Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Fitness Class That Wasn't

Have mercy.

I have procured 4 free classes to a local "fitness studio". This is not a gym. It is women's only studio. They have classes that range from Zumba to a dance class that you can bring your high heels and walk the runway at the end of class. Needless to say...that kind of excited me.

So, I googled directions to the new "private studio". I ended up in a neighborhood, parked outside someones house. That's right. The "private studio" was someones two car garage. I started to panic. I was already nervous that I was taking a class called Hot Body Kickboxing. I thought it might be too hard. What if I died? But then I got nervous that my death would not be due to high impact cardio, but because I was being lured into someones house only to be slain.

But I pulled up my big girl panties and went in. I immediately knew I was in trouble.

First, my instructor looked like Barbie. I soon found out she was literally (I am not exaggerating here), getting ready to compete in Miss Florida USA or something. Second, she asked me what size weights I wanted. I asked her "How heavy do you got"? She said we have 3, 5, and 8 pound weights. Um....yeah. I curl 25 pound I just said "I will take the 8 pounders please".

Now she did earn some points when she asked me..."Are you a personal trainer because you look really muscular". I told her "No, but I date one :)"

Okay, so into the two car garage I go. It has a fake hardwood floor and really looks rather cute. However, that's where the good ends.

There were two other participants in the class. One very bossy girl and then the boring one. Workout Barbie made some small talk with me, talked about how her blonde hair extension pig tails made her sweat, and we began. It was like when you were 13 and you and your girlfriends make up a dance routine and pretend you are actually skilled. It was terrible from the get go. However, being the eternal optimist that I am...I was hoping we were just "warming up".

I don't know how this chick got this job. I quickly learned she was one of those people who looked fit but really wasnt. She exhausted herself doing 3 pound tricep extensions! She was playing music from her ipod, but after every song she went and picked a new one! There was no cardio! I didnt even sweat! It was HORRIBLE! Seriously...she would walk her ipod after a 3 minute routine and chat with the other two ladies...

and just chat....

and chat....

And then finally pick a song and do something in front of the mirror that I think was supposed to be kickboxing.

I have become a workout snob.

There...I said it.

The class ended after about 45 minutes. I think it did anyways. She was playing with her ipod and talking again...and there was gathering of the little weights and I took that as my cue to GET OUT!

Oh well. At least it was free.

And the joy that fills my heart is from the fact that I have 3 free classes left.

Don't hate.


  1. ROTF... LMAO. I swear some of the stuff you get yourself into, You make adventureous more scary than Bungee Jumping. That was hilarious... i think you could be teaching exercise classes at this point. You look great and I would be pretty nervous that I'd drop dead during your class. You need to write a book. Not everyone can get to read your blogs, too many folks are missing out. I mean, you can't make up this crap. I'm NVus over the 3 classes you have left, I hear laughter burns alot of calories. *Maria*-blogger from "This one time at Band Camp..." Check out my blog at

  2. Well done for staying the entire class - I would have invented a family emergency and got the hell out of there! Sounds fabulously terrible.

  3. I agree with Maree. I would have bolted at the first chance I had!

  4. You are a better soul than I am, I would have said something to her regarding her lack of ability or professionalism during the class and then left. At least it was something interesting to blog about!!

  5. No way I would have gone in.

    Are you inspired to start your own little garage fitness class? Clearly you are better suited than Workout Barbie.

  6. Ok, I'm trying not to laugh, but it is funny. I can see your face now in a "WTF is this mess" look. The fact that it is free doesn't make up for how bad it is, but you are the eternal optimist.

  7. I'm pretty sure you should have your own reality show - That is just hilarious.

  8. At least you didn't pay for this "class".

  9. yikes. I don't think you're a workout snob. I think that was just a pathetic excuse for a workout. better luck next time, I guess. :)