Tuesday, November 20, 2012

All I Want For Christmas...

Is a new front tooth. 

Many moons ago, I had braces.  Really for about a year in 5thish grade.  After they came off, there was a gap in between my two front teeth.  In hindsight, I am not sure WHY my parents allowed the orthodontist of whom I am sure they paid $1000's of dollars for his services, to leave me with said gap...but alas...they did.

So we had that gap filled with "bonding".  Now bonding doesn't last forever with a mouth like mine, and over the years, as one bonding has fallen out and another bonding waits to take it's place, it seems to have taken bits of my tooth with it.  About 3 months ago my dentist told me that the next time it fell out, I would probably need a crown.

mmhmm...whatever....I wasn't really paying attention.

So it fell out on Friday.  Friday morning to be exact.  And left me with this...

I am sure some of you are saying "puh-shaw young Amy!  I can hardly notice that".  OR, "You look cute"!
I mean, even Glamour magazine just said gaps are in.

Not my girlfriend.  Nope.  She took one look at that gap on Friday and said:

"Uh-uh.  You will get that fixed.  Call them back and say you need to come in right away."

I said "We don't have $500 to fix my tooth (my portion even with insurance).  It's Christmas time"

She said "I ain't looking at that all weekend. This is an emergency.  We will take it out of my savings".

So long story still long, the soonest they could get me in was yesterday.  I went in, Heather's money in my hot little hand, ready for my new tooth.  Oh no...they can't give me a new tooth until NEXT week! They gave me a temporary one for now.

A Lee Press On yellow falsie that MAY pop off...not to worry they say...I can put it back on with denture cream.


In other news, I wore tights yesterday...for the first time probably in my adult life.  They were black and I wore them with a cute black and white wrap dress and black heels.

They were also high waisted Spanx tights...which means one thing...

Getting those suckers on was a CHORE.

You know what I am talking about.  You sit down, weedle in one foot...pull that leg about to your knee.  Weedle in the other foot, pull that up to about your knee as well. 

THEN...shit gets real.  Once you get compression strength tights up to your knees, the full force of the spanx is trapping your legs together and mushing your leg fat like some twisted Play-dough machine for women...meat just spilling out in all directions...

Getting those suckers up is a chore, but once they are up...MAN you feel svelte!


  1. Um, look, David Letterman, don't whine to me about tout Spanx tights! I just had this tummy tuck and I have to wear a compression garment (eg crotchless straitjacket) for four weeks six more days, and I am thinking about not showering that whole time o I can just stay in it, it's so hard to get on!

  2. I just LOL'd at your putting on Spanx tale. :)

  3. I personally like the gap. haha. It adds character. I find it funny that heather was like... I am not looking at that shiz all weekend.. fix it. ;) Hope the yellow press on lasts until the real one comes in.

  4. You had me at "Lee press-on falsie" :)

    Love my Spanx, but that sh*t is the devil when you have to pee!

  5. try putting on a wetsuit sometime. that will make you break out in a sweat.

  6. Ugh! I'm sorry about the tooth sitch! I'm loving the visual of the Spanx. I refuse to wear them now unless I absolutely have to. I love the look but hate what you just described. :)

  7. OMG dying laughing about the Spanx! So true!

  8. I was so pissed b/c I recently bought a pair of reversible spanx tights, and they RIPPED the first wearing. GRRRRRR.
    F spanks.