Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My Goal Post-The Written Version




I realized two things this afternoon....scratch that...make it three.

1. Sometimes it takes FOREVER to upload a vlog.
2. Some of you can't watch vlogs bc you are at work or on your phone.
3. I haven't been on lapbandtalk.com for over three months.

So, I decided to kill 2 birds (that sounds horrible, I think I shall say instead...) So I decided to free two white doves with one stone, and post on LBT and repost THAT post here.

Wooo....

So this is my post I left in the introductions section.

It has been too long since I have been on LBT, and I thought today would be the day to do a post. I remember when I was presurgery and I was on here all the time...this site served as a springboard to my blog, and subsequently, me changing my life.
I remember searching for the "success stories", and being filled with hope...for the first time in a very long time...that this time would be different.And it has been.It has been anything but what I expected. It has been more. I warn you, this is going to be a very long post. I thought that I would share with you my very first introduction on this site, and my very first post I ever made on my blog.

Then, I will tell you where I am at today.

Fat Happens: An Intro of Sorts

My mom had a book. Every once in awhile I would sit on the carpet in our family room, and when no one was watching, I would pull it out and flip to my favorite page. I don’t remember what verbage my 8 year old mind used, but I remember thinking several things.

Wow those people are fat.
At least I’m not that fat.
I will never be that fat.
And *giggle* those people are naked.
The book was written by one Richard Simmons, and it was called Never Say Diet. I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t supposed to say diet. I said it all the time. My mom had said it. So I asked my mom one day to explain it to me. And she said that "diet" was bad because you weren’t supposed to go on DIETS, you were supposed to change your way of life

.Back to the naked people.Somewhere in the book their was a sketch of a man and a woman. They were naked, obese, and giving us a side profile shot. I remember their bellies hanging over…lapping over. I remember their fat roles. I remember the ladies breasts were sagging. I remember being horrified and fascinated.
Unfortunately, when I look at myself in the mirror today…I have become that sketch.

I wasn’t fat when I was little. I sure thought I was. The first memory I have of feeling fat probably happened when I was about 5. I used to lay in our living room, in front of the bay windows, and lather up in lotion (just regular moisturizer), and try to get a tan. I had a cute little bikini. As I was walking around, my brother and his friend were on the couch and he said something about me having a dimply butt. I didn’t know what he meant. My mom explained it to me. He was implying I had cellulite. I didn’t, but that was all it took. From then on, I believed I was fatter than all my friends. I look at pictures now and I was just an average size girl.It wasn’t until I started junior high that I was noticeable bigger than pretty much all my girlfriends. I danced. I love to dance, and I was on our dance team. I was a size 14/16 and they had to have my skirt specially made but putting two skirts together.


I’ve always said there are two types of fat girls: the wallflowers who just want to blend in, and the loud funny ones who spend their lives trying to make people forget how fat they are. I am the second of the two.I was funny, (still like to think I am). I was popular, friends with everyone. On the outside, to the outside world…my weight didn’t bother me. In high school the boyfriends stopped. I still danced, still had tons of friends. And to be honest, I never let my weight prevent me from doing what I wanted. In high school the dance outfits changed. We had to wear one piece black leotards, cinched at the waste with the belt (even the size 4 girls didn’t look to flattering). We also had a spandex top and skirt.

For some reason, the senior boys (not all of them, but a good handful), loved to pick on me. They would call me "two lunches"…implying I ate two lunches.One basketball game, we took the court. We were dancing to a James Brown song and our starting position was crouched on the floor, heads down. The music was taking forever to start…and guess where I was in the formation. Yes, it couldn’t be better if it was an after school special on ABC. I was crouched. They started chanting. "Two lunches, Two lunches"…everyone could hear. The music started. I danced. We walked off the court. I hid. I quite dancing. And that is one of my biggest regrets. I gave power to those boys…and let them take that away from me. I started cheerleading the next year. Didn’t keep me down for long. But still affects me 12 years later.

I’ll skip college and make a long story…well still pretty long….I graduated from college. Moved to Florida. This is just my intro. My history.

