At my highest, and when I started this blog, you know I felt pretty good about myself. The weird thing is...how good I feel about myself hasnt increased.
I have been thinking about this post for awhile, because when I write it in my head...I confuse myself, and I don't want to transfer this confusion to you!
So let's start with a simple example.
Let's say that at 327 pounds, I thought the likelihood of a man checking me out was three out of every ten men. Like if I walked by a guy, there was a 30% chance he would be giving me the "what for" glance. And my point is (yes I do have one) is that logically, since men are visual creatures, I should be more attractive to a greater number of people now....right?
I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't think my sexy level has increased. Why don't I? I mean I usally FEEL sexy. I carry myself well. I walk with a little swing, head held high, etc. But I always have.
And I promise that I am not fishing for compliments here and you don't need to shower me with "Amy you are beautiful" comments (although a compliment shower IS my favorite kind of rainstorm), but I don't feel like I am pretty. Pretty as in the girly "Oh she is so pretty" kind of way. I feel like guys see me as one of the guys.
Funny how this post makes it seem like I need validation from the male species. LOL. And let me note for record that Tracey showers me with compliments every single day. He thinks I am pretty, hot, and every other positive descriptive adjective out there. It is really about me and my mind not growing with my shrinking size. It is weird. And I wanted to share.
On another note: A couple of weeks ago I got my first "I didn't even recognize you" compliment. This was at bootcamp and I saw a coworker that who I haven't seen in awhile. Maybe 6-9 months. I saw her from across the gym and I waved at her. She looked at me and half smiled and then looked away. I got closer and I said "Hi Sis!" And she said "Oh my God I didn't even know that was you"!
That's a nice one. I heard this again today when I walked into HR. I see these ladies all the time but today they said "We were watching you come up and we didnt even recognize you until you walked in".
Still 200.0 on the scale today. That's okay. It will happen. And to be honest with you, it probably won't happen tomorrow...seeing as how I had Cheetos, a peanut butter cup, snickers, and peanuts all before lunch :)
Oopsie. My bad!