Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Oh Snap: The Puking Story

I do believe I have the best PB/puking story to date. I was going to save it for a vlog, but I can't wait that long to share with you. So here we go.

Last night Heather and I went to meet our friend at Mellow Mushroom, a yummy pizza chain. Fresh off of my "I have no restriction high"...I snarfed down a piece of pizza. And then another piece....even though at that point I was kinda full.


So, I gots my 2 pieces down and was overfull, but I knew if I gave it enough time, it would move.

Un problemo was that during chow time, a male coworker and his brother showed up. They wanted to buy us a drink. SO, a shot of Patron is what I picked.

Knock Knock Puddin Head...

Well, the bartender must have been feeling extra generous because the shot was HUGE. So I snuggled my port baby up to the bar and threw the shot down my throat.

*cue everyone laughing at my tequila face*

Well, within 20 seconds I knew that Mr. Tequila was just sitting on top of the food I had shoveled in. So basically, it was only a sparrows fart away from the back of my throat. I told Heather, as calmly as I could so as not to arise suspicion, that I had to pee, and that I would be right back. I walked at a normal pace out of the bar area, all the while thinking "I'm not going to make it at this pace." But what was I to do? Run in a restaurant. UH...NOOOO.

So after I was out of their sight, I started speed walking to the bathroom. People in booths were a blur. Except for one chick that was staring at me...I think she knew.

With about 15 feet to the bathroom left...I threw up in my mouth.

Hot tequila and sausage.

Oh. My. God.

I threw my hand over my mouth and busted threw the door. I may have temporarily blacked out bc I don't remember the next few seconds. But I Exorcist puked on the rug, and then made it to the sink. The sink was some sort of space age waterfall that was motion activated and I couldnt get the damn water on. I then frantically looked for paper towels and of COURSE, they only had some Jetson's like hand dryer made by no paper towels to clean the floor, the sink, and myself.

Well, I wasnt done because the taste of tequila in my nose was making me sick all over again. I ran for the handicap stall and puked in the sink. Turns out THAT sink was normal, but the drain just had those little holes in it was clogged. NOW, I was in luck, bc the handicap stall had regular paper towels. I got one little piece and went for more...

Low and had run out of damn paper towels.

So I had to do the unthinkable. I had to use toilet paper to clean the sink out.

I do not like wet toilet paper. In fact, it makes me ill. But I did it.

And with my bloodshot eyes and messed up mascara, I walked back to the bar. I was trying to make small talk with people at the booths...just to distract them from what I had just done.

As I walked up to Heather and Stephanie, I caught Heather giving a demo of the band and my hole size (ooh...that sounded dirty) to Stephanie. They both turned and looked at me.

Heather said, "Did you get sick babe?"

And I said yes and began to regale them with the story.

It was terrible.

But it sure was funny!


  1. OMG you win! That was a disgusting yet hilarious recount of what happened! I'm dying!

  2. I thought PB'ing my bean burrito into my hand was bad but win! That was too funny.

  3. I was just reading this and a co-worker walked in my office, he said..."you look like you just smelled shit!" lol. Whooo, glad you survived!

  4. Yep! That wins hands down - or hands up covering the mouth in this case. I'd say congratulations, but I'm not sure you'd want a congratulations on this one. So - I'll say I'm glad you were able to walk out of their sight, but sorry for the rest.

  5. Lordy.. between breech poop and puking you have had your share!!!! You win on the ultimate PB story.. but sweetie I was right there with the feeling of stuff sitting on top of food and wanting to yack.. hope you feel better..

  6. Alright that's it - you've met your quota for bodily function stories this week. LOL

  7. Ladies, I agree, not pretty but come on, MY IKEA STORY??? ITS GOTTA WIN! HEHEHHE!

    Here's to a better day!

  8. At least you got a good story out of it!

  9. Oh you poor thing! People really have no idea what we go through to be thin!

  10. That was disgusting and disturbing. Although I might, just MIGHT have you beat. I'll do a vlog about it soon!


    Best "I think I just threw up in my mouth" story too.

    Best puke in the bar story.

    The only thing that would have made it even funnier would be if you slipped on your puke and broke your elbow. ;)

    BTW I LOVE "self-absorbed." I got the sponges, and if I don't do it tonight, I am doing it next week for another party. Awesome.

  12. Poor Amy... Who literally Bite off more than she could chew... I once ran through a Perkins with a shirt gathered up at the bottom to catch all the mucus and particles... It was complete humiliation, but I suppose that the retelling might have been humorous, as she wipes one lone tear off her cheek. Yuck! I feel so close to you right now. *M*

  13. I'm withholding my vote until after the Joey vlog.

  14. see.... now, if i was your girlfriend this would never happen. don't know why it would never happen...but i am just sayin....


  15. I think I pee'd a little laughing so hard. :) Poor you, but still HA-larious!

  16. So, did you go back for another piece of pizza? Amazingly more seems to fit second time around after a good chunder?? Straaaannnnge???? Would it be stupid to ask if there were more shots involved also?

  17. I am going to unceremoniously STEAL your awesome PB story, and claim it as my own, since the guffaw factor is at LEAST a 10+

    I have a diaper story you can have in exchange.... it's a classic. I have triplet boys..... who used to THROW their diapers at the ceiling if they woke up before me. You know why? Cuz full diapers EXPLODE if you throw them at the ceiling.... and then it rains pee jello pellets all over the room! Know how to get pee jello pellets off the ceiling? You can't. You have to wait until they dry, and then SAND them off.

    Fair trade? :D