A job I love? No
Boobs that sit where they belong and dont look like basset hound ears when I am brushing my teeth? No.
I mean, don't get my wrong. I would take any of those things. But if I had one wish...I think I would wish for
Not WORLD peace...bah...
Internal peace. I am at war with myself all of the time. That may have been a smidge dramatic...but I do feel like inside my brain I am always fighting something. It could be the food fight, the weight fight, the money fight, the job fight, the "not good enough" fight. It is rare that I feel "peace". There are times, and they come upon me at the most random times, when for a few minutes I actually feel IT. It's so calm. And in that moment I want for nothing, I hate nothing...I am just...at peace. But then it's gone again. And sometimes it is the opposite end of the spectrum. Like if Peace was at one end, my brain resides at the other end...as far as the other end can be. The 7th hemisphere of Planet Zorg?
And as more and more "real life" people read my blog, I find myself hesitating to share this crazy place in my brain. Because what if they realize that I am a sham? Then again, most of the "real life" people who read my blog have seen some pretty unattractive sides of Amy. So maybe I am fooling no one.
Maybe peace with yourself and with life comes with age. I can't say I am any more at peace now than when I was 22...I think the wars in my head have maybe matured...but they are still the same. I also am not sure many people find internal peace...although I think some of you are further along that road than me. So maybe there is hope. Or maybe ya'll are just good pretenders too.
I can only hope that if I dont make peace or find peace 100%, that at least I will get to a point where I feel it at least 51%.
I think probably all along, I have searched for things or people to bring me peace. And years ago I finally realized that it doesn't come from outside things. You dont find peace when you lose weight, find your soulmate, achieve financial stability, land the dream job. It's mastering your thinking until your thinking becomes different. I just made that up. I am not sure it even makes sense.
Lord this is too deep for a Wednesday afternoon.
In other news...I am looking pretty precious today in some pencil/ankle length slacks, leopard print flats, and a blue button down shirt.
It's the small things people.
Oh. And seriously. I want to know what you would wish for. It was not a rhetorical question.