I’ve always joked I have reverse body dysmorphic disorder. That instead of being a tiny person that sees themselves as fat, I am a fat person who always thinks they are a lot skinnier. I feel pretty hot until I see a picture. I still think I was pretty hot weight 220 and being a size 20. I weigh 327 now. And don’t feel that hot anymore.I knew I needed help. I am hoping that on January 27th, help will come in the form of a little intertube around my stomach. Posted by Amy W. at Thursday, January 22, 2009


AND BACK TO PRESENT DAY


Today I hit my goal weight. Well, I actually skipped 170 pounds all together, and landed on 168.5. I started at 327 pounds last January. I have lost 158.5.It's seems unreal to me I suppose. This last year and a half has been so consumed with numbers that when today finally came...I didn't really let it hit me.

And then I went in the bathroom, looked at my new self, and cried. Tears of happiness, pride, exhaustion. Tears of relief. And I guess...tears of hope.

This journey has been amazing. There are days that are hard, days where I feel like I can do anything. There were (and still are) where I eat crap. Lots of it. There are days when I am the perfect bandster.

If the band can work for me, I think it can work for {almost} anyone. Here is what I would tell someone thinking about the band--it's not easy, but it makes it easier. It doesn't fix your head, or cure you from wanting to overeat--but it does by you time--to start to fix some of those things yourself. The band will only take you so far. You are going to actually have to work. You will have to make more good choices than bad. You will have to move your body.

But I can promise you this. The band can help you change your life.In the last year and a half, my life has changed more than I could have imagined. My body, my mind, my love, my friends, my activities...have all changed. For the better. And of course the band wasnt a magic wand that did this for me, but it did serve as a catalyst for change.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.My doctor is beyond fabulous. My friends, family, and girlfriend have supported me along the way. My blog and the amazing women and men that I have formed real life relationships with have kept me motivated, accountable, and honest.

If you are just starting...keep your chin and your hopes high. If you are stuck and trying to "restart"...you can do it. Keep fighting the good fight and know that there are those of us out here that have been right where you are.


Yours-Amy


53 comments:

  1. Oh Congratulations Amy! I was banded 11 months ago, and yours was one of the first blogs I started following. You are truly an inspiration!

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  2. CONGRATULATIONS AMY!!! You have been so inspirational ... I have loved every post! I know you don't know me but I am SUPER proud of you! I'm just at the beginning of my journey... but I hope that I can have similar success. I am starting for about where you started and you give me so much hope. I have always admired your unyielding honesty. I love that you have eaten Oreos and Sunkist but never stop trying! You are at true role model to me ( I even started my own blog because of you ) I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart! and again ... CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!

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  3. I love you, and I'm sobbing at my desk. Reading you blog has been such an important part of my decision to have WLS and to keep going, you really are such an inspiration. I cannot wait to meet you next month!

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  4. I'm reading your blog crying. I'm so happy for you and proud of you. Yours was the first blog I fell into and it has been an amazing source of inspiration. I love your honesty. I hope that we provide you with the same type of support that you have given us. Your story is amazing! You look beautiful!!

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  5. Reading your blog has been one of the most motivating things I've participated in since deciding to get banded. The doctor's all told me that people my size (the size I was anyway) didn't have very good success rates with the band - but I didn't care. I just needed one story of success to tell me that I could do it too. That was how I found you and that was 8 months ago. You were a success long before you hit (and passed) your goal weight. And you have inspired people by your journey not by just getting to this wonderful "end point".

    Many, many congrats to you!

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  6. And I'm crying. Girl, I cannot tell you how proud of you I am. Your blog and your friendship has meant so much to me. Congratulations, hun! You deserve nothing but the best :)

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  7. You look amazing!!!! And you should be so proud of yourself!!!! (And where did you get the green shirt?--it's beautiful!!)

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  8. Amy, simply put, congrats. You've accomplished what very few people in this world ever accomplish. And done it with grace and style and humor and honesty. Thanks for sharing your journey with me and for inspiring me to keep going. Lots of smooches, Skinny!

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  9. Your blog is awesome. I'm continuously inspired by your posts and your success is amazing. I can't wait to meet you in Chicago.

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  10. Amy...congrats! I got a lil misty eyed...it is AMAZING how far you have come. I am thrilled that you have not tried to cover it up that you eat crap sometimes...you are honest, funny, kind, SKINNY, and inspirational. <3

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  11. Such an inspirational story!
    you have done an amazing job...and thanks for being so honest
    Congratulations! you really deserve it :D

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  12. You look amazing! And thank you for this post. I've had a blog for a long time but yours was one of the first lap band blogs I read entirely. And now my surgery is next Friday (can't wait). Your story has given me so much hope that this is finally the tool that will work for me and help me lose the weight for good. Thank you!

