Just when you thought Chicago was a thing of the past...

I found this picture on Maria's facebook. It might just be one of my all time favorites. Can you spot Sarah in this picture? (clue: look towards my crotch)




hahahahahahahh

Pictures Make Me Happy

Maria posted these on her blog today, and as promised I "pirated" (read: stole them) from her. It is amazing to meet other bandsters in real life. And this will have been the third time Maria and I have united...first in Chicago, then in Orlando, and now on Pensacola turf. What's amazing is how any of us, upon meeting, can go from blog writers and readers, to acquaintances, to friends. The added bonus of course is meeting the people that share are lives. It was great to meet George, and to see him come to life (instead of a still picture), and I love when Heather can meet "my people".

Band 101: 20 Tips From Amy

For our newbies and our researching prebandsters, I thought a nice topic for discussion today would be some Band-basics. A little "what Amy thinks she knows about the band" now that she is 20 months out. If my mature bandsters think I have forgotten anything, please point that out in the comments!

Kisses!

Band 101

1. The band is not a sure thing. There you go. Right up front and in your face. One of the first things my doctor ever told me...Some people do NOT lose any weight with the band.
2. I believe that with the right surgeon, and by being an active participant in your WLS journey, the band will work.
3. By active participant I mean: You have to get your fills, you have to try and make the right choices the majority of the time, you have to use your doctor and nutritionist, your support group and these blogs, to help keep you on track. There is no autopilot setting with the band.
4. You have to believe in yourself. There will be times that you do doubt the surgery. There will be times that you might worry. But, from the beginning, the more you believe, the more you will achieve.
5. The first rule of band club is there are no rules. You will find that every doctor has different rules to follow. You will find that one doctor says "NO pop EVER", and another doctor will say "Anything in moderation". You should use your doctors rules as guidelines. Find what works for you and your body. Just like every doctor, every patient is different as well.
6. Sometimes you will fail your band. This might be with one meal, or it might be a two week bender of Halloween candy and wine. It happens. It happened to me many times. And then, one day, you wake back up, pull up your big girl panties (which are going to get a little saggy in the ass area), and get back on track.
7. A cookie, four pieces of pizza, two entire bottles of wine...are not the end of the world.
8. Your scale will begin to rule your world. This will let up...eventually. But not totally.
9. If you eat too fast or do not chew, you will get to experience the dreaded PB. A productive burp is somewhere on the lower end of the throw up continuum, and includes but is not limited to: slime, rubber slobber, heaving, and chest pain. It's not as bad as it sounds. In fact, I think we bandsters, much like girl scouts, should have sashes we wear and get little badges for.
10. Fills don't really hurt.
11. You do not have to mourn the loss of food. Trust me...the food will still be there.
12. You will eventually have to...EXERCISE. (please refer back to number one for WHY). You may be able to coast for awhile exercise free. But soon enough my friends, the plateau will find you. And you are going to have to up your game. It took me over a year to enjoy the benefits of working out enough to actually miss it when I skip a day. But find something you like...and move.
13. There will be times when you aren't losing. Take your measurements. Take pictures.
14. If you surround yourself with people that support you, encourage you, and feed your soul, this journey is a hell of a lot easier.
15. Set goals. Work towards them.
16. Be proud of yourself, everyday, for choosing to make a difference in your life and health.
17. Try new things. As you start to shed your old self and create the new you, layer back up with experiences, tastes, and people...you have never tried before.
18. Eating in your car is never really a good idea.
19. Pooping ain't so easy post band.
20. The band, much like life, is what you make it. So make it worth it.

They Stole My Laptop and I Lost some L.B's

Well kids. I woke this morning and got into my car...odd I thought that my glove compartment and my center console were open.

I grabbed the dog leash and walked to Heather's truck to put it in there for her. I noticed her drivers side door was ajar. I opened her door to find her center console and glove compartment open, and all the contents scattered around the cab. I saw two nicely folded pair of pants (that had been in my laptop bag with my laptop) sitting on her drivers seat.

Sure enough, someone broke into our cars...and the only thing they took was my laptop.

Oh my laptop. My laptop that was buried under clothes in the backseat of her darkly window tinted truck. My laptop that I almost brought inside last night, but then decided I didnt need it.

My laptop that links me to blogland.

The one that contains all of my pictures from the last five years of my life. Including my weight loss pictures.

It's gone.

Blah. That is really the only part that makes me sad...is the loss of my pictures. Pictures are so important to me. And just the other day I was thinking how I should back them up. Damn. Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda. And I do have a majority of my pictures on Facebook or my iPhone, so I can save them again...

It's just sad.

But it is what it is.

Funny thing is, is that my laptop is a crapper. It's 5 years old, and the screen only works if I use a hardware clip to hold it together. And that's the only thing they took! They didnt take the $100 pair of sunglasses, the cash in the coin holder, our discs for disc golf. It could have been worse. They could have damaged Heather's new truck, or got her wallet (which is usually in the truck most of the time...NOT ANYMORE OF COURSE).

So let us learn from this. Backup your pictures, put a password protect on your laptop, and don't leave anything valuable in your damn car.

