I just read a blog that really made me sad. A couple of months ago this blog was made a Blog of Note, and I have been following it ever since. The author is trying to lose weight (she started at 214 and is down to about 185). It had it's funny and witty moments.
However, yesterday she posted a blog about her recent experience at the airport, where she saw two very "large" ladies being pushed in wheelchairs. It made her "angry". They let themselves get so fat that their body couldnt handle the weight...you get the point. Now this blogger has over 1600 followers, so there were a lot of comments. And a majority of them said things like the "I am with you on hating the fat wheelchair people." It was full of fat bashing. I was surprised to find it on that blog...bc as a girl who has struggled with her weight...you would think she would understand that "pushing away from the table", isn't really the issue...or all it takes to lose weight.
And because the blogger world is a relatively free speech kinda place...she and everyone else has a right to their opinion. And so do I.
So I unsubscribed to her blog.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
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you did the right thing. I fucking hate that hypocrisy!
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you Amy. I too see these people and sometimes wonder what happened to make them this far gone. However, I do know that sometimes it isn't just being overweight that causes people to need to use the wheelchairs, etc.
ReplyDeleteIt can be from Neurological problems, Heart Conditions, etc. I use a walker when I know I will be somewhere that I may have to do a lot of standing or walking because of my Pinched Nerve in the Lower Spine. I have a Handicapped Placard because of the same reasons as well as others.
On the outside, other than being overweight, if you just look at me, you wouldn't see the other problems I have. I know that people look at me and think, why is she parking there? She isn't Handicapped. But I know that I need this help. Which is why I am sooo hopeful that the Surgery and weight loss will help with the pain from the Spinal problems.
So I know what it is like from the other side, and I know that you can't always judge a book by it's cover. So you go girl! If I find that this is one of the blogs I am following (I am a little bit behind in reading everyone's blogs), I too will discontinue following her.
Wow, Amy, you totally hit the nail on the head...I've actually been feeling much (inwardly)kinder towards other fat people since I made this decision (to get a band). It ties into the theme of surrender that some people were talking about on their blogs recently. Surrender to the fact that you can't do this (lose the weight) alone and you will be a more successful bandster. So now, when I see other fat people, I feel for them. I am sure they have tried to lose weight. And they weren't successful, because it is sooooo damn hard. So hard, I need to get a band. So who am I to judge their lives?
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you Amy! I have wondered how people can let themselves get to a state where they can't even move on their own. However, if it were that easy to lose weight, then the 60% of people in this country that are obese - wouldn't be that way! To think these people would prefer to live their lives in a wheelchair rather than just "push themselves away from the table" is just absurd! I think it's especially ridiculous when formerly hefty people become judgemental of other fat people! I mean, seriously.."Hey Kettle...this is the Pot...Guess what?" I applaud you for unsubscribing to her blog.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately this is not uncommon - while waiting for one of my early appointments after just getting banded I heard two young girls talking while waiting for their own appointments. They had been banded themselves but were now 'skinny' and I heard one say to the other 'look at this fat convention' and they were basically laughing at everyone in the waiting room.
ReplyDeleteI personally will never forget what it is like to be large - I don't know how you could. I think it is so cruel when people are judged like that. Everyone knows how hard it is to get out of a rut.
Oh well there is my bit :-)
Amy - I read it to... am not a follower though so didn't have to unsubscribe - but I would have done the same thing! It's a shame that she is so close-minded, especially having been "fat" not so long ago...
ReplyDeleteOHHH MY.....HOW HORRIBLE!!!! I hate ugly people like that...
ReplyDelete:o(
This is truly sad, how could they forget where they are coming from?
ReplyDeleteThe other day I was watching Discovery Health and they showed the struggles of obese people within the Brookhaven Clinic in New York. My heart goes out to them and I wish people would understand how hard it really is to lose AND to maintain a healthy weight.
I am glad you have unsubscribed from the Blog and I would have the same thing.
I am not tolerant when it comes to intolerance!
What a horrible bitch. Did she really think people were going to just let that one lie. My heart is so full of compassion for people in this situation (being in a wheelchair) while at the same time I feel a slight frustration. Maybe they missed the 'boat' in being able to do something to help themselves. We should feel for them.. not lambast them. I'm 100 percent positive they can't enjoy living life that way.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for taking a personal stand. You just went up another notch in my admiration for you xx
jeez...how soon we forget, huh? No, I never reached that point, thankfully. BUT, had my knees gotten even a little bit worse, it could've been. I am thankful every day for my band and my friend teaching in the room next to me, who wanted me to got the seminar with her the following week. She saved my life, or at least the QUALITY of it. We were both banded within two weeks of each other. She lost enough weight to begin ovulating (without realizing it) and had a surprise pregnancy. The baby is 5 weeks old and adorable. I am glad you unsubscribed. I am, however, surprised you didn't comment before you did.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of "don’t judge a book by it’s cover" just doesn’t seem to apply to obese people. It probably was assumed that these “large” ladies were using the wheelchairs just because they were heavy. Did the blogger ever wonder if they were heavy because they had to use a wheelchair? There are many people that have muscle, bone, heart or other conditions that severely limit their physical activity (and are required to use assistive devices at times). It would be so much harder to lose weight if you CAN’T be physically active.
