Just in case you didnt know already:
1. I cuss A LOT. And I like it.
2. I am a lady.
3. I need to go shopping.
4. Yesterday on Facebook, I posted a list of things I want. They include but are not limited to: skinny jean, boots, pearls, a diamond, a leather (or pleather) jacket, shoebooties, a pair of jeans that fit (yes, a different pari than the skinny jeans), a pair of slacks from the GAP (they have a great new line), to ride on the back of a fourwheeler, to lay under the stars on a blanket with my girl.
5. I am super horny. There. I said it. I feel like I am a 14 year old boy who just found a stash of porn. It's time for some sexy time people. I am stepping up my game.
6. Do you know that on Oprah yesterday, they said that 73% (or something like that) of people look at their poop? NO! I do not look at my poop thank you very much. I dont even stand up until its flushed. You know why? Please refer to #2. That's right. I am saying it. If you look at your poop, you are not a lady. End of discussion.
7. Heather said something the other day in reference to an old picture of me. I believe she said, "Damn babe! You were BIG." She didn't want me to tell you because "I don't want the BOOBS coming after me". That made me giggle. Can you just picture it now? The BOOBS mafia.
8. I have been eating COPIOUS amounts of food this week. Sneaky eating. Hide the wrapper at the bottom of the trashcan eating. Have you ever ate so much crap in a short period of time, that when you go to eat more crap you aren't even excited about it? Yeah. Welcome to my Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
9. I am thinking about getting a facial. But what if they see my lady whiskers?
10. Heather and I are going to a Halloween party. A costume party. And do you know what? I can say that I have never, in all of my 31 years, been to a costume party. I know you will find this shocking, but I don't really like them! So much pressure! But we were invited to this party of very grown-up "power lesbians" (read rich and successful)...Anywhoozle, I am sure it will be a great time but there are several issues. First, Heather doesn't really like to dress up. And second, she wants me to be sexy. Well shitballs. So after throwing around many ideas (for example, her being Popeye and me being sexy spinach....SEE....I told you I suck at costumes), I am going as sexy teacher and she is going to be teacher's pet. Which basically means I am going to put a collar on her and have her on a leash for the night. Which really works for me in several ways.
11. When we were in Chicago, Jen, Drazil, Jenny and I were walking around on Saturday and it was a bit chill chill outside, and I was dressed in a tank and flipflops...and we were hungry and so we stopped by the Ghirardelli store. AND SLAP YO MAMA, they had pumpkin flavored hot chocolate. It was so good I could have dry humped the cup right then and there. AND, they were giving away sample of the the pumpkin chocolate bars. Anyways, I have been dreaming, and craving that hot chocolate for 3 weeks now. And they don't sell it online. It may be the end of me.
12. I am looking forward to this weekend. Gonna do a little shopping, go visit and spend time in Defuniak Springs with Heather and her family, go to see Jerrod Niemann in concert (currently my favorite CD right now), and just BE.
Kisses my little rays of sunshine!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
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#1 - me too - like a sailor. It makes me feel powerful.
ReplyDelete#10 - never been to a Halloween party either but dang - there are some sexy costumes out there.
#11 - God that was a fun day.
I love you pooks.
I look at my fucking poop, so I guess I'm not a lady. I can't stand when the water splashes up on my ass when I flush the fucking toilet. I love you Ames!
ReplyDeleteI used to cuss like a sailor, especially when I really was a sailor. I've noticed I'm toning it down as I get older. I still think it all, though!
ReplyDeleteI am a lady and I look at my poop. I look at my poop because I worry about colon cancer - which I lost my mom to. Knowing the health of my colon helps me.
I'm super horny, too! But my energy seems to be plummeting...
Dangit!
What if they see the whiskers? They might even pluch 'em for you - sometimes they do, for me, sometimes they don't... Chances are...they have 'em, too.
Love you, chica!
Heather is right to be afraid! There are arm-breakers in the BOOBS mafia! LOL...all of it. And BTW you deserve everything on your list ;)
ReplyDeleteI love the costume idea (although if she were going to be Popeye, wouldn't you be Olive Oil?).
ReplyDeleteNow quit pigging out! Have sex instead!
You are so much fun!
6. Apparently you can learn a lot about your health by looking at...it. That's what I hear anyway.
ReplyDelete7. Snort! I could totally picture the BOOBS mafia.
9. Epilady, my dear. Did you see any lady whiskers on me? Without my beloved Epilady I could totally play the bearded chick at the circus.
LOLOL to it all!
ReplyDelete1 - I do too. A lot. My 10 year old often puts his hand on his hips at me and said "Jeez mom, is that really necessary." Oh oops, I didn't see you there baby.
4 - I hope everything on your list magically lands on your bed later tonight.
5 - ok, not on your bed, because I hope you'll be using that for other things tonight. (Oh and holy God, me too)
7 - Isn't there a BOOBs mafia? I thought there was.
9 - Have them wax off all the whiskers before the facial commences. It's done by different people usually.
12 - I love Jerrod Niemann, but my current favorite that I just can't stop listening to 24 hours a day is the new Zac Brown one - OMG soooo good.
There's a Ghirardelli store in Downtown Disney... and i am driving by you on my way to New Orleans later this month... I could come deliver Pumpkin hot chocolate and kick Heather's butt in one swoop... but, I am ascared of seeing her muscles in action and I was planning on a bar fight in New Orleans so I need to save up my pent up anger for that. Besides, she's only the cutest thing on the planet next to you. I am lucky enough to know that from personal experience. Should i still drop off the hot chocolate? *M*
ReplyDeletehaha damn you crack me up!
ReplyDeleteHmmm. You have a BOOB friend who lives in Chicago and while she is not Italian, she is Jewish and everyone knows the Jewish mafia was pretty powerful, if not a little nerdy, in its day.
ReplyDeleteAs for the horny factor? I don't really think it counts when you can get that itch scratched (and scratched well, according to your recent reports) whenever you want. Can you tell I have been single and bitter for a really, really, really, really long time?
mmmmmmmmmmmkay......so in my absense it appears that i've missed a shit-ton of stuff. :)
ReplyDelete1. no worries sister, i cuss like a sailor/truckdriver. i'm from a family full of both. fucked from the start. got me coming and going.
2. i'm not going to say i'm a lady, cuz when i do people laugh. and i have to be forced to tell them to fuck off. :D don't know why they would find me being a lady amusing. guess i'll have to look into that.
5. i am also wicked horny. hubby broke his leg a couple weeks ago. so there is NO ACTION, OF ANY KIND going on at my house right now. unless you count self preservation.
7. BOOBS mafia.....i like it.
10. i looooooove me some halloween. second only to the races. :D hubby and i work haunted houses and all sorts of crazy shit this time of year. we loves it.
11. must. find. pumpkin. hot. chocolate. or coffee, that works too. would actually be better for me. not physically, but mentally and also a little easier for those around me.
12. enjoy your weekend love. shop it up and enjoy spending time with those you love. that time can never be replaced. for it's those things, not money, that make you rich beyond measure.