Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Blogger Attack

Okay ladies. I have to tell you what happened to me this morning when I got to work. And I have to tell you guys, my bloggers, bc only you guys will understand.

When I opened my email this morning I had an email from a fellow blogger, who has yet to have WLS. Last week after reading a post on her blog about how she had failed at a self-imposed liquid diet, I sent her a comment that said this:

this is what I have noticed since I began reading your blog...You have a tendency to set yourself up for failure! Why a 3 day liquid diet? Why do you have to go to the gym EVERYDAY this week? For me at least, when I set goals that are all or nothing...I end up screwing up just once and then say the hell with it and screwing up even more. Instead of a liquid diet that is going to leave you hungry and craving food, why not have 2 liquids meals and one healthy meal? Instead of saying you have to go EVERYDAY to the gym, why not say 4 or 5 days this week.

When you strive to meet these really hard goals and then end up feeling like shit and start to think you are a failure.

You did get me thinking a few weeks back when you asked me if I beat myself up when I didnt go to the gym... I told you I dont and that I dont really work very much. Well, I still dont beat myself up but you made me check myself and since then I have gone to the gym and done Bootcamp every monday and wed. Don't try such big steps...just make a few smaller ones and build on them!

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I hate conflict. I don't like hurting peoples fact...I go to great lengths to be gentle with people's feelings. I didn't intend my post to be hateful or mean at all. I meant to say it's okay not to be perfect. And I was thanking her for asking me a tough question like "Do you think maybe your weight loss would be more if you worked out"? BC that made me really think and it's why we started bootcamp. She responded to my comment that said she was raised with an all or nothing mentality, and that when she sets goals it usually works for her. That was that, I didnt think anything more of it.

So today I got an email that said the following:

Amy,I'm sure your upset that I've deleted your comment. I normally Do not delete comments. However, i just felt offeneded by the entire comment and idont feel like having it be shown on my blog. My blog is my ONLY place to come and truely vent and type anything i want. And since i read your comment i've felt lIke you've taken that away.I should not have to defend myself on my actions. I set my goals weekly on what i want to do. If i dont suceed thats fine. But at least I go back and set goals again. It's not like I give up and walk away completely. I keep going back.This could all be just a big misunderstanding. And I really enjoy your blog and your upbeat attitude, but I'm not you. I'm not upbeat. I'm rather depressed and extremely down on life due to other reasons out of my control. Maybe you can help to clear this up.

I was so angry when I read this. Angry bc I didnt mean anything negative! In fact I was trying to help her like she helped me! One problem with emails and other things though is that it is tough to read into what someone is saying if you don't know them....

My response to her was:

I didnt even know you deleted my comment. That's okay though, bc I think the fact that you deleted it shows that it must have hit home. I should have known better to post something that might make you take a look at don't want honesty.

What you misunderstood is that I was THANKING YOU for asking me if I thought if I would lose more if I worked out. You made me think, and I was hoping I could do the same for you. Your comments helped me get back to working out. You were asking me about my actions...just like I did....but when I did it you felt that you "had to defend yourself". I was trying to tell you that you didnt have to be perfect. Strive for perfection and you will fail. Please dont think you are the only one that deals with issues like being bipolar or depressed. You never know what is going on in someones life.

Its ironic and a shame that you said that your blog is the one place you can come and talk openly....but you don't want open responses? Perhaps you should keep a diary then, and not post on the web where others can read it. Or do you only want a blog where people agree with you?

In 6 months of blogging, I have never had a negative experience...until you. And that's okay too. We win some and lose some and you can't please everyone. You have to choose who to surround yourself with in life. Negative people or positive people. I believe that you, me, any of us...get a lot of shit thrown on us...but we can choose how to respond to it.

In retrospect, some of that sounds a little harsh but you should have seen the stuff I wanted to type. I thought that was the point of a public blog...I blog (vs journaling) because I want to share my story and I want people to respond! I want comments! I want interaction! When you put things out on the world wide web, you open yourself up to this. ARGH!

The funny thing is, is that everytime I read this bloggers blog, it just gave me such a negative feeling. I had thought about not following it anymore. Had a gut feeling. But I ignored it and look what happened. Lesson learned.

So just to put it out there, I really have formed a bond with you guys...even though we only know each other in cyberland. I would never say anything with the intention to hurt someone. If you ever feel like I do, please call me on it (I promise I won't post it like I did this one).

