Something Bad Happened

My wonderful employee mentioned to me last week, on a Thursday morning following last weeks late night kickball episode involving my 4, really 8 beers, that I had bags under my eyes.  He relayed this to me in a hushed voice with an expression of concern and a small amount of pointing at my face.  I cannot deny that lately I have noticed these bags and shadows under my eyes...so I decided to do something.

I went to Walgreens last night on the way home and I picked up some under-eye cream designed to reduce puffiness and dark bags in just 14 days!  AND YES, perhaps it was on clearance...but I figured why not give it a go?  So after kickball last night, I washed my face and applied this magical age reversing cream.

When I awoke from my slumber, I felt a little itchy around the eyes.  I stumbled to the bathroom mirror, gave myself a little wink and finger gun shoot (you should try this method of flirting with yourself...I endorse it)...and leaned in to take a looksee a the old eye area.

Yep.  Had meself a minor case of chemical burn.

Too bad....we had to go run.  Well, 3.67 miles later my face was on fire and it looked with I had gone to the tanning bed and instead of wearing peepers to cover my eyes, I had decided to wear a ski mask designed for bank robberies that only allowed my eyeholes to get the sun.  And it was on fire.  Not my actual eyeballs.  The surrounding tissue.  So Heather ordered me to shower and ice pack my face.

Which helped a little.

But I had to go to work.  And I looked like this.

Listen.  Maybe this is what it's supposed to look like...Maybe reversing the signs of aging requires losing several layers of epidermis.  I don't know.  But I am no quitter damn it.  And I will use my clearance face removing cream until it's gone.  Sadly, I couldn't wear makeup today, thus the 9 million freckles you are now privy to.

Sigh.  It's so hard to be me.