Sometimes I Pee At The Wrong Time

Once upon a time, I worked at a summer camp in upstate New York.  It was a camp for mostly very privileged, predominately Jewish girls from New York and New Jersey.  And when I say camp, I ain't talking about the Girl Scout camps I went to as a child where you slept on the floor and had tarps that ripe with the smell of well aged  mold.  Oh no.  It was swanky.  It is where I met my best friend Lisa whilst working, and I can say that it changed the course of my life. 

It also happens to be where I had one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Every year we would put on a "welcome show" for the campers.  Each area would do a little skit.  Some would sing.  Some would dance.  You get the idea.  Everyone would gather in the big building and we would perform on stage.  So, roughly, 300 people.

Well, I worked at the boating and canoeing beach and had 2 other staff members under me.  We decided we would bring our plyaks (think hard yellow kayak thingies) onto the stage with us, stand behind them, and bang them with our double ended paddles.  Sort of like STOMP.  We would be screaming and banging and then go into our routine.  Well, one of the other girls was named Emma.  She was sweet, VERY quiet and peaceful.  Pretty much the exact opposite of myself.  Well during all our practices, I wouldn't make Emma scream while banging, but I kept telling her "you HAVE to be really loud when we do this for real.  It's really important".  She promised me she would give it her all.

So we are opening the show.  We are on stage.  300 people watching.  And this is my third year at camp.  I am known for my "showmanship" shall we say.  I am 21 years old.  Lights come up.  And sweet mother...Emma starts screaming.  I MEAN YELLING AND BANGING.  I am so shocked and startled, and it is so funny.  And I can't stop laughing. 

And then I start peeing.

I am standing there, in swimsuit and tutu, probably 275 pounds, squeezing my legs together.  Peeing on stage.  And from the audience, you can't see it, but its starting to puddle.  And I panic.

I can't leave a puddle of pee on the stage for the all the other people. 

So I start to roll in it. 

Like...rolling around.

I don't remember how it ended.  I am pretty sure we just had to walk off and didnt finish.

In about 5 minutes time, everyone knew that Amy had pee pee'd on the stage.

That's my legacy.

Now, sometimes I still wee a little if I laugh too hard.  Last summer this happened on the boat. 

There was this other time, that involved a Sumo Suit...but I will save that for another day!

Thank you and may the force be with you.