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  13. What a day, and what a post. You look amazing, and your journey has been such a source of encouragement to me. Thank you for keeping us all up to date. Enjoy your goal, you are completely fabulous!

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  14. What can I say that everyone else hasn't said already??? Well, this: HOLY GUACAMOLE BATMAN! lol. Seriously, I'm giving you a virtual (((hug))) right now. No other words seem necessary!

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  15. You are an amazing woman! You are so beautiful and funny and such an inspiration. Thank you for your blog and your honesty. Congratulations on reaching your goal!

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  16. A beautiful post Ames. I've been so lucky to be along for so much of your journey, and am so honoured to have you as a friend and mamma. I love you pooks!

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  17. OMG! You look slap my ass SMOKING HOT! CONGRATULATIONS to reaching/going under goal...I am so proud of you and yes I have shed a few tears reading this out of happiness (and perhaps hope for myself!). I am glad that I have been around reading from the early days to see you blossom! I certainly agree that the band giveS you time to work through head crap to get where we need to be. Looking forward to giving you a big and kiss in Chicago! xxx

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  18. Congrats, Amy! I'm so excited for you -- and inspired by you. You just amaze me! Your honesty about what has happened in your life since you got the band has touched me -- and informed me -- more than once. YOU GO GIRL!

    Wish I was going to Chicago -- I'd love to meet you!

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  19. This was exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it :) Congrats to your fabulous self xox

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  20. Congrats on reaching GOAL. Loved you vlog and your story and your blog.

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It really inspires and motivates me. I wish I could go to Chicago to meet you and all the other wonderful BOOBs that are going.

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  21. Congrats, Amy! You look amazing; I know that you've definitely had some hard moments, but you've persevered and look at where you are now! *high five*

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  22. Wow! You look beautiful! Congrats! I knew you would do it! *Maria*

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  23. Wow! You have taught me so much--not just about the band, but about life. I admire your positive attitude and outlook and have used you as an example in my own life. You are beautiful!!!

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  24. tears tears tears... thanks for giving me hope and the power to believe..

    Congrats to you enjoy every moment xxx

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  25. Amy! I'm in tears I'm so happy for you!! Congratulations!!!

    Thank you so much for your blog. I have passed it on to my BFF who is walking this journey with me. I will make sure to tell her to read today! :)

    Again, Congratulations!

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  26. Morning Amy... what an amazing transformation you've made for yourself! I'm honored to have been able to follow the journey from the very beginning (back when you had less than 100 followers! In fact, I think less than 20?) At any rate, for what it is worth, i am really proud of you - you are incredibly inspiring to me, especially as I find myself in this self-made rut... Keep up the amazing work and celebrate yourself by continuing all these wonderfully healthy choices... Can't wait to give you a hug in Chicago.

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  27. awesome! i can't wait to give you a big hug!!

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  28. So So So amazing! You look beautiful... you are my hero!

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  29. Wow, I just swelled with pride reading this. Just re-reading where you started made me just sigh a happy sigh. You were (are) committed and you did it. You inspire so many. I know you inspire me. I have to re-read your blog often to make sure I got it. Thanks for the great advice on yesterday.

    Congratulations on making and exceeding your goal weight. I can't imagine any other person that deserves it more. You are the bee's knees girlie. ♥you much!!

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  30. Well sweetness...look at you! You know, you weren't one of the first blogs I followed...it took me a while to believe the hype, but when I finally found you, I felt a bond with you almost immediately. And when I look at what you've accomplished, I truly do believe I can do it too. Thank you for sharing all you share. I'm really looking forward to what your insights are as you embark on your new journey of maintenance. Love you, skinny bitch!!

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  31. Amy you are so awesome. You TOTALLY DID IT!

    Would you please take a second some day and let us know what your days look like now in terms of eating and exercise? After nearly a year, I still don't think I have it figured out...and I am majorly stalled.

    I agree, The Bees' Knees!