With that said, I had a pretty good week managing my eating behavior and I lost 6.5 pounds. I am at 166 this fine morning (fine except for the theft of course).

Yesterday Maria and her husband George were in town, so we all had brunch at a very nice restaurant on the water. It was yummy. It is so great when Heather meets other bandsters, other women who say and think the way I do about food. And it's funny bc when Maria was talking about eating food that she knows is going to get stuck, Heather will just pat my leg and say "sounds familiar". As soon as Maria posts some pics, I will steal them and post them on here.

Oh. It's not nice to steal.

Lest the world has forgotten.

A Fluffy Calorie Pillow of Sweetness

HELP! I've fallen and landed on a big pillow of calories and lard....and I just want to motorboat the sons-0f-bitches...I just wanna get in there and eat some shit up.

Now. How about that for an opening? Usually I try to bury my good cuss words like 'shit' deep in a post, but not today my fair lovelies. Today it's balls to the wall.

So. Amy's in trouble. I KNOW. I KNOW. You have already lectured me after Mr. Hamburger and the yummy incident, but I do not blame La Burger for what has happened.

You see, first I would like to play a game. We were watching Hoarders last night, and the lady didnt like for the counselor to say she was 'hoarding'. Instead, she liked to have it referred to as "collecting".

OOOOH, so we get to name our disorders anything we want to make ourselves feel better? Goody. Let's play.

What shall I be?

Food Lover?
Lifer in the Fatlane?
Vigorous Overeater?

(your turn)

Anywhoozle, I have gained several pounds. Please refer to the ticker to verify. I am sitting at 172.5. Technically, I don't know what that works out to. I know one day probably over a month ago I saw 163.5 on the scale, but it was a fluke. I was hovering around 167 for a long time, so I am at least up 5.5 pounds...possibly more.

And it's not the end of the world.

It's not all doom and gloom.

But it doesnt make me feel peppy and like I want to throw glitter on the floor and rub my well oiled body all over it. You dig?

So it's time to do something. Thank God I am working out 5 days a week...at least I can feel good about that. Although I think I am addicted to making my muscles bigger, which means I am a Steakhead (like meathead), and don't know how to stop lifting heavy...

I digress...

But I have been giving some thought to a few things. First, To Fill or Not to Fill. ooh, that's the million dollar question with us bandsters yes? Because there are some things a fill probably wont help with. Things like Snickers, pop, cheese...the good stuff. BUT, there are somethings a fill would help with. HUNGER is numero uno. I am actually physically hungry within an hour of eating 7 chick-fil-a chicken nuggets. And with proper restriction, I should be able to go longer.

Can't I just do it without a fill? This is a question I ask myself. The answer is NOT SO MUCH!

But you know...here is the thick of it. I am going to try to write this as coherently as possible.

When I was losing weight and taking names, when I had my most restrictive restrictiveness (that sounded fun), food was a different experience. I had to be careful what I ate in the morning, and I was rather limited. Things like a pancake, muffin, cereal, toast, etc...were off the table for me (literally). Lunch was usually soup, chili, or something hamburger based that I had made. I ate small portions. Dinner took awhile to eat. No rushing could be had. I had to cut my food and chew well.

That is not how I eat these days. I have grown accustom to eating with a little less care now. I push the limits. Yesterday I actually stopped at McDonalds for breakfast!!!!! And ordered...get this...cinnamelt, a side of sausage, and a large REGULAR coke. The cinnamelt and sausage...I couldnt eat much of. Thank you band. But I drank the Coke. But restricted Amy would have never even thought about putting a fluffy moist cinnamon covered bread product in her mouth. I have been eating cupcakes from this gourmet cupcake store. Restricted Amy couldnt have eaten one. I have been eating more bread products. I can eat cereal again. I know that the point of the band isnt to eliminate foods, but I need it too. I can't be trusted with certain foods. I know this.

And that's okay.

So I will get a fill.

But this does mean I am going to have to return to eating like a bandster. Softer, easier foods. Slower, more thorough chewing. More water. Vitamins. Good things. But I need help to get back there. And I will use my band for that. It will be a good refresher for me. It will be good to go back. Because my habits now are not the good ones that helped me become Amy 2.0.

So there it is.

My non-plan. Or my plan.

Whichever...I wanted you to be a part of it.

To be continued...

Oprah, Lesbians, and Food

One wonders, from time to time, when food will no longer serve as our Kryptonite, the impetus to a landslide of self hatred.

And one also wonders, and fears, if the answer is: NEVER. We will never be free of the fight.

So. Okay. I have been fighting the battle for, let's say, over 25 years. And some of you have been fighting it for much longer than that. And now...we are winning. I would consider myself on the winning side. But it's still a fight.

And mommy no likey.

Did anyone catch Oprah yesterday? Portia de Rossi was on, pitching her new book and talking about her battle with anorexia and bulimia. It was interesting to watch, made me cry a little, open my eyes a little, roll my eyes a little, and made me think.

