My Goal Post-The Written Version

I realized two things this afternoon....scratch that...make it three.

1. Sometimes it takes FOREVER to upload a vlog.

2. Some of you can't watch vlogs bc you are at work or on your phone.

3. I haven't been on lapbandtalk.com for over three months.

So, I decided to kill 2 birds (that sounds horrible, I think I shall say instead...) So I decided to free two white doves with one stone, and post on LBT and repost THAT post here.

Wooo....

So this is my post I left in the introductions section.

It has been too long since I have been on LBT, and I thought today would be the day to do a post. I remember when I was presurgery and I was on here all the time...this site served as a springboard to my blog, and subsequently, me changing my life.

I remember searching for the "success stories", and being filled with hope...for the first time in a very long time...that this time would be different.And it has been.It has been anything but what I expected. It has been more. I warn you, this is going to be a very long post. I thought that I would share with you my very first introduction on this site, and my very first post I ever made on my blog.

Then, I will tell you where I am at today.

Fat Happens: An Intro of Sorts

My mom had a book. Every once in awhile I would sit on the carpet in our family room, and when no one was watching, I would pull it out and flip to my favorite page. I don’t remember what verbage my 8 year old mind used, but I remember thinking several things.

Wow those people are fat.

At least I’m not that fat.

I will never be that fat.

And *giggle* those people are naked.

The book was written by one Richard Simmons, and it was called Never Say Diet. I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t supposed to say diet. I said it all the time. My mom had said it. So I asked my mom one day to explain it to me. And she said that "diet" was bad because you weren’t supposed to go on DIETS, you were supposed to change your way of life

.Back to the naked people.Somewhere in the book their was a sketch of a man and a woman. They were naked, obese, and giving us a side profile shot. I remember their bellies hanging over…lapping over. I remember their fat roles. I remember the ladies breasts were sagging. I remember being horrified and fascinated.

Unfortunately, when I look at myself in the mirror today…I have become that sketch.

I wasn’t fat when I was little. I sure thought I was. The first memory I have of feeling fat probably happened when I was about 5. I used to lay in our living room, in front of the bay windows, and lather up in lotion (just regular moisturizer), and try to get a tan. I had a cute little bikini. As I was walking around, my brother and his friend were on the couch and he said something about me having a dimply butt. I didn’t know what he meant. My mom explained it to me. He was implying I had cellulite. I didn’t, but that was all it took. From then on, I believed I was fatter than all my friends. I look at pictures now and I was just an average size girl.It wasn’t until I started junior high that I was noticeable bigger than pretty much all my girlfriends. I danced. I love to dance, and I was on our dance team. I was a size 14/16 and they had to have my skirt specially made but putting two skirts together.

I’ve always said there are two types of fat girls: the wallflowers who just want to blend in, and the loud funny ones who spend their lives trying to make people forget how fat they are. I am the second of the two.I was funny, (still like to think I am). I was popular, friends with everyone. On the outside, to the outside world…my weight didn’t bother me. In high school the boyfriends stopped. I still danced, still had tons of friends. And to be honest, I never let my weight prevent me from doing what I wanted. In high school the dance outfits changed. We had to wear one piece black leotards, cinched at the waste with the belt (even the size 4 girls didn’t look to flattering). We also had a spandex top and skirt.

For some reason, the senior boys (not all of them, but a good handful), loved to pick on me. They would call me "two lunches"…implying I ate two lunches.One basketball game, we took the court. We were dancing to a James Brown song and our starting position was crouched on the floor, heads down. The music was taking forever to start…and guess where I was in the formation. Yes, it couldn’t be better if it was an after school special on ABC. I was crouched. They started chanting. "Two lunches, Two lunches"…everyone could hear. The music started. I danced. We walked off the court. I hid. I quite dancing. And that is one of my biggest regrets. I gave power to those boys…and let them take that away from me. I started cheerleading the next year. Didn’t keep me down for long. But still affects me 12 years later.

I’ll skip college and make a long story…well still pretty long….I graduated from college. Moved to Florida. This is just my intro. My history.

I’ve always joked I have reverse body dysmorphic disorder. That instead of being a tiny person that sees themselves as fat, I am a fat person who always thinks they are a lot skinnier. I feel pretty hot until I see a picture. I still think I was pretty hot weight 220 and being a size 20. I weigh 327 now. And don’t feel that hot anymore.I knew I needed help. I am hoping that on January 27th, help will come in the form of a little intertube around my stomach. Posted by Amy W. at Thursday, January 22, 2009

AND BACK TO PRESENT DAY

Today I hit my goal weight. Well, I actually skipped 170 pounds all together, and landed on 168.5. I started at 327 pounds last January. I have lost 158.5.It's seems unreal to me I suppose. This last year and a half has been so consumed with numbers that when today finally came...I didn't really let it hit me.

And then I went in the bathroom, looked at my new self, and cried. Tears of happiness, pride, exhaustion. Tears of relief. And I guess...tears of hope.

This journey has been amazing. There are days that are hard, days where I feel like I can do anything. There were (and still are) where I eat crap. Lots of it. There are days when I am the perfect bandster.

If the band can work for me, I think it can work for {almost} anyone. Here is what I would tell someone thinking about the band--it's not easy, but it makes it easier. It doesn't fix your head, or cure you from wanting to overeat--but it does by you time--to start to fix some of those things yourself. The band will only take you so far. You are going to actually have to work. You will have to make more good choices than bad. You will have to move your body.

But I can promise you this. The band can help you change your life.In the last year and a half, my life has changed more than I could have imagined. My body, my mind, my love, my friends, my activities...have all changed. For the better. And of course the band wasnt a magic wand that did this for me, but it did serve as a catalyst for change.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.My doctor is beyond fabulous. My friends, family, and girlfriend have supported me along the way. My blog and the amazing women and men that I have formed real life relationships with have kept me motivated, accountable, and honest.

If you are just starting...keep your chin and your hopes high. If you are stuck and trying to "restart"...you can do it. Keep fighting the good fight and know that there are those of us out here that have been right where you are.

Yours-Amy