Oh Snap: The Puking Story

I do believe I have the best PB/puking story to date. I was going to save it for a vlog, but I can't wait that long to share with you. So here we go.

Last night Heather and I went to meet our friend at Mellow Mushroom, a yummy pizza chain. Fresh off of my "I have no restriction high"...I snarfed down a piece of pizza. And then another piece....even though at that point I was kinda full.

IGNORE THE BAND AND YOU WILL PAY A PRICE MY FRIENDS

So, I gots my 2 pieces down and was overfull, but I knew if I gave it enough time, it would move.

Un problemo was that during chow time, a male coworker and his brother showed up. They wanted to buy us a drink. SO, a shot of Patron is what I picked.

Knock Knock Puddin Head...

Well, the bartender must have been feeling extra generous because the shot was HUGE. So I snuggled my port baby up to the bar and threw the shot down my throat.

*cue everyone laughing at my tequila face*

Well, within 20 seconds I knew that Mr. Tequila was just sitting on top of the food I had shoveled in. So basically, it was only a sparrows fart away from the back of my throat. I told Heather, as calmly as I could so as not to arise suspicion, that I had to pee, and that I would be right back. I walked at a normal pace out of the bar area, all the while thinking "I'm not going to make it at this pace." But what was I to do? Run in a restaurant. UH...NOOOO.

So after I was out of their sight, I started speed walking to the bathroom. People in booths were a blur. Except for one chick that was staring at me...I think she knew.

With about 15 feet to the bathroom left...I threw up in my mouth.

Hot tequila and sausage.

Oh. My. God.

I threw my hand over my mouth and busted threw the door. I may have temporarily blacked out bc I don't remember the next few seconds. But I Exorcist puked on the rug, and then made it to the sink. The sink was some sort of space age waterfall that was motion activated and I couldnt get the damn water on. I then frantically looked for paper towels and of COURSE, they only had some Jetson's like hand dryer made by Dyson...so no paper towels to clean the floor, the sink, and myself.

Well, I wasnt done because the taste of tequila in my nose was making me sick all over again. I ran for the handicap stall and puked in the sink. Turns out THAT sink was normal, but the drain just had those little holes in them...so it was clogged. NOW, I was in luck, bc the handicap stall had regular paper towels. I got one little piece and went for more...

Low and behold...it had run out of damn paper towels.

So I had to do the unthinkable. I had to use toilet paper to clean the sink out.

I do not like wet toilet paper. In fact, it makes me ill. But I did it.

And with my bloodshot eyes and messed up mascara, I walked back to the bar. I was trying to make small talk with people at the booths...just to distract them from what I had just done.

As I walked up to Heather and Stephanie, I caught Heather giving a demo of the band and my hole size (ooh...that sounded dirty) to Stephanie. They both turned and looked at me.

Heather said, "Did you get sick babe?"

And I said yes and began to regale them with the story.

It was terrible.

But it sure was funny!