The End of Dayz

I am in a funk right now. I think bc I am premenstrual and during this week before Aunt Flo comes to visit I can be so moody.

With that said....I shall begin:

I am nervous about the trip to Scottsboro this weekend. Last time we went to the boat it was Easter and I gained 2 pounds. That has been the only time I have gained since surgery. I blame gas station food, my mother, and Squirrels Nest. This is a restaurant in the holler.

See?
Anyways they serve amazing breakfast. HUGE omelets and the such. I don't eat much of it...just share what Tracey orders, but its so sinful I can't even imagine the calories. What will really get me is the damn snacking! I wish chips got stuck with the band. Chips in all their salty glory are...well...I am just going to say it...BASTARDS!

Also, I forgot to tell you that when Doc took my fluid out yesterday before he put the fill in, he only withdrew like 4.5ccs...which is WEIRD because that was the total he put in my first fill, followed, by 1cc my next fill, and then .5ccs my third fill! Where in the hell does all that liquid go? He said some evaporates...but so all this time I thought I was sitting at a 6cc restriction and I wasnt?

AND THEN...he filled me up, I couldnt get water down, and so he took some out. Did he take too much? I dont know. I had my first real meal tonight since the fill and it was spaghetti, which I havent really had since surgery...so I can't compare it with anything, but I ate probably 2 cups! That seems like to much to me. Tomorrow we are having chicken breast, so I should be able to tell for sure. If I cant feel anything you can bet your sweetness that I will be calling and going back in for more! ARGH!

And then...has anyone ever read The Secret? Fantastic book that basically boils down to this: DO NOT THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. Thoughts become reality. So, for example...if I am constantly worrying about the band failing, or me failing the band...well eventually...failure will happen. But if I think about how I am going to succeed...success will happen.
Once you read the book you realize how many negative thoughts come into your mind a day! It's a trip. SO I dont like to blog about my fear of failure that overwhelms me sometimes...so I will do it just this once.

Sometimes this feeling of anxiety overtakes me. I worry that this will fail just like every other attempt to lose weight. I worry that one day I will snap and just eat slider foods and shitty foods for the rest of my life. I worry that I just think this is going to work and I am fooling myself. I worry about disappointing people. BOO! There...I got it out.

And do you know what else? I have been trying not to post about poop...but who gives a crap (hahahah...get it?) On Oprah Dr. Oz was talking about the importance of looking at your poop. He said healthy poop should be shaped like an S. Or at least a C. I dont look at my poop. NO THANK YOU! If it's brown...flush it down! But I know that it is not an S or a C. Today it was a granny smith apple and as of late it has been like chicken nuggets. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN DR. OZ? I am a poop failure?

AND I was on liquids for almost 2 days and I didnt lose a pound.

The End