Monday, February 22, 2010

The Blog Obsession

I have been sitting on this thought for awhile (I know...poor thought!)....and it's time to see what you guys think.

Do you think that our blogs feed our obsession?

But I guess that leads to another question. Are we obsessed with our weight?

Here is the definition of obsession:
Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

And I will just speak for little old Amy. But yes, I would have to say by that definition...I am obsessed with my weight. If I stop and really think about it, I am not sure an hour goes by that I don't think of my weight or size. Everytime I go to the bathroom or see my reflection in the mirror...I think about it. Every time I eat. Every time I drink. Everytime I blog or read a blog. I am thinking about my weight. Did I do this BEFORE surgery? Not as much. One of the reasons I skyrocketed to 327 was because I had trained myself to be absent in the mind when I was stuffing my face. I was obsessed with food, but not always my weight.

So here is another question. Can you have WLS and be successful at it WITHOUT thinking about your weight all the time?

My initial response is no. You cannot be successful without being obsessed. You have to work this band. You have to always be aware of what you are eating, what you are doing, what you are drinking. Thoughts?

This leads me back to the original our blogs feed are obsession? Are they healthy?
This really all stems from the wonderful Miss Angie. About a month ago she took a wee little break from blogging to get her mind right. Blogging and the pressure was all a little much at the time (I did ask Angie if I could speak about this). And that was honestly the first time I thought about blogging as an "alternative world". We are all so focused on the same thing that to each other...we are normal. Well, I am not NORMAL, but you know what I mean. It doesnt seem odd to us that we can fill up a year of blog space just talking about the lapband and the lifes that are attached to it.

What I do know is that I would not have lost as much weight as I have without this blog and without you guys. I have said it before, but this blog has really grown into an ENORMOUS support system and by being honest with you guys and this blog...I am held accountable. And I don't intend on stopping.

But do you think that is why some bloggers do stop? They have given up?

Just thoughts I needed to get out my head and wanted to hear what others thought!


  1. I think you are right, that this blog is an obsession. I've thought about that before, actually. Right now, at work, it's slow. And I can follow blogs all day, if I like. But this will end and I'll be left with no time whatsoever for following blogs. And I am wondering if I'll be ok. Right now I can find people like me, thinking and feeling exactly what I'm thinking and feeling and I can find solace in that. So when I am left with a short blip of time at home in which to keep up - and do my own blogs...will I be ok? It's possible that the blogs are a transferrance, is what I think. We take the focus off food and make the focus become our blog and/or our weight.

    But I do see that as people get closer to maintenance weight, they tend to drift away from this. The blog serves it's purpose and life moves on. I will be curious to see, of all the blogs I follow - who will still be blogging in a year? In two? In four? How long will I blog?

    Interesting blog, Amy - thanks!

  2. Ames~ I can see how for some people the blogs can be a obsession to replace the food addiction. Seeking approval from blog buddies can be disappointing but also very rewarding on the other hand. Some people have a better and more entertaining writing style (such as you) and people are drawn to it. But someone who isn't that great with words, but needs support can feel left out to dry with little to no followers.
    I do not feel obsessed with the blog world, but I do seek validation with my fellow bandsters so take that how you will.
    I also agree with you about obsessing about my weight. I think of it every time I get out of my chair at work,see someone in the hall, see myself in the mirror, everything i take a drink. For me, I have a addictive personality and see it as replacing the bad food addiction with a more mental one that I can hide if I need to. Hmmmmm.....

  3. So...pretty much have tears welding up in my pretty ol' eyes right now. Seriously. In case you maybe haven't noticed, I've been absent from the blogging world a few weeks. I've been lurking around, but haven't really taken the time or effort to post what's been going on. I still use my "dashboard" as a place to come and read and gain insight, but as far as writing about my own troubles lately, that's been tough. I too agree, that this blogging world of ours is what does help so many of us along, but it also can be a....oh, I don't know the word I'm looking can be an obession like you said. Over the past few weeks, my obsession had come from seeing how well everyone else had been doing and relating that to my lack of success lately and it had just gotten down right frustrating.

    Anywho...thank you for this today. This is what I needed.

  4. I like these responses. Alexis...i did notice. I think I should have added that I don't obsess about my weight bc of the blog. I mean, if I stopped blogging today I would still think about my weight all the time. Do you guys think it will ever stop? Are decrease?

  5. Great question. And something similar to what I was thinking about blogging about (how was that for an awful sentence?) Whether food or weight, I've been obsessed with one or the other for years. Lots and lots of years. I want to know when this will end. Seriously. I could probably cure cancer or come up with a solution for world peace if I spent a fraction of the time I think about food/weight/banding thinking about either of those subjects.

    Great post.

