Ugly Babies & Hooker Heels

I think a lot about ugly babies.  Probably more so than the average childless half-lesbian who doesn't want kids should.

And I've even talked about it on this very blog before.  I have wrote about my theory, in which I think there must be some survival-of-the-fittest-Darwinian-thing that makes it impossible for mothers to realize their babies are lacking in the look department so that in the olden days, they didnt just toss their ugly babies into the stream...or eat them during a long, cold winter.  Because, I have never heard a mother say "He is the sweetest baby, but ugly as the back in of a mule"...have you?  And maybe there are some mothers out there that do doubt the good-lookingness of their children but don't verbalize it because what kind of mother says their kids are ugly.  Ya know?  AND don't tell me that all children are beautiful.  I mean, you can tell me that and I will respect your opinion...but I'm gonna be the one to say it.  Some babies are just ugly.  And some toddlers.  They ARE evil.  Have you seen Pet Cemetery?  HAVE YOU?  What about little Gabe from Pet Semetary (p.s.  It really is spelled Semetery not Cemetery.  And I really just learned that 4 seconds ago.)  Do you remember him?

And that's Stephen King.  And he doesn't lie.  And okay...so Gabe died and was buried and so that is really like a demon version of child...but we are getting away from the point of my story.  Well...there isn't really a point.  I will just continue to wonder about the idea of ugly babies and parents in denial.

The next soapbox I would like to step on is the one of hooker heels and high water pants.  I realize that when one blogs about fashion, they open themselves up for judgement.  Because if one is judging such things as ill fitting pants, you have to make sure that your pants are never ill-fitting.  So right after I got done thinking about ugly babies this morning, I started to rack my brain and make sure there is no photographic evidence of me wearing pants that are the incorrect height.  I think I am good.  Don't try to prove me wrong.  I must say, as it is important to stroke your own ego (because when your life partner is Heather Gainey, ain't no one in your home gonna stroke it for you), I do business casual pretty well.  Now, sometimes my "casual" could be questionable, and I don't know what is above business casual...business formal?...but that could possibly be iffie, but my business casual is usually pretty precious.  And do you know why?  I understand the importance of a tailor and correct footwear.  I am 5'4".  And what this means in the clothing industry is "average" length is too long for heels, yet "petite" or "short" is too short for heels.  SO, I have to buy average and usually take them to be hemmed.  And being the savvy lady that I am, I wear my heels when my pants are being measured.  And when they pin them too short and say "Is this okay"...I take a deep breath and actually tell the lady "no...just a little longer"...because one of my worst hive inducing fears is getting them back and they are too short.

And the hooker heels come into play bc there are really two chronic offenders.  The first class of chronic high water wearers is Class #1.  This demographic usually consists of women who are actually in their 50's (or older) but may really be in their early 40's, and have long legs.  Clearly they should have bought "tall", but they went with "regular" and thus...their ankles are drafty.  I cut them a little slack because they don't really know better and probably don't really care anyways, but I do want to get them a perfect pair of pants so just once they realize how wonderful life can be.  The second group, Class #2, is a younger demographic, they SHOULD know better, but they have sacrificed pants that are actually the correct length in order to wear their hooker heels.  Now, hooker heels are more than just high heels, they are absurdly high heels, sometimes with glitter, and more often in not, so high that the heel inhabitant can really walk in them so they end up leaning forward and walking on their toes like a top heavy gelding.  And I appreciate high heels, and I can even appreciate a hooker (a girl's gotta work), but if you can't walk in them and your pants are too short in them, then leave them at home for club night or pole cardio class.

And so now if you are wondering "WELL AMY, what IS the correct heel height for pants, then I have a picture that I found on http://www.alreadypretty.com/2014/04/guide-pant-length.html

I know I have left you many things to consider this Tuesday afternoon.  But someone has to share my burden.  I can't carry it alone.