Thursday, March 18, 2010

Call Me A Bad Girl, Spank At Will

Well. I was a GRUMP today. Boy howdy.

Here are things that get on my nerves with I am PMSing:

1. Humans

End of list.

I don't like it when people put on their Food Police Badge and tell me what they think I should be eating...or giving me their two cents, a judging tone, and a disapproving look at what I am putting in my mouth. If I didn't ask...I need you to shove it up your butt.

Like I said....just a smidge grumpy today. I should have been happy. That damn water weight was gone and I was back down to 198. I thank Gilly for taking personal responsibility for my weight gain. Shame on you. But good for you for admitting it was your fault...and none of my own.

I ate like poopy today. I am SUCH a grazer at work! And I am a drink and snacker. For example, I just ate a bag of Cheetos while swigging diet Sunkist. It's fun when you eat things like Cheetos or peanuts and then drink can feel the liquid trickling down through the a gentle stream over a stack of pebbles.

I know some of you are following Drazil's, and then my, hair lady parts post. Jennifer recommended a magic shaving powder and provided a link for it on Drazils post. UM....HULLLOOO! Did you read the directions for it? Jen, could you put the link in a comment here? I thought I might try it for my butt crack hair and Jen and Drazil implied you just sprinkle it on. WELL, the directions say that you have to put it on, keep it moist for 8 minutes, and then scrape it off with a credit card. How am I supposed to do that in my rear region? You want me to get a credit card in there?

Lord I better start stretching and limbering up now.

This weekend hopefully holds a trip to the beach. Tomorrow night we are going to Gallery Night, when all the little shops and the art museums open up downtown and you can go in and out for free. Sometime we should go for a nice walk! Who knows!

All I know is tomorrow if Friday. And that is enough to ALMOST make me break a small smile.


I am sending out several packages of clothes tomorrow to several bandsters! Spreading the love.


  1. For real - it really says to scrape with a credit card? I'm buying some tomorrow....little nervous but Jenny loved it. I hope it works for hubby's head - his razors are damn expensive. God - Cheetos - um - to die for....about like Doritoes for me....might as well be meth.

  2. Nice to know I'm not the only one in grumpville right now. Not only am I having the (.) but I'm having it when I'm not sposed to. That is enough to tick you off! So the BF ran upstairs to the media room to stay away from the scary woman who said "eat what you want, I've had dinner and I'll be in the bedroom" as soon as he walked in the door. Some days I'm just better left alone!

    I am getting some of the powder tomorrow, I read the directions and thought "holy crap" but I'm willing to give it a whirl..the whole keeping it moist part is kinda freaking me out though...good luck with the stretches and the credit card. Oh by the way I think a rubber spatula would work better...I have one with pink piggies on it (it would have to be retired from the kitchen after that work detail though)

    Hope you have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend. I hate you for being able to go to the beach. xoxo J

  3. Oh my gosh. Oh MY GOSH! I can't stop laughing. You know everytime I come here to read your blog from now on I am goign to be picturing you scaping a credit card on your a$$. nice.


  4. I recommended the MSP too. Only I use a pampered chef stone scraper :).

  5. A mention in a blog other than my own = I am a superstar! Amy, I'm there for you, sister!

    I am very much looking forward to all the blog entries after you people burn the hair off your hoochies! Make sure you take pictures from the ER of all the medical staff trying not to laugh at you!

  6. Humans - end of list - lolol LOVE IT!!!! Poor you with the grumps.. I know just how that feels.

    What is this powder you're all talking about? We have a cream here that you slather on (usually for bikini lines and legs and underarms) and then wash off? The credit card sounds so funny - and next time to hand it someone to swipe when you buy something, you could mention you last had that up your butt crack. Watch them go green........

  7. OOPS That was *You hand it to someone.. * bugger lol

  8. hehehe - glad I don't work in retail!!

    yes - there are days when I have problems with humans as well :-)


    Funniest. Directions. Ever.