  6. Amy - I don't think it ever goes away - even when you are at goal. Sorry - just being honest. I maintained my weight loss, felt great, didn't need to lose more but every day was hard, every day I had to be mindful of what I did. I think you hit it on the head - if we don't stay conscious about our weight our weight goes up and up unnoticed until it's too late. I'm obsessed with blogging - but only because for me it's the one place on this earth where literally everyone seems nice and supportive and the fact is no one even knows what I look like. I could be an ogre for all anyone knows - but all I feel is love and encouragement when the fact is that sometimes I can't get that from my own relatives who do know me and my face. This right now is what I need. Maybe some day it won't be - but right now it is. And I believe everything happens for a reason - and there's a reason you help so many and I'm honored to be a part of that.

  7. i think blogs are great
    it keeps me accountable and im gonna be weight obssessed as you say anyways so why not do it with other lol right

    ne hooo do you see youself looking at people and remembering how it feels to be huge
    when i see bigger people i feel bad and just want ot fix them too somehow cuz i know how much it hurt and wasnt a life to live
    so u do that or am i the only one
    i was never this obssessed with weight as i am now
    and i want ot fix everyone it seems lol

  8. I think about my weight constantly. I was a thin woman for the first half of my life, but have been obese for 20 years. I feel like my fat defines me in so many ways and the obsession with it is undeniable. I dream about being thin, and just last night dreamt that I was getting fitted for a bridesmaid dress and oh....the trauma! I can say that I was no more pleased with my self when I was thin though, so I don't know if the obsession will ever stop. I have a dear friend who obsesses more than I do and she has never been more than five pounds over her ideal weight.
    What I do know is that I want to be thin for more reasons than I ever did before. I want to be healthy and free, if you will. I'm glad that we have this community to support one another, to have "competition" to have like-minded folks eager to understand what brought us all to our shared obsession. What a great thought provoking post Amy. I'm sure that if anyone can find a way to stop the will be you!

  9. Great post Amy, I'm glad you decided to write about it. We know my feelings - sometimes the pressure of bandland is too much, and because I can't take a break from living with the band, I can take the focus off just a bit by escaping blogland. But ultimately I miss the stories, the people, and like some others have said, the validation. I wouldn't trade this community for the world - even thinking about the love I've gotten since sharing my breakup.

    And I know I'm obsessed with my weight - obsessed enough that my therapist and personal trainer are a bit concerned. Ben couldn't handle my weight obsession, and although it wasn't what broke us up, I think it was an element. Thanks for provoking these thoughts!


  10. Wow - I think so many things can come be rolled up in this topic. I know that I would not have lost as much if I didn't have the blog community, but I also know that I've been down at times when I'm not losing as quickly as others who were banded after me, or when my scales not moving.
    I think I am obsessed to the point that I weigh myself several times a day, but I NEED to do it. At my heaviest I may have known in the deep crevices in my mind what I weighed, but we didn't own a scale. I need to change my habits to change - I need to see that big digital number every morning to be accountable.
    I can't say I'll blog forever I hope that people do after they reach goal. Or maybe our blogs will turn into something different.

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. I do think that at times we do let our weight impact every part of our being. I think that it comes from the desire to be something we are not. I know that when I am kicking butt in the scale department and eating right, then I do tend to blog more. These days I have a distraction from weightloss and that is my momma.

    I would have never found so many wonderful supportive blogs if I had not been on this weightloss journey.

  13. Oh god yes...I am definitely obsessed with my weight! The decision to go forward with my WLS has me thinking about it ten-fold. I am counting on the fact that being part of this blog community will encourage me and help me attain the goal of losing this weight once and for all.

    And about you not being Normal? Well, who is? How boring would that be!

    You post some of the most thought provoking blogs...please don't become Normal!

  14. It's like the dirty elephant secret in the room. Yes, once you have the band (which is a surgical, regulated diet/lifestyle change implanted in you, whether you like the sound of that or not) in place, you have to become obsessed with it. That's been my biggest challenge personally since I've had eating disorder issues in the past that I never really addressed until I talked to the psychologist at the surgeon's office. But again, they're geared toward supporting your choice to get the band, not always direct focus on previous problems except for how they'll affect your medical choice.

    I was feeling a bit this way recently, as I've taken up reading some blogs of people in various stages of getting the band or about to get the band and it made me start to think more about myself last week. I journal a lot in hand written form as well as write all the time online, so I have been trying to keep track of my emotions alongside my eating habits.

    I think that a lot of the people I've seen commenting (and I apologize that my brain can only juggle about a half dozen blogs at a time, so some people I've read mostly through comments and not their personal blogs) and even the blog posters, they have started to forget what kind of a person they are. The weight part DOES become obsessive with too many goals that are scale related. When there's a mixture of personal life and non-scale goals made and met, people seem to be happier.

    Eh, I don't write much about my band. I just started blogging through here and there's no weight loss ticker even though I have been sharing numbers through my Facebook for my friends to see. I'm not trying to say I'm better or anything akin to that, for not posting what I've eaten or what I weigh. I'm just attempting to document and never forget WHO I AM.

    You know?