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  32. Hi Amy, I thought I was the only one shedding a tear reading the above but then I read the comments and saw you had a whole gang of us weeping. But not with sadness but with happiness and pride for you. And admiration. I have never seen your before pics. The Amy I know had always been stunning, slim and beautiful (not that you were not before) but I had never seen where you came from. To me you were always a skinny girl. You know, a girl the same as me but not the same. But your journey has been amazing and you really are an inspriation to all of us, good banders and bad.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel the same about LBT. It was there for me long before the band was and now I never check in. So you have spured me on to go and see if I can help someone like me that is just starting out.
    Congratulations on your amazing success. I cant say how happy I am for you.
    Much love xxxxx

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  33. Happy goal day to you, HGDTY, HGD to Amy, HGDTY! Super uber proud of you!!! I just HAD to share your story with my gals on LBT. just FYI, http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f260/im-here-help-64725/index844.html So your story goes on and on (sung to the Titanic theme song). WOW. I am laughing and crying at the same time and now protein shake is coming out my nose...LMAO. hip hip hooray! peasout.. LAURA

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  34. Yours WAS the second blog I found before deciding on WLS and I read it from beginning to end. Re-reading that first post again has brought me to tears...hpw can I feel such an incredible bond with this beautiful woman who I have never met? Because you are me...you are every one of us who has that same dream of not hating how we look. And you are there you gorgeous, skinny bitch. Love you.

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  35. Amazing - you did it! I am so incredibly proud of you. You have fought the good fight and won! Looking at the pictures that you have posted brought me to tears. You are amazing. And when I say you won - I mean you won this one. I know there are more good fights to be fought - and i know you will come out standing in each and every one of them! Thank you so much for your blog, it means so much to so many people. I am very sad that I will not be able to go to Chicago and give you a big hug! <3

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  36. amazing. congrats. you're BEAUTIFUL and INSPIRATIONAL!

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  37. CONGRATS!!! What an exciting time for you! Reading your post literally has me crying. When I first heard of your blog, I kept thinking who is this Amy girl? It turns out that you are a funny, gorgeous, inspiring woman. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me, it has made a huge impact!

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  38. You are an amazing, amazing woman and I am hornored to know you. I could continue to go on, but I'd just rehash what everyone else has said. Amy, girlfriend...you rock!

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  39. Congrats Amy!!!! I am so happy for you :) You look absolutely stunning in the after pic.

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  40. Amy, you look absolutely gorgeous, and I love this post!! I am sure I've said this before, but I am so glad that we've been on this road together all this time. You've inspired and motivated me and made me laugh and cry countless times. The last nearly 2 years would not have been the same without you.

    Sending you lots of love and mad props for all of your success. Can't wait to FINALLY meet you in person in Chicago!!

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  41. YOU DID IT! You are an inspiration and you look amazing! You gave me tears...of hope and happiness!

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  42. Congrats to you my little friend! You did it and I couldn't be prouder for you! I cannot wait to finally meet you next month and give you a huge hug!

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  43. Congratulations, Amy!

    Such an inspiration - and not for your weightloss but for your magnanimous and gregarious personality. I love you to pieces and couldn't be more happy for someone achieving their goal weight than I am for you!

    Great celebratory blog!!

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  44. You are amazing!!! Congrats on getting to and surpassing your goal. That is so seriously awesome. I, too, got a lil' bit misty reading your post. Congrats again!

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  45. GOAL!!!!!! (Shoulted in soccer announcement form).

    You are amazing! Thank you for sharing your story!

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  46. Wow!!!! I just have to say that your blog was one of the first that I found and has been such an inspriration to me since. I can only hope that I can be as open and honest during my journey as you have been on yours. Thanks for sharing your story. You brought tears to my eyes.

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  47. You are my hero. I could have written that first blog you did, down to being made fun of on the dance team! The next workout you do I want to be in your goal shorts..go on ..go get em, I bet there to big! I love you xo

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  48. I know by now it's a broken record but you're amazing, an inspiration. Truly.

    Thank you and congratulations.

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  49. You look sooooo awesome. I am always so proud of the people that hit their goals--even if I don't know you in person, just know that all the bloggers out there feel the same. Congratulations!

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  50. Congratulations!! My heart is so happy for you! And that makes it happy for me too, because you give me hope. Hope that someday I too can reach goal. Thank you for letting me in and being such an inspiration.
    You rock!
    Terri

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