The Part That Opened My Eyes

She was reading an excerpt from her book about how after eating some yogurt, she felt horrible and fat, and she would look at herself in the mirror and call herself horrible, hateful things. It was a long list of words like fat, worthless, ugly, lazy, etc. Heather was watching with me and she said "Dang"...which made me think that she thought it was pretty extreme what Portia was saying about herself. To me...all I was thinking was...that sounds familiar. And I wasn't ready to have the discussion out loud yet, but I want (and will) ask Heather..."Don't you talk to yourself in your head like that sometimes?" Because...don't you? I just thought we all did. I certainly do. When I am really inside my head (I like to say that bc it sounds better than saying 'when I am really beating myself up') I say horrible things to me...about me. I say them because at the time, I want myself to feel terrible. I want to be wrapped in misery. I think I am trying to make myself accept the fact that I am all of those horrible things...because if I could accept the fact...then I could just get on with it.

In otherwords...if I am fat, ugly, lazy, loud, stupid, and therefore unworthy of love...and if I accept it...I could stop looking for it.

But I know that I am not those things. I know that most of the time anyways. But I wanted you to know that even shiny bright Amy talks shit about herself.

The Part That Made Me Roll My Eyes

Portia, with her 5'8" frame, starved herself down to 86 pounds. During her recovery, she went up to 167. And that is when she met Ellen. If you have seen Portia these days, she ain't no 167. She is pretty damn thin. Oprah asked her what she does now. Her answer...She lives an active life and walks her dogs.

mmmhhmmmm....

no ma'am.

I also had a problem with the fact that she said when she starved herself down to skeleton state, it showed how much discipline and self-control she had. And she still seemed proud of that. Which I think sends a terrible message to the women watching and now wanting...to have that same "self-control".

I did enjoy though when she was talking about how several years ago she was the face of Loreal makeup and she went for a photoshoot. They had all of these skirts for her to try on...in a size 4. All of them, over 15 skirts, were too tight and didnt fit. The director yelled "No one told me she was a size 8!!!" Oprah said, "Shoot, size 8 is my goal size".

Everything is relative.

The Part That Made Me Cry

Honestly didn't have anything to do with weight. It had to do with her coming out, the recent suicides of gay kids, and taking Ellen's last name. I will say here on this blog, because I never really said thank you...Thank You.

When I first told all of you about Heather, do you know that I didn't get ONE negative email or comment? I don't know if I lost any followers, I know that the next day the number of people following me actually increased. But I was ready for whatever anyone wanted to say. And every comment or email you sent me was nothing but supportive.

And what made me think of that is because Portia said if more people would come out and be who they are, less people would feel ashamed and hate themselves.

She also officially changed her last name to Degeneres...and Oprah asked her why that was important. And she explained, through tears, the importance of marrying the person you love, of becoming part of them.

And it makes me sad. It makes me sad that right now, in the state of Florida and I think 42 other states, I cannot marry the person I love. I could go change my last name I suppose, but that's not really the point. I think that it must be a good quality I possess that I believe that people are better than that. I forget that people think that because I love someone built the same as me, I do not deserve the same rights. I can't put on a pretty white dress, wear a pretty diamond, write my vows, and legally be bound to her.

Sigh.

Times are changin. I know. It still is hard.

And I know some of you are probably thinking...who in the hell wants to be married anyways?

OOOOH....MEEEE! Don't you remember Barbie and her little ring that poked through her plastic webbed fingers? The one you would lose just about as quickly as you would lose her little pink high heels or the damn Barbie hairbrush? Barbie and Ken weddings were a big deal in my Barbie table (I didnt have a barbie house, my dad built me a "barbie desk" instead...I will find you the picture).

Anyways...I guess it wouldnt be a Barbie Ken wedding would it? hahah...it's Barbie and Barbie now baby!

So there you go, a post about Oprah, lesbians, and food. A trifecta if you ask me.

If You Can't Dress Like A Whore On Halloween...

When can ya? I mean come on?

So, as you may remember, I was fretting over the Halloween weekend activities. I was nervous for the big Halloween grown up lesbian soiree'. I was feeling a little fat and bloated, and who wants to be fat and bloated when you are supposed to be naughty school teacher. But I sucked it up (and in), pulled up my big girl power panties, and got dressed. Heather was teacher's pet, complete with the dog leash and collar. Getting into the truck, sitting, and breathing was a task for me, but one must make sacrificies. After a few blueberry beers (Wild Blue...have you had these? They are like 9 % alcholo and yummy) it's a little hard to walk in 5 inch heels. But I did ladies and gentlemen. I did indeed. Here are the shoes.

We had a really good time. I didn't fall over. Someone told me she wanted to be my cougar. I call that a successful evening.

Earlier that day, we did the Pensacola Mall to Mall Walk for breast cancer. It's a little over 3 miles and not a race...just a walk. It was nice to be with people from work, early on a Saturday morning, doing something for others.
And what shirt is more fitting than our BOOBS tee?

Halloween night we sat up in the driveway, complete with chairs, beer, tiki torches, and chocolate to pass out to the kiddies. We didnt have lots of trickers, but we were able to chat it up with the neighbors....I was making new friends. Secretly I am planning a Christmas block party in my mind.