Tonight is Support Group night! I will get to see Miss Vickie for the second time, and it will be the first time I have seen her since I have told about such things like lady bits and boob pools. Good times.
Kristen just informed us that she has never eaten an orange. This makes my head hurt. I got to thinking...what haven't I eaten that might be as equally shocking. Turns out...I couldn't come up with anything. I have never eaten cauliflower. Does that count?
Kristen also posted the results of the swimsuit challenge yesterday, and as a whole...we sucked this week. She wanted to know why. My response was:
Do you know whose fault it is? Gilly! None of you have been paying attention to me. Gilly is sending bad weight gaining waves over the Internet. You know that vlog she did? Where she was all cute and funny? THAT WAS ALL PART OF HER PLAN! I slowed it down and played it backwards and yep...just as I assumed...the subliminal (however you spell it) message made us gain weight.Now maybe you will take me seriously.Let's disqualify her!hhahahahahahaha
Just think about it. I think there is some truth to what I just said. In fact...now that I think about it....what do we really know about Gilly? Does she in fact even have a band?
Today while I was at the doctors, I was flipping through Ladies Home Journal or something equally as exciting and came upon the weight loss success stories section. You know the section I am speaking of. Well anywoo, I was looking at the "after" pictures and I like to guess their weight. So, the first girl I guessed she was about 150. Nope. She was 123. Here "before weight" was like 155.
Um...un problemo es....(the problem is)...her starting weight is below my goal ending weight. hahahah....funny don't you think? But the open minded Amy angel that sits on my left shoulder told me that everything is relative and good for her! The close minded judging Amy devil that sits on my right shoulder...you know the one that judges people based on the shoe selection and hair styles...that one just whispered "skinny people..totally overrated".
Do you ever think about how your doctors have a first name? They are like teachers in that way. You only think of them as Dr. so and so. I just can't imagine ever saying "Hey Jeff" to Dr. Friedman.
Tonight at support group and plastic surgeon will be there to talk to us. I can't think of anything to ask him...other than "Will you do me for free?"...that came out wrong. You KNOW what I meant. I am wearing a dress today though my we are now on week 2 of Operation: Amy Has No Pants to Wear. So I briefly having given thought to just standing up in the middle of the meeting and lifting my dress over my head and yelling "LOOK DOCTOR PLASTIC SURGEON MAN! FIX ME".
That wouldn't be lady like though would it?
Tracey has had 2 foot in the mouth incidents lately. It's a good thing I kinda like him. I bought some cute jean shorts...you know...the ones that are Bermuda length and have a little cuff at the bottom. The are a size 14 and, shall we say, form fitting (which means possibly too tight but not for long). I was planning on wearing them now. I mean they don't give me a muffin top! So I put them on for Tracey and he said "They will fit soon".
Um. Pardon me? Are you implying they DON'T fit now.
Tsk Tsk silly man.
So then last night we were watching Dancing With The Stars and my girl Niece Nash was on. She is a bigger girl, but I would bet that she is smaller than me. And Tracey said "Wow, she's a big girl".
Screeeeeech. (That was the sound of me stopping dead in my tracks).
I said to silly man, I bet she is smaller than me...
Sigh. Sometimes they never learn. He tried to back peddle and say that I am INDEED much smaller and that she looks good, he was just saying she was thicker than others.
Mmmhmmm...good try buster. In his defense...somehow the man really does think I am much smaller than I am. Always has. Bless his heart.
I play by myself a lot. Just me and my imagination. I host cooking shows in my kitchen where I actually speak out loud to an imaginary camera. I pretend that I am walking down a runway when I walk on a sidewalk. When I go to the movies, and then go to the bathroom at the movies...I ALWAYS...everytime...walk into the bathroom and pretend a killer is after me.
I go into my stall like a normal person, but in my mind I am formulating a plan. If the killer chased me into the bathroom, could I climb up the toliet and move a ceiling tile and crawl into the ceiling? Seriously.
Yesterday I got caught talking to myself at my desk.
I sometimes scare people in our work bathroom bc I don't realize there is anyone in the stall next to me until I am about three quarters of the way through a song, complete with stomping and clapping.
Last night while Tracey was trying to seduce me, I caught a glimpse of my quad. Yes..my toe was pointed in the air and therefore I was kinda flexing...but I can now see the outline of my quad. Just hanging out there on my upper leg.
Well, I'll be damned!
I do have a little more to share but I think I will make it a second post...this is getting a little long winded. Imagine that!
Happy Tuesday my friends.
Oh...PS. I loves Gilly and want to marry her. I was just kidding about all of that above!