ReplyDeleteI have recently become more aware of how extremely hateful many people are toward fat people. It is unbelievable. And how someone who started out over 200 could stoop that low is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteYou should leave a brief comment to say why you unsubscribed .
Unsubscribing is the right thing to do. I've had to do that do a few people. It's just necessary if you don't want to continually hear negative, dramatic stuff.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone's comments. Now she is not a bandster...but the sad thing is, is that there were about 50 plus comments agreeing with here. There were several who did call her out and tell her that she had know idea why they were in a wheelchair. It was just the fat bashing that really got to me. I forget, with the wonderful community we have on here, that people feel such a strong negative emotion towards fat people (some people). Thank you all for your comments!
ReplyDeleteGen-I am such a puss. I should have told her, and I still might go back. I just didnt want to start any blogger drama. One time a fellow bandster took something the wrong way (I was being nice but she thought otherwise), and it makes me leary.
Kudos to you, that girl should know that karma is a beotch...she should be careful what she puts out there..
ReplyDeleteRight on girl!
ReplyDeleteGood for you. How old is the 185 pound girl who is bashing the overweight ladies? I'll bet she isn't over 40 or she would get it. 185 is still overweight and if she were 45 or 50 she would be hurting and in a wheelchair too. Let's see where she is at age 50 when menopause and weight gain again begins to creep up on us without overeating and because of decreased hormones. You go Girl! I'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI read it too and I found it so upsetting. Then I read the comments and they were even more sickening. I had to take her off my google reader because I don't need to hear those kind of poisenous statements, very sad.
ReplyDeleteWow, such a sad world. Who are we to judge others? I would have unsubscribed to.
ReplyDeleteAmy-Right on babe. You did the right thing and I would have done it too. We love you!
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to lie.. I was always afraid that I would get to the point where I hated overweight people. Luckily, that has not and will not happen... and I agree with everything everyone said here.. it's absolutely insane that someone, especially someone who was larger to begin with, would not realize the struggle of being overweight. Some people are just mean... At the same time, and not that this excuses her words by ANY means, sometimes people who were hated on for being overweight (who you would think should be the most supportive of the struggles of overweight people) end up hating like everyone else when they lose the weight. They grew to resent their own weight so much... that they resent anyone who brings them back to that place in their life. She probably hated overweight people before she even lost the weight. This doesn't excuse her thought process and she definitely is in the wrong.. and I hope she realizes that.. but it's probably more about her projecting her insecurities than anything else.
ReplyDeleteStill disgusts me though, ha.
I read the same blog and thought how bizarre it was that she would write that. I thought I must have taken it wrong because she couldn't possibly feel that way. I won't be visiting that blog again either.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your blog and the inspiration and transparency you show. I was approved for Lap Band surgery yesterday and I can't wait to be a fellow bandster!
Amy, you don't know me but I know you! My mom is Kathi, the red headed firecracker from Texas :) And I follow very much so in her footsteps. I am not a fellow bandster, but proudly support my mother and all the other bandsters that I've met. I'm following my own weight loss journey through weight watchers, and am very happy and proud of my progress! Anyway, back to that blog- I can't believe the audacity some people have towards pleasntly plump people. Especially having been overweight herself. It makes me sick and happy to know I will never be that person.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note. I read your blog daily and thought I should finally stop being a creeper, (Mom would be so proud, Hi Mom!!). But, seriously, you are awesome, and such an inspiration. I love that you are so real with us. Thanks Amy!!
Shannon
I am not going to lie - at first glance, my knee jerk reaction is to judge the people who are riding around in the motorized wheelchairs at Wal-mart. The first reason is that those things have become WAY too common and as a society, we're enabling people who are just lazy. I have a male friend who is over 400 pounds and he can still walk around a store and do his shopping just fine. He's the one who actually talks smack out loud to the people in the wheelchairs, zooming around and running little kids over and acting like we need to get out of their way. I think if the attitudes that I've seen which accompany the motorized wheelchairs weren't such a constant, I might have more sympathy.
ReplyDeleteBut the thing is this: those who are heavy and are being pushed in a regular wheelchair might have just had surgery. And they might be embarrassed as hell to be seen like that. So there's where my heart goes. I don't know the circumstances but they clearly aren't asking to be in a wheelchair otherwise they'd have something special made with an attitude to match.
I also have an issue with people using severe obesity in order to obtain handicapped parking tags. I have a friend named Charity who is the sweetest woman in the world but she's over 450 pounds. Even she doesn't ask for the plates. And my boyfriend's brother is a paraplegic who actually CAN NOT WALK because he had a tumor in his back that they had to sever his spinal cord in order to cut out when he was 15. So he was a healthy athlete who now cannot walk at all. But he drives, has insane upper body strength because he can maneuver his chair everywhere... he just NEEDS the handicapped spots because he has to have the room to swing his chair out of the car and set it up for himself to get into.
There's a point where it's ok to sympathize and empathize. And trying to see things from the other person's perspective is a priority for me. But then there's just plain enabling. These things have to be looked at on an individual basis, I've learned that. So the woman who wrote the blog used too big of a brush to paint a broad picture. And as you said, some people agreed but some people disagreed. And that is the balance in our society. Free will and free speech mean that even when there's someone saying something ugly, they absolutely have the right to. That's what protects the rest of us from having our opinions as well.
Hope this makes sense.