Into the Psyche of An Equal Opportunity Lover

I have a new man crush.  Well, it's been fermenting for awhile now, but it's getting serious.  And I know you are thinking...isn't she a lesbian?...and you should know better.  You know I am just a lover of mankind and womankind in general.  But the odd thing is, with the exception of Heather, I rarely look a woman and think "mmm...I want a piece of that".  It does happen.  Like Michelle Rodriquez. Bless her little heart.   Or Jillian Michaels.  But for the most part, when I see a girl that I think is really hot, I am thinking "damn...I want to LOOK like that." 

And sometimes, more often than with my lady loves, I see a fine piece of sumpin like this:

Joe Manganiello from True Blood...and I think that if I were a single lady, I would track him down and beg for a piggy back ride.

All of this really stems from the fact that Eric, I mean Alexander Skarsgard just broke up with Kate Bosworth. 

First, no one told me they were dating.  Second...that means Eric, I mean Alex Skarsgard, likes tiny waifish women.  I have officially ended it with him.

Just thought I would keep you abreast of my latest delusions.

Happy Thursday.



New Blogger Alert: A correction

And they say no good deed goes unpunished.

I have never really understood what that meant.  Does it mean that if you do a good deed you WILL be punished?  I am confused.

But I said it anyways.

A couple of days ago I linked you to a blogger (a little Canadian songstress) and then she CHANGED her blog hosting site so she would be like more of us.  SO, here is the new link to a newly banded lady. 

Click herehttp://canuckbanditmusings.blogspot.com/

Deep Thoughts By Amy Handy

"Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays?  Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point" -Jack Handy

One time Jenny and Drazil told me I am smarter than I look.  Or something along those lines.  I took it as a compliment.  What I think they meant is that I can come off all cuddly kittens and tiny bubbles on you, but inside there is a deep thinker with years of untapped wisdom.

Well I was sitting here thinking about what I would tell my 18 year-old self if I had the opportunity.  Here is what popped into my head:

1. Credit cards are from the devil.  You may believe that when you graduate college you will be a millionaire and be able to pay them off.  Think again.  Say NO to plastic.
2. Speaking of college, you will be tempted to take 8 years to graduate.  How's about just knockin it out and being done with it.  Pick a major and stick.
3. Speaking of major, pick one that actually lends itself to something.
4. Sometime around the age of 24 you will hit a "dry spell" in which you will not have sex for approximately four years.  At that time, the cord on your "back massager" MAY or MAY NOT start sparking one cold and lonely night because the damn thing is actually overused.  Proceed with caution.  Have flame resistant sheets.
5. Oh yeah.  And don't worry about that dry spell.  Around the age of 31 you will start having really good boom boom shalaka.  It was totally worth the wait.
6. Match.com doesn't really turn out for you.  It's okay. 
7. If they walk like a duck and talk like a duck...they are probably a duck.  This applies to all men you fall in love with that walk and talk like a gay duck.  They aren't "just metrosexual".  Trust me.
8. Always have an extra change of underwear.  You pee your pants a lot.
9. Spend more time with your grandparents because one day you won't be able to.
10. Start sucking up to your parents now for how you acted growing up.
11. Those two weeks you will spend in college trying to be bulimic, forget about it.  You love food too much and don't really enjoy puking.
12. Start professional weight lifting.  Don't be intimidated by all those boys.   In a few years they will be bald and fat and you will be awesome.
13. Just when you think life is over, you will realize it is really just beginning.

The truth is, I probably wouldn't tell myself any of that.  I would probably just say "Don't worry.  Everything that happens will lead you to exactly where you are meant to be."

I wouldn't go back and change anything.  Even with a sore neck, an empty bank account, and saggy boobs, I am smart enough most days to realize everything I do have.

Happy Hump Day love muffins!

And The Winner Is...

Dilbert Twelfth!  Also known as Theresa, also known as Tessie Rose!  I feel that the random number generator must sense horrible stripper names, because Dilbert Twelfth sounds like the poor dwarf no one wanted to sleep with.

Alas though, Theresa will be receiving a Gotein packet asap.  Theresa...will you email me your address.  Be careful though, I have decided that if I am ever single again I am just going to be traveling from bandster to bandster, mooching and smoozing off of all of you.

