1. Wearing your pants so slow and/or so big you have to hold the crotch with one hand at all times. Seriously? How and why?
2. Handwashing. It's slightly overrated. I am just going to put it out there. Do you think in the olden days that are great-grandparents rinsed and washed and counted to 20 while sudsing up all the time? No. And they lived. Granted...they lived on average, 20 years less than the normal life expectancy of today *, but still. There is nothing a good case of dysentery won't teach you**
*I made that statistic up
**I don't even really know what dysentery is or if you can get it from dirty hands.
3. People who don't flush. By choice. My sister used to have this motto, "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down." Uh no. My motto is "Flush it...everytime and sometimes in between."
4. Panty lines. I do understand that sometime one does not know they have a panty line. But when you are all dressed up and looking good in either some slacks or a nice little skirt, and I can see your panty line cutting your ass cheek in half...it ruins it for me. Why even try? I promise you...there are comfy thongs out there. Don't be scurred. Try some different styles. OR, just don't wear any underwear! That would never work for me of course bc I have lady balls and they need support. But for you...MAYBE!
5. Inside farts. Do you know what I am talking about? When you can't let it out and you hold it in and then you actually here the fart...inside of you? That can't be good can it? Where does it go?
6. Republicans. HAHAHAHAH...juuuuust kidding. I love republican, democrats, independents... But that was kinda funny for a second right?
7. The smell of Carmex. Must it smell like Vic's Vapor Rub? Does that make it "serious" chapstick?
8. Pickles that don't have calories. How can something not have any calories? And if a calorie is a unit of energy, then does that mean if I ate a jar of pickles I wouldn't get any energy? So if I was on Survivor or something, it would be pointless to eat them?
9. People who don't like cheese. Makes no sense to me.
10. People who make their status updates on Facebook something super vague and super leading at the same time. A good example..."I can't believe that happened to me. It was horrible. Don't ask me what. I can't talk about it".
THEN WHY DID YOU POST THAT DAMN STATUS UPDATE? You feel me? You dig?