Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The End of Dayz

I am in a funk right now. I think bc I am premenstrual and during this week before Aunt Flo comes to visit I can be so moody.

With that said....I shall begin:

I am nervous about the trip to Scottsboro this weekend. Last time we went to the boat it was Easter and I gained 2 pounds. That has been the only time I have gained since surgery. I blame gas station food, my mother, and Squirrels Nest. This is a restaurant in the holler.

Anyways they serve amazing breakfast. HUGE omelets and the such. I don't eat much of it...just share what Tracey orders, but its so sinful I can't even imagine the calories. What will really get me is the damn snacking! I wish chips got stuck with the band. Chips in all their salty glory are...well...I am just going to say it...BASTARDS!

Also, I forgot to tell you that when Doc took my fluid out yesterday before he put the fill in, he only withdrew like 4.5ccs...which is WEIRD because that was the total he put in my first fill, followed, by 1cc my next fill, and then .5ccs my third fill! Where in the hell does all that liquid go? He said some evaporates...but so all this time I thought I was sitting at a 6cc restriction and I wasnt?

AND THEN...he filled me up, I couldnt get water down, and so he took some out. Did he take too much? I dont know. I had my first real meal tonight since the fill and it was spaghetti, which I havent really had since surgery...so I can't compare it with anything, but I ate probably 2 cups! That seems like to much to me. Tomorrow we are having chicken breast, so I should be able to tell for sure. If I cant feel anything you can bet your sweetness that I will be calling and going back in for more! ARGH!

And then...has anyone ever read The Secret? Fantastic book that basically boils down to this: DO NOT THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. Thoughts become reality. So, for example...if I am constantly worrying about the band failing, or me failing the band...well eventually...failure will happen. But if I think about how I am going to succeed...success will happen.
Once you read the book you realize how many negative thoughts come into your mind a day! It's a trip. SO I dont like to blog about my fear of failure that overwhelms me sometimes...so I will do it just this once.

Sometimes this feeling of anxiety overtakes me. I worry that this will fail just like every other attempt to lose weight. I worry that one day I will snap and just eat slider foods and shitty foods for the rest of my life. I worry that I just think this is going to work and I am fooling myself. I worry about disappointing people. BOO! There...I got it out.

And do you know what else? I have been trying not to post about poop...but who gives a crap (hahahah...get it?) On Oprah Dr. Oz was talking about the importance of looking at your poop. He said healthy poop should be shaped like an S. Or at least a C. I dont look at my poop. NO THANK YOU! If it's brown...flush it down! But I know that it is not an S or a C. Today it was a granny smith apple and as of late it has been like chicken nuggets. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN DR. OZ? I am a poop failure?

AND I was on liquids for almost 2 days and I didnt lose a pound.

The End


  1. Dont stress, you're not gonna fail, you're already doing soo good girl. And as for your poop.. just think, less food going in, less poop coming out.. makes sense don't it??.. lol, maybe drink more water though.. couldnt be too good for ya to be droppin bombs like granny smith apples..LOL
    I love your blog.
    xx Nene

  2. What a morning/day, huh?!?!? Keep your chin up - you'll be fine. I found these granola-bar types of things that are 10g of protein - they are South Beach Diet brand - come in Cranberry/almond & Chocolate, and not bad - a combo of sweet and salty... so maybe pick some of those up for the ride? Amy - you're not going to fail. I have thought the same thing, but darn it, we're not going to!!!

  3. I have that book and need to read it again. Thanks for mentioning it. I have been so negative lately because I am so worried about $$$$. I am normally not like that and have always trusted that there is more $$$$ around the corner. So NO MORE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!!! Oh, and I NEVER look at my poop either. Gross. Bleh!

  4. Aww Amy, I totally get your stress. Friggin snacking kills me - I went to a friends cottage over the weekend and must have eaten 5 million chips. Just be as strong as you can, and know what goes up will come back down - your habits are good and a bit of fluctuation given circumstance is totally normal.

  5. Amy i feel your blues, I get them all the time. Imaging when you pay for this surgery out of pocket like I did, the pressure I feel not to fail my husband, I feel wilty all the time bc all the things I could have done with that money, what if I can't do this?... But I also have The Secret. but I have the CD's and the inspirational CD. I don't listen to them like I should, bc to me they are not always realistic, I don"t mean to sound negative but you should face your ups and downs, every one does.I like Sarah love SouthBeach Diet Bars the make the perfect breakfast on the go.
    I wish I could make your day brighter Amy. Snap out of it, We will be OK.

  6. hiya, i know you don't know me. I've just been following your blog b/c your a lapband patient. I myself am hoping to become one very soon. I'm in the works of getting one.
    I just wanted to say that pre-menstruel i get real bloated moody and irritable too. usually i weigh the most the week before and continueing through the week of my period. Then the week after i go down a few lbs. But to me b/c i'm so big a few lbs means nothing at that time of the month. I can't wait to actually start loosing some weight.

  7. I'm glad you're speaking what I'm thinking but basically I just wanna give you a hug. This is sorta scary, it's a new experience to us all and no one REALLY knows what will happen in the long run to each of us. Just take it a day at a time and do what you can each day to make good choices. You're doing great!!

  8. I've read the secret... its an amazing concept and I try to apply it when I'm thinking about it. I've tried to "will" silly things my way and I was amazed when they happened! :-) About the failure... its a horrible feeling, but I feel it too. I haven't weighed myself since I hit 199 b/c I'm so deathly afraid of seeing 200 again on the scale..... I'm trying to wait until 2 or 3 weeks so its sure that its not close to that ever again. But then I think shoot... I'm only 29.. I have the rest of my life to mess this up! .... you are in that boat too.... we are just going to have to work everyday to make the right choices and do the right thing!

  9. I love dr oz... I really do... but i was also puzzled by the 's' shaped poo... i don't get it... and then he was going on about what shade of brown it was? Now that I am banded - my poop is doomed... lol

    L x

  10. Tiff, and Jess, and Angie...and all of my wonderful girls....You guys are right. We slip up and make mistakes....and there is no point in worrying to much about what will happen in the future bc life has a tricky way of playing cards...

    I am just always worried that when I start to make poor food choices...I think..."is this it? Is this the turning point that I start to cheat the band?"...But I will feel better next week I am sure!

    Fatgirlslim....I concure!

  11. I hear you about the chips. Cheetos (which I never ate before the band) go down with out a problem. Why, I ask, Why? I just went for another fill last week I am up to 5cc and I can really feel it.