I am a legend in my own mind. And I think that is okay. I have my hang ups (you have read about a few of them...whiskers, stretch marks, backfat rolls). However, you have also read how I am a pretty self confident girl. I am a head held high, walk with a little swing in my hips, stand in the middle of a crowd, shake your hand and look you right in your eye kinda girl. I am a people pleaser, and making people laugh and love me is of high importance. On the flip side, I dress my body the way I want, don't care if you think fat girls should hide behind moo-moo's and ill fitting pants. I have a skull tattoo on my wrist, and several star tattoos on my body. If you don't think that is professional...give me some time and you will start to forget them. I am telling you all of this because on the way to work I had some deep thoughts. And I don't want you to think I am full of myself (is it too late:)
I am flirtatious. This drives Tracey crazy...but how does he think I got him :) ?I always have been. Its not hands on flirting, or anything that could get me in trouble. But because I am personable, have never met a stranger, and think I am hot sometimes...it just happens. The weird thing is...is that sometimes I know guys don't want to be attracted to me. And trust me...I am not saying I am some hot babe and that when I walk into the room all the guys are lusting after me. But if you get to know me, work around me, etc...my personality can win you over. The weird part is...is I can sense when guys are confused about this attraction. Because some of these guys must feel weird being attracted to such a big girl. I am not the girl in Playboy or winning bikini contests. Guys of course want the pinup girl. But I think they want someone smart, funny, and kind...more than a hard ass, high boobs, and rockin abs. They just have trouble admitting it.
Another weird phenomenon is what happens with people in general in regards to my self-confidence. I think it confuses them. Especially "thin" women in my professional life. I get this vibe from big staff meetings I attend, or when I teach at leadership conventions. I can feel women looking at me and thinking "doesnt she know she is fat"..."how can she just be so out there"?
But here is the skinny (ahahahahah...I had to make a joke). If you have read my very first post on this blog, I think I mentioned my need and obsession since I was a child to be so funny, happy, and...did I say funny...that people forget I am fat. 97% of the time it worked. I was on the dance team from 7th grade on. I had to have my skirt made by sewing two normal sized skirts together. After that I was a cheerleader. Out there doing jumps and cheers in my little outfit along my size 4 friends. My senior year I had the lead in our school play and won Winter Royalty Queen. In college I got into the sorority of my choice. If I wanted something bad enough...I got it.
So why don't you just stay fat Amy?
I want my inside Amy to match my outside Amy....and all of the other wonderful perks that come with being a "normal size". If that ever happens...watch out world :)
I don't know why I am posting all this. I blame it on Angie and her therapy post yesterday. But it gives you a little more insight into me.