Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I Climb Ropes

In elementary school we used to do dangerous things.  You know, things that children aren't allowed to do today because they could "get hurt".

We used to actually do gymnastics in gym.  There was a horse (not the animal kind, but the vaulting kind), there were uneven bars. 

We had a section of p.e. each year where we shot bb guns at targets.  Inside the building.

We played dodgeball.

We leg wrestled (which I owned like a BOSS until 6th grade when Josie McClellan grew 8 feet and my legs stopped growing...forever).

And we climbed ropes that were tied to the ceiling of our gym.  I mean, "tied" might be the wrong word.  They were secured in some fashion.  There was a horn to honk at the top.  And they were awesome.  And I could climb those suckers.  I ain't gonna lie. 

Well, you just don't come upon ropes secured to the ceilings very much anymore.  But we attended a party on Saturday night, a cookout if you will, that was in someones workshop.  And low-and-behold, there was a rope.  Well, I whispered to Heather "Um...I think we can climb that rope"...and then she got all excited bc one of her favorite past times is showing off...so I asked the rope owner for permission.

Permission granted.

Heather climbed the rope in a nano-second. The first time she used her feet.  The second time, after being issued a challenge by the ropes owner, she climbed it with no feet...solely using her arms to pull herself up. 

Impressive.  Whatevs.
After Heather went up, several ladies tried to do the same.  Not.So.Much

Well, I was wearing a skirt.  But I wanted so badly to try. 
See skirt below.

Me to Heather: Too bad I am wearing a skirt.
Heather to Me: Go for it.

Me to Me: It's Go Time.

So I go over.  Take off the sandals.  Take of the ring.

And slap your mama....I climbed that rope, screamed something at the top (probably LIKE A BOSS) and started to come back down.

Look.  Coming back down a rope in a skirt is no fun people.  Rope burn of the vagina is not a way to go out (so I got rope burn on my ankles). 

I was so pumped that I was able to do it. I am sure the view of my thighs and cooter shadowy area was lovely, but I didnt care. 

Afterwards Heather said "I should have taken pictures".  To which I said "Yeah, I took pictures of YOU".  To which SHE said "Well, I didnt think you would be able to do it"...


Excuse me? 

She said "Well the other girls couldnt do it".


I mean goooood lord?  I would expect better from her.

But, I showed her. hahahahahahaha

I need a rope. I need a tall warehouse to hang the rope. 
Make it happen Universe.  I am going to just start asking the Universe for things.  Like I just posted this status on Facebook:

I mean, all you can do is ask ya know?  And if the universe says no...well I will just punch it in the ham wallet.

In other news, I am starting week 2 of: I just got a band!!!  I am rocking some healthy choices, not going coo coo crazy with denying myself, and working out.  In fact...I have gained 4 pounds since Saturday!  How awesome is that...


you read that right.  I am up for pounds, which is beyond Richard Simmons ridiculous.  I am not worrying too much yet (talk to me next Monday), as I am about 1 day away from starting my period and that is the only reason I can possibly fathom for such numerical nonsense.

I went to hot yoga again last night.  I go every so often, but not often enough.  Each time I do go however, I am reminded within 5 minutes of how FLIPPIN HARD IT IS!  People who say yoga is "just stretching" ain't never done yoga mmmmmmkay?


  1. Damn, I'm disappointed no pics were taken of you! :(

    Hope you enjoyed hot yoga. I hear wonderful things, but I don't like my vagina to sweat anymore than the usual when I work out, so I cannot go into an already hot room. *shudder* Maybe one day.

  2. Oh boy, thanks for making me laugh this morning! So, first, I love "...and then she got all excited bc one of her favorite past times is showing off..." that had me busting up laughing. Also, talk about partners and their lovely foot-in-the-mouth ways - you have seen me on my blog in my pretty green dress today, celebrating goal (freejulie.blogspot.com if anyone else wants to see me in all my walking on clouds making it to goal weight dreaminess!). And what did my boyfriend say when he saw me? What were the first words out of his mouth? "You're dress is all wrinkled."

    He is rather lucky to still be alive. And he has rectified the unfortunate remark by making it crystal.clear. to me how hot he thinks I am and what a very, very lucky man he is to share my company and how much he loves me. ;)

  3. lol... glad you avoided the cooter rope burn. it's the little things. ;) congrats on the rope climb. awesomeness.

  4. HA! congrats on the rope climbing! I also wish there were pics!

  5. You climbed the rope. Of course you will write the book.

    You could get your clickety clack typewriter, but you are going to hate it when it comes time to do editing - it's so much easier to work on a computer. How about this? http://fffff.at/noisy-typer-a-typewriter-for-your-laptop/

    I want a signed copy!!

  6. Dennis here. Long tine no see. Glad u r having so much fun these days. Watch out for life's rope burns. LOL!!

  7. I went to school back in the days when children were tortured with the rope climb as well, and I never rocked it. I could not do it. I do not think I could, and if I did, I would probably get cooter rope burn, so I am not going to be too upset that I can't do it.

    But I loved the story of you and Heather rocking it! Made my day! :)

  8. Ha Ha. That's brilliant. Good on you for showing Heather how utterly fabulous you are.
    I think she probably already new but was too busy trying to look up your skirt and wanted a better excuse for not taking pictures. xx

  9. Had the ropes hanging in high school as well, somehow managed to bypass the whole event ..is/was/always a shy girl and hanging in the middle of a room on a rope with nowhere to go would have been the death of me. I am so proud of you! that is a lot of amazing arm strength!! you get the rocket star today!! not even gonna dis on Heather, (I got one too, gotta lov'em) thank you for sharing, lol, I have been wondering if your fill has been good to you, I had mine yesterday, was really dreading it because they had a horrific time getting my last fill in after my second band replacement surgery, but it all went smooth and for the 1st time, I think (keeping fingers crossed) that it is working, original surgery was April 2011 it’s been a very long road. Again, I am so impressed, it’s things like that make your hard work pay off! you know all "the other girls" are H A T I N

  10. Oh my god, I hated those ropes with a passion! I could NEVER climb them, my upper body strength just sucks. I'm jealous of your bossness! :)

  11. hot damn you climb the ropes of hades AND in a skirt!? you truly are my idol! i hated those ropes...still do...but bring that bitch down and i'll double dutch anyone outta down!

  12. Too funny I am cracking up at the Vagina Burn and Cooter shadowing!! Seriously, what a great accomplishment. I remember in Jr. High how hard the rope climbs were to do. Maybe you should write to the Olympics commitee and see if it can be added as a lost sport!!

  13. AWESOMMMMMMEEEEE!!!!! I oould never climb the rope in P.E. as a kid. You're making me wonder if I could do it now... Hmmmmmmmm.....

  14. I hated the rope... never could. I am so impressed with your bad-ass-ness.....

    So i'm going for a fill next week and will try your "i've got a new band" and see if it works for me. I know i have gotten lazy since the tummy tuck... But i will get my act together.

  15. Hot yoga is the devil. I have some friends who have (had) been trying to get me to go for years. I finally went. Fail. I would have made it to the end had I not had to run out of the room to puke my face off.