Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Adult Kickball Is Serious S&*^

Perhaps you remember me regaling you with stories of past attempts (it's been at least 3 years), of me trying to play co-ed softball with Heather.  It was ridiculous.  It was an epic fail.  And it will never happen again.  So, a couple of years ago we decided to stick our toes into the adult kickball pond.  Whenever we passed by the kickball field, they seemed to be having so much fun...giggling...drinking...prancing around like elegant gazelles.

Surely.  I could kick a big red ball.

And I can.

However, something happens to grown folks when they are placed in competitive situations, fueled by Bud Light and testosterone.  People act a fool.  And after several seasons, our team, 99 Problems But Our Kick Ain't One, had to retire.  Or take a year long, self imposed timeout.  See, there are actually rules to kickball...many of them are similar to basically...I have no idea what they are, nor do I really care, as I am really just playing so I can do cartwheels amongst friends and flirt with the tall skinny black man who plays first base for one of the other teams and bought me a drink after one of the games which led to a lecture from Heather about not accepting drinks from men who like my butt, which was confusing because she is always saying we need to save money and clearly this man just wanted to be my friend and was helping me succeed in my thriftiness.  I call him Slim.  Sometimes he let's me get on first base...probably because he would like to get to at least third. Bahahah....

Anyways, last year our team and another team got into a fight.  It was just a word fight, but was close to being a fist fight and Heather did challenge some big dude by saying "You want to take it outside the fence"?  But that's because he called her a bitch, (she was playing catcher and I was sitting on a cooler drinking and giggling and heard her say..."DID YOU JUST CALL ME A BITCH? YOU WANT TO TAKE IT OUTSIDE THIS FENCE?"  And my head snapped in her direction and I went into protective domestic partner mode and he said "I didnt say YOU were a bitch, I said your teams always BITCHING"...but it was too late.  Red fury clouded my vision and I started screaming "WELL YOUR TEAM IS ALWAYS DOUCHEBAGS"....possibly...over and over again.

Sigh.  Which brings us to one of the reasons we retired.  It can get ugly.

So we are back.  New team name:  Attitude Adjustment.

No fighting last week.  We did lose.  We did have to remind Heather "We aren't THAT team" (you know...the team that argues every call bc it's not inline with the rules because my girlfriend is a total rule follower and likes to carry a set of the rules around with her)...

And perhaps I overdrank just a smidge.  I only have 4 beers, but they were that's really like 8 beers.  Sigh again.  Tonight I will be drinking water.  Just water.  Um...yes.   That's my plan.
Truth.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.


  1. This sounds like my kind of sport!

  2. I get in fights watching sports so I can't imagine what it would like to actually be in the game. I'd probably end up giving someone a beat down.

  3. There are kickball rules? Wow. I haven't actually played since I was 10 but I think I should have known that there were rules. I'm gonna Google it now in case kickball rules ever come up in conversation. Kickball brawl! Bring it.

  4. You always inspire me to want to try new things. Last week, it was a short lived thought of doing tough mudder. You see, a coworker of my does obstacle races and loves it, so I thought I'd hope on the band wagon, but then she expressed disdain for tough mudder and so I feel off that wagon pretty quickly.

    This post, however, has me looking up kickball meetups. I've never played adult team sports and it seems like fun.

  5. I said kickball and then promptly started googling dodgeball? wtf Hollee...

  6. My daughter's girl scout troop leaders plays Kickball, I've always been curious about it. Now I do have to admit, I was super awesome at playing it as a kid/pre-teen. It looks fun... probably is fun. One day when I'm not so busy, hopefully once school is over with. Lol. But girl... you kill me, I love reading your posts... lets just say you paint pictures very well.

  7. I think I would love kickball. I wonder if they have any leagues close by me. Hmmm...