I was flipping through the pages of Real Simple today, their December issue, when I came across this article written by the author Amy Bloom. I had never heard of her, but I fell in love! In fact, I loved the article so much, I retyped the entire damn thing! I immediately wanted to share it with you guys. I agree with so whole heartily with almost all of these that I had to add my two cents by the asterisk! It is titled: 10 truths I wish I'd known sooner.
1.Events reveal people’s characters; They don’t determine them. Not everyone with divorced parents has terrible relationships. If two people are hit by a bus and crippled for life, one will become a bitter shut-in; the other, the kind of warm, outgoing person (cheerful despite everything) whom everyone loves to be with. It’s not about the bus, and a dreadful childhood is no excuse. You have the chance to be the person you wish to be, until you die.
*You can choose to be the person you want...regardless of how much you weigh.
2. Lying by omission or commission, is a bad idea. I cannot shake my dependency on the white lie, because I was brought up to be nice. And I’ve never figured out the nice way to say, "I’d rather stick a fork in my eye than to come to your house for dinner." But the meaningful lie, the kind that involves being untruthful or deceitful about important stuff to those you love, is like poison. Telling the truth hurts, but it doesn’t kill. Lying kills love.
*I made a vow to myself that my relationship with Tracey would be completely different than any other relationship in the past. I am honest with him about the things that upset or hurt me. This has made all the difference. The Amy of yesteryear would have swallowed all of that upset and hurt to spare the other person. It helped no one.
3. Sex always gives you an answer, although not necessarily the one you want. It’s possible to have very good sex, a few times, with a person who shouldn’t be in your life at all. Have fun, and hide your wallet and your Blackberry. On the other hand, it’s unlikely that a grown man, however nice, will become much, much better in bed than he was the first five times you slept with him. And if you sleep with a man who is unkind to you, there be more of that; long after the sex in humdrum, the cruelty will be vivid.
*Amen. I think this is one of the lesson's you learn in your 20's.
4. Most talents are transferable. If you can raise toddlers and drive teenagers with relative calm, you can be a CEO. If you’re a good driver, you can probably steer a cab, fly a plane, captain a boat. My years as a waitress-serving food to demanding people in a high stress environment without losing my temper-served me equally well as a mother, a wife, and a short-order cook for my family. And if you have the teaching gene, you can teach anything. (I mean it. All you have to do is be on lesson ahead of your student. Sole meuniere, Latin and Greek, algebra-you can teach it!)
*I need to work on believing this and taking advantage of it!
5. Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal. Not only do you not have to wear torn jeans, a barely-there tank top, and a fedora, but you probably shouldn’t. The point of fashion is to indulge briefly in something fun. The point of style is to have one-whether that’s a sheath and spike heels or slouchy jeans and your husband’s T-shirt-and it should last you a lifetime. All you have to do is think you deserve to look and feel your best and spend some time figuring out how to do it. Don’t know how? Find a woman whose style you admire and ask for a little advice.
*Oy! Don't get me started.
6. You can’t fake love. Staying in a love relationship when love is not what you feel isn’t likely to end well. If you know that what you crave is security/disposable income/child care and not the person next to you in bed, do the right thing. It’s true that one can learn to love someone over time and often through difficult circumstances. But unless the two of you agree to wait until you’re old and all the storms have passed, in hope that love will kick in, it’s better to bail sooner rather than later.
*Life is too short. And sometimes it takes staying in a bad relationship to realize your mistake. But once you realize it...know that you deserve more...and then do what it takes to get more.
7. Mean doesn’t go away. Some people get better looking with age; some don’t. Some people soften; some toughen up. Mean streaks tend not to disappear. A person who demeans and belittles you and speaks to you with contempt to others is probably going to be that way for years. The first time it happens, take note. The second time, take your coat and go.
*Make sure that you surround yourself with the un-mean. Seriously. Start purging the meanies now.
8. No one’s perfect. I knew that I wasn’t perfect; I just didn’t realize that this also applied to the people I fell in love with. The object of your affection will always turn out to have huge and varied faults. The smart thing is not to look for someone flawless (which is why Elizabeth Taylor married eight times), but to look for someone who mix of strengths and liabilities appeals to you (which is why she married Richard Burton twice).
*Another lesson I have learned in my relationship with Tracey. I used to believe in the "perfect man"...but there is no perfect man (or woman for that matter). But he is perfect for me. He makes me happy FAR more than not. He loves me for who I am. He loves the Amy in the before pictures. And that is perfect enough for me.
9. Ask for help. It’s possible you’ll get turned down. It’s even more likely that you’ll feel vulnerable and exposed. Do it anyway, especially if you are the helpful sort yourself. Those of us who like to offer assistance and hate to take any are depriving other people of the opportunity to be generous and kind; we are also binding ourselves to the reality of mutual dependence. You wouldn’t wear pink hot pants and and pretend they were flattering. Don’t pretend you don’t need help.
10. Keep your eye on the prize and your hand on the plow. It’s easy to lose sight of what you want, especially if you haven’t gotten it. I know it’s less work to put the wish away, to pretend that the wish itself has disappeared. But it’s important to know what your prize is, because that is part of who you are. Whether it’s financial stability, two children, a collection of poetry, or a happy marriage, take Winston Churchill’s advice and never give in. Never give in. Never give in.
*Can we say HELLO BANDSTERS?