You already know what I am talking about. We have heard this many times in our lives as fatties. "You have such a pretty face"...
And for most of us...we wanted to be MORE than "just a pretty face".
Well, dating and loving a woman has many fun facets to it that you don't get to enjoy if you are dating a man. One such "fun facet" is that when you are dating a man...you never have to worry about him stealing and using all the tampons in the house...leaving you with none when you start your period...causing you to have to harken back to the dark ages and make some sort of contraption to stuff in your underwear until you get to the damn store...
But I digress.
Another thing that is different is that because Heather is a woman..and I am a woman...we talk a lot more about bodies, diets, etc...than you would with a normal man partner...
So we were watching The Voice several weeks ago and Frenchie is on. For those of you who watched American Idol years ago, you know Frenchie. Anywhoozle, she is a big gal who has a beautiful complexion, self confidence...and yes...a very pretty face.
And Heather said as much. She said "She has such a pretty face".
And I said...fat girls don't like hearing that.
And she honestly did not understand where I was coming from. Bless her thin girl heart.
"But it's a compliment", she said.
Yes, I told her. But when you see a thin person, you never say "She has such a pretty FACE." You just say "She is pretty". But people say "such a pretty face" and it insinuates that her FACE is pretty...even though her body is not.
You dig?
It was just funny to me that it had never occurred to Heather...and I bet a lot of people who have never been identified by one feature because there others are less than desirable.
Just food for thought.
Happy Thursday!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
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Yeah I don't even think people realize what they are saying. I'll be happy when I don't hear that anymore and just hear that I am pretty.
ReplyDeleteYou are right Amy. People dont' understand that it's a backwards compliment. I know our sweet Heather didn't mean any harm though.
ReplyDeleteBTW...I think Frenchie is hot. I Love her on the voice. I don't think she is going to take home the prize though.
I always hated hearing that too!
ReplyDeleteI have an exception to your comment about a man not stealing your tampons. My husband uses cotton to plug his ears when he rides his motorcycle. There was no cotton so he took a tampon and cut it so it would stick in his ears....I kid you not! So, I too have to worry about not finding any for when I need them!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I ever had issues hearing the backwards compliment before. I think that I am just too plane anyways, so I never heard it! I'm not bitter though. My husband tells me I'm beautiful (at all sizes) so whatev! And I do hear more compliments (mostly from my Boobs, hehe) now. But yeah, it is kind of annoying to hear people describe others that way.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Both on how it's different dating a woman (love it) and the pretty face backhanded compliment. I still very specifically remember the times and situations when I was told that and it's been decades since.
ReplyDeleteHeather
gettingbacktoskinnymini.blogspot.com
I hear ya!!!! Heard this one many times!
ReplyDeleteAmen sister.
ReplyDeleteTotally understood. Even now most of my friends don't know what to say about the surgery except for how pretty I'm going to be. And how I have such a pretty face now just wait till I'm all hot and sexy. And they don't mean anything by it but it still sucks to hear sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThat's like saying "you're cute for a black girl" AHH NO! I'm just cute. That "pretty face" stuff has never been said of me but I can imagine that it stings. I'm sure Frenchie has heard it several times.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right...and Frenchie is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThere is a girl who works at our local Target who made me do a double take. She looked, to be frank, like an ugly gay boy in girlie drag. Hair ribbon, peach fuzz on face and long black hairs all over her arms.
ReplyDeleteNo, not just her forearms. All the way up her arms to her cap-sleeved red t-shirt.
I was thinking this in my head but honestly didn't really care. Some of the best customer service I've had has come from people who are not aesthetically pleasing.
So... when I went to the store with Liv and we checked out in this girl's lane, Liv was staring at her intently. Of course, as a mom, you're thinking, "Shit. Shit. Shit. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Don't say anything." Because you think your kid is going to verbalize what you've been thinking.
Instead, without a shred of irony, Liv waits until she's finished ringing me up and says, "You're pretty. I like your hair flower."
The girl, who is pleasant as a checker but necessarily friendly in that outspoken way, blinked wordlessly at her a couple of times and peeped out a quiet, "Thanks."
Sometimes you really should embrace your inner child. Seeing as how the child in you has the most brilliant of intentions and the least jaded forethought.
Amy, do you think you and Heather would've gotten together pre-band? I am just wondering if you both would've had the attraction to one another that you have now.
ReplyDeleteAli- that is a good question and not the first time i have been asked. Heather and I have talked about it. Obviously we love each other for so much more than our bodies, but I think my lifestyle would have prevented us from getting to the point where we are now. I was about 220 the first time heather told me I was too hot for where we work...long before we started dating...but I was working out by then. For heather, someone who didn't place there health high on their to do list would have been a deal breaker. Good answer yes?
ReplyDeleteGood answer Amy! You probably would've never met had you not been exercising and working out. I just always wonder about things like that. Would someone who might look at me now have even seen me before?
ReplyDeleteI've suffered the "pretty face" backhanded compliment before BUT Frenchie's face (and skin) are truly gorgeous. They are up there with some of the most beautiful faces of all time. It is worth singling out.
ReplyDelete