Friday, November 19, 2010

The Pig That Ate My Purse (and my pencil skirt)

People. Sometimes it is just safer to stay in bed.

First order of business, I would like to introduce you to the 3 pigs that live in our house. You have met some of these players before...but it will help with the story that is to follow.

Shelby. My Dog. Age 12. Nickname: Pappy or FooFoo

The Original Two Pigs: Codie and Honey May

Codie, pictured with Heather. Age 12. Nickname: Bubba

Honey May. Age 3. Nickname: Biatch

My dog is special. He likes to bite ankles. He likes to "herd". He is cranky and old.

Heather's dog a big old baby. He is also a walking sperminator, and bc he can't quite do it the old fashioned way, he just visited the vet for his "donation"...and hopefully there are little Bubba's and Bubbette's on the way (the mommy dog is his old girlfriend who they breed with).

Honey May is a sweetheart. You come home and she is so excited to see you her entire body shakes and dances. She is also a BITCH. She will eat Bubba up for no good reason. She will also eat your clothes, shoes, bra's, and apparently...purses from Chicago.

This morning, I woke up and walked to my room. In the dark I could make out something on the floor. It vaguely resembled something dear to my heart. With trepidation, I flicked on the light...and there...laying in mangled tatters...

My white purse from Chicago. Pictured here.

It was laying next to my new black pencil skirt that I only wore TWICE. Both were now free of their zippers and other parts. Both were ruined.
Now sometimes, sometimes....I leave my stuff where I shouldn't . For example, it took me two pairs of shoes to learn to never leave them on the ground. But let it be known, my skirt was in my laundry hamper (which was tipped over by one of the pigs and drug around the room), and my purse was on a chair, under other stuff.
I cried. Of course I did. And I know it's just stuff, and neither was very expensive. But after my post yesterday revealing my mental state, it was icing on the cake. I wanted to say "REALLY"??? I can't buy shampoo...let alone a new skirt and purse! And then I started getting know..."AND I bought that purse in CHICAGO, with my BOOBS, and with Draz, and Jenny, and Carmen. There will never be another one...."
Dumb dog. If she wasn't so cute 98% of the time...I would be mad at her.
OOh, and you know what the crazy thing was? I had dreamt last night about me being in a house with these two kids, and they hadn't picked up their toys...after I had told them too...and I went into their room and Honey May had chewed all their toys up and I thought "HAHAH...KARMA"!
Little did I know...she was karma-ing my purse and pencil skirt.
Oh my God. Is this payback from the animal kingdom from Mr. Squirrel?


  1. I'm so sorry!!! Check your FB messages...

  2. Oh God - the whole time I was reading I was chanting "don't let it be the white purse, not the white purse".....I wanna go back to Chicago to get you a new one. And for the record - I would have cried too.

  3. Total squirrel-icide payback!

    R.I.P. white purse and pencil skirt. That totally sucks. Hope Santa brings you some new goodies...and maybe a couple of chew toys for Honey Mae.

  4. Oh NOOOOOO!!! That was a great purse. I'm sure the skirt was HOT on you.
    Damn lovable dogs.


  5. DOGS SUCK!!! except when the don't.

  6. Karma from Mr. Squirrel, oh no!! <3

  7. My mom's old husky that we "lovingly" called devil dog had high class taste, in the for of my $80.00 swimsuit that had only been worn twice, so I feel your pain! So sorry!

  8. "THIS is why we can't have nice THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  9. Oh squirrel lol needed to get a size down in that pencil skirt anyways right? lol

  10. bah that sucks major donkey dong

  11. I hear giggles from Mr. Squirrel coming from the AMEN corner. :(

  12. I feel your pain. I've lost some awesome shoes to our little b@stard Baxter. Not to mention the middle chapter of a book I was reading! If he wasn't so cute & cuddly I'd kill him at least once a week!

  13. Awww poor purse and skirt, Poor Amy. I can't imagine that happening to me. I would have probably put the dogs out (sorry I'm not a pet person). And YES I would have cried big time.

  14. You look tiny in that photo. Makes me wanna lift some weights....

    That is sad about the purse and skirt.

    Skittles eats tampons.