The stripper names were great.  Some of you had really good ones...some were reaaaaally terrible.

Thanks for playing.

For those of you who want more information about Gotein, you can go to their website at http://www.gotein.com/.

Gotein and Prosper! Free stuff!

It was finally my turn to be contacted by the sellers of Gotein protein supplements for a little trial and giveaway.  Which is good for me...AND good for you.

I was a little apprehensive at first because in my mind, I have a mental block when it comes to mixing powder with water.  I do just fine with fruity flavor your water packets, but not protein shakes.  But for you guys...I did it.  I put on my big girl panties and mixed it up.

 Simple enough.  You drink about 1/3 of your water and pour the big old packet in.

 I chose to go with the strawberry flavor.  There is also chocolate and vanilla.

I give it the thumbs up.  It was much "thinner" than I thought it would be.  I think I will try mixing my chocolate one with milk next time.  There was no after taste, and at 16 grams of protein a pop, it's not a bad way to take some in!

If you would like your own sample of the 3 flavors, just leave a comment and I will pick with a random number generator.

K?

I would like your comment to tell me what your stripper/porn/naughty person name would be.  In case you dont know, you take the name of your first pet and the street name you grew up on.  From example, my boom boom name would be Pebbles Knoll.  Kinda sassy.

You may now go forth and comment.

Happy Tuesday

Blog Karma

Once upon a time, there were only a few of us out here blogging and rambling (I always feel like a grandpa telling a story of how I walked uphill, both ways, in the snow).  Now there are so many of us.  We multiply like bunnies.  But I wanted to share 2 "new" blogs with you guys.

First is Nathalie over at The Poky Little Cupcake.  She only has four followers and one cannot maintain a blog if they feel like no one is reading. 

Second is Canuck Bandit.  She's Canadian.  She can sing.  She uses like "Totes" for totally.  Therefore...I like her.  She is also of course, newly banded.

So there you have it.  Go forth and read.  Also, you can link you blog here in the comments section as well if you want to.

Party on Wayne.

A Pain In My Neck: My Body Is Disintegrating

On July 3rd I hurt my knee.  I was working out, doing mostly lower body that day, and stepped down from the bench and *sharp pain*.

That weekend at the boat, I woke up with a crick in my neck.  Several times a year my neck freezes up for a few days.  I have to turn my body like robot to see from side to side.  It sucks.  But it passes.

Well, 3 weeks later...the neck pain is only worse. 

Let's discuss in a little more detail.

First, back to the knee.  The knee pain I am sure results from me acting like I don't have the knees of a former 327 pound woman.  When I do lower body workouts I hop, jump, lunge, squat...and I have apparently pissed off the knee joint.  SO FINE.  I will go lighter on lower body and just focus on upper for awhile.  This is not good news for "Operation Booty Pop".  As you may recall, I was targeting my assticles so they would pop out more.

Well, then the neck pain started and spread to my left shoulder.  Neck pain is muscular (I am a doctor and know these things), and the shoulder pain is joint related.  The shoulder pain is also pretty intense, but at least it only hurts when I lift my arms.  SO, last week it was so bad I was in tears.  And then Heather says this to me:

"Babe, you may need to take a COUPLE of weeks off from working out so your body can get better".

And I preceded to cry for the entire ride to work. 

Stop working out?  What if my muscles disappear?  What if I actually have to watch what I eat? 

Because when you can't work out your lower body AND then you cant do any lifting that doesnt require your shoulders...well folks...there ain't much you can do!

And that makes me very sad.

But my neck pain is really intense and constant.  I mean...CONSTANT.  I was trying to pull chicken off the bone last night prepping it for soup, and my neck was spasming.  I can't look down in the shower.  I can't roll over at night with out sucking in my breath and giving myself a pep talk.

I hate it. 

My primary care doctor left, so I called a new doctor today.  They can't get me in until Wednesday.  After I got off the phone I cried again.  I don't know if a muscle relaxer will help, but I will tell you that nothing is touching the pain so far.  The wonderful Jennifer from Dr. Friedman's office called in 800mg of ibuprofen for me and even hand delivered a cream to my door.  It doesn't make a bit of difference.  I have tried heating pads, beer, wine, cookies.  Nothing is helping.

I don't know how people live with chronic pain. 

So happy Monday.  

Damn it.