to match up so that they have a study to go off of. His approach is that each person is just that: an INDIVIDUAL. He expects me to journal my eating/exercise/supplements habits so that we can look over them and see where I'M doing good and bad things. Not just assuming that I've effed up in some way because of a number on a scale.

    I've gone to regular physicians who praised me in high school for being at the "proper weight" (When I went from 160 to 122, my doc at the time was telling me how great it was that I finally got into my "target zone" even though he never once questioned HOW I got my weight down. No, my DENTIST figured that one out and my mom chose to not believe him because she'd never heard me throwing up.) Every physical I've had in the past, they want to draw blood and check my thyroid. They want there to be a medical reason why I'm fat. There is none. I ate the wrong things, I abused my body in the wrong way.

    Dr. Billy is so awesome. "Sumo wrestlers are 'active' people. Yet they're grossly obese. Still, would you consider them any less of an athlete? Would you want to get into the ring with a UFC fighter, who by his BMI is classified as being 'obese' simply because all of his weight comes from muscle and the BMI doesn't account for that? This isn't about everyone else or even a 'standard' to meet. This is about YOU and YOUR choices."

    I might have a few words not perfect in quoting him there, but I know that's darn close. I know I'm coming in late to the game and you've already gotten so close to your goal, but it's good advice to remember. Be healthy for you, as dictated by your own body.