Thursday, June 16, 2011

I Can't View My Poo

I am listening to a Jillian Michaels podcast about salt/sodium AND, not related to the salt...pooping.

There is a doctor chatting about how you need to look at your poop.  She said that for those of us (I will refer to us as LADIES), who flush before they even stand up just so I can't catch a glimpse of anything in the toilet..well...she said we need to look.

We need to be aware of our turdlettes.

I can't do it.  I don't want to see it.  Nope.

Have I told you my irrational fear of wet toliet paper?  I know I have.  But it GROSSES ME OUT!  OH MAN!!!!  Like in public restrooms, or near a shower.  Even when Heather takes some TP and wipes the counter or something...

I start to gag.

She thought it would be funny the other night to take a wad of wet toilet paper and set it on my toothbrush.  When I tried to beat her, she grabbed the wad and chucked it at my nude torso...and it stuck. It stuck right on  my ribs.

I almost threw up.

So.  I will not be looking at my poop.  I will trust that it's okay. 

Godspeed poopy. 



  1. You always give me a chuckle! I just LOVE reading your blog! One of my things is mayo - and not too long ago the hubby wiped some on my leg to get even with me for mouthing at him. I almost lost it. LOL! I feel your pain!

  2. Well what should we be seeing our poop doing? I am not so sure I want to be checking my poop-lets out either!

  3. I didn't hear Jillian's podcast but from what I know you always want to check it for blood, because blood in your poop could be a sign of many things but a big thing is a form of a tumor/cancer forming. Another thing is color. Brown is normal but grey and black aren't. I think that's about as far as I'll go on the subject! haha

  4. Amanda, it's supposed to be nicely formed and float.

    Please don't ask me how I know this (curse you, Jillian Michaels!).

    Reminds me, I have to check to see if she's got a new podcast up...

    (Amy, LOL -- thanks for this post!)

  5. I know ALOT about poop viewing! Haha!!! If your poop sinks like a stone then you might be constipated, if your poop floats to the top then there may be too much fat in your diet.

    The perfect poop should be a medium brown, well rounded, about 5-7 inches long, (for realz! magondo poop) and should not sink or float but be somewhere in between.

    You know how animals can just take a poop and their ass is just clean? They don't have to wipe? If your poop is right then technically you shouldn't have to wipe because the break would be clean (no messy fuss).

    I know much more but I am sure you working on holding in your vomit at this point so I will leave you with this tid bit of info! haha

  6. Glad this wasn't a post I read during lunch!

  7. *giggles*

    Every time you write about not wanting to look at your poop, you know what that does to me?

    It turns me into Miss Poop Obsessed. And I can't stop staring at my poop. As if it gives you viewing time with your poop. I'm lending a helping... uh, hand. Eye?

  8. I am soooo with you on the wet TP. NO CLUE WHY but it happens. Freakin' gross, lol.

  9. if everyone posting comments about poop would have used the word "doody" instead, Steph (Dreams of Skinny High Heels) would die laughing... I wonder how many times the word poop can be mentioned in the comments of this post?

  10. **sigh** Oh gosh, I needed to laugh and not only did your post but these comments. Oh my funny! Beth Ann - I laughed out loud at yours! On a side note, Amy, I'm so glad the presentation went well. I'm sure you delighted and amazed! Good work girl! You helped more people there than you realize, I'm sure!!

  11. Dr Oz always says to look - certain things about it can indicate some really bad things but I'm with you - I don't wanna.

  12. Oh geez. I WAS like you, dear. Then I had a child. Diapers are bad but its worse when your child is finally potty trained and takes after her father in having to actually "see" and comment on every.single.bowel.movement. You learn to disassociate. Like people with PTSD.

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