I have been staring at my computer for about an hour now trying to decide whether or not to post this. I don't want to seem like some high schooler saying "oh no she didn't". But I am pretty much an open book and it really took me by surprise! I feel better after venting at least!


  1. You know Amy, I really feel what you are saying. I always love some "Advice" from people telling what they think that I should do because maybe they have been thru the same situation or are going thru the same situation, thats what I made this blog for is to document my progress and to get advice from people that have been or are in the same situation that I am. I Love giving the advice as well but would hate to think that someone is taking it the wrong way, I try to help any way that I can. I hope that this person didnt discourage you from giving your wonderful advice and encouragment, feel free to let me know how you feel anytime I promise that I would never get offended by anything you would say!

  2. Wow! I found your blog through someone elses. I do not have a lap band and have had success losing weight through exercise and eating healthy. But, I have been inspired to see your results and others and think it is great to have the support unit you do. Keep up the hard work. I LOVE your positive vibe throughout your blog and you are right- You do have to choose who to surround yourself with- POSITIVE people! Sorry you had to deal with this conflict, but not even knowing you I think you handled it impecably!! :)

  3. Thanks Mary! lol...I guess it just took me back bc it's one thing if I had known I was offensive...its a good lesson for me. I dont think it will keep me from sharing with others...nothing has yet :)

    Anonymous...congrats on your weight loss! And thanks for letting me know you read!

  4. Dang, I thought you were being supportive when you told her that...hell, I think I gave you the same type of advice when you ate a muffin a couple of months ago...don't beat yourself up, we all screw up, move forward. To me, that is supportive. I am sorry she misunderstood your intentions. You are an awesome person and I wish she wasn't sooooo sensitive.

  5. I thought it was super supportive too! I'm sorry she took it so wrong though, that stinks :( Blogs are PUBLIC unless you make them otherwise so it's pretty wrong of her to basically tel you to censor yourself and say only what she wants to hear. Did you block her or can she read this too?

  6. CIndy-you have set me straight several times! And yes, I remember the bathroom stall muffin eating experience :) shame on me that

    Tiffani-yes, she can read this. I can't block her unless I make the blog private...and I dont want to do that bc I actually enjoy everyone being able to read and post their thoughts. She read my earlier post and I got a joyous email from her AGAIN...this time calling me a bitch. Still mind boggling, but I think there is much more going on then I understand ...working out tonight actually helped me clear my head!

    I will take a look at your blog asap!

    Thanks so much!

  7. OMG Amy.. dont even let this take up any mind's just not worth the time and effort of typing. Obviously this other blogger has more than just one simple issue.. sheeeesh.. I think you are looking fabulous. Simply gorgeous honey girl.. I love your blog, and your personality, and the way you tell it like it is..
    And by the way I see your pics.. Whose the skinny bitch now...
    xx Nene... luv u long time lady.. lol

  8. You are the next Oprah! People don't always want to hear the advice that they need to hear. You are amazing and I wish I could see you i person!!

  9. Wow...such Drama in LapBand Bloggerland!

  10. Amy... that is bogus (her calling you a bitch). Maybe you should tell us all who she is so that we can make sure we back you up. Kidding, kind of...

    But I agree - I feel such a bond with my blogging buddies, even though chances are that I'll never meet any of you in person... and as a result, I think we owe it to each other to gently challenge each other when we're not having success - especially if it is through fault of our own.

    At any rate, hang tough girl - you were doing the right thing!

  11. I'm a bit late getting into this blogging thing & I am a newie as well. I am in the process of getting my Lap Band approval & found your blog through reading one of the bloggers & how much they enjoyed reading yours. So I just had to read it & it makes me lol :)! I love it! You are so inspiring to me & I wanted to say, just don't let that woman get to you. Like someone else said, if we knew who it was, we would avoid her. She doesn't deserve your help as she apparently doesn't really want help. She has shown her true colors. Anyway, keep up the good work, you are looking fabulous! Can't wait to keep on reading!

    Deb In California

  12. My friend Brandon told me something surprising when I got into blogging through MySpace's services years ago. He explained that if any of the content that I'd written had been chosen to be replicated by the owners of the website in, for example, a "Best Blogs of MySpace" book, they wouldn't have to compensate me for a dime of it. Which I had no clue about. So he created my own domain and hosts my site on his server. As time went by, I slowly transferred over all of my material to my own website so that if MS ever wanted to look my stuff up, they'd be searching through phantom pages for it, too much of a hassle.

