The Green Zone, Unicorns, And Other Imaginary Things

 Many of us have heard about the "Green Zone"...this elusive zone we are all chasing after.  When properly restricted with the Lapband, you are supposed to reside in the green zone.  At this point, you feel satisfied with small portions, don't get stuck, make healthy choices, don't snack or think about snacking, etc.  Please take a lookey-loo at the chart below.

I would like to talk about this little chart and where I am right now.  I had a fill scheduled for yesterday, it was my pre-scheduled six month check up.  Tuesday I started to have a mental breakdown about whether or not to go.  This breakdown included tears and irrational emotional outbursts.  Because let me tell you's sumpin.

I can check the yellow boxes AND the red boxes on almost every area.

For example: If you are too loose, you can eat "any amount of bread, pasta, rice, along with protein and veggies".  CHECK.  BUT, if you are too tight you find yourself eating : "candies, chips, ice cream, pastries, pies, soda, soups, protein drinks".  CHECK

or

You stop eating when the food is all gone but want more (too loose).  You stop eating when the band makes you feel uncomfortable (too tight).  Check mark, check mark.

You feel me?  I find a lot of the things listed in the red column have nothing to do with physical hunger and/ or proper restriction, but so much to do with snacking, head hunger, and old habits.  I can eat an entire plate of alfredo pasta, with peppers and chicken AND a heaping side of broccoli with no problem.  BUT, give me one hot dog and a little potato salad...and that might not work.  My band may be the perfect restriction but I will STILL think about food all the time.

I feel like I am not making sense.  My point is, for me, the band helps with my portion control.  Getting a fill will not help at all with my snacking control.  I eat out of boredom.  I eat junk food because it takes oh so much better than healthy food.  It just does.  My brain is programed for cheetos.  I have to fight that urge. 

And here is why I was really torn about getting a fill.  If the number on the scale sounded better, I wouldn't care if I lost another pound.  I am actually at a really good place with my body.  I kinda dig it!  Yes I have the body of someone who has lots mucho weight, but it's a healthy, fit, size 10ish, 170 poundish, can ski around a lake and do a pull up kinda body.

This is why I am not weighing (and still haven't) this month.  I am so SO sick of talking about my weight.  I am sick of feeling like 171 makes me fat, but 169 makes me thin. 

So I went to my appointment and told Dr. Friedman everything I pretty much have told you.  Aw, I love him.  He gave me a fill (but only bc I said my portions were big), told me I don't need to lose anymore, that I am hot enough.  He also made me stick out my hand so he could slap it (after confessing all my sins).  I told him that I kinda like that, and I may just go eat bad so I can come back today and he can slap me around again.

I met with my nutritionist after that.  She asked me if I ate junk food because it was around...I said NO.  I will go and find it.  I will leave work to go to the store and buy junk.  We talked about healthy snacking options I might like.  I told her I am trying to eat celery.  Told her I am using organic peanut butter with the celery.  She told me I might want to try putting laughing cow on it.  I will try that.  I told her I am trying to eat the 100 calorie cottage cheese and fruit mixers, that I use reduced fat wheat thins to eat it.  She suggested looking at other crackers with higher fiber.  Good point. 

Heather made me make some rules that I am going to try and follow over the next few weeks.  This is one of the times I cried, because I am tired of thinking about it all the time...I just wanna live my life.  BLAH!  But some of the things I am going to try and recommit to our:

Water:  at least 100 ounces a day.  I did this religiously during my first year of weight loss.
Snacking:  When I got's to snack, I am going to have healthy options available.
Crap removal:  If the food I am about to put in my mouth doesn't have nutritional value...energy, fiber, protein, etc...I am going to try and reconsider eating it.
Pop/Soda:  I can only have a diet drink after I have drank at least 60 ounces of water.
Beer/Wine:  None for 3 weeks. 

So there you have it.  Nothing groundbreaking.  Just doing some of the things that helped me lose 120 pounds my first year. 

But there was a difference.  At 327 pounds I WAS MOTIVATED.  I was sick of hurting, I was sick of being fat, I was determined to be a success story.  I didnt like where I was.  I had goals and I didn't want to let myself of my fellow bloggers down.

At 170...I'm just not that motivated.  Again.  I like me now.  I don't know if I have what it takes to be determined enough to lose 10 more pounds because I don't really need too. 

And that kids, is my mental block.

Happy Thursday