  10. Reading your blog always makes me laugh!! Let us know how it works!!

  11. I loved that they stressed washing the credit card before, but can you imagine after. And if it eats away hair I can just imagine what it will do to that little black strip on the back that aways seems to stop working on me. I use the excuse of the dirty machines at the gas pump now, but it would sure be funny to see there face when you explain why it no longer works. LOL! If you do try it you might want to use a hotel key card or something less important ;)

  12. I've never done a Brazilian and it's intriguing. But doesn't it itch like hell when it starts growing back in? Although, I guess you could scratch with the credit card. :-0 Multi-purpose.

  13. Did you just talk about your ass crack hair?! I LOVE YOU!! :)

  14. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face all the way across the world today! :)

    I too hate the food police. They never used to say anything BEFORE I got the band. Now everyone expects me to eat practically nothing...

  15. I think you should cancel the credit card and return it to the credit card company...they deserve it for all the fees and interest they charge!

  16. I missed the post about the powder but that sounds like some powerful stuff that I am not sure I'd want to put near any sensitive lady station areas.
    You, Draz and Jen are brave.

  17. You know, I've never waxed anything down yonder. I shaved once for hubby, and he didn't like it. I wonder if he'd be happier with waxing? Or the powder/credit card thing? Maybe we'll discuss it in a few pounds.

    But Amy, have you ever considered an IUD for birth control? I've had one put in two different times (tried to get pregnant for a bit), and while I have them, I don't get a period, or any of the stuff that goes along with a period. Nothing, nada, zilch. My insurance covered it, but it was at the beginning of the year, so I hadn't met the deductible yet. It cost me $600, but it lasts for 10 years. And, if you want to get pregnant, they take it out, and your fertility returns in like a day or something. Way faster than the pill.

    So now I have TWO foreign objects in me. Weird.

  18. buttcrack + credit card = an ATM joke waiting to happen if i ever heard one!

  19. OMG! i read the post and was laughing, and after reading the comments, i think my coworkers have really determined i have issues. finally they realize.

    I have issues with people. I tell people, I don't discriminate, I don't like anyone.

    Good luck with the credit card in your crack.


    Ahhh, springtime. When young ladies minds turn to flowers, young men, bikinis & ass crack hair removal.

    Just get the cream (not the powder) and you don't have to worry about it drying out. Also, use a timer, you don't want to leave it on too long. Also, take the piece of advice: 'Use Vaseline for the 'wobbly or super sensitive parts' seriously! Oh and be prepared for a one woman show of the vagina monologues. You are probably going to need a hand mirror! hahaha...
    Honestly, I tried it and it was safe and didn't burn or sting at all. Of course, each person is different so do a test patch before you apply it to the whole garden.
    It is made for men's faces so it is gentle but it works. No trips for the ER for whootanany burns for me, thankyouverymuch!

    Here is a link to the website to see the different varieties. I bought the 'regular' version at Walgreens for $3.99. It's smooth and there was no chance of accidental female castration due to any blind Edward Scissorhands-like whacking down there.

  21. I use my credit card (well, debit card actuall, since I don't use credit) to scrap the ice off of my car windshield in the morning. That's about as creative as I get here. :-)
    Thanks for the laugh, Amy. My list is the same as your list. LOL.


  22. 2 words....Holy Crap! A credit card? sounds painful. And I feel ya on the whole hating people thing. I am surprised I have never been in jail for my flying insanely down the highway and yelling every cuss word in mind to 95% of the people around me. It's a wonder that I am not in a padded cell about now...hehe

  23. I did a little blog about the cream - Check it out here:

  24. lol credit card??
    this is why I love brazilian leave it to the professionals lol

  25. spank spank ~ LOL ~ your blogs have been cracking me up but when I try to comment from work computer it totally goes crazy on your blog and opens window after window so I just read and move on normally! Keep up the blogging!! Welcome to ONEderland!! Thanks for the laughs!

  26. Ok so I read about this on Drazil's blog before I came here to yours, and 2 weekends ago I went to visit some fam 4 hrs from where I live and told my sisters about it and we went on a mission to Walgreens and found it. :) One sister says it really didn't work on her, the other one put it all over even the coochie area, but says it was burning her down there, and well as for me I am very happy with the results, whatI can feel anyways kuz I am not able to see down there yet hehehe! So glad I found out about it.