  15. I am so new to this journey as you know - but these blogs have helped me sooo much. I am definitely obsessed with my weight and these blogs - but in a GOOD way. The blogs keep me accountable and pick me up whem I'm feeling like a failure and let me know I am not alone and keep me focused on the right things.

  16. Hey, interesting post. I agree that the obsession can be a bit too much. But at the same time, putting everything out there for the world to see helps keep me motivated.

    Someone asked me, "What if you aren't successful and you've blogged about it and built it up?" My answer was that I'll share openly and honestly my struggles, victories and losses. It's me, 100%.

    The Logan Cummins Blog

  17. The blogs completely feed into the obsession, for me at least. I ended up taking a month long break from blogging and found myself in a much better place mentally with the band (it also helped that I hit the green zone). I was spending hours online reading and responding to blogs. It was totally obsessive and for me just wasn't healthy. Since I've come back I "check in" with blogs but don't read them obsessively. I allows me to disconnect and focus on myself and what works for me.

  18. I'm not sure I can add any additional insight than the wonderful people above me but I'll try. For me, still very early in the process, these blogs are what's making me believe it's possible to be successful. Like you, I greatly ignored my weight but now that I've decided to do something about it, it's all I can think about. I also think these blogs are a lot like a support group. But instead of having to listen to everyone, you just listen to the ones you want to. LOL. I'm definitely obsessed with reading blogs...can't get enough of them. Do I think that's a bad thing? Maybe for my employer, but not for me. I think it's what's keeping me going for these 6 months of supervised a light at the end of the tunnel. I think it becomes difficult when people have thrown anonymity out the window (you, Amy, have never actually been anonymous, but others have wanted to be) and let the world in. I think it can be overwhelming for some and some may feel pressured instead of motivated. So far, I find my blog VERY therapeutic and the type of support you get from fellow blogsters seems to far outshine what you get in the "real world." Just my two cents.

  19. Such a great post Amy! I know we all love you because you are often hilarious and so honest, but you are also so great at challenging us to think with your posts. I really appreciate it. Here's my thought: I am definitely obsessed with my weight loss and more than that with trying to be more health conscious. However, I don't think that's a bad thing for ME. It keeps me accountable, it keeps my goal in sight, it helps me to make better decisions about what I choose to put into my body. Certainly it can turn unhealthy if I beat myself up too much during plateau's (which I do at times) or took it to the extreme and decided to fast in order to lose (which I haven't done). Blogging helps me to feel validated, feel on track and offer support to others who may be in a smiliar situation as myself. I think the greatest thing about the blog is using it when we are in a place where we really need support. I feel bad when the pressure gets so high for us that we don't want to blog that we've eaten too much or gained weight because we're afraid of the judgment, or worse, letting our blogger friends down. These blogs didn't necessarily start out as show and tell, but as a place to share our feelings, and I think we should continue to share those feelings as long as we feel comfortable doing so. xoxo

  20. hi amy! long time listener/first time caller...i've been thinking about WLS for quite a while, and am still on the fence about it and the main reason is what you're talking about. the obsession. several people in my life have had various types of WLS and each of them is more than a little obsessed. being on the outside of the WLS club it's easy to see how quickly successful WLS patients, like yourself, can lose sight of their successes becuase of the numbers on the scale. or the way there is still a little bit of jiggle on thier thighs. or how they ate a hershey's kiss. i understand the diligance, the effort that is needed to support the lifesytle choice i'm just not sure i can fully understand, unless i was in the club, why anyone can't look at 130 lb weight loss and be happy. and proud. and content. becuase as everyone who has ever struggled with weight issues that's an amazing accomplishment.

  21. Hi Amy,
    As you know, I am new to the blog world. I have started my own I think so I can journal my thoughts and hopes and dreams of feeling good in my own skin again. I am still less than 3 months from surgery, but I find myself reading these blogs to comfort my fears about after surgery. I find when I am dieting (really dieting) I do obsess about my weight. I jump on the scale every morning and I am bummed when I don't see a loss. I have to get over myself and realize that this is a new lifesyle for me....forever. Thanks for the post. Congrats on the 3.5lb loss!

  22. For myself as I put on weight (well when I got really large) I lost my confidence and lost my outgoing personality. I find that I am using my blog as a bridge back to myself.

    I found myself isolated with only a few friends and this is a way to reach people who understand my journey.

    The way I see it is the more life I gain on the outside probably the less I will blog however I do plan on keeping this going for as long as I need to.

    I also think that I am definately obsessed about my weight but I prefer it than living the way I use to which was to totally ignore the fact that I was as big as I was. However my ultimate goal is to get to my healthy weight range and then throw out my scales and just use my clothes as a measure of whether I have put weight on or not.

    That is just me though :-)

  23. Also just to add I never have posted what I eat every day knowing that would put pressure on me and make me not want to blog when I have eaten unhealthy choices. I am pleased that I did this because it has left me free to discuss when I am going through a rough patch without having to disclose every morsel of food that has passed my lips :-)