    The only thing that I regret is that I should have built the blog from out of nowhere and just let it build itself there. I was once one of the top ranked bloggers on that social networking site, it's where my boyfriend of today found me! I can't hate on it because it brought a lot of good things my way because they had built in traffic.

    They also had a ton of negative, uneducated, immature people adding their "your stuped" (sic) comments to my posts. Or just stuff like "Why are you on the top ten most read blogs? You suck?" Nothing constructive. But it gave me a much thicker skin as well as a better perspective of people and how they act online. In fact, if anything, people are becoming more "real" in the last few years as the "average" person figures out how to blog with cool host sites like Blogspot. But for those people who grew up on the net or who were taught that this is where people came to pretend they were something other than what other people saw, they hide behind their screens. Sure, there are times when they might be spewing out more honesty than they would in person, but at the same time, they're still the same little people who have difficulty interacting with others. Opening up on a blog doesn't automatically make someone open to criticism.

    That's my "public" profile where I ended up with over 6,000 subscribed readers (this is not counting the people who might have just read me from the rankings and not because they'd subscribed) and averaged 25K hits to my blog daily. The biggest thing that sucked when I transferred my work over to my website is that I lost all of the commentary. Luckily, I remember a lot of it because I just have a strange trivia brain like that.

    I was torn down by people who were jealous that they couldn't "beat" me in the rankings, people who accused me of "cheating" the ranking system (I didn't even know how to copy/paste when I first started blogging, Brandon had to teach me with what must have been painful patience on his part) and I couldn't share certain personal things about my life without people trying to use them against me. (I once had to have my readers barrage the powers that be over there when some random jerk wrote about how I was an abusive mother - all something he made up and thought was "a joke." Then he complained about censorship when I won the "war" something that shouldn't have involved my minor child.)

  13. (Continued)
    I made a lot of friends through there and later lost them in my transition to stop blogging for their entertainment only. When I "quit" blogging on that page after a year, 5 MILLION hits later, I found out who really actually cared what I was up to. Who really cared about me. But if you read the opening page of that profile, it does warn people to NOT ask for my advice. That part is still very true to the real me. In fact, that profile and what I vented about (bad traffic, stupid people during holiday shopping seasons, why I hated the gender stereotypes, whatever popped into my head) was ALWAYS me, just me unleashing the Freud Id in me. I said whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and they ate it up. To this day, over 3,000 people STILL stay subscribed to my blog and write emails hoping I'm going to come back. People met and got married through my blog! There's one more pending engagement, but if they make it to the altar, it will total 4 hook-ups and marriages through finding each other in my comments section.

    And, like I mentioned, I found my own love of my life through there.

    Blogging is a very complicated deal. Just when you think that you're just puttering along with a couple of subscribers, you find out that hundreds more are reading you quietly and never commenting. The emails that I would get... I once posted about my thoughts on abortion, went to work where I didn't have Myspace access, came home 8 hours later and found that it had almost 1,500 comments! - the emails from women who were from everywhere, every race, every economic background, every situation emailed me and I spent the rest of the night crying because up until they wrote to me, they'd been carrying around so much pain for so long without ever sharing it. Being anonymous behind a computer screen finally took some of the weight off their shoulders. It was overwhelming.

    I think you have one of the most interesting blogs I've read because I like your candor (just the right amount of TMI without going TOO TMI), your positivity, your willingness to admit that you're human and don't always follow the rules to the letter (I'm a little like the lady you tried to help - I think I often set myself up to fail because it feels easier to just say something was too hard to do). And honey... I rarely read blogs because I wrote my own for so long and still write for other sites. But I need your advice that you might not even realize you're giving me, simply by having this preexisting year on the Lap-Band that I can read over during my recoup time. I am so fascinated by the fact that you've drawn me in so much. (Even with your misspellings and grammar mistakes... I really should tease you about those, right? ;) I'm an English teacher's kid, I can't help myself sometimes...)

    I know this message is coming late after your interaction with this woman, but it's my little comment to remind you, since you've probably forgotten this had happened by now.

  14. I'm glad I found you and I'm happy you're now following my blog. I will happily take your constructive criticism any day, that's why I chose blogging and not journaling too. I want human interaction, not just my thoughts on pages I may or may not ever re-read.
    I keep thinking it's going to be my followers who help keep me in check post op and it'll be you and others who are steps ahead of me who will call me on poor choices and those are the very things which will help me grow and adapt. It's too bad this woman you've written of couldn't have taken what you said and learned from it, perhaps she did and she might not be setting herself up to fail these days, she'll never let you know but you still might have had